Meltdown!

[mamabear272]

I have been gluten-free for about 1 1/2 weeks. I was making some pies for a fund raiser that a friend of mine is running. I don't have a problem with that but my hubby brought home graham cracker crusts (I'm making cherry pies so those won't work). He goes "well just make a pudding pie with them." This set me off! I was like "I CAN'T HAVE THAT!" I then proceeded to melt all the way down bawling and the whole shot! I don't know how that set me off so bad. I've been pretty good about not being upset about what I can't have but for some reason...BOOM! Anyone else get blindsided like this? How do you deal?

[GlutenFreeManna]

I have been gluten-free for about 1 1/2 weeks. I was making some pies for a fund raiser that a friend of mine is running. I don't have a problem with that but my hubby brought home graham cracker crusts (I'm making cherry pies so those won't work). He goes "well just make a pudding pie with them." This set me off! I was like "I CAN'T HAVE THAT!" I then proceeded to melt all the way down bawling and the whole shot! I don't know how that set me off so bad. I've been pretty good about not being upset about what I can't have but for some reason...BOOM! Anyone else get blindsided like this? How do you deal?

((Hugs)) It will get better. It's probably best that you NOT make gluten containing items anyway. I get major emotional meltdowns when I've been exposed to gluten. Handling something like a pie crust would not be good for you. I made that mistake early on too. I made some bread for a church fundraiser in order to use up all the flour I still had at home. I was majorly sick, sick, sick from that flour and from hadling the dough.

[bigbird16]

A big hug for you, Molly!

Food is important to us. It not only sustains us but features prominently in celebrations and social gatherings. It's made and given as an expression of caring and love. You've just been told you can never have the same food that you grew up with ever again--no pies, cakes, cookies, macaroni salad, bread. It's normal to grieve the loss of the food. It's happened to most, if not all, of us here to some degree or other. It's ok to cry about it.

It will pass. Things will get better. And you'll discover ways of making delicious baked goods and other old favorites with alternative ingredients. And they won't make you feel like crap. And they could taste even better than they used to.

I deal by focusing on what I can have and by getting creative in the kitchen. I love to bake, and I'll be darned if I'm going to go through life without rich chocolate cake. I make a mean chocolate fudge cake with a base of Namaste cake mix and some extra goodies thrown in, like crystallized ginger and mini chocolate chips or a bit of orange or mint or hazelnut or blackberry.

It's ok. It's normal. And things will get better. Expect it. Treat yourself to things you can have. Enjoy the knowledge that you are on your way to better health.

[Harpgirl]

I have been gluten-free for about 1 1/2 weeks. I was making some pies for a fund raiser that a friend of mine is running. I don't have a problem with that but my hubby brought home graham cracker crusts (I'm making cherry pies so those won't work). He goes "well just make a pudding pie with them." This set me off! I was like "I CAN'T HAVE THAT!" I then proceeded to melt all the way down bawling and the whole shot! I don't know how that set me off so bad. I've been pretty good about not being upset about what I can't have but for some reason...BOOM! Anyone else get blindsided like this? How do you deal?

This sounds eerily like something I would do. I've only been gluten-free for a week and so far, I haven't had a meltdown like this, but I've had bouts of frustration when my hubby doesn't seem to understand just how much gluten is in EVERYTHING. "Just Google a search of foods that contain gluten, I'm sure someone made one." He said this in response to my not wanting to eat the popcorn at Busch Gardens because it didn't have a label. Why is it men always have the quick fix that doesn't always work?

Anyway, more hugs to you mamabear. When I have a meltdown for other things in my life, I stop and step away for a while. I switch gears and do something else completely different. I totally understand how you're feeling and I wish I had experience here to tell you it will get better, but I trust everyone else here who is saying it will.

