I Let Dh Talk Me Into Something Dumb

[Poppi]

So my dear sweet husband who is usually the most supportive of men talked me into eating gluten yesterday as a bit of an experiment. I'm not formally diagnosed but I have been gluten free for 28 days now and I feel amazing. Better than amazing!

So I ate a mini danish.

What. The. Hell.

I'm coming up on 24 hours now. My back still hurts, I'm dizzy, nauseated, cranky, sore and generally annoyed at myself.

The issue now is that he seems to want me to do a series of experiments with different amounts of different gluten containing foods. I love him to death and he is a loving and wonderful husband but I think he's living in this fairy world where he thinks I will magically discover that I can eat gluten on the third Tuesday of the month when Saturn is in line with Mars if I stand on one foot and face South or something.

Blah. Vent over.

[Roda]

Be clear with him about how the gluten made you feel and don't give in to the additional requests! Sorry you feel crummy. I hope the glutening doesn't last to long.

[Jestgar]

The issue now is that he seems to want me to do a series of experiments with different amounts of different gluten containing foods.

Bad reaction: He takes you to Tahiti.

Medium reaction: He takes you to Hawaii.

Small reaction: He takes you to Disneyland.

Unclear reactions: He pays for your shopping day with the girls.

[Roda]

Bad reaction: He takes you to Tahiti.

Medium reaction: He takes you to Hawaii.

Small reaction: He takes you to Disneyland.

Unclear reactions: He pays for your shopping day with the girls.

Love it!

[txplowgirl]

Hi Poppi, you need to kick this in the bud now, Because he talked you into this he will keep doing it. You need to refuse firmly any time he does this or he will keep doing it. My ex kept doing this to me. He kept telling me that just because it might make me feel a little uncomfortable dosen't mean I couldn't eat it. UUuuuuuhhh. He just would not understand that it didn't just make me uncomfortable it down right made me sick. His thoughts as he told me it's just a case of "mind over matter". Like I could be ok if I just thought it was ok. Boy o boy we had fight over fight about it. The man just would not get it.

[Poppi]

I've been texting him all day detailing how bad I feel.

"Wow. still feel like crap"

"Man, do I feel awful"

"I have a KILLER headache"

"Back hurts sooooo much"

I figure just because he gets to go to work doesn't mean he gets to escape my complaining.

And we will have a talk tonight about the whole issue. He just wants me to be happy and in some way hopes that I'll find things I can eat through experimentation. I get it. I did tell him this morning though that I cannot be a good wife and mother when I'm sick and that I refuse to make myself sick on purpose every time he has a day off just for experimentation sake. It sucks but this is my life now. Instead of trying to find ways around it I need to find ways to make it awesome.

[domesticactivist]

Maybe he should stay home with the kids, take care of all the chores, and wait on you until you feel better.

[Poppi]

I just got a very sincere apology. I told him I almost fainted at sharing time in our middle son's classroom this morning. (I take our chickens in once a week so the kids can see them growing from chicks to egg layers).

He feels awful but was just sincerely hoping I was wrong about the gluten. He knows how hard this past month has been for me and was still holding out faint hope that it was all a series of amazing coincidences. I think he gets it now. I certainly do.

[domesticactivist]

I totally understand the impulse to want to carry out experiments. I'm glad you and he have your proof now and you can get back to feeling better!

[lovegrov]

Sounds like he might get it now. My family saw me in the hospital and unable to care for myself before I was diagnosed and then saw me slowly get better after diagnosis. Never had a single one of them suggest I try gluten.

richard

[Roda]

Husband never once questioned my diagnosis since I was positive on blood and biopsy but went through something similar with my 6 year old. He did have one of his celiac tests positive in Nov. We decided not to do the scope (hubby regreted it later) and put him gluten free. We did a good 4.5 months strictly gluten free and then did a gluten challenge. It lasted only 3 days when my husband called it off and said to put him back gluten free. We saw first hand what gluten did to him and within 12 hrs of first ingestion. Terrible mood swings, an emotional basket case, temper tantrums, tummy ache and he developed constipation. All the doubts my husband had are gone now! With his one positive blood test and his reaction from the gluten challenge, we are pretty sure he has celiac.

[IrishHeart]

After the way I plunged into 3 years of major illness and debilitating pain, thinking death would be easier and literally bringing our lives to a dead halt, my husband would beat the daylights out of anyone who even suggested I try such a thing now that I am slowly getting well.

I bet he feels bad!!...more importantly, I would think you know your experimenting with gluten days are OVER!

Surely, you know the old joke...Doctor, it hurts when I bang my head with this hammer...what should I do??

Get well soon...and stay that way. Seems like you are too busy to be feeling lousy

[shadowicewolf]

Why not try to convince him to cook gluten free goodies for you?

[Chad Sines]

No offense intended, but he did not make you gluten yourself. Even with his nagging, you had the ability to say NO WAY. I have let people talk me into this and regretted it. Ultimately the fault lies with us. If you asked him to drink battery acid, no amount of nagging would have him do it. It should be the same with us and gluten.

[Poppi]

No offense intended, but he did not make you gluten yourself. Even with his nagging, you had the ability to say NO WAY. I have let people talk me into this and regretted it. Ultimately the fault lies with us. If you asked him to drink battery acid, no amount of nagging would have him do it. It should be the same with us and gluten.

Oh I couldn't agree more. That's why I said "I let DH talk me into something dumb" and not "DH forced me to gluten myself".

At the end of it all though it really showed him the reality of the situation and he has been a huge support and help since then. In a twisted way it may have been worth it. He even went through all our toiletries and my cosmetics looking for hidden gluten and has taken on the task of cooking and cleaning up after anything containing gluten that he or the kids eat. It's been great.

[Jungle]

So, in the end it was a blessing in disguise. Now he doesn't question (in his mind or out loud) whether you should eat gluten.

My DH tries to be supportive and on some level he gets it but he doesn't understand why just a tiny amount isn't okay. As I don't seem to have visible reactions it is hard for him to understand why I need to try my best to be as gluten-free as possible. Unless I become more sensitive I'm not sure he'll ever really get it and in his mind I know he is rolling his eyes at me refusing BBQ sauce made with beer. (there is only a little amount what is the big deal)

[ravenwoodglass]

Oh I couldn't agree more. That's why I said "I let DH talk me into something dumb" and not "DH forced me to gluten myself".

At the end of it all though it really showed him the reality of the situation and he has been a huge support and help since then. In a twisted way it may have been worth it. He even went through all our toiletries and my cosmetics looking for hidden gluten and has taken on the task of cooking and cleaning up after anything containing gluten that he or the kids eat. It's been great.

Sometimes it takes seeing the after effects of a glutening to make a 'believer' out of our loved ones. It doesn't sound like something he will attempt again so in the long run it does appear it was worth it. Glad he's got a good understanding now.