Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

In-laws And Holidays

ptkds

By ptkds
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

ptkds Community Regular
ptkds
Posted

For a while, I have been telling my dh's family that we want to have Thanksgiving at our house so that we know our 3 celiac kids (and myself) would be safe. Well, my SIL is pregnant and due the day after christmas. Her dh is insisting that they stay close to home in case she goes into labor. She was OVERDUE with their first child! We only live 1.5 hrs away from their house and we have a hospital right down the street! I talked to SIL tonight to see if I could get her to change her dh's mind, but she said he has "put his foot down and he never does that," so she doesn't want to argue. Of course, MIL doesn't care. And SIL's dh would be ok if we all went to MIL's house, which is an hour away from their house!

I am just so frustrated! I wanted to have Thanksgiving here so I could make sure that everything that is served would be safe. We have lots of neices and nephews that are all really young and don't understand that they can't share food with my toddler dd's. So now I get to be stressed ALL DAY worrying about where my 2 toddlers are, and making sure they don't find food w/ gluten in it.

And his family expected us to drive 4+ hours for a family event when we had a 1 week old baby. When we refused, they were upset with us. I am so glad they seem to care about our feelings so much <_< (can you feel my sarcasm!)

Any one else dealing w/ a similar situation? Holidays are supposed to be fun, but I can already feel the stress setting in.

How do you guys deal with the holidays?????

ptkds

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


dandelionmom Enthusiast
dandelionmom
Posted

Honestly, I'm going to be the bad one this year. My daughter's safety is coming first. Since I already know the in-laws won't respect her diet (they've already had temper tantrums when she was healing and was still off dairy "ice cream doesn't have wheat in it!") we will be eating before joining them to celebrate the holidays and if there's any issues at all, we're leaving. She's been through way too much for her to be sick to keep my in-laws happy. I don't know if that will work for you or not though.

If I were in your shoes, I would be just as vocal as the brother in law and I would say, "Look, I've put MY foot down; my kids will stay healthy this holiday."

debmidge Rising Star
debmidge
Posted

Sounds like you all need a break from each other this Thanksgiving...not due to arguing, but there's a lot strong issues going on that could result in arguing, bitterness, etc. I can see the pregnant woman's viewpoint of not wanting to have to deliver in the hospital I was not intending to use. It would upset my level of comfort too. Also, it has to be considered that maybe her health insurance would not "cover" that other hospital. I know my health plan has excluded hospitals.

I don't have children, but I do treat my husband like one when it comes to celiac :lol: and due to the complexities of the gluten free diet, we no longer eat any meals at his relatives: ever. They just can't intellectually handle it (has nothing to do with the learning curve). We bring gluten-free dessert & visit after the main meal has been served and put away.

I don't have any suggestions about how to handle the cross contamination and temptation from those "gluteny" kids with respect to your children on their gluten-free diet. Little ones are hard to control unless you are always by their side. Do they "show mommy first" before they eat something different?

Mom23boys Contributor
Mom23boys
Posted
Any one else dealing w/ a similar situation? Holidays are supposed to be fun, but I can already feel the stress setting in.

How do you guys deal with the holidays?????

We quit traveling. Our safety comes first. I don't let my kids get in a car with a drunk driver. Why should I let them sit at a table with a careless cook??

I cook a full blown Thanksgiving. If they want to drive here they are welcome but don't expect us to travel.

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

It is time to make your own family Thanksgiving. I would eat the big meal at home and visit after dinner with a dessert, if at all. The safety of you and yours is much more important than keeping the in-laws happy, IMHO. If the family throws a fit perhaps you could suggest that if they want to insist then they can have the kids for the post meal, puking and D week long 'feast' of misery that will follow. Just kidding of course.

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
It is time to make your own family Thanksgiving. I would eat the big meal at home and visit after dinner with a dessert, if at all. The safety of you and yours is much more important than keeping the in-laws happy, IMHO. If the family throws a fit perhaps you could suggest that if they want to insist then they can have the kids for the post meal, puking and D week long 'feast' of misery that will follow. Just kidding of course.

Pffff, no kidding, I think that's a wonderful idea. Every time someone's teased me about gluten (my brother-in-law) I threaten him that he'll have to be the one to take care of me when I get sick. That shuts him up. Adults make much bigger messes than kids! Telling the in-laws that they'll be responsible for the kids care if they're responsible for the kids illness is fair, I think. Or you could just bring ALL the food and not let anyone else make or bring anything?