[love2travel]

When I first found out I have celiac disease four months ago, I was in shock, not expecting it, because I do not get sick from eating gluten (so sorry for those who have heard me say this about 873,025 times already). So, I stood in front of my gluten-laden and well-stocked pantry and cried and cried. I cried when we cleaned it out. I cried a few times in stores when I walked through the ethnic aisles, no longer able to buy most of the stuff. Sure enough, I have even cried watching commercials on TV. Not that I particularly wanted the item depicted in the ad but just because I knew what I could no longer have. EVER. And very little on TV commercials is gluten-free. I love to cook and bake. gluten-free baking was (and frankly still is) a difficult adjustment. You spread bread dough into a pan like cake batter? Really? Ick. But I have been baking up a storm and am having fun experimenting.

BUT last week I had tears in my eyes of happiness when I laid my eyes on gluten-free Chex cereal (which we have never had in Canada before). I still watch the Food Network (I cannot help myself) and now see things differently. Rather than mourn what I cannot have I just get lost in the technique or whatever and see it objectively (i.e. Iron Chef).

You know what? Everyone is right. It DOES get better with time. There are many proceses to go through including anger and grieving. But before you know it, this new way of eating will become a natural part of your daily life. Sure, it is still difficult at times. I won't deny that. But the acute pain fades.

Like others, I throw myself into cooking, baking, reading, gardening. Something that I am passionate about and do very well and concentrate on that. And the little things like going for a walk in the park or watching the robins pull fat worms out of the lawn after a gorgeous rain. Do not be afraid to treat yourself, either. It IS a big transition. At first I felt I was sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole - now I no longer feel it is a sentence but rather a lifestyle change. It still hurts that I was forced to go on this diet because I did not get sick from gluten. Sometimes I still wonder what would happen if I had that piece of bread but I will not go there.

You are in good company on this forum. It is filled with wise, kind and compassionate people who have been precisely where you are. And we are making it!!

[Judy3]

Molly,

It's understandable that you'd have a 'meltdown' it's only been a little while and it's ok. I have my days when I curse Celiac and wish I could just have a slice of bread. I don't because I know the pain and other stuff that will happen. I've always been the 'cook and baker' among my friends and I'll tell you this... as time goes by (7 months now) I have taken that role back... I make gluten free cookies, cakes, pancakes and waffles etc... and none of them can tell the difference. So just take a deep breath and prepare yourself for a learning situation but I'm sure that once you get into this further and get more settled with what you can and can't eat.. you'll be fine.

Hang in there!!

[mamabear272]

Thank you all for your wise words! I'm so glad I found this group. My dh is trying to mostly eat gluten-free with me but he doesn't get that I do it not because I'm supporting someone but because I have to. If he wants bread he can (and does) have it.

love2travel, I'm almost glad I have symptoms. It would make it much harder to stay away from the stuff if I didn't have them. I would also love to see some of your recipes sometime. I'd like to be able to take something delicious and have no one guess that it's gluten-free.

I did find a local bakery that has all gluten-free products. It was a pit of a shock that the things were so expensive but if I can get a loaf of bread that I can eat and doesn't taste worse than cardboard then I'm all in! I got a loaf of bread, a scone and some "flour" tortillas. The scone was delicious, as were the tortillas and I'll let you know about the bread. They suggested toasting it and I haven't bought a toaster for myself yet (I plan to tmw).

I also had to make my own taco seasoning because the packet I had here had gluten in it. It was very good! You never would have known it wasn't a packet!

I just have to tell you again how grateful I am to have found y'all! Thank God for you! Everyone is sympathetic but they don't "get it," ya know?

[love2travel]

love2travel, I'm almost glad I have symptoms. It would make it much harder to stay away from the stuff if I didn't have them. I would also love to see some of your recipes sometime. I'd like to be able to take something delicious and have no one guess that it's gluten-free.

I feel really terrible for those who get so sick. It must be absolutely horrid. I find it difficult without symptoms (unless I become more sensitive as time goes on which is possible!) because I must keep reminding myself that it is for my own good that I remain gluten-free. It is sometimes hard to be motivated knowing that gluten pizza, for example, would not make me sick if I ate it, so why not? But I don't. I cannot even go there.

