Jump to content
  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.




  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):



    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):


  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

I Dont Know What To Do


jasonD2

Recommended Posts

jasonD2 Experienced

I posted a few days ago regarding my concern for dating right now and I just dont think im ready.

I was introduced to a girl a few weeks ago and didnt think much of her the first time, but she was out with me and my friends saturday night and she looked really good so i became intrigued. We talked a bit and seem to have a lot in common but i just left it at that

I emailed her today to tell her it was good to see her again and she wrote back and sent me a pic that was taken of me, her and another close friend that night. When I saw how I looked in the photo it made me so depressed that I completely changed my mind about pursuing her. I was pale, thin and sickly looking and there was no evidence of life in my eyes...how could she possibly be interested in me the way i am and the way i look now? I apologize for sounding like a drama queen but im having a really hard time today and am just venting as usual.

Ive been out of the dating scene for 6 months and may have to prolong it a bit more just until I feel better about myself. Everyone keeps telling me to just get out there but i walk around feeling thin and weak and when i catch a reflection of myself in a mirror I just want to cry.


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



Jestgar Rising Star

Jason, It's very unfair of you to decide for her what she is, or isn't interested in. If you have so little respect for her that you are unwilling to trust her judgment, then no, you shouldn't pursue her.

Ahorsesoul Enthusiast

Jason,

This female sees more of you than just your shell and the protective layer you have laid down around you. Go slow with what you are comfortable with doing. She does not see you in the way you see yourself.

sandsurfgirl Collaborator

Well Jason, you are going to have to quit shooting yourself in the foot eventually.

She is showing signs of interest. You don't know yet if you are in the "friend" category or dating interest category. Don't overthink it. Go with it. If she ends up liking you, then she likes you for what she sees NOW not what she thinks you will be or were in the past.

I posted on your other thread that you need to just focus on friendships and being social right now and the other will come. Be her friend and see where it leads. If it does lead anywhere, don't ruin it by your insecurities. Enjoy the process.

psawyer Proficient

Jason, what is wrong with you?

You met a woman who has shown obvious interest in you. She saw you as you appear right now, and is interested. This is not the time to run away and hide behind self-doubt. There may be some challenges to come, but seize this opportunity. You have nothing to lose.

Please see this is a win. :unsure:

jasonD2 Experienced

Thanks- however as someone else pointed out I am not sure if im in the friend zone or the romantic interest zone. All i got was an email saying it was good to see me and she likes hanging with us (meaning me and my friends). I guess i wont abandon ship just yet and see where it goes

butterfl8 Rookie

Apperances will count for nothing when we are all white haired and wrinkly anyway. Enjoy her company and let her learn who you are inside. Learn who she is on the inside. Friendships build better relationships. :)

-Daisy


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



AKcollegestudent Apprentice

*blinks* Not to be rude, but I know that you're older than me and my fellow college students. And hell, even at the worst of times, there's usually a little less panic when people are wondering "friend or girlfriend" even at during these drama filled years.

Yeah, you don't know if she thinks you're a possible friend or something more. But she clearly thinks that you're worth getting to know better, so stop undermining her choices and treat her like maybe, just maybe, she sees something worthwhile in you.

Otherwise, as others have said? There's no point in you even continuing forward.

afreeclimber74 Rookie

Jason there's no need to be hard on yourself.

I've seen pictures of myself when I was sick and they disgust me. I was a mess mentally, emotionally, and physically. I spent 2+ years without a single date because I had no desire to pursue those things, had no energy, and looked like hell. I was also unemployed and broke.

If you've met someone you'd like to get to know better, then do it. Maybe she likes the heroin addict look. Maybe you're better looking than you give yourself credit for. Maybe she'll wind up being the best person in the world for you. At the very worst, it will be a lesson for you to learn from and then you move on.

sandsurfgirl Collaborator

Thanks- however as someone else pointed out I am not sure if im in the friend zone or the romantic interest zone. All i got was an email saying it was good to see me and she likes hanging with us (meaning me and my friends). I guess i wont abandon ship just yet and see where it goes

Good. Don't overthink it. See where it goes. And don't use my post as an excuse not to pursue her!!!! My point was not to get too much into your head silly!!

From a girl's perspective it really sucks to meet a guy you like, have him make a move toward you by emailing, and then pull away abruptly for no apparent reason. Then the girl is sitting there wondering what is wrong with HER that you seemed so interested and then did a 180.

Odds are she does want to go out with you, or she wouldn't have taken the time to send you the pic.

