Just Plain Sad

[nessa]

I just got diagnosed with celiac, and all my favorite foods are gone. I was just wondering, does anyone know how long it takes for the sadness to go away? All the websites seem so upbeat, but I don't feel upbeat at all. I just feel sad that I can't eat the things I used to. I hate going to the grocery store and seeing all of the baked goods, I hate going out to eat. I'm planning my wedding, and my mother in law does not understand at all how I feel. She wants most of the wedding cake to be made of wheat flour because it's cheaper, but I don't want to have to see a bunch of food that I can't eat at my wedding reception! It's my day! You only get the one, and I don't want to be sad on it. My fiance says he will talk to her, I hope it helps. I try to compromise when I can, but I just don't think I could stand it.

[Ursa Major]

Nessa, I understand your sadness. I hardly felt that, because I had been so ill before diagnosis, and was finally just able to eat some things without getting sick. I am not sure if you ever stop being tempted by the food you see everybody else eat. But if you make sure you have some things you love handy for snacks for those times, you will manage without feeling overwhelmed and sad.

You need to go to a store with lots of gluten free foods (a health food store would be a good place), so you can see that there is still some nice food for you to eat. Buy some yummy things, like pasta, some baking mixes, sherbet, whatever it is you like for treats or food. But don't overdo it with substituting, it's too expensive. Try eating things that are naturally gluten free for the most part, it's better for you and cheaper. Experiment with new recipes, or make up your own. It can be fun! Don't look at it from a negative point of view, look on it as an adventure, and it won't make you so sad.

Why don't you work out a compromise with your mother-in-law? Let her have the wheat wedding cake, but insist that there should be a smaller one that's just as nice that is gluten free, so you can indulge, too. That way you don't feel that you got 'cheated' on your wedding day. Because I agree, you shouldn't have to just watch everybody else eat cake, that would make me sad, too!

[pixiegirl]

Its a huge change for most of us, so I guess sadness is part of the deal for a lot of us. I was so sick that I welcomed anything that would make me feel better, however, that doesn't mean that I don't miss pizza and beer or sourdough bread, I do!

I think eventually most of us move on and learn to enjoy new things... a lot of us really get into cooking and baking so we can explore new things. Allow yourself to feel bad for a while.

About your wedding... remember its YOUR wedding, not your mother in laws... so I suggest you do exactly what YOU want to, I'd certainly get a cake I could eat at my wedding! Its your celebration and you should have it your way!

Susan

[nettiebeads]

How long were you sick? You have just started the learning curve with celiac. It's a very individual disease, affecting us generally in the same way, but each of us have our degrees of sensitivities and related problems. I would insist on a gluten-free cake - - or compromise with your own special cake; I'd be worried about cross-contamination and getting sick after one of the most important days of your life. And you sure don't want to be sick on your honeymoon!!!! When is the big day? How much time do you have to get used to the gluten-free diet? How sick were you before dx? And for how long? There are many great substitutes out there and things are getting better all the time. After awhile your body will "forget" what regular wheat based products tasted like. You will begin to associate wheat with poison and it will be easier to do without. Bette Hagman has some great cookbooks out there. I LOVE her pizza dough recipe. It will get easier, I promise. Just read through the posts that interest you and be sure to click on any links provided. Lots of knowledgable, experienced people here that will be more than willing to help, give you understanding, and a place to vent where you will get lots of sympathy!

Take care, keep us posted! And no questions are too silly or embarrassing. We talk about EVERYTHING!!!

Annette

[Guest cassidy]

You are allowed to be sad for a while. I was sad, angry in denial and all sorts of other nasty emotions in the beginning.

It takes time to comprehend what is happening and there are a lot of changes. It took me 2 weeks to start feeling better at all. Once I started feeling better, I wasn't sad anymore because I was soooo excited to feel better.

I would stick to basic, naturally gluten-free foods and be easy on yourself while you are healing. I think jumping into processed gluten-free foods wouldn't be a good idea. Stick to easy to digest stuff. I have found new favorite foods and restaurants, and I'm sure you will to. It just takes time.