Sweetfudge Community Regular
Sweetfudge
Posted
Honestly, I'm going to be the bad one this year. My daughter's safety is coming first. Since I already know the in-laws won't respect her diet (they've already had temper tantrums when she was healing and was still off dairy "ice cream doesn't have wheat in it!") we will be eating before joining them to celebrate the holidays and if there's any issues at all, we're leaving. She's been through way too much for her to be sick to keep my in-laws happy. I don't know if that will work for you or not though.

If I were in your shoes, I would be just as vocal as the brother in law and I would say, "Look, I've put MY foot down; my kids will stay healthy this holiday."

eating before is a good idea

Pffff, no kidding, I think that's a wonderful idea. Every time someone's teased me about gluten (my brother-in-law) I threaten him that he'll have to be the one to take care of me when I get sick. That shuts him up. Adults make much bigger messes than kids! Telling the in-laws that they'll be responsible for the kids care if they're responsible for the kids illness is fair, I think. Or you could just bring ALL the food and not let anyone else make or bring anything?

or maybe feed the kids before or bring a big tupperware with all their foods. i don't know, this is a tough situation.

i've gotten fed up with my husband's family and food. we don't really have friendly relations anyway. and after his grandmother got mad at me for asking what she did to prepare her meat on easter ("seriously, there's nothing wrong with it. just drop it ok."), i will not go to any family eating events unless i eat before. they really don't get it if they don't live with it. i hope you're able to figure out a positive solution. i know with kids it's gotta be harder b/c you can't constantly moniter what they put in their mouths. good luck :)

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


babygirl1234 Rookie
babygirl1234
Posted

well im not the only one that has celiac disease my 9 yr old has it and so does my 3 yr old and my 1 yr old just found it out when they did the scoop and bi on all 3 of them, my 9 yr old had it since she was 4 yrs old and she been getting stomach cramps really bad, come to find out that her insides are pretty bad she told me that shes been eating the school lunch instad of what i make her, she didnt want her friends to make fun of her, and im like Katie your helath is more importen, now i dont have to buy for me and her we have to get for 3 of us, my dh been so supportive and has been helping me though this, but now i know what was making my 3 and 1 yr old so sick it was gluten.

kabowman Explorer
kabowman
Posted

This year, I plan to show up to their house full which is what they did to me last year after I cooked a huge meal, three meats, three dressings, tons of finger foods for the before and after, lots of sides, three different kinds of pie for a total of 5 pies, etc. At least last year I didn't make homemade whipped cream for them to not eat because they prefer Cool Whip.

And, after they showed up late and full, she proceeded to try and bake something without mentioning it to me first or taking my planning into event - with that much food, I had all my oven and cooktop time planned and all space was occupied. Of course, hers was full of stuff I would never even want in my kitchen. This is after I I offered to cook anything she wanted but she never deigned to answer my questions. They also brought store-bought pies.

I considered going out for a jog when they sit down to dinner but decided that might be going too far. I am fixing my own Thanksgiving dinner on Friday.

dfurlong Newbie
dfurlong
Posted

I think your health and that of your kids is most important. While Thanksgiving is a time for family to come together, I think your immediate family is where the focus needs to be. You live with your husband and daughters, not with the in-laws. There were alot of different suggestions for eating before, only going for dessert (which you will bring for your family) etc, but seriously...enjoy your husband, your daughters...and be healthy. You didn't mention how your husband handles the pressure from his family, but hopefully he will support you in this...because that would help greatly for him to deal with them.

Here is hoping you have the best Thanksgiving ever...at home...feel well...

Dawn

mandasmom Rookie
mandasmom
Posted

I think its a falicy that Holidays are fun...its a ton of work for the hostess and lots of inconveince for the guest...we make such a fuss about food no wonder its tough on anyone with dietary restrictions!! I agree that health and safety comes first...I am so lucky cause I have a family (and freinds too) that always call in advance to ask what they can prepare. I usually decline because of CC issues but I love thier concern. Our celiacs (including me) eat before we go and then nibble at anything that seems safe. (mashed potatoes) I alwasy bring a gluten-free dessert (choc mousse is a fav).

Trillian Rookie
Trillian
Posted

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's my favorite foods... and time with family without the stress of presents.

I always spend Wednesday cooking with my mom, and now that my daughter is old enough, she spends it with us, polishing silver and getting the china ready for the family to converge on my mom's house for Thursday. It's a special time for our family.

I was diagnosed in September so I offered to have Thanksgiving at my house. My siblings are grown and they all have plans. It's the first time we won't have the holiday together. But I invited my mom and dad to my house so we could still have the special day.