WheatChef Apprentice

I emailed her today to tell her it was good to see her again and she wrote back and sent me a pic that was taken of me, her and another close friend that night.

holy crap, dude you're in!

If she wanted to automatically friend zone you then she wouldn't have sent the photo. In dating attitude>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>looks. You've obviously got something going for you besides your pale skin so use that fact to boost your confidence.

You mention worrying about getting into the friend zone. The only people who worry about getting into the friend zone are the people who put themselves into it in the first place. Stop assuming that is where things will go each time and it will happen less and less. If you can't be confident in who you are and what you have to bring to a relationship then it most often times just won't happen. If you're just faking the confidence it's noticeable to anyone else (or at the very least decent women can definitely pick up on it) but if you fake it long enough you may just learn to believe in yourself.

Nightingale8472 Rookie

Pale, thin and sickly is in! Haven't you seen Twilight?

Peace41 Rookie

I posted a few days ago regarding my concern for dating right now and I just dont think im ready.

I was introduced to a girl a few weeks ago and didnt think much of her the first time, but she was out with me and my friends saturday night and she looked really good so i became intrigued. We talked a bit and seem to have a lot in common but i just left it at that

I emailed her today to tell her it was good to see her again and she wrote back and sent me a pic that was taken of me, her and another close friend that night. When I saw how I looked in the photo it made me so depressed that I completely changed my mind about pursuing her. I was pale, thin and sickly looking and there was no evidence of life in my eyes...how could she possibly be interested in me the way i am and the way i look now? I apologize for sounding like a drama queen but im having a really hard time today and am just venting as usual.

Ive been out of the dating scene for 6 months and may have to prolong it a bit more just until I feel better about myself. Everyone keeps telling me to just get out there but i walk around feeling thin and weak and when i catch a reflection of myself in a mirror I just want to cry.

Hello Jason,

Forget the relationship thing right now, u know u r really not ready and don't worry what others are saying. My parents use to say to me, if ur friends jumped off the harbour bridge would u? And the answer is of course not. There are so many people having relationship problems etc...right now, u need to focus on getting Gluten Intolerance sorted out and be strong in sticking and being faithful to the diet. My son is almost 18 and he has no interests in going out to nightclubs or pubs or other places and he sees girls as friends and he has learnt to have honour for them. He would rather be like a good brother to them at present. He has learnt what its like when people have terrible relationships and then break up, and all the problems that causes. He has learnt if he is not going to marry someone then don't have a love/sexual interest relationship with them or even go to bed with them and he is waiting for the right time and the right one. He is doing home learning and getting right with His health/disabilities and also making sure our family relationships are better first. We have joined together started saving in a joint accoutn and are about to buy a house together, so my son will be a home owner with me at 18. He is getting that part of his life right, building on his foundations and can he provide for a family etc....he has it in him, also to make sure that I am looked after and helped too....and these questions are being answered can he work with another person, can he share with them, is he able to take out a loan with another. And in a few years after we have done up a house, we will then sell it, he will have some investment capital behind him. And then we will continue to look at property investment etc...for him to learn this, while he also learns technology, he wants to make computer and online games and be able to work from home, he can not go out into the work force because of his disaiblities. So he is looking at other options.

Be friends with this girl, its really about the heart, mind and soul of a person, the internal that is attractive to a woman, not the outer appearance. Of course some people get attracted to the good looking etc...but in the end that's not going to last, that beauty is here today and gone tommorrow. Why can't u pursue a friendship with this girl, all really good relationships friendship is an important key factor. Its also what can u bring into a relationship with her, and its about being able to get to know her. Can u be there for her, and be a true friend? And if she looked like death warmed up, would u still want to be her friend. There are too many fair weathered people/relationships in this earth at present, but its the rare ones that will be with u right up to the end no matter what, that end up loving u for just u. That is what is most important. U can ask this question, if her house burnt down and she just lost everything would u lift up ur finger to help her and be there for her, when others weren't and she needd a continual helping hand?

And when u start seeing girls as friends first then a whole new world opens up to u and u end up having more freedom, become a lot more comfortable and able to be really who u r and were created to be and then people see the real u and that is more important to be able to have the freedom to live ur life in sincere authenticity.

Have a blessed day,

Peace41

jasonD2 Experienced

I'm sorry I really didn't follow any of that - but thanks anyway

SGWhiskers Collaborator

I agree with the "Holy Crap! Dude you're in" statement. I think the picture was her way of safely signaling she would like to get to know you better. Granted, I married my highschool sweetheart and have 0 dating experience. I'll confess as well that I dated and married my husband for his mind, sensitivity, and values not for his looks. I would have made him with thick curly hair and 30 more pounds. He would have made me taller and thinner. So what. We figured out we had a little in common, and took our time getting to know each other. So looks don't matter.