I'm sure that if you want to have a positive attitude and make the best of this, then you will get there. Sometimes still when I gluten myself I feel sorry for myself, but that doesn't happen as often anymore.

Please remember that you will have good and bad days in the beginning. It is helpful to find someone (or use this board) to vent to.

Good luck with the wedding plans. You could have a normal cake and then a small gluten-free cake for you. Or, we did cupcakes. You could have wheat cupcakes and some special ones for you that look exactly the same. At my wedding we had a buffet but the restaurant made us plates and also to go boxes before anyone else ate. That would be a way to make sure you were eating safe food.

[plantime]

{{{hugs, Nessa}}}

I agree with the others on here: the wedding day is yours, you should be the one choosing. The bride is the one that chooses the colors, arrangements, cakes, everything! Not the mother-in-law! She had her day, now it is your turn!

You will feel sad about the foods you can no longer eat. You are going through a greiving perios, which is normal. While you will forget what wheat tasted like, you will be tempted once in a while. I work at a convenience store, and last night, I was literally in orbit around the Little Debbie rack, just wanting one little bite. The only thing that stopped me was knowing how sick I would be, and how much better I feel without it. It will get easier with time!

[odcdinah]

I know just how you feel. I was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago and feel really depressed, along with the fact that after going gluten-free, I'm not feeling any better.

Also, I am planning my wedding for July, and am telling myself that the bride and groom never get to eat at those things anyway! So, I'll pack my little wedding purse with a few snacks!!

Thanks for sharing.

[Jnkmnky]

Hello. Three young kids here, so I know how important it is to have a good cake for birthdays. I would only use a cake mix by Kinnikinnick. They are the absolute best. Moist and exactly... and I mean EXACTLY like gluten filled cake. Order a bag from Kinnikinnick.com and make a cake yourself to test it out. You could also have a cake prepared for you that is gluten free to sit along side the gluten cake. Your guests could have the slices from the gluten cake and you and your husband could eat from the gluten free cake.

[RoseNNJ]

Yes it is sad at times. Like today, a co-worker brought in Bagels for everyone, well except for me

Hang in there! Hugssss

[kabowman]

I used to get so upset because I couldn't join in - I was happy to finally be not so sick all the time BUT I was still sad and angry. I would start crying because I couldn't join in for chili dinners with family, giving up my foods, etc.

However, it gets so much better. I love my food, I love how healthy I am now, I love how healthy my family is, I love re-creating recipes, I love that most of my family supports me, I love looking forward to my pizza treats (gluten-free of course), etc. Not that I don't sometimes still have those sad moments but for the most part, you deal and move on and life becomes good again.

[elonwy]

I was pretty depressed for the first month or so. Once I started to notice a difference and feel better, and also once I realized that there is actually alot of gluten free food out there, I started to perk up. I think there is a gluten "detox period" that your body goes through as well. I'm now a very happy Celiac, and have been gluten free for six months now. Every now and then it ticks me off, but for the most part I'm perfectly fine with it and just happy to feel good most of the time.

As for the cake, where are you located? There are quite a few bakeries that do gluten free wedding cakes, though they tend to be on either the west coast or the east coast. There are also many mixes and things, someone should be able to help you put together a cake. I am a big fan of Pamela's chocolate cake. I made that for a party and nobody believed it was gluten free. It's your wedding, you should have a cake you can eat. If it was my wedding, it would be a giant gluten free cake, and everyone could just deal. Seriously, most of us get to that only once.

As for the grocery store, I just don't go down the bread/cereal aisle, and I just blaze past the baked goods, though I have been known to take a vicarious sniff now and then.

For dining out, check out triumph dining cards, at triumphdining.com. Get the six pack of cards and enjoy dining out again. Waiters will love you for it. I have not purchased the restaurant guide, other people have given it lukewarm reviews on here.

The thing that got me back on my feet was when I started reacting to it proactively and taking back my kitchen and my eating experiences. Grieving is a natural part of this process, but once you start to take charge of it, it starts to feel alot better.