Let me know which recipes you'd like - I'd be happy to post 'em. I have made so many delicious things! I must remind my sweet husband HANDS OFF my cakes and cookies and brownies!

[Calmom]

I haven't had a melt down yet. 2 weeks gluten free. However I have a few episodes of feeling depressed, especially after trying out a gluten free recipe that didn't turn out. The other day I was with family and they stopped to get doughnuts and they smelled so good. I got a little upset because I thought it was inconsiderate, but I understood that they didn't know enough about it to know better, they still can't remember what its called.

[bartfull]

I've been almost two weeks gluten free now too, and although I haven't had a meltdown over food, I HAVE been generally grumpy. I'm not having any trouble adjusting to the diet, but I think the gluten withdrawal is messing with my mood. It seems that every time I drop something, instead of just picking it up, I growl about how "everything has to FIGHT me!" It's so silly to get grumped up about little things like that, but there you have it.

I'm fortunate in that I live alone (with my cat), so I don't have to cook for anyone but myself. Watching someone else eat stuff I no longer can would probably be hard.

The other thing that I NEVER thought I would consider fortunate is simply this: There's nothing good to eat here anyway!

Let me explain. I moved to South Dakota from Connecticut seven years ago. I used to get fresh fruit and vegetables, delicious South Dakota grown beef, and SEAFOOD.

Out here, we have red clay so even though some folks garden, it's not the same. We get very little rain compared with New England. We GROW the best beef in the world, but they make more money shipping it out, so our grocery stores carry beef from mexico (YUCK!) The trucks bringing in produce come down from the north, so by the time they get here to the southern Black Hills, we get the dregs off of the back of the truck. (Just the other day, I went to buy a pint of blueberries, and every package in the shelf was moldy, and it was only the second day of the sale.)

Seafood, of course , is out of the question. Every item of seafood they sell is imported from China, and I wouldn't eat it anyway, even if it tasted good, which it doesn't.

There are a lot of restaurants in this town, but none of them are any good. Truly.

So that's why it is easy to give up regular food - there was nothing good to eat anyway.

Oh, as long as I'm complaining - I had a ricecake this morning. It was like biting into a chunk of styrofoam. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think they're supposed to do that to rice...

[kledford]

i was diagnosed in May of this year and I have mini meltdowns all the time! I too am symptom free celiac, except for the anemia and the low protein levels from bloodwork i would never have known i have advanced celiac...Lucky? Maybe but I do look at pizza, cake, a HAMBURGER from a fast food place with a nice soft bun and know I can NEVER have one again and then I think, oh what the heck, but i don't! I imagine my little villi trying to sprout and that bite of gluten/wheat smashes them down. Today was awful because my son had a baseball tournament all day and we live in a small rural southern town and gluten free is not in the towns vocabulary. I was starving by the time the games were done and found myself angry that I couldn't just stop and pick something up, that I would have to go home and make something and that would take so long, i simply wanted to go through a drive through!!!!!!!!! I keep larabars, pirates booty, lifewater, basically an emergency kit in my car but I just got so mad that I couldn't get a burger! Isn't that ridiculous?! I eat tons of corn tortillas but I sure miss sandwiches! I hope it gets better for you and for me, in the meantime, hang in there and be grateful its summer with good fruit and veggies available!

[mamabear272]

love2travel, I like brownies, any cookies, cakes.

It's good to know that I'm not alone in my struggles. Thank you all for your stories! I'm sure I'll get there!

[T.H.]

*sympathy hug!!*

I know everyone has already said it, but I'll say it again: really, truly, it gets better. Never be the same, but better.

One thing that can help is the fact that when the symptoms go away, LIFE is easier to deal with. I think in the beginning it is harder because not only is everything new - the loss, the diet, the cooking, the lifestyle - but you are also still healing and tired, too.

