Jump to content
  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.




  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):



    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):


  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original


TriticusToxicum

Recommended Posts

Mtndog Collaborator

Uncle ray just sent me some advice on how to attain those svelte figures we all want:

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



  • Replies 51k
  • Created
  • Last Reply
jerseyangel Proficient
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

Ba-a-a-a-a :lol:

Green12 Enthusiast

Alex, I am so excited for you. I'm glad you guys are having it the way you want it, that's the most important thing I think.

You want a song too that means something to you both, not so much if it is a "wedding" song or not.

But I am a rebel that way :lol:

Loved the "yeah, right" silly you shared!

Thanks Patti and Jess for chiming in on the fruit. I'm going to see if I can tolerate eating fruit, I don't know if I have a fructose intolerance or if it's salicylates but it hasn't worked before. It would be nice if i could, it would give me more to choose from and eat. Crossing fingers.....

Phooey on gas prices- I WANT a car that smells like french fries (there goes my very strict Catherine!).

:lol:

There goes your very strict Catherine :lol: ....right out the tail pipe

My Catherine is coming along, there has been no ingesting of sugar for 2 days thus far. I've had grains but those are next to go....baby steps!

Amanda, don't feel too bad. I had this happen at a formal in college :o and my date, who I was very angry with at the time, tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. So he grabbed the back of my STRAPLESS gown and almost pulled it off! Turd!!!!!!!!!!!

What a turd. He should be banished and made to eat poop!

Amanda, glad your friend caught the skirt in tight thing early enough :lol:

Gas prices, boo. Grocery bills, heinous! Not very silly at all :(

Green12 Enthusiast
We're at $3.75 and I'm debating on filling up or waiting. Seems like if I wait, it goes up further. If I fill up, it drops back down!!!! Bahhhh!!!

:lol:

It's like dabbling in the stock market...at the gas station!

:lol: Uncle Ray!

jerseyangel Proficient
My Catherine is coming along, there has been no ingesting of sugar for 2 days thus far. I've had grains but those are next to go....baby steps!

Sounds like you're off to a great start! :D

Good luck with fruit--it would be nice if you can tolerate it. It's a refreshing change from the protein and veggies. :)

nikki-uk Enthusiast

Uncle Ray is in phine phettle today!!!!! :lol:

Amanda, don't feel too bad. I had this happen at a formal in college :o and my date, who I was very angry with at the time, tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. So he grabbed the back of my STRAPLESS gown and almost pulled it off!

:lol: OK, this made me laugh

Turd!!!!!!!!!!!

...but for some reason this lone word made me laugh harder ....snort even :lol:

...and yes, skirt tucked in knickers has happened to me :rolleyes: (t'was young and svelte so didn't scare any horses thankfully :rolleyes: )

I had had (?) to use a *gasp* public loo in the town centRE ....got as far as the bank on the corner :lol: when a lady tapped my shoulder.... :lol::lol::lol: oh my GOD!!! I thought I had ERASED that memory from my mind :lol:

nikki-uk Enthusiast

Oh, forgot

My Catherine is crap and I'm bored of it ...life is cruel.....but I want bootiful phigure :P


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



Green12 Enthusiast
He claims that he doesn't sleep as well when I'm not in the bed. So when I come to bed, he must relax and then... PPHHHHHTTT.

Last night, after the normal phart, came a second one about 2 minutes later. This simple break in routine had me in helpless, choking giggles for at least 5 minutes. I had to leave the room.

I've never been called for jury duty. I have no idea why. :huh:

:lol::lol: Sara this totally cracked me up!!!

You just watch, you will get called to jury duty now that you said this!! If you don't think about it or mention it it doesn't happen, but the minute you start thinking, "I wonder why I've never been called"....or, "I wonder if and when I will be called", BOOM! That's when it happens, next thing you know you get your notice to appear.

That's what happened to me, I got by for years without ever being called. Then I started to deeply ponder the whole situation, why haven't I been called, I hope I don't get called, what will I do if I get called....a few months later there was the jury duty letter in my mail box :o

Mygawd.....I, as well, have certainly been choking in bed as a result of DH's pharting, but it has not been from laughter..... <_<:rolleyes:

:lol:

Sounds like you're off to a great start! :D

Good luck with fruit--it would be nice if you can tolerate it. It's a refreshing change from the protein and veggies. :)

Thanks Patti :)

How are you doing with the changes so far?

