Spelt & MiIL

[svs]

My MIL "informed" me that I should eat Spelt as it's low in gluten. I told her that yes it is BUT it is not gluten free and was unable to eat the bread she made me. She is none too impressed with me! Is it rude to give her a list of things I can't eat?

[mushroom]

My MIL "informed" me that I should eat Spelt as it's low in gluten. I told her that yes it is BUT it is not gluten free and was unable to eat the bread she made me. She is none too impressed with me! Is it rude to give her a list of things I can't eat?

I don't think so - not if she is cooking for you! Spelt is an early form of wheat. Tell her that you eat NO gluten, not LOW gluten

[svs]

I don't think so - not if she is cooking for you! Spelt is an early form of wheat. Tell her that you eat NO gluten, not LOW gluten

We go there once a week & every week for the last year its been a struggle... last week all i could eat was iceberg lettuce and one boiled egg; everyone else ate stirfry.

[psawyer]

Spelt is lower in gluten than common wheat. A Toyota Camry weighs less than a Lincoln Town Car. When you, the pedestrian, get run over...

[svs]

Spelt is lower in gluten than common wheat. A Toyota Camry weighs less than a Lincoln Town Car. When you, the pedestrian, get run over...

LOL, very true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[adab8ca]

Spelt is lower in gluten than common wheat. A Toyota Camry weighs less than a Lincoln Town Car. When you, the pedestrian, get run over...

oh GOD, I just spit out my drink.

THAT is hysterical and so perfect..

**filing in my archives**

[IrishHeart]

Spelt is lower in gluten than common wheat. A Toyota Camry weighs less than a Lincoln Town Car. When you, the pedestrian, get run over...

:lol: :lol:

Good one, Peter! I'm stealing it......

[IrishHeart]

We go there once a week & every week for the last year its been a struggle... last week all i could eat was iceberg lettuce and one boiled egg; everyone else ate stirfry.

If you go there once a week and she has NOT adapted to your dietary needs by now, you need to either politely school her on what is safe for you to eat so she does not make you things that you cannot eat and make you feel like you're ungrateful OR bring your own food, honey.

Otherwise, for the rest of your life, you will be hungry and feeling left out and hurt. That's not fair to you at all.

If I were you, I'd have a talk with my MIL and I would make sure my hubs was right there with me for support. Bring her a list of safe foods and meal suggestions. If she will not adapt, (and I am hoping she is not that unreasonable) then, bring your own food. Just my humble opinion.

Edited to add; I bring my own food to my family's houses. Just easier. I got glutened enough times (even though they tried ) to stop expecting them to get it right.

[kareng]

If she isn't trying after a year....has your hub talked to her? You can try but that doesn't seem to work. Why would your hub allow his mother to try to poison you or ignore you every week? It's his mother, you appear to be the outsider she doesn't like trying to steal her son. That's why I think he needs to put his foot down.

Even then, I don't think we should expect people to cater to our diets. It would be safer if you brought your own food or didn't go so often. If you ever have kids with dietary issues, you can never leave them safely with her.

[svs]

If you go there once a week and she has NOT adapted to your dietary needs by now, you need to either politely school her on what is safe for you to eat so she does not make you things that you cannot eat and make you feel like you're ungrateful OR bring your own food, honey.

Otherwise, for the rest of your life, you will be hungry and feeling left out and hurt. That's not fair to you at all.

If I were you, I'd have a talk with my MIL and I would make sure my hubs was right there with me for support. Bring her a list of safe foods and meal suggestions. If she will not adapt, (and I am hoping she is not that unreasonable) then, bring your own food. Just my humble opinion.

Edited to add; I bring my own food to my family's houses. Just easier. I got glutened enough times (even though they tried ) to stop expecting them to get it right.

I have brought my own food...ONCE...I might-as-well of committed murder from the looks I got, sigh! Hubby has tried to talk to her but she is older (same age as my grandma) and forgets to read labels! I think I might just start bringing my own food as it IS better than getting glutened because "I can just scrape the coating off the chicken", NO I CAN'T!!!!

Yes, this inner dialog as I have been writing this has convinced me that it is worth getting glared at so that I am not sick!

[Ellie84]

What an uncomfortable situation, it always makes you feel so unwelcome when people don't think/care about your diet My mother in law is very supportive and she always makes delicious things for me, she only occasionally asks me to bring something like a piece of cake because that's hard to come by where she lives. And that's not a problem for me, because everything else is provided by her.

My father and stephmother just tell me to bring my own food because they don't understand my diet. Even buying a bag of naturel salted crisps was too difficult for them. I try to avoid those situations now by simply not attending their birthdays and christmas parties. If they want to see me they can make a little effort to make me feel welcome as well. Sounds harsh, but I'm quite through with being treated like that.

[IrishHeart]

Sadly, this all comes down to people who do not "get it" because they either:

do not live it;

do not understand celiac disease and the nuances of gluten cross- contamination; or

do not care enough to understand.

Educating them fully is your best bet. If they STILL do not "get it", then I have to wonder how much of it is just plain laziness.

If anyone in my family were stricken with a disease, I would do everything in my power to learn about it and help if I could. But, that's just me.

When I sent info about celiac and what happened to me (and it was a horrid 4 year odyssey) to my family, I actually had someone I love very much dismiss me with "I am too busy to read all that!". Really?? wow....Thanks for the kick in the teeth (she does not work and I know she spends hours on facebook and reads People magazine) I have been there for her always and so, of course, this made me feel pretty bad.