Everything was set. I called my mom on Sunday to remind her. She said that they aren't coming. They don't want to have my gluten-free Thanksgiving because it's too much work. They know that the food is okay and that most of it is regular food.

I am so sad.

No family dinner, and no spending the time with my mom making Thanksgiving food.

I think we're going to blow it off, too.

Mom23boys Contributor
Mom23boys
Posted
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's my favorite foods... and time with family without the stress of presents.

I always spend Wednesday cooking with my mom, and now that my daughter is old enough, she spends it with us, polishing silver and getting the china ready for the family to converge on my mom's house for Thursday. It's a special time for our family.

I was diagnosed in September so I offered to have Thanksgiving at my house. My siblings are grown and they all have plans. It's the first time we won't have the holiday together. But I invited my mom and dad to my house so we could still have the special day.

Everything was set. I called my mom on Sunday to remind her. She said that they aren't coming. They don't want to have my gluten-free Thanksgiving because it's too much work. They know that the food is okay and that most of it is regular food.

I am so sad.

No family dinner, and no spending the time with my mom making Thanksgiving food.

I think we're going to blow it off, too.

Don't blow it off. Its time to start making memories for someone else.

wowzer Community Regular
wowzer
Posted

This will be my first gluten free Thanksgiving. I'm supposed to go to my sister in laws. I would rather stay home and cook really. I'm hoping they make the same turkey as last year, it wasn't stuffed!!! My husband will go deer hunting over Thanksgiving if he doesn't get one this week. My son wants to go. I will just try to bring a veggie dish and maybe a waldorf salad that I can eat. You got to love family fun!!! It's just me that I have to worry about. If I had children like you I would stay home.

EBsMom Apprentice
EBsMom
Posted
How do you guys deal with the holidays?????

We're staying home. I am soooo glad. We were going to spend it with my dh's family, but they've been completely unwilling to educate themselves about the diet (ironic, as I'm pretty darn sure that most of them have celiac disease.) My m-i-l hosted a birthday brunch just yesterday, and EVERYTHING on the table contained gluten. I'd anticipated that, and had made some dishes that we could eat. She told us where to sit, and right in front of my dd's plate (she, ds and myself are all gluten-free, but she gets the sickest) was a big platter of cinnamon rolls and quick breads. She just stared at it when she sat down, kind of forlornly. It broke my heart! She would have loved those things pre-gluten-free. I moved the platter to the other side of the table, but the damage had already been done. That's the FIRST time I've seen my dd sad because of something she couldn't have in 5 months of being gluten-free. There is NO WAY that I'm going to let the holidays turn out like that. We're having T-giving and Xmas dinner at home, and thank goodness, dh is supportive of that. We told his family that we're staying home and they're all annoyed. Oh, well. EVERYTHING on our table will be gluten-free, neither of my kids will have to ask, "Can I eat that?" and we won't have to endure the fear of an accidental glutening. That's worth skipping the extended family together time for me.

Rhonda

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,549
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    Blough
    Newest Member
    Blough
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.4k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Scott Adams
      Taken Seriously

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      Your post demonstrates the profound frustration and isolation that so many in the Celiac community feel, and I want to thank you for channeling that experience into advocacy. The medical gaslighting you endured for decades is an unacceptable and, sadly, a common story, and the fact that you now have to "school" your own GI specialist speaks volumes about the critical lack of consistent and updated education. Your idea to make Celiac Disease a reportable condition to public health authorities is a compelling and strategic one. This single action would force the system to formally acknowledge the prevalence and seriousness of the disease, creating a concrete dataset that could drive better research funding, shape medical school curricula, and validate the patient experience in a way that individual stories alone often cannot. It is an uphill battle, but contacting representatives, as you have done with Adam Gray, is exactly how change begins. By framing it as a public health necessity—a matter of patient safety and protection from misdiagnosis and neglect—you are building a powerful case. Your voice and your perseverance, forged through thirty years of struggle, are exactly what this community needs to ensure that no one else has to fight so hard just to be believed and properly cared for.
    • Scott Adams
      Looking for a gluten-free roomie in Denver CO

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      I had no idea there is a "Louisville" in Colorado!😉 I thought it was a typo because I always think of the Kentucky city--but good luck!
    • Scott Adams
      Allergy medication: cetirizine by the HealthA2Z is it gluten free?

