"making Excuses"

[New Community Member]

Tonight my friends invited me to go somewhere and I told them "no." My celiac symptoms are flaring up and I simply do not feel like being around lots of people. Of course, they don't understand this and say that I'm "making excuses." This has happened more than once. Then, I try to justify it by saying I need to study or do something else. They still insist I go with them and hang out. But lately, I just want to hide in my room and not be around people. (I blame it on celiac; it has affected every aspect of my life.) Normally, I would have loved to go hang out, but there's times like tonight that I do not feel like it. It sure does make me feel like a bad friend. Has anyone experienced a similar situation? How do I deal with this next time it happens?? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

[AMom2010]

I used to do the same thing to my friends, especially in college. Now that I'm in my early 30s, I do regret it a little bit. I don't know how old you are. I realize that when I was in college, my social life was much busier, but now when I make plans to spend time with friends I never back out unless I'm bedridden for one reason or another. I am a home-body by nature and would prefer to be at home any day of the week, but once I get out I am always glad I did.

[AVR1962]

Oh yes, this past New year's eve we had been invited to a party but my kidneys were acting up and I was in alot of pain. I have had kidney issues for over 20 years so nothing new to me but I don't normally go into and people don't realize I have the problem. Like you, my friends kept hounding me and I truely was sick sick so I finally let them know I was very sick, my kidneys were acting up and I really just needed to sit. Then came that I could sit with them but when I am sick like this I am not good company.....I just want to get in cozy clothes and rest. I felt they thought I was making excuses and I felt bad about that. Approx 2 months later I was passing stones for 3 days and when I told them they were shocked. One of my best friend's boyfriend shortly after that was taken to the hospital for a lodged stone and here I was the one helping with advise and she had no clue that I had problems with stones.

Until a person goes thru it themselves they really can't comprehend. Even when I tell people now that I have Celiac they ar clueless, they look at me funny, I explain and then I think they think I am luny. However, I have to say I have some real good friends I go out with on a regular basis, I do not hide that I cannot have gluten but I also don't choose where we go based on what I can't eat. They know, they undrstand and have been very supportive.

Hand in there!

[glutenfreeanddiabetic]

I am dealing with the same thing. I keep getting sick and at times it is easier to stay at home. I find that my room is the place I'd rather be. I miss being normal as I put it. I wish it was different but it's places like this that help us realize that we are not alone.

[ravenwoodglass]

Then, I try to justify it by saying I need to study

If you are in college that is a valid reason to stay in and real friends shouldn't question it. If you are not feeling well you need to listen to your body and rest. Going out in college usually means going to some bar, if that isn't your situation sorry for the assumption, and going to a bar and staying out till all hours isn't going to help your healing process. While you don't want to isolate yourself if you have been glutened you are feeling miserable and rest is going to help that. If you don't want to go out because your fearful of getting glutened then you can cope with that by making sure you know what is safe when you do go out. Wine or Woodchuck cider or even a soda is going to be okay. If your group is one that likes to do all the fancy shots that are out there and pressure you to join them then you need to be firm.

With the job situation the way it is you want to graduate with the highest GPA you can and while in school you want to keep it high so you can apply for any scholarships that are available. Real freinds will understand that. Real freinds will also understand that you are not feeling well. Sometimes it is better to have one or two true freinds than to have 10 party buddies.