The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[elye]

Em the brain is on the way, you will have some help in your busy day, I don't need it that much.

Amanda, thank gawd you don't need it today...I have a great deal of mental processing to do...parking @ hospital, keeping knees, elbows and wrists appropriately lined up in a peripheral arc for my backswing....you know, the regular stuff.

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal- Mart

OMG.....great stuff.

Sarah is absolutely right- and she needs an arse kicking. I'm bored these days so send her my way. I can only use one arm BUT my legs are still in kicking shape! OH YEAH!

Bev, you should be golfing with Jack and I. Honest to gawd, there was a young man there at the driving range with ONE arm, making these incredible shots. Just ridiculous...I don't know this was possible, as I stand there and struggle to make contact with the ball at all.

Emily- Perhaps after your busy day you can (I'm so scared to post this but it IS art )

Open Original Shared Link

I am speechless.

Imagine that in one's living room....

Almost as crazy as my penis earrings. Don't wear them often, but when I do, the reactions are....hmmmm...noteworthy....

[Jestgar]

Almost as crazy as my penis earrings. Don't wear them often, but when I do, the reactions are....hmmmm...noteworthy....

While I was startled to read that these things exist, I was not surprised that you are the owner.

[tom]

Emily- Perhaps after your busy day you can (I'm so scared to post this but it IS art )

Open Original Shared Link

*HUUUUUUUUUUUGE Guffaws*!!!! :lol:

My! Gawd! Bev! How do you FIND these things!!

<'scuse me all, off to pack food for my new Mendocino errand>

(Shouldn't there be a 'matching'. . ...errrrr ... . .. .ummm .. .. .body pillow er somefin?)

[tom]

. . .. Besides my yuppie Cape Cod July 4th fantasy I also often imagine myself at the Kentucky Derby sipping Mint Juleps and wearing a ridiculous hat.

Ooooo the Derby!!!!!!!

Save me a seat!

.. . .My brother is a great artist and I'm really loving seeing how his and my mom's style are so similar. Can't wait for Colin to see for himself!

Veeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrry interesting!!

And FUN!!!!

........perhaps we did NOT wait long enough. . .. .

. . ...

all right........we'll try it again, another time.

You know you must. <stern face> (is there an appropriate lil face for this?)

15min may be overkill by a few min, but you've already tasted underkill.

And even if you STILL somehow don't like it, well dammit, have 3 or 4 ANYway!!!!!!

Embrace the Phaerie!!!!

........I HAVE TO KNOW what fragrances they wear - they get them custom-made, you know.......drives me mad... because I"ll NEVER be able to know and smell them (this cracks David up, BTW)

:lol:

This should crack EVERYone up, imo.

Has Pseuzee EVER run into anyone else who thinks this way????????

dear gawd.......... put a bunch of pictures in w/ unknown people's faces......drive them mad (cackling face)

So, along with all of the running around yesterday, The Ripper and I managed to squeeze in a beginner semi-private golf lesson (!).

Heeheehee

I've figured for years I'd eventually re-try golf. Sure won't be able to run hoops when I'm 70.

[jerseyangel]

Keep on that high road you always travel.

Judy and the others are right on, Amanda.....people like this girl are very insecure individuals and they feel better by making others feel bad. Shame on her

Emily- Perhaps after your busy day you can (I'm so scared to post this but it IS art )

Open Original Shared Link

Only you Bev! How the heck do you sit on it?......in it......can't quite figure that out....

Almost as crazy as my penis earrings.

Gawd Where does one wear such jewelry?

[elye]

Ooooo the Derby!!!!!!!

Save me a seat!

ME TOO! 'Tis a dream of mine, to be at all three of them before I die....

Heeheehee

I've figured for years I'd eventually re-try golf. Sure won't be able to run hoops when I'm 70.

Exactement. This is why I'm putting myself through these impossible, frustrating lessons - so I''ll have something I can do when I'm seventy. No, eighty.

Only you Bev! How the heck do you sit on it?......in it......can't quite figure that out....

It's just so big and....scary.

Here are some throw cushions you could incorporate:

http://inventorspot.com/files/images/penis%20pillows.gif

Gawd Where does one wear such jewelry?

I must say, now that I'm officially into my forties, that there aren't too many places where I show up with these on. Some parties, with the right people.....

[nikki-uk]

Sillies!!!!

It took every last shred of my self control NOT to eat a large portion of Tel's rhubarb crumble with custard last night.....<gritting teeth> I WILL have a weight loss this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh... mah... gah... this makes me sooooooo mad. She sounds like one of those WRETCHED girls I went to school with who can't stand to have attention away from herself. She always has to say something that really shrieks, "Look at me, look at me!"

It was a snotty thing to to say Amanda, but try not to take it too personally. With people like that, it's never about you, it's always allllllll about them.