...and yes, skirt tucked in knickers has happened to me :rolleyes: (t'was young and svelte so didn't scare any horses thankfully :rolleyes: )

I had had (?) to use a *gasp* public loo in the town centRE ....got as far as the bank on the corner :lol: when a lady tapped my shoulder.... :lol::lol::lol: oh my GOD!!! I thought I had ERASED that memory from my mind :lol:

:lol: Nikki

Can't imagine how far that would have gone on if that woman wouldn't have tapped on your shoulder to let you know. Some people don't speak up and say anything, thank god she did :lol:

Green12 Enthusiast

Opps, double post.

I shall fill it with a stack of assorted emoticons:

:mellow:

:huh:

^_^

:o

;)

:P

:D

:lol:

B)

:rolleyes:

-_-

<_<

:)

:wub:

:angry:

:(

:unsure:

:wacko:

:blink:

:ph34r:

Look at the myriad of emotions!

Ridgewalker Contributor
What a turd. He should be banished and made to eat poop!

Chunky poop! With no health benefits!

I don't think I've done the skirt in tights thing.... I have, however, split the butt in a pair of jeans in public. <_<

elye Community Regular
It's like dabbling in the stock market...at the gas station!

Sigh......but there's no winning there.........

My Catherine is crap and I'm bored of it ...life is cruel.....but I want bootiful phigure

My diabetic Catherine makes it agonizingly difficult to lose weight once it's on. Very heinously tricky - - adjusting the insulin, modifying exercise time, diligently testing and watching for insulin reactions....just too tough. So, the ten pounds will, I know, stay on. :angry:

I need a more hideous name than Catherine, which is quite lovely, for my diabetes eating plan. I shall call it an Edna. :lol:

Ridgewalker Contributor
You just watch, you will get called to jury duty now that you said this!! If you don't think about it or mention it it doesn't happen, but the minute you start thinking, "I wonder why I've never been called"....or, "I wonder if and when I will be called", BOOM! That's when it happens, next thing you know you get your notice to appear.

:o:ph34r: I'd better start writing down these jury-avoidance methods! :lol:

Well, both of the kids were home yesterday and today with glutenings. Ezra actually had a GI reaction this time. Sigh. When I was doing all that cleaning last week, I found a couple can of spaghetti sauce stuck back in a corner. I dusted them off, checked the date, and threw them in the cupboard. Used them Sunday night. I'm an idiot.

Realized when the copious pooping began on Monday that those were two cans I'd separated out because they had GLUTEN in them. Then they got buried and I forgot about them I guess. I didn't get it as bad, since I didn't eat spaghetti.... just taste-tested the sauce. Mostly I've just been dealing with the heartburn, which can actually get pretty heinous, but at least it's not the pukies.

elye Community Regular

Walked into an embassy soiree, a black tie affair (astonishing I was even there, come to think of it), and the back of my dress was tucked up in my panty hose. DH did NOT notice, as he was staring at the beautiful female diplomats from Sweden and Spain.....

The Icelandic Ambassador quietly moved beside me and whispered the problem, but his accent was SO thick that I did not understand him.....

"Your dress is in your underwear"....

I thought he said

"More breasts are here. I wonder where?" :o

Gawd........ :lol:

Mtndog Collaborator
I don't think I've done the skirt in tights thing.... I have, however, split the butt in a pair of jeans in public. <_<

Why, oh why is this stuff so fuuny?????????

Well, both of the kids were home yesterday and today with glutenings. Ezra actually had a GI reaction this time. Sigh. When I was doing all that cleaning last week, I found a couple can of spaghetti sauce stuck back in a corner. I dusted them off, checked the date, and threw them in the cupboard. Used them Sunday night. I'm an idiot.

Realized when the copious pooping began on Monday that those were two cans I'd separated out because they had GLUTEN in them. Then they got buried and I forgot about them I guess. I didn't get it as bad, since I didn't eat spaghetti.... just taste-tested the sauce. Mostly I've just been dealing with the heartburn, which can actually get pretty heinous, but at least it's not the pukies.