Later, not only will you not feel so overwhelmed, you'll usually have more energy to deal with all the differences, too.

Love2Travel, I have no idea how you do it without symptoms! I don't know that I would be so self-disciplined without the serious penalties my body gives me. I guess our bodies knew what kind of motivation we would need and provided it, eh?

It has been almost 2 years for me and even now, every once in a while I'm still hit with a big, honking, crying fest of loss. Often with silly, simple things that I may have done a million times before but suddenly realize I can't anymore. Like going to the movie theater - which I love - and smelling the popcorn and realizing I can't ever have that again. Or the fact that I never had a brown derby - warm doughnut with an ice cream scoop on it. I have allergies, now, too, so I can't eat any of the gluten-free doughnuts, OR the ice cream, and I don't know that I'd even like the stupid thing, but the fact that I'll never be able to find out is now sad.

The holidays can be really hard, too, especially if you have cooking or food traditions that are gone now.

As to what I do that helps? For holidays, it has really helped me to plan out in advance, big-time. If I know there's going to be tons of food and fun stuff, I try to plan out, and practice making (so it's not screwed up) all the recipes I'm going to eat that day. For myself, I tend to try to make it ahead of time if I can, because then I can focus on the people and together-time rather than focusing so much on the food, if that makes sense? And making sure I have enough for leftovers, as everyone else tends to be eating all of those for the days following the holiday, too.

Finding foods that I really enjoy and can keep on hand as a snack has helped me, too. But honestly, I think what helped the most was just time. Which meant the beginning had a lot more suckiness, but it passes.

[GFinDC]

@Bartfull,

Gee, sounds like SD is the place to be! Just wanted to suggest, if you want an alternative to rice cakes, try Corn Thins. They are much thinner and hold together better, and taste better IMHO.

@Whiny-head or um, Mamabear272,

I had my moments when starting the diet also. I think some of it is the learning curve to it. Suddenly all the nifty easy to make foods are off limits. You have cravings and are used to feeding them with certain things whenever you want. You now have to learn to eat different foods and be careful of things you never had to think of before. You have a habit of eating a certain way and now that habit is broken. That's a tough adjustment. But you can learn to eat a different, healthier way, just like you learned to eat the old way. And once you get used to that new gluten-free way of eating, you won't miss those old things as much if at all. Time makes a big difference in the adjustment. Learning a better way to eat is not an overnight process, but your body needs it and will be healthier after awhile. And, as was said, it gets easier. Lots easier! :0

[kiwibird75]

Everyone has their moments. I've been gluten free for over 2 years and I STILL have the occasional meltdown, complete with tears! It can be set off by the silliest things! But keeping a sense of humour is a very helpful weapon, regardless of what you are eating (or not eating). I'm lucky to be able to laugh at myself and remind myself of just how much better I feel by not eating it even if I'd gladly have sold my shirt to have it just 3 minutes earlier.

Meantime I'm reminded daily of all the things I can have, and all the things I can now do, that were not on my radar when I was still eating gluten.

Chin up (or chins in my case) and remember - it's only a moment in time - and without gluten you will have lots more great moments to look forward to.

xx

K

[color-me-confused]

I haven't had a melt down yet. 2 weeks gluten free. However I have a few episodes of feeling depressed, especially after trying out a gluten free recipe that didn't turn out. The other day I was with family and they stopped to get doughnuts and they smelled so good. I got a little upset because I thought it was inconsiderate, but I understood that they didn't know enough about it to know better, they still can't remember what its called.

A few weeks ago my family tried some frozen chocolate croissants that you let rise overnight then bake in the morning. I happened to be in the kitchen when they were done and cut them in half to serve to our kids. Later I told my wife that I cannot do that again...it made me downright sad to handle something that looked and smelled so delicious.

