The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[DingoGirl]

The secret to ripping up carpet is to do it in 3-4 foot strips. It's so much more manageable that way

Yes, I do know about that part.....but then how do I dispose of it? and will anyone think I am.....disposing of a dead body????????????

Sounds good! What color should the flags be?

they are multi-coloUred, with Care Bears!!!!!!!!!!

[Darn210]

Well, I've made a few calls and a pulled a few strings and I've managed to get use of an old Open Original Shared Link. We will have to provide our own singer (the former Miss America has a previous committment) - I believe Emily was up for that. Plus, we will need to provide our own machine guns as the orginal float was never equipped with them.

I refuse to be the one that has to walk behind the yeti with the trash can and the giant pooper scooper.

Susie . . . Female Comebacks =

Also, time for a new av - this is the back of my daughter's head - of course, taken by my son so he could show her what her hair looks like back there.

[DingoGirl]

Well, I've made a few calls and a pulled a few strings and I've managed to get use of an old Open Original Shared Link. We will have to provide our own singer (the former Miss America has a previous committment) - I believe Emily was up for that. Plus, we will need to provide our own machine guns as the orginal float was never equipped with them.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol

JANET

oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd!!!!!!!!!!

I have to tell you, I have been on c.com for nearly two years, and I have never, ever, ever laughed as I just did. I mean, a huge *WHOOP* and *GUFFAW* leading into a deep belly laugh that went on for nearly a full 60 seconds, and I am STILL LAUGHING as I see the words, and imagine other newcomers seeing this sentence:

Plus, we will need to provide our own machine guns as the orginal float was never equipped with them.

I am quite serious when I say that I am STILL laughing, and tears are forming in the corners of my eyes....in fact Annie just arose from a deep and contented lazy-arse sleep and walked over, placing her head on my thigh. <------- Annie's face

I must thank you for the BEST laugh EVER on this forum.....(oops - EXCEPT for summer of 2006 w/ Cecile and all others and all shenanigans on OMG - )

yeti poop scooper

Um BTW your son is a future film director I think. With his deranged yet wildly clever photos, and such superb syllabolic play as "burrito eater," there can be no doubt.

[TriticusToxicum]

Thought about this option. The thing is, it involves meh...mmeh....measuring and cutting things to fit - you don't EVER want me doing that. I am sure I could enlist some help but dang, the thought of ripping out and getting rid of carpet is just beyond egregious and repugnant and really just WAY too taxing......

here's something.

Female Comebacks

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilized

Good stuff I've never heard any of them before

Now for something completely different...Open Original Shared Link funny, and yet

This has been a public service announcement sponsored by the coalition for stalker-free internet. it's 1:45 do you know what you kids are up to?

Back to the sillies!

Yes, I do know about that part.....but then how do I dispose of it? and will anyone think I am.....disposing of a dead body????????????

...if they are 3' strips...not likely...a dismembered body perhaps

[Jestgar]

yeti poop scooper

Just how big would that be?

[TriticusToxicum]

yeti poop scooper

Just how big would that be?

well, let's just say they don't call him the abominable snowman for nothing!

[CarlaB]

Janet, is that your daughter's REAL HAIR!!!??? I thought it was a wig! I'm going to have to print that out and take it to my hair stylist! I WANT IT! LOL

Patti, we need a twirler, do you still fit in your sequined leotard? How fun!

Susie, I think you could do the Pergo yourself. From what I've heard, it's pretty easy. We just put the old carpet out by the curb, but you might want to call the trash people and check. If someone thinks it's a body, they will be sadly disappointed once they check it out!

[TriticusToxicum]

Janet, is that your daughter's REAL HAIR!!!??? I thought it was a wig! ... I WANT IT! LOL

YIKES! i would keep your daughter inside, and lock the doors and windows!

[nikki-uk]

Yes, I do know about that part.....but then how do I dispose of it? and will anyone think I am.....disposing of a dead body????????????