Well said Sarah....the bird does indeed need 'er arse kicked

The Ripper and I managed to squeeze in a beginner semi-private golf lesson (!). This is a truly admirable sport, but equally ridiculous and painstaking. I would love to be able to competently make my way around eighteen holes throughout a summer, and it is a sport that one can play until death, but I just don't think it's calling my name. Too many bloody things to remember all at once to make the ball travel well...."Consistent trajectory, backward bend, lateral spine tilt, quiet body".... Ha!! Quiet body...That's a good one....

We've got two more lessons, and then you may be seeing me on the big circuits.

Tiger Woods ..WATCH OUT!!!

All this romantic absinthian talk is making me SO jealous- I wanna try it!!!!!!!!!!

Me too!! <MUST remember booze is empty calories>

... I know all the spiel

I'm bored these days so send her my way. I can only use one arm BUT my legs are still in kicking shape! OH YEAH!

That'll be those sturdy thighs (Moi aussi)

Are you bored Beaverly?????.......oh SOD it....I'll come over....let's get absinthinated!!!!

Emily- Perhaps after your busy day you can (I'm so scared to post this but it IS art )

Open Original Shared Link

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

There were so many (hilariously funny) responses running through my wackl mind - but I simply canNOT post ANY of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It must have been the fugue state.........this is the REAL you in the pic isn't it Bev?????

All those pics in your av were ones you picked up in Walmart already in the frames weren't they Bev???

I am speechless.

Imagine that in one's living room....

Almost as crazy as my penis earrings. Don't wear them often, but when I do, the reactions are....hmmmm...noteworthy....

Crazy Canucks barely bat an eyelid I bet

While I was startled to read that these things exist, I was not surprised that you are the owner.

Nor I Jess

<---------- starled face

It's a wackl world in cyber hamlet of hilarity today peeps

...but the phorum will NOT let me express myself phreely with emoticons (grrr face)

[jerseyangel]

Here are some throw cushions you could incorporate:

http://inventorspot.com/files/images/penis%20pillows.gif

"incorporate"

It's a wackl world in cyber hamlet of hilarity today peeps

You said it, Nikki--and that crumble sounds awfully good. What willpower you have

[nikki-uk]

Emily- Perhaps after your busy day you can (I'm so scared to post this but it IS art )

Open Original Shared Link

....but wait ..have you read what it says???

The couch has some stains around the bottom........????

EGADS!!!

NO,..... NOT sitting on that!!!!!!!!!!!

[tom]

OK- ladies and gentleman- a frightening development has occurred. It appears my husband, who goes to Jazz Fest in New Orleans every year . ..

Sooooooooo jealous!! I've thought of going to that Heritage Festival for so many years!

Pray that you aren't the woman with him while you were in some sort of lyme induced fugue state.

Hehehheehhehehe fugue state . ... .somehow I've always liked this term.

We haven't seen Carla on our silly thread lately.....did we scare her away?

And where's Julie??

I have seen on OMG that Carla's awful busy. I think yesterday she worked a couple hrs then painted a few rooms!!

Here are some throw cushions you could incorporate:

http://inventorspot.com/files/images/penis%20pillows.gif

I hope the aspect ratio isn't one any of you ladies are familiar with.

Sillies!!!!

It took every last shred of my self control NOT to eat a large portion of Tel's rhubarb crumble with custard last night.....<gritting teeth>

VERY well done then!!!!!!

Re: couch

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

There were so many (hilariously funny) responses running through my wackl mind - but I simply canNOT post ANY of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! I feel so depraived!!!!!!

.........this is the REAL you in the pic isn't it Bev?????

All those pics in your av were ones you picked up in Walmart already in the frames weren't they Bev???

It's a wackl world in cyber hamlet of hilarity today peeps

Yes, and I'm back to finding all the phunny stuff PHUNNY!!!!!

[jerseyangel]

....but wait ..have you read what it says???

The couch has some stains around the bottom........????

E-w-w-w-w!

[Mtndog]

Bah- I should have known better than to fear posting the Hoo Hoo couch as all of you have done a fine job of accesorizing it with earrings and pillows! :lol: I think Ptaum should buy it- he's not too far from Mendocino and I'm sure his MANpartment could use more sofas.

Pray that you aren't the woman with him while you were in some sort of lyme induced fugue state.

I DO so so so sooooooooo solemnly swear that is NOT me

While I was startled to read that these things exist, I was not surprised that you are the owner.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Only you Bev! How the heck do you sit on it?......in it......can't quite figure that out....

Gawd Where does one wear such jewelry?

Uhm..it looks like you sit IN it

Emily- I do believe you should put on your golfwear, accesorize with your penis earrings and go hit some balls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tom]

Emily- I do believe you should put on your golfwear, accesorize with your penis earrings and go hit some balls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boehv made me momentarily wince before realizing she'd safely meant golfballs!!!