Good luck,

Elonwy

[DingoGirl]

Nessa, just like Elonwy and others have said, grieving IS a natural part of the process. I grieved heavily and cried for about the first five days, and then just decided to take charge and see what I COULD eat. I'ts been two and a half months, and I feel so much better, that the grieving stopped. Yes, it is irritating and sad sometimes still, but the gains in health truly do make it worth it in the end. Life - foodwise - as you know it will change, but there are very clever ways of adapting and once you start feeling better, you really WILL be okay! And start making gluten-free cakes to experiment, you deserve that on your special day!

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} to you and blessings -

Susan

[luvs2eat]

I was hardly sick so I felt so sad but mostly MAD. My fav thing on earth to make was bread... kneading the dough, smelling it baking... and now I make a bread mix.

My daughter was diagnosed last summer and was really depressed. She loved to bake as well... breads, cakes, cookies.

Now, less than a year later, she's just discovering that baking is simply a matter of finding the right combo of flours and she's much less depressed... and on a mission to bake again.

It really does get better... and is easier if you like to cook.

[ovalexpress]

Nessa, I was diagnosed a month ago and was sad and angry for quite a while. My husband said to me one day "you should thank God that they finally found out what's wrong with you". I told him I would thank Him as soon as I was done being ticked off.

I am no longer ticked off. Once you get out there and see how much food is available things will seem much better. If you have a sweet tooth (mine is HUGE) Grandma Ferdon's.com has wonderful frozen brownies and cookies. Kinnikinick (?) has the BEST doughnuts. And if you want a good cracker - Blue Diamond Almond Thins are excellent. I don't know what type of grocery stores are in your area, but we have a Festival Foods and they have a wonderful gluten free frozen section and carry quite a few cereals, flours, mixes, etc.

I'm still not 100% (I got glutened on vacation), but my good days are good and there are getting to be more and more of them. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train........

[cornbread]

Nessa, I had my 30th birthday 2 weeks after I got my diagnosis, and my mother ordered me a gluten-free birthday cake from these guys: Open Original Shared Link

It was the BEST cake me or my husband (who is not gluten intolerant) had EVER eaten!! We couldn't get over how insanely delicious it was. It was a chocolate one. They do mail order and make a range of different cakes, you can speak to them and request whatever.

PS: Your Mother-In-Law is being selfish and ridiculous!

[penguin]

Nessa, I had my 30th birthday 2 weeks after I got my diagnosis, and my mother ordered me a gluten-free birthday cake from these guys: Open Original Shared Link

It was the BEST cake me or my husband (who is not gluten intolerant) had EVER eaten!! We couldn't get over how insanely delicious it was. It was a chocolate one. They do mail order and make a range of different cakes, you can speak to them and request whatever.

PS: Your Mother-In-Law is being selfish and ridiculous!

I second Wild Wood Art! They're based here in Austin and it's a whole cafe full of gluten-free stuff, if you ever get the chance to visit. They run an extensive mail order business. I've had their carrot cake, and it was really good! And their sugar cookies are probably better than gluten ones. It's a little spendy, but it's really good. I bet they could hook you up with a gluten-free wedding cake. Maybe they can ship it unfrosted and you can get someone local to decorate it!

[MattUK]

Yeah, Nessa, it's your day!!! Tell the mother in law that she'll have us to answer to. if she doesn't button it.

You can quite easily provide gluten-free stuff for everyone that is tastey and nutritious - the guests etc wont even notice. Maybe have some gluten stuff there if you want, but ITS YOUR WEDDING!!!!! Do what makes you happy this one day, youre allowed!

I am in the process of being diagnosed, its been six weeks since i found this disease and realised the likelihood is that i have it. I was devastated at first but iev gotten over that now, ive just learnt to accept it. I still feel massively angry at the idiot doctors, the money its costing me to get this diagnosed, the food stores, the manufacturers, the idiots in restaurants, the friends who dont understand - but hey, two fingers up to all of them - its my life and I will not have anyone not let me make the most of it. Be strong, m'dear - it will all be ok, I know it's not what you might want to hear but there truly are worse things that could happen to you. You are allowed to be sad and teary and angry but remember to try and be positive about the future and remember that you will come through it and live a happy, slightly more complicated life - loads of people around the world don't get that chance. Good luck.