I am not saying our families do not love us

I am saying WE all have to take charge of the situation, get support from our spouse/significant other and live our lives in good health.

If that means turning down dinner invitations until they see the light and want to try and serve something we can eat or accept that we need to bring our own food (and please do not give us any $h-t about it!!) , or perhaps, inviting everyone to our houses all the time, then so be it.

Our health comes FIRST, because without that, we have nothing.

Take care of yourselves!

Best wishes, Irish

[svs]

Thanks, it IS hard to deal with family like this and am so glad that I found this site for the support I need!

I agree with you guys that people just don't get it! They think it is a lifestyle choice not one that your body has made for you! No, I'm not doing this to lose weight (though it doesn't hurt!), no I'm not doing this to make your life difficult; I am doing this so I don't feel like I'm going to die every time I eat!

Thanks everyone for your support!

[IrishHeart]

Thanks, it IS hard to deal with family like this and am so glad that I found this site for the support I need!

I agree with you guys that people just don't get it! They think it is a lifestyle choice not one that your body has made for you! No, I'm not doing this to lose weight (though it doesn't hurt!), no I'm not doing this to make your life difficult; I am doing this so I don't feel like I'm going to die every time I eat!

Thanks everyone for your support!

You bet, hon--anytime!

[sariesue]

Have you tried inviting them to your house for dinner instead of you going to their home? If it's at your house then you have complete control over what's served

[svs]

Have you tried inviting them to your house for dinner instead of you going to their home? If it's at your house then you have complete control over what's served

Yes, I have a few times, maybe I should do it again for awhile so they understand more!

[IrishHeart]

Yes, I have a few times, maybe I should do it again for awhile so they understand more!

As I said earlier in this thread, that is what I would do. Invite them to your house. It's a chance to (1) prove that gluten-free meals are delicious (2) educate them a little bit on the preparation and care of what you do to avoid CC.

Hopefully, it will be a win-win.

Let us know how it goes with the MIL.

[pricklypear1971]

Yes, I have a few times, maybe I should do it again for awhile so they understand more!

You know, I wonder about the effectiveness of this idea....

Hang in there....let me explain.

If your house is gluten-free, and unless you have severe dietary restrictions(meaning food groups are obviously missing - like dairy).....I wonder if "gluten-free" will be obvious???

My FIL dang sure didn't get it...he assumed I was serving him gluten bread (and evidently he thought potatoes had gluten in them)....

If you have a mixed house or mixed meal I can see how they may notice during prep and cooking.

Just a thought....

[IrishHeart]

If she explains the various steps as she prepares, the MIL can watch and ask questions.

At least, it's worth a try.

The bottom line is even if the MIL doesn't come around to understanding, you can all have dinner together. Isn't that the point?

[pricklypear1971]

If she explains the various steps as she prepares, the MIL can watch and ask questions.

At least, it's worth a try.

The bottom line is even if the MIL doesn't come around to understannding, you can all have dinner together. Isn't that the point?

I agree the point is to be together....but am I missing something? What steps would there be unless it's a mixed household (therefore cc would be a consideration)?

[svs]

I plan on having a FULL gluten-free meal! This way she can see that there is lots of foods, just different ways to prepare it that would make it safe for me! I also can't eat potatoes so they'll have to go through one meal without them!

[IrishHeart]

I agree the point is to be together....but am I missing something? What steps would there be unless it's a mixed household (therefore cc would be a consideration)?

Regardless of whether it is a mixed household or not, she can show her MIL how she uses alternative flours (show her what they are and what they look like) in her baking--- or for dusting meats before searing--- or how to use gluten-free bread crumbs( in a meatloaf or meatballs )--- or show her how to prepare gluten-free pasta. Things like that. Explain how the cutting board and toaster can be a contamination issue. Show her how to read a label. Simple precautions the MIL can take and maybe enlighten her as to WHY this kind of CC is dangerous for her.

I had my Mom here for Thanksgiving week and even though she is gluten-free too now, she learned a few things by watching me and talking with me about what's in my pantry. I took her shopping. She has not baked anything yet and she needed to learn about how I mix up my flours/starches. And she realized she was still glutening herself with some products at her house. If my Mom, at nearly 85 can adapt, anyone can. She thinks it's (in her words) "not such a big damn deal!"

As I said, if the MIL is not willing or unable to adapt, this is a moot point.

But showing the woman what she does in her own kitchen may be illuminating. She can see it is no big deal to prepare foods her DIL can eat with the rest of the family.

Back to the OP---If not, kiddo, then you're the cook for all future family gatherings. Better safe and well fed than feeling left out.

[Juliebove]

I wouldn't even bother giving her a list. Sounds like she won't get it. Bring your own food. She might not like it but... Oh well!

[Cheryl-C]

I went through a similar experience a while ago, and it taught me that people are insanely attached to their food. Food is emotional, social, and for some people, borderline religious. For some people, changing the food, adding/removing items from family dinners, or making special requests is just unthinkable. It's sad, but it's true. For some, the food is more important than the company - not saying that's the case with your MIL, but just in general ... change is hard.

Just remember: "No, thank you" is a complete sentence.

[Judy3]

Spelt is lower in gluten than common wheat. A Toyota Camry weighs less than a Lincoln Town Car. When you, the pedestrian, get run over...