Now, in regards to dating. Only you will know when you are ready to test the waters. Being sick and the recovery process can be a challenge. Keeping work, gluten-free living, and a social life may be plenty without adding a dating/relationship to the mix. If you are able to handle somewhat of a social life, then exploring the dating may be the next step. If, like me, you are exhausted from work and cringe at the thought of exhausting evening or weekend committments, then maybe this girl can go into the friend for now category.

You are a sensitive guy, which I appreciate in a man. When you decide it is time to start dating, I hope you find women that appreciate and respect you own sensitivity and have their own internal balance. Avoid the heart-breakers, manipulative drama queens, and crazy girls. Maybe a nice vegetarian or a teacher/nurse type.

Take care

jasonD2 Experienced

sounds good- i tend to like women who are a little edgy anyway..although i have dated the crazies and the drama queens too. This current girl almost seems a bit too mainstream & bland, but i really need to get to know her before i get a confirmation on that. my initial reaction when i met her was that she reminds me of an ex and lacked a certain type of spice, but time will tell

]

thx

StacyA Enthusiast

...when u start seeing girls as friends first then a whole new world opens up to u and u end up having more freedom, become a lot more comfortable and able to be really who u r and were created to be and then people see the real u and that is more important to be able to have the freedom to live ur life...

Peace41

Hey, Peace41, sorry your 'y' and 'o' are broken. I think I have an old keyboard lying around - do you want it? ;)

luvs2eat Collaborator

Hey... no one can have TOO MANY friends. And friendships that turn into dating/love are the BEST.

sandsurfgirl Collaborator

sounds good- i tend to like women who are a little edgy anyway..although i have dated the crazies and the drama queens too. This current girl almost seems a bit too mainstream & bland, but i really need to get to know her before i get a confirmation on that. my initial reaction when i met her was that she reminds me of an ex and lacked a certain type of spice, but time will tell

]

thx

So in the span of one meeting with a group and one email, you've liked her, freaked out about whether or not to date her because how can she possibly like you the way you are, and will probably end the "relationship" because she's boring anyway. Well good thing you worked it out. :lol:

Jestgar Rising Star

So in the span of one meeting with a group and one email, you've liked her, freaked out about whether or not to date her because how can she possibly like you the way you are, and will probably end the "relationship" because she's boring anyway. Well good thing you worked it out. :lol:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Don't we all do this to some extent?

sandsurfgirl Collaborator

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Don't we all do this to some extent?

yes we do. I've done it which is why I think it's funny!

jasonD2 Experienced

Ugh- I got shot down....I asked her out and she never responded. I then heard from our mutual friend and she said she wasnt interested....so she probly did pick up on all my issues. people arent dumb, the can sense when someone is in a funk.

SGWhiskers Collaborator

Ugh- I got shot down....I asked her out and she never responded. I then heard from our mutual friend and she said she wasnt interested....so she probly did pick up on all my issues. people arent dumb, the can sense when someone is in a funk.

Good for you for taking the chance. It sucks she said no, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Taking the risk is a win in my book. Also, rest assured, I'm staying away from dating advice for a while.

txplowgirl Enthusiast

Hey Jason, at least YOU TRIED! :) Good for you. Hang in there.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):



  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,547
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748

    gizmo1jazz2
    Newest Member
    gizmo1jazz2
    Joined

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):


  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.4k
    • Total Posts
      1m

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):





  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):