Have a fabulous wedding!!!!

Amen!

[steveindenver]

I just got diagnosed myself on Monday. Still cry at times since I realize I am giving up yummy things. Then I realize I might not have to. I just got 10 cookbooks out of the library on gluten free cooking. How fantastic is that?! And, I am going to call my newspaper and see if they want to do a story on Celiac, gluten free cooking and recipes. Bring awareness to this issue, and get more restaurants to help us.

What I am going to miss most is my heritage food - good old Jew food I grew up with. Challah bread. Matzah ball soup. Kinishes. Bagels. Rugelach. Hamentashen. But, I'd rather be alive and well then sick.

I am so happy I found this forum.

Steve

[cornbread]

Steve, there is gluten free Challah bread! Search the forum - someone posted a recipe, plus I remember posting a link to a lady who bakes gluten-free stuff to order, and she had Challah bread. And also I think a store in NYC that sold it.

[qwertyui]

Hi - don't be sad!

I just got married last September, so not only do I remember the stress you are under from planning that - to find out about this now - not great.

BUT - I found it quite easy to appease everyone. I wasn't even going to have a cake. Didn't think it was important. Well, my mother did. She told me she would pay for it - I could design it. I couldn't eat it though. I had the bakery make up yummy gluten free cheesecake for me and my husband, and we ate that. It worked out fine.

At this time with so many changes and all of the stress, just take the easy way out, and enjoy yourself. It is not worth the strife.

[par18]

Its a huge change for most of us, so I guess sadness is part of the deal for a lot of us. I was so sick that I welcomed anything that would make me feel better, however, that doesn't mean that I don't miss pizza and beer or sourdough bread, I do!

I think eventually most of us move on and learn to enjoy new things... a lot of us really get into cooking and baking so we can explore new things. Allow yourself to feel bad for a while.

About your wedding... remember its YOUR wedding, not your mother in laws... so I suggest you do exactly what YOU want to, I'd certainly get a cake I could eat at my wedding! Its your celebration and you should have it your way!

Susan

I agree with this post and it is ok to feel sad in the beginning. I have heard two things since I have been gluten-free for almost a year that I take to heart. First food is fuel before anything else and second I eat to live and not live to eat. Good luck with the wedding. I personally did not have one but have been happily married for 21 years long after the cake was gone.

Tom

[jaten]

Nessa, I'm sure you've already discovered that this is a very supportive board. Any time you're feeling frustrated or sad, and any time you want to celebrate a success in this board you're surrounded by people who understand.

Like Ursula, I had been so very sick for so long, that I wasn't sad about what I couldn't eat, I was joyous that I was going to live and that there was food that didn't make me sick. For a long time and still, a lot of gluten-free foods make me feel bad because of the damage of my small intestine and because of other intolerances, so watch out for those possibilities.

I do understand feeling hugely emotional just after diagnosis. My greatest emotion was that of feeling overwhelmed. It seemed gluten was in EVERYTHING. Basically, it was in almost everything that I'd been eating, but with the help of this board and a supportive husband, I soon began to discover that there is a very large world that doesn't contain gluten.

My next overwhelming emotion is one that you'll read about often here. A lot of us miss the social aspect of eating...going to restaurants with family/friends, lunch with a good friend, parties, etc. That continues to be difficult for me. I'm not certain that feeling will ever stop. I do think that as I heal, I may be more inclined to trust my ability to communicate my needs to some restaurants, and will continue to find inventive ways to enjoy the social side of food.

I'm paraphrasing drastically, but someone in one of the earlier posts said that on this board we're all very different and yet we're all very much alike. Yeah. Some will have your symptoms, others will have your food intolerances, still others may have your emotions, but the bottom line is we all have struggles, so we're understanding of others struggles. We all are dealing with difficult emotions, so while yours maybe the same as some, and different from others, we all understand that there's a tremendous emotional impact in being diagnosed with Celiac.

Godspeed.