Oh sarah- I AM sorry............. :(

Walked into an embassy soiree, a black tie affair (astonishing I was even there, come to think of it), and the back of my dress was tucked up in my panty hose. DH did NOT notice, as he was staring at the beautiful female diplomats from Sweden and Spain.....

The Icelandic Ambassador quietly moved beside me and whispered the problem, but his accent was SO thick that I did not understand him.....

"Your dress is in your underwear"....

I thought he said

"More breasts are here. I wonder where?" :o

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Cause all the women in Iceland are SO ugly, the guys are ALWAYS looking for more breasts. I think Icelandic women could have inverted breasts and they'd still be beautiful.

The Italian diplomat, on the other hand, would have been happy to assist you with both your dress AND your breasts!!!!!!!!!!! :P

DingoGirl Enthusiast
Gas prices, boo. Grocery bills, heinous! Not very silly at all :(

:angry: Just got gas today AND went grocery shopping........mygawd. :( utterly heinous.

Not feeling so silly today at all...........why am I so tired? Feeling quite blah. Have SO much to do in this house and yet..........am overwhelmed by it all, spinning around......... :mellow:

wait - I did do two loads of laundry, two hours of heinous yard work, went to pet store for Weezee's VERY EXPENSIVE gluten-free dog food/car wash/pharmacy/grocery shopping......guess I *have* accomplished a few things today....bah.

Julie - I did love your Emoticon Variety Stack. :lol: :lol:

My Catherine is crap and I'm bored of it ...life is cruel.....but I want bootiful phigure

:lol: excellent - but Em's right - - Catherine - far too lovely a name! We must call this egregious thing an EDNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"more breasts are here, I wonder where?" :lol:

Bev - Uncle Ray :lol:

Amanda - good thing for the lab coat!

Sarah - so sorry about the spag sauce mistake - I could just see myself doing taht......hope it passes soon for everybody. Cute photo!

What else? got nothin' - - -

goign to Last Chance this weekend! Kissey's place in Santa Cruz mtns. With Mini Kissey, and many family members.........I"m both afeared and excited at once..... :unsure:

elye Community Regular
wait - I did do two loads of laundry, two hours of heinous yard work, went to pet store for Weezee's VERY EXPENSIVE gluten-free dog food/car wash/pharmacy/grocery shopping......

Way to go, Susie! This is production extraordinaire!

Phunny, but here we haven't seen a jump in food prices - - yet....(looking askance for wood to knock). Dunno why this would be. Oracle Peter?

:lol: excellent - but Em's right - - Catherine - far too lovely a name! We must call this egregious thing an EDNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot STAND my diabetic Edna right now!! Want......some.....chocolate....chunk....ice cream....... :angry::angry:

jerseyangel Proficient

Gawd--let's all be pissy about our Edna's together :angry::angry::angry:

A bunch of stuff I was going to respond to, but just too tired and draggy :(

I just love that I have this place to come to to get a smile and be with me Sillies :) I think I hit a rough spot...I was sailing along pretty good there too :P

Mtndog Collaborator

I know I hate my Esther!!!!!!!! No sugar.....very few carbs.....and DEFINITELY no alcohol (feeds those Lymies- GRRRR!!!!!!!!)

PS I've been de-moderatored by Scott- OK- who turned me in? :ph34r::P (he said it was because I haven't been actively moderating- uh huh, sure :P )

Darn210 Enthusiast
:lol: excellent - but Em's right - - Catherine - far too lovely a name! We must call this egregious thing an EDNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. . . and I suggest that we all disperse to the various threads in this forum and give all the newbies advice on how to follow a gluten-free Edna . . . and then we shall receive a whole bunch of these :huh::huh::huh:

jerseyangel Proficient
PS I've been de-moderatored by Scott- OK- who turned me in? :ph34r::P (he said it was because I haven't been actively moderating- uh huh, sure :P )

You're kidding :o I didn't know that ever happened--aren't there a number of mods who not only don't actively moderate, but don't post anymore? Maybe changes are ahead....I'll probably be next for my- ahem-- excessive Sillie involvement :unsure:

Wow!