[anabananakins]

I have been gluten-free for about 1 1/2 weeks. I was making some pies for a fund raiser that a friend of mine is running. I don't have a problem with that but my hubby brought home graham cracker crusts (I'm making cherry pies so those won't work). He goes "well just make a pudding pie with them." This set me off! I was like "I CAN'T HAVE THAT!" I then proceeded to melt all the way down bawling and the whole shot! I don't know how that set me off so bad. I've been pretty good about not being upset about what I can't have but for some reason...BOOM! Anyone else get blindsided like this? How do you deal?

Aww *hugs*. I'm a year gluten free and I sometimes get blindsided by dreams. Recently I dreamed that my mother was making eggplant parmigiana (mind you, she's never made that my entire life) and I walked in as she was spooning the white sauce all over it. White sauce made with regular flour! In my dream I was devastated that I couldn't eat a dish I loved that she was preparing for me, I was devastated that I'd hurt her feelings when she was trying to do something nice for me and simply got distracted and used the wrong flour, and I was devastated that I had a condition that leads me to have dreams where I melt down over a freaking non-existent meal! Even though none of this actually happened, after dreaming that I was sobbing over the situation, I felt so sad all day.

I found it took about 8 months to deal with the feeling of "I can't eat that EVER again". It still hits me occasionally, but with much less force. I think by then I'd hit just about every possible meal, and I'd survived the holiday season and that helped. It's really hard to comprehend, if you haven't been there, what we give up. The finality of that "never, never" is hard to wrap the mind around. I force my mind to something else immediately and that helps. I was in the supermarket with a friend the other day and she noticed that when we walked past the fresh bread section I averted my eyes entirely and muttered "poison, poison" . Hee.

[kledford]

ok....gotta ask, I thougth movie theatre popcorn was okay????? uh oh! What is in it?

[organicmama]

Our local AMC was fine on popcorn for both gluten and casein avoiders. I read the package on the butter flavor and there wasn't a drop of dairy in it.

[kareng]

One of the gluten free websites talked to many major movie chains. Popcorn and most if not all toppings are gluten-free. The only concern might be a bit of cc if they handle hot dog buns & then popcorn. I have looked and also worked many years ago at a movie theater, & the kids would need to work hard to do cc the popcorn. Watch for a minute or two & see how it goes. Also, it's usually teens working & I have found that they tend to understand "allergy".

[Korwyn]

When I first found out I have celiac disease four months ago, I was in shock, not expecting it, because I do not get sick from eating gluten (so sorry for those who have heard me say this about 873,025 times already).

873,028. I was counting.

I still watch the Food Network (I cannot help myself) and now see things differently. Rather than mourn what I cannot have I just get lost in the technique or whatever and see it objectively (i.e. Iron Chef).

We don't have cable or satellite, but I still like to watch Food Network and other food shows because I love to cook. But now when I watch my thought is always...how can I make that gluten-free? Usually it works out pretty well too. Last weekend I made chicken breasts in a peach and mango sauce. *drool*

You know what? Everyone is right. It DOES get better with time. There are many proceses to go through including anger and grieving. But before you know it, this new way of eating will become a natural part of your daily life. Sure, it is still difficult at times. I won't deny that. But the acute pain fades.

Like others, I throw myself into cooking, baking, reading, gardening. Something that I am passionate about and do very well and concentrate on that. And the little things like going for a walk in the park or watching the robins pull fat worms out of the lawn after a gorgeous rain. Do not be afraid to treat yourself, either. It IS a big transition. At first I felt I was sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole - now I no longer feel it is a sentence but rather a lifestyle change. It still hurts that I was forced to go on this diet because I did not get sick from gluten. Sometimes I still wonder what would happen if I had that piece of bread but I will not go there.

You are in good company on this forum. It is filled with wise, kind and compassionate people who have been precisely where you are. And we are making it!!

This is quite true. It does take time though, and there does seem to be almost a grieving process, doesn't there? I had a bigger problem emotionally when I found out I couldn't eat dairy anymore than when I had to get rid of gluten. Cheese was my comfort food.