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In Law Problems

lasal

By lasal
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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lasal Newbie
lasal
Posted

My sister in law (my bro's wife) thinks that Celiac disease is not so serious, since she talked with a lady she knows who has Celiac. According to this lady, she has something with gluten in it about once or twice a year-on purpose- if she really wants it, and takes the tummy ache/diarrhea, or whatever symptoms she gets, that she knows she'll get. Now my SIL thinks that if I get glutened the one/two times a year I'm at her house, from eating somehting contaminated, it's no big deal.

I am so mad! We'll be going there this Sunday, and I'm not really looking forward to it! It's for my bro's b'day and their son's. I'll bring my own cake (which they don't like because it's baked in my house, and then it might have traces of peanuts in it-my nephew is severely allergic to peanuts). I'm really careful about that. They don't understand or believe that it's just as important for me to avoid all traces of gluten as it is for him to avoid all peanuts. Sure, it's not going to cause me anaphylaxis, but it does damage my gut for weeks, maybe longer. At Christmas time I was glutened 3 times including once at their house, and by January I couldn't tolerate any dairy either. They just don't get it!

Any advice?

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foodiegurl Collaborator
foodiegurl
Posted

I would explain as you said, it is just as serious as her son's peanut allergy. He may go into shock, but for you it will release a whole autoimmune response, so it is just as serious. If she is willing to buy items at stores that are listed as peanut-free, I am not sure why she would have a problem with you bringing something over that is peanut-free, since you are probably much more careful than a mass producing factory. Unless she cooks, bakes, grows everything from scratch :P

Good luck!!

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted

I would just say "It's her choice to eat something that makes her sick, just like it's my choice to not eat something that makes me sick. Please respect MY CHOICE." She doesn't have to understand, agree, or believe. She just has to respect your decision.

princesskill Rookie
princesskill
Posted

i refer to it as being poisoned by gluten. it tends to get the seriousness across better...i dunno. maybe you could print off some articles about cross contamination or celiac to give to her, and you could even tell her to pass them on to her celiac friend who is causing way more damage to her body than a tummy ache when she eats gluten.

sneezydiva Apprentice
sneezydiva
Posted

I find it disturbing she has a son with a peanut allergy and doesn't get it. Do you think there is any jealousy involved? I hate to say it, but some people love to be fussed over, and your sister-in-law may not like it that her son is not the only one who needs special consideration now. I'm seeing this with my own sister-in-law. She doesn't like the "extra attention" my MIL gives me now.

I agree with others, tell her it is that woman's choice, and she is making a choice that goes against every gastroenterologist's adivce. Tell her YOUR doctor said to avoid ALL gluten, and is periodically retesting you. And if your bloodwork does show you're getting glutened, you'll have to get another endoscopy. Regardless of your doctor's game plan, that is what I would tell her because people take those kinds of medical procedures very seriously. .

Welda Johnson Newbie
Welda Johnson
Posted

Hi lasal,

I really feel for what you're going through, because, most likely, each of us who has sent you a message has faced these same issues with either our family members, friends, or acquaintances. I'm 64 and have been on the Celiac diet stringently for quite a few years. Prior to that, I would have an asthma attack each time I would get glutened, or whenever I would eat any of the foods to which I am intolerant. Stomach aches, an ulcer, colitis, depression, mood swings, bronchial infections, etc. etc. etc. were also the result of my eating gluten and milk products, so most people who I am close to know that this disease is serious.

Regardless, however, of whether we have outward symptoms or not (so many people don't have symptoms), I have come to feel that my only recourse, in order to stay healthy physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, is to

disregard others' opinions of my diet and me, if their opinions or comments are anything other than positive and uplifting.

I think it must be hard for others to realize just how sick we've really been, unless they've lived with us or been around us for years. I've found that the less I say about Celiac, the happier everyone is, but, I DO take good care of myself by never eating anything that I have doubts about, by taking my own food along with me if I need or want to, by carrying permitted foods in the trunk of my car, by knowing which restaurants have foods which I can eat, and by being open to helping anyone else who might be suffering because of Celiac.

Please know that you have a wide network of people on this website who are more than willing to help you and to encourage you--gosh, I think that being able to help others with Celiac makes all that suffering we went through more than worthwhile now. I wish you well in all you do. Welda

RollingAlong Explorer
RollingAlong
Posted

SMR is standard mortality ratio

Untreated celiac is 2x as likely to die as someone of the same age

Treated celiac who eats gluten 1/month is 6x as likely

Treated celiac with NO gluten is half as likely!

These statistics were from a talk by Dr. Tom O'bryan. www.thedr.com

I think he sells a dvd of his talk on his website, just BTW

He had references to the various medical journals on the screen while he talked, but I could only get the statistics down.

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foodiegurl Collaborator
foodiegurl
Posted
SMR is standard mortality ratio

Untreated celiac is 2x as likely to die as someone of the same age

Treated celiac who eats gluten 1/month is 6x as likely

Treated celiac with NO gluten is half as likely!

wait, so if you accidentally get glutened once a month, you are better off, just eating gluten regularly??!!

RollingAlong Explorer
RollingAlong
Posted
wait, so if you accidentally get glutened once a month, you are better off, just eating gluten regularly??!!

I don't think so, I think he was talking about eating a whole sandwich or something. He was talking about keeping your immune system in a constant state of alert rather than calm most of the time, with an occasional accident. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a difference in the stats, because people do have accidents.

SalmonNationWoman Newbie
SalmonNationWoman
Posted

Why don't you play the cancer statistics card with SIL? Everybody's scared of cancer. I'm sure you can easily find the stats right her on Celiac.com.

ang1e0251 Contributor
ang1e0251
Posted

Personally, I think I would just eat before I went to their house and be done with it. Isn't it weird that we'll treat our family worse than we would a co-worker or a friend?

sbj Rookie
sbj
Posted
I'll bring my own cake (which they don't like because it's baked in my house, and then it might have traces of peanuts in it-my nephew is severely allergic to peanuts). I'm really careful about that. They don't understand or believe that it's just as important for me to avoid all traces of gluten as it is for him to avoid all peanuts.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I think that if you expect them to respect your choices then you should respect their rules, too. If it bothers them when you bring a cake to their house then you should not bring a cake to their house. Did you really have to bring a cake knowing it would bother them? You couldn't buy some ice cream or pudding or frozen flourless chocolate cake? Sounds like what might be at issue here is a lack of mutual respect. Also, regarding that garbage about eating "a little bit of gluten" every now and then. Tell them it's an auto-immune response that is set off by as little as a crumb and then laugh at the idea that it's okay to eat a little. In other words, treat that ridiculous idea with the contempt it deserves.

SalmonNationWoman Newbie
SalmonNationWoman
Posted

To paraphrase an old addage, "With family like mine, who needs enemies?"

We don't get to choose our family but we can choose friends and co-workers (to a certain degree). I've put up with serious disrepsect with my food allergies and other issues, like cancer, for decades with my family. My sister got really PO'ed that I was too exhausted and bald to travel 800 miles to her wedding while receiving chemo. I was also bullied and shamed I didn't run to her side when she had a bunionectomy. :rolleyes: The bullying and abuse only got worse with the addition of Gluten Intolerant status.

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