Just chuck it out front on top of the tYres and old mattress

Pergo?? Is it like 'Parquet' wooden flooring?

[tom]

Just chuck it out front on top of the tYres and old mattress

Oh Gnychy-unyted kyngdum! Tyres again?

This one just makes sooooooo little sense! (I do concede that many of our spellyng dyfferences at least make some sense)

Is there another word w/ a Y where an I belongs? Any of these?

Whyle I smyle at myles of pyles of fyrewood,

I'm myred in dyre desyre of lyghters that flippin WORK! #!*^$##@! WTH is the matter w/ this thyng!!!

Lyre doesn't count btw. Same spellyng.

[DingoGirl]

Pergo?? Is it like 'Parquet' wooden flooring?

it is laminate flooring, quite good quality, that looks like wood floor. Very attractive, my mom had it in Monterey......quite dingo-proof, also.

[tom]

beyond egregious and repugnant and really just WAY too taxing......

"Repugnant"! A wonderful yet woefully underused word.

Female Comebacks

Saw one like this also.

But some faves of mine missing in your list are:

"Haven't we met before?"

"Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

"I know how to please a woman."

"Then please leave me alone."

P.S. Ahhhh Pergo ... . .. I had just started choosing which style to put in my condo when celiac started taking over ... ..

[elye]

Susie, surely we can use your old carpeting in our procession...is it a royal scarlet colour, suitable for rolling out in front of our King and Queen?

And whoa, guys....Care Bear Float, yes. Machine guns....welllll...uh...no. C'mon, ya think we got Mr. Heston as our Grand Marshall? sssshuuuddddder...

[Ridgewalker]

Hmm... I don't twirl anything... I only play CDs....

I have been in a couple parades, as a Girl Scout, and all I had to do was walk. Yeah, that's right... I was a Girl Scout!

Maybe I can make a big Celiac Awareness CareBear for the float. Bet I could do that It'll be a green bear, and have the No Wheat symbol on it's belly!

-Sarah

[DingoGirl]

Susie, surely we can use your old carpeting in our procession...is it a royal scarlet colour, suitable for rolling out in front of our King and Queen?

And whoa, guys....Care Bear Float, yes. Machine guns....welllll...uh...no. C'mon, ya think we got Mr. Heston as our Grand Marshall? sssshuuuddddder...

Why yes, Emily, surely 'tis! In fact scarlet as well as royal purple, three-foot stripes each, adn there are Care Bears interwoven throughout, bearing regal crowns! now, why hadn't *I* thought of using this carpet for our parade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Charlton Heston. He can come if he's Celiac. But we'll need someone else there to lobby for the proper CONTROL of our machine guns.

Maybe I can make a big Celiac Awareness CareBear for the float. Bet I could do that It'll be a green bear, and have the No Wheat symbol on it's belly!

-Sarah

Absolutely perfect! And you can drink and dispense mojitos, National Celiac Awareness Cocktail (as it has the green leaves, and all).

surely we are all BARKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am goign now to Sephora, to spray things on myself and discover a NEW signature scent.....(there is a more important errand to be done but 'tis not far from this makeup and scent-fest glorious wonderland and so a brief stop must be made)

<---- rolling eyes w/ glee

[Mtndog]

Why yes, Emily, surely 'tis! In fact scarlet as well as royal purple, three-foot stripes each, adn there are Care Bears interwoven throughout, bearing regal crowns! now, why hadn't *I* thought of using this carpet for our parade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Charlton Heston. He can come if he's Celiac. But we'll need someone else there to lobby for the proper CONTROL of our machine guns.

Absolutely perfect! And you can drink and dispense mojitos, National Celiac Awareness Cocktail (as it has the green leaves, and all).

surely we are all BARKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am goign now to Sephora, to spray things on myself and discover a NEW signature scent.....(there is a more important errand to be done but 'tis not far from this makeup and scent-fest glorious wonderland and so a brief stop must be made)

<---- rolling eyes w/ glee

i WANT TO COME!!!!!! I must make a royal request.............NO FLIPPIN CARE BEARS.