Darn210 Enthusiast
I know I hate my Esther!!!!!!!! No sugar.....very few carbs.....and DEFINITELY no alcohol (feeds those Lymies- GRRRR!!!!!!!!)

PS I've been de-moderatored by Scott- OK- who turned me in? :ph34r::P (he said it was because I haven't been actively moderating- uh huh, sure :P )

OMG!!!! Didn't you just moderate that SPAM I reported??!!!??? You've been fired???!!!!??? The least he could have done is given you a warning and dock your pay ( :lol::lol: ) We shall see if it is really because of this thread . . . Peter and Patti, we're all watchin' to see what happens to you.

Mtndog Collaborator
OMG!!!! Didn't you just moderate that SPAM I reported??!!!??? You've been fired???!!!!??? The least he could have done is given you a warning and dock your pay ( :lol::lol: ) We shall see if it is really because of this thread . . . Peter and Patti, we're all watchin' to see what happens to you.

I haven't been fired but I think I've been impeached :lol: :lol:

DingoGirl Enthusiast
PS I've been de-moderatored by Scott- OK- who turned me in? :ph34r::P (he said it was because I haven't been actively moderating- uh huh, sure :P )

:unsure: um.......yeah, there are many who are no longer active - - did they get fired? OMG - are we experiencing a harsh new regime? :lol: <I hope so......this is exciting>

. . . and I suggest that we all disperse to the various threads in this forum and give all the newbies advice on how to follow a gluten-free Edna . . . and then we shall receive a whole bunch of these :huh::huh::huh:

:lol:

You're kidding :o I didn't know that ever happened--aren't there a number of mods who not only don't actively moderate, but don't post anymore? Maybe changes are ahead....I'll probably be next for my- ahem-- excessive Sillie involvement :unsure:

Wow!

OMG - Patti and Peter? busted for silliness? bring it on :lol: :lol:

I haven't been fired but I think I've been impeached :lol: :lol:

:lol: atta girl!

OMG - I've had Weezee for over five years - - and never, not once, has she howled at a siren, or done anything except perk up her ears (except for once, when my mom just babysat her)..........and now..........just now........the longest, mournful wail, followed by whimpering - - what does it mean? :huh:

Darn210 Enthusiast

I just took a quick gander at the "moderating team" . . . looks much shorter than it used to . . . I don't think you were the only one, Bev.

Laura!!!! Watch out!!! Don't let Scott see you on here!!!!

happygirl Collaborator

Janet---don't tell anyone ;)

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):





    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):




  • Recent Activity

    1. - Mari replied to Jmartes71's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      21

      My only proof

    2. - Jmartes71 replied to Jmartes71's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      21

      My only proof

    3. - knitty kitty replied to Scott Adams's topic in Post Diagnosis, Recovery & Treatment of Celiac Disease
      44

      Supplements for those Diagnosed with Celiac Disease

    4. - knitty kitty replied to Jmartes71's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      21

      My only proof


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):



  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      132,543
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748

    Jeanette K.
    Newest Member
    Jeanette K.
    Joined

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):




  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.5k
    • Total Posts
      1m