  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Scott Adams
      Your post demonstrates the profound frustration and isolation that so many in the Celiac community feel, and I want to thank you for channeling that experience into advocacy. The medical gaslighting you endured for decades is an unacceptable and, sadly, a common story, and the fact that you now have to "school" your own GI specialist speaks volumes about the critical lack of consistent and updated education. Your idea to make Celiac Disease a reportable condition to public health authorities is a compelling and strategic one. This single action would force the system to formally acknowledge the prevalence and seriousness of the disease, creating a concrete dataset that could drive better research funding, shape medical school curricula, and validate the patient experience in a way that individual stories alone often cannot. It is an uphill battle, but contacting representatives, as you have done with Adam Gray, is exactly how change begins. By framing it as a public health necessity—a matter of patient safety and protection from misdiagnosis and neglect—you are building a powerful case. Your voice and your perseverance, forged through thirty years of struggle, are exactly what this community needs to ensure that no one else has to fight so hard just to be believed and properly cared for.
    • Scott Adams
      I had no idea there is a "Louisville" in Colorado!😉 I thought it was a typo because I always think of the Kentucky city--but good luck!
    • Scott Adams
      Navigating medication safety with Celiac disease can be incredibly stressful, especially when dealing with asthma and severe allergies on top of it. While I don't have personal experience with the HealthA2Z brand of cetirizine, your caution is absolutely warranted. The inactive ingredients in pills, known as excipients, are often where gluten can be hidden, and since the FDA does not require gluten-free labeling for prescription or over-the-counter drugs, the manufacturer's word is essential. The fact that you cannot get a clear answer from Allegiant Health is a significant red flag; a company that is confident its product is gluten-free will typically have a customer service protocol to answer that exact question. In situations like this, the safest course of action is to consider this product "guilty until proven innocent" and avoid it. A better alternative would be to ask your pharmacist or doctor to help you identify a major national brand of cetirizine (like Zyrtec) whose manufacturer has a verified, publicly stated gluten-free policy for that specific medication. It's not worth the risk to your health when reliable, verifiable options are almost certainly available to you. You can search this site for USA prescriptions medications, but will need to know the manufacturer/maker if there is more than one, especially if you use a generic version of the medication: To see the ingredients you will need to click on the correct version of the medication and maker in the results, then scroll down to "Ingredients and Appearance" and click it, and then look at "Inactive Ingredients," as any gluten ingredients would likely appear there, rather than in the Active Ingredients area. https://dailymed.nlm.nih.gov/dailymed/   
    • Scott Adams
      What you're describing is indeed familiar to many in the Celiac community, especially in the early stages of healing. When the intestinal villi are damaged from Celiac disease, they struggle to properly digest and absorb fats, a condition known as bile acid malabsorption. This can cause exactly the kind of cramping and spasms you're seeing, as undigested fats can irritate the sensitive gut lining. It is highly plausible that her reactions to dairy and eggs are linked to their higher fat content rather than the proteins, especially since she tolerates lean chicken breast. The great news is that for many, this does improve with time. As her gut continues to heal on a strict gluten-free diet, her ability to produce the necessary enzymes and bile to break down fats should gradually return, allowing her to slowly tolerate a wider variety of foods. It's a slow process of healing, but your careful approach of focusing on low-fat, nutrient-dense foods like seeds and avocado is providing her system the best possible environment to recover. Many people with celiac disease, especially those who are in the 0-2 year range of their recovery, have additional food intolerance issues which could be temporary. To figure this out you may need to keep a food diary and do an elimination diet over a few months. Some common food intolerance issues are dairy/casein, eggs, corn, oats, and soy. The good news is that after your gut heals (for most people who are 100% gluten-free this will take several months to two years) you may be able to slowly add some these items back into your diet after the damaged villi heal. This article may be helpful: Thank you for sharing your story—it's a valuable insight for other parents navigating similar challenges.
    • Beverage
      I had a very rough month after diagnosis. No exaggeration, lost so much inflammatory weight, I looked like a bag of bones, underneath i had been literally starving to death. I did start feeling noticeably better after a month of very strict control of my kitchen and home. What are you eating for breakfast and lunch? I ignored my doc and ate oats, yes they were gluten free, but some brands are at the higher end of gluten free. Lots of celics can eat Bob's Red Mill gluten-free oats, but not me. I can now eat them, but they have to be grown and processed according to the "purity protocol" methods. I mail order them, Montana Gluten-Free brand. A food and symptoms and activities log can be helpful in tracking down issues. You might be totally aware, but I have to mention about the risk of airborne gluten. As the doc that diagnosed me warned . . Remember eyes, ears, nose, and mouth all lead to your stomach and intestines.  Are you getting any cross contamination? Airborne gluten? Any pets eating gluten (they eat it, lick themselves, you pet them...)? Any house remodeling? We live in an older home, always fixing something. I've gotten glutened from the dust from cutting into plaster walls, possibly also plywood (glues). The suggestions by many here on vitamin supplements also really helped me. I had some lingering allergies and asthma, which are now 99% gone. I was taking Albuterol inhaler every hour just to breathe, but thiamine in form of benfotiamine kicked that down to 1-2 times a day within a few days of starting it. Also, since cutting out inflammatory seed oils (canola, sunflower, grapeseed, etc) and cooking with real olive oil, avocado oil, ghee, and coconut oil, I have noticed even greater improvement overall and haven't used the inhaler in months! It takes time to weed out everything in your life that contains gluten, and it takes awhile to heal and rebuild your health. At first it's mentally exhausting, overwhelming, even obsessive, but it gets better and second nature.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.