How about a mojito-dispensing Yeti float with Charlton Heston (GOOD GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and what we need is less care Bear...more TASSlE TWIRLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here ya go:

Open Original Shared Link

[Jestgar]

I can get a pattern for knitting your own.

[Mtndog]

I can get a pattern for knitting your own.

Tassels? SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dlp252]

Did someone say mojito?! Throw in some chocolates along the way and I'm there.

[Green12]

What kind of crazy parade is this??

Machine guns, Care Bears, tassels and Charlton Heston??

Oh heck if chocolates are involved, I'm in.

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

I most humbly accept until page 300 and will sit on the throne in my Yeti proof house. The only things I will command my subjects to do are as follows:

drink mojitos

drink vodka

drink champagne (Moet and Chandon Nectar Imperial!)

trample on trampolines

twirl tassles with bawdy debauchery (or in the men's cases do something wiith your ball bearings)

no pap smears

no testicular exams

and...

KEEP LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Your loyal Queen Bev of the Order of the Twirling tassles

-.O

I'm a minor, your highness. All my beverages are Virgin... And I plan to keep it that way! The last one I will keep until... PAGE THREE HUNDRED!!! Or later, on whoever the queen is next. I was NEARLY the queen. if only i'd double-posted...

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

Ahhh, the Kingdom doth prosper, and grow! Daughter of the Light, please come into our grand Processional Parade...I believe you would add much interest with your propensity for dancing. You could appear in the middle, performing your Danzon, or a merengue, which I noticed you mentioned in your last post. However, methinks you should be performing something more like a dirvish, as this all has a very Medieval feel to it. Hmmm....we could even have you on a large Carebear float, if you wish...

AND ALL HAIL OUR RIGHTEOUS QUEEN BEVERLY!

Nay to Papal Smeareths!

...and ALL balls bearing!

Ohh, may I? And can I have a Lord Of the Rings float instead? And Can I have machine guns? (Maybe a Russian nine-pounder... hehehe) I can swing, tango, waltz, salsa, do the rose ceremony, danzon, merengue, line dance, square dance, and even do the electric slide and the cotton-eyed joe if you wish! I really need to get on here more. Then I can treat you to my... many book quotes? *giggles evilly*

[tom]

. . . And Can I have machine guns? (Maybe a Russian nine-pounder... hehehe)

Although it was pages ago that I called "shotgun" for whichever vehicle has machine-guns, I know in my heart that I must yield to DoTL.

Not sure about the ammo procurement on a Russian gun. Maybe we could just shoot probiotics and magnesium capsules. And CANDY CORN!! Bet they fly well w/ the right rifling to provide good rotation.

[Ridgewalker]

ooooooh, candy corn!

-Sarah

[DingoGirl]

i WANT TO COME!!!!!! I must make a royal request.............NO FLIPPIN CARE BEARS.

WHAT? surely you jest. I had the greatest laugh of the week over that float and our barking mad chatter and now....you're taking it away from me?

What kind of crazy parade is this??

Machine guns, Care Bears, tassels and Charlton Heston??

Oh heck if chocolates are involved, I'm in.

HI JULIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, come on over and join our madness!!!!!!!

Ohh, may I? And can I have a Lord Of the Rings float instead? And Can I have machine guns? (Maybe a Russian nine-pounder... hehehe) I can swing, tango, waltz, salsa, do the rose ceremony, danzon, merengue, line dance, square dance, and even do the electric slide and the cotton-eyed joe if you wish! I really need to get on here more. Then I can treat you to my... many book quotes? *giggles evilly*

Your dancing is certainly allowed, Light. I AM starting to be a little concerned about the, uh, over-use of machine guns.

Um, can we get a veto, Queen Bev?

Yes, surely we will dispense and hurl benign objects and lovely, happy candies and sugar-y treats. Every one will love us. And NO mojitos will be Virgin.