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Mari
      I think, after reading this, that you areso traumatized by not being able yo understand what your medical advisors have been  what medical conditions are that you would like to find a group of people who also feel traumatized who would agree with you and also support you. You are on a crusade much as the way the US Cabinet  official, the Health Director of our nation is in trying to change what he considers outdated and incorrect health advisories. He does not have the education, background or experience to be in the position he occupies and is not making beneficial decisions. That man suffered a terrible trauma early in his life when his father was assonated. We see now how he developed and worked himself into a powerful position.  Unless you are willing to take some advice or  are willing to use a few of the known methods of starting on a path to better health then not many of us on this Celiac Forum will be able to join you in a continuing series of complaints about medical advisors.    I am almost 90 years old. I am strictly gluten free. I use 2 herbs to help me stay as clear minded as possible. You are not wrong in complaining about medical practitioners. You might be more effective with a clearer mind, less anger and a more comfortable life if you would just try some of the suggestions offered by our fellow celiac volunteers.  
    • Jmartes71
      Thus has got to STOP , medical bit believing us! I literally went through 31 years thinking it was just a food allergy as its downplayed by medical if THEY weren't the ones who diagnosed us! Im positive for HLA-DQ2 which is first celiac patient per Iran and Turkey. Here in the States especially in Cali its why do you feel that way? Why do you think your celiac? Your not eating gluten so its something else.Medical caused me depression. I thought I was safe with my former pcp for 25 years considering i thought everything I went through and going through will be available when I get fired again for health. Health not write-ups my health always come back when you're better.Im not and being tossed away at no fault to my own other than shitty genes.I was denied disability because person said he didn't know how to classify me! I said Im celiac, i have ibs, hernia, sciatica, high blood pressure, in constant pain have skin and eye issues and menopause intensified everything. With that my celiac nightmare began to reprove my disregarded disease to a bunch of clowns who think they are my careteam when they said I didn't have...I feel Im still breathing so I can fight this so no body else has to deal with this nightmare. Starting over with " new care team" and waisting more time on why I think I am when diagnosed in 1994 before food eliminated from my diet. P.s everything i went through I did write to medical board, so pretty sure I will continue to have a hard time.
    • knitty kitty
      @Scatterbrain, Thiamine Vitamin B1 and amino acid Taurine work together.  Our bodies can make Taurine from meats consumed.  Our bodies cannot make Thiamine and must consume thiamine from food.  Meat is the best source of B vitamins like Thiamine.   Vegetarians may not make sufficient taurine since they don't eat meat sources of taurine.  Seaweed is the best vegetarian source of taurine. Vegetarians may not consume sufficient Thiamine since few veggies are good sources.  Whole grains, legumes, and nuts and seeds contain thiamine.  Many of these sources can be hard to digest and absorb for people with Celiac disease.   You may find taking the forms of thiamine called Benfotiamine or TTFD (tetrahydrofurfuryl disulfide) and a B Complex will give the benefits you're looking for better than taurine alone.  
    • knitty kitty
      @Jmartes71, I went to Doterra's site and had a look around.  The Doterra TerraZyme supplement really jumped out at me.  Since we, as Celiacs, often have digestive problems, I looked at the ingredients.  The majority of the enzymes in this supplement are made using black mold, Aspergillus!  Other enzymes are made by yeast Saccharomyces!  Considering the fact that Celiac often have permeable intestines (leaky gut syndrome), I would be very hesitant to take a product like this.  Although there may not be live black mold or yeast in the product, the enzymes may still cause an immune system response which would definitely cause inflammation throughout the body.   Skin, eyes, and intestines are all made from the same basic type of cells.  Your skin on the outside and eyes can reflect how irritated the intestines are on the inside.  Our skin, eyes, and intestines all need the same vitamins and nutrients to be healthy:  Vitamin A, Niacin B3 and Tryptophan, Riboflavin B2, Biotin B7, Vitamin C, and Omega Threes.  Remember that the eight B vitamins work together.  Just taking high doses of just one, vitamin like B12, can cause a deficiency in the others.  Taking high doses of B12 can mask a Folate B9 deficiency.  If you take B12, please take a B Complex, too.  Thiamine B1 can be taken in high doses safely without toxicity.  Thiamine is needed by itself to produce energy so every cell in the body can function, but Thiamine also works with the other B vitamins to make life sustaining enzymes and digestive enzymes.  Deficiencies in either Niacin, Vitamin C, or Thiamine can cause digestive problems resulting in Pellagra, Scurvy, and Gastrointestinal Beriberi.   If you change your diet, you will change your intestinal microbiome.  Following the Autoimmune Protocol Diet, a Paleo diet, will starve out SIBO bacteria.  Thiamine keeps bacteria in check so they don't get out of control as in SIBO.  Thiamine also keeps MOLDS and Yeasts from overgrowth.   Menopause symptoms and menstrual irregularities are symptomatic of low Vitamin D.   Doctors are not as knowledgeable about malnutrition as we need them to be.  A nutritionist or dietician would be more helpful.   Take control of your diet and nutrition.  Quit looking for a pill that's going to make you feel better overnight.  The Celiac journey is a marathon, not a sprint.   "Let food be your medicine, and let medicine be your food."
    • RUKen
      The Lindt (Lindor) dairy-free oat milk truffles are definitely gluten-free, and (last time I checked) so are the white chocolate truffles and the mint chocolate truffles. 
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.