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      Navigating medication safety with Celiac disease can be incredibly stressful, especially when dealing with asthma and severe allergies on top of it. While I don't have personal experience with the HealthA2Z brand of cetirizine, your caution is absolutely warranted. The inactive ingredients in pills, known as excipients, are often where gluten can be hidden, and since the FDA does not require gluten-free labeling for prescription or over-the-counter drugs, the manufacturer's word is essential. The fact that you cannot get a clear answer from Allegiant Health is a significant red flag; a company that is confident its product is gluten-free will typically have a customer service protocol to answer that exact question. In situations like this, the safest course of action is to consider this product "guilty until proven innocent" and avoid it. A better alternative would be to ask your pharmacist or doctor to help you identify a major national brand of cetirizine (like Zyrtec) whose manufacturer has a verified, publicly stated gluten-free policy for that specific medication. It's not worth the risk to your health when reliable, verifiable options are almost certainly available to you. You can search this site for USA prescriptions medications, but will need to know the manufacturer/maker if there is more than one, especially if you use a generic version of the medication: To see the ingredients you will need to click on the correct version of the medication and maker in the results, then scroll down to "Ingredients and Appearance" and click it, and then look at "Inactive Ingredients," as any gluten ingredients would likely appear there, rather than in the Active Ingredients area. https://dailymed.nlm.nih.gov/dailymed/   
    • Scott Adams
      Protein or fat?

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      What you're describing is indeed familiar to many in the Celiac community, especially in the early stages of healing. When the intestinal villi are damaged from Celiac disease, they struggle to properly digest and absorb fats, a condition known as bile acid malabsorption. This can cause exactly the kind of cramping and spasms you're seeing, as undigested fats can irritate the sensitive gut lining. It is highly plausible that her reactions to dairy and eggs are linked to their higher fat content rather than the proteins, especially since she tolerates lean chicken breast. The great news is that for many, this does improve with time. As her gut continues to heal on a strict gluten-free diet, her ability to produce the necessary enzymes and bile to break down fats should gradually return, allowing her to slowly tolerate a wider variety of foods. It's a slow process of healing, but your careful approach of focusing on low-fat, nutrient-dense foods like seeds and avocado is providing her system the best possible environment to recover. Many people with celiac disease, especially those who are in the 0-2 year range of their recovery, have additional food intolerance issues which could be temporary. To figure this out you may need to keep a food diary and do an elimination diet over a few months. Some common food intolerance issues are dairy/casein, eggs, corn, oats, and soy. The good news is that after your gut heals (for most people who are 100% gluten-free this will take several months to two years) you may be able to slowly add some these items back into your diet after the damaged villi heal. This article may be helpful: Thank you for sharing your story—it's a valuable insight for other parents navigating similar challenges.
    • Beverage
      Diagnosed celiac for 1-2 months ago and everything makes me bloated.

      By Beverage · Posted

      I had a very rough month after diagnosis. No exaggeration, lost so much inflammatory weight, I looked like a bag of bones, underneath i had been literally starving to death. I did start feeling noticeably better after a month of very strict control of my kitchen and home. What are you eating for breakfast and lunch? I ignored my doc and ate oats, yes they were gluten free, but some brands are at the higher end of gluten free. Lots of celics can eat Bob's Red Mill gluten-free oats, but not me. I can now eat them, but they have to be grown and processed according to the "purity protocol" methods. I mail order them, Montana Gluten-Free brand. A food and symptoms and activities log can be helpful in tracking down issues. You might be totally aware, but I have to mention about the risk of airborne gluten. As the doc that diagnosed me warned . . Remember eyes, ears, nose, and mouth all lead to your stomach and intestines.  Are you getting any cross contamination? Airborne gluten? Any pets eating gluten (they eat it, lick themselves, you pet them...)? Any house remodeling? We live in an older home, always fixing something. I've gotten glutened from the dust from cutting into plaster walls, possibly also plywood (glues). The suggestions by many here on vitamin supplements also really helped me. I had some lingering allergies and asthma, which are now 99% gone. I was taking Albuterol inhaler every hour just to breathe, but thiamine in form of benfotiamine kicked that down to 1-2 times a day within a few days of starting it. Also, since cutting out inflammatory seed oils (canola, sunflower, grapeseed, etc) and cooking with real olive oil, avocado oil, ghee, and coconut oil, I have noticed even greater improvement overall and haven't used the inhaler in months! It takes time to weed out everything in your life that contains gluten, and it takes awhile to heal and rebuild your health. At first it's mentally exhausting, overwhelming, even obsessive, but it gets better and second nature.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.