[Darn210]

....but wait ..have you read what it says???

The couch has some stains around the bottom........????

EGADS!!!

NO,..... NOT sitting on that!!!!!!!!!!!

Not worth buying if you're not going to sit in it . . . How the hell would you . . . hover?

[Darn210]

Ha..........that's the key Amanda............you have no idea why they are jealous

You could never in a million years relate to that...................YOU ARE SO FAR OUT OF AND BEYOND THEIR LEAGUE................. your our wonderful, kind, effecient, bright professional................and not a mean bone in your body. Yep, send her on here and we'll kick her ars.....................

Keep on that high road you always travel.

hugs Judy

Anybody else notice this . . . Judy with the arse-kicking followed immediately with "take the high road" . . . kinda oxymoronish, eh?

[Ridgewalker]

Loooordy, it just keeps gettin' better.

Ezra actually is feeling a lot better, but I finally had to drag my arse to the doctor today. I have a doozy of a sinus infection this time. Amoxacillin at double the dose she normally has me take, plus steroids because my throat is so inflamed I can barely swallow liquid, nasal spray.... oh yeah, and I have pink eye. So eye drops for that.

Came home, crashed in bed for about an hour, and woke up to the answering machine.... I could hear it from the other room, and it was Luke's teacher. "Lucas is having... stomach problems... you need to come get him as soon as possible, please." Anyone want to babysit a glutened 7-year-old?

Yeah, so anyway...

Did you guys hear about that woman who lived in her boyfriend's bathroom for two years? When he finally called the police/paramedics, they had to take the toilet seat with her to the hospital. They were able to remove it from her body at the hospital. Undiagnosed Celiac, maybe?

Open Original Shared Link

[Jestgar]

Here are some throw cushions you could incorporate:

http://inventorspot.com/files/images/penis%20pillows.gif

"incorporate"

:lol:

For some reason these cushions were only mildly amusing until they were Patti'd. Then I started envision just how you would place said cushions...

[Ridgewalker]

Doh. I just saw that there's a whole thread devoted to that poor toilet lady.

[Mtndog]

Oh Sarah- You're STILL taking it in the pants. I'm SO SO sorry. I would offer to babysit but well, you know. They really should have some kind of child-safe sedative that you can give your kids when you're sick so EVERYONE Can sleep. Hmmm....a shot of absinthe? Children do LOVE faeries! :P

:lol:

For some reason these cushions were only mildly amusing until they were Patti'd. Then I started envision just how you would place said cushions...

:lol: Patti giggling is enough to make things twice as funny!!!!!!!!!!!!

The woman on the toilet thing is FREAKY!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine? The boyfriend bringing her meals, clothing changes? I hope they had two bathrooms!!!!!!!

[Darn210]

Patti . . . just checking in . . . is everything all right? Washing Machine? Dishwasher? Toilets? . . . I noticed that you have passed 11000 today. Got your rain gear on?

[jerseyangel]

Patti . . . just checking in . . . is everything all right? Washing Machine? Dishwasher? Toilets? . . . I noticed that you have passed 11000 today. Got your rain gear on?

Jeeze--I didn't even notice

Yep--knock on wood, everything's ok

[~alex~]

That is SO wonderful, Alex! A celebratory treasure trove....a very special time capsule. Makes me think I should be putting my scribbled notes and sketches, my favorite photos and little knicknacks, away to be opened by my own daughter in what....fifty-odd years....

Yes, yes, yes, definitely do this! It's such a gift. Not only for your daughter, but for any kids she may have. I can't wait to show all of this stuff to any children I have so they can feel like they actually knew their grandma on some level. I found an unfinished medical school application in the box . . . my dad didn't even know that she contemplated going into medicine.

So today at work we were talking about how we dont really like the moving situation in our office, and I said how I was feeling isolated and stuff. This one chick looks at me and says youre a stalker.....I almost bawled. I know she might be joking but it sounded horrible. It was a mean thing to say in my eyes....

What a meanie ! Sorry you have to work with such a toxic person.

Loooordy, it just keeps gettin' better.

You've really been going through the wringer lately! I hope things settle down for you guys ASAP and that you and your little guy feel better quickly.

[Ridgewalker]

Thanks Bev and Alex. I think things will get much better when Spring sets in.

I've said many times that there should be a nice safe sedative for little kids that you can use for when the Mom gets sick.

Thank God it's almost Friday!!!

[blueeyedmanda]

What a meanie ! Sorry you have to work with such a toxic person.

I know she is cranky today...maybe she needs to live on a toliet for 2 yrs....then she would appreciate people more.

[Ridgewalker]

I know she is cranky today...maybe she needs to live on a toliet for 2 yrs....then she would appreciate people more.

:lol: