Old Friend Said We Can't Come Over

[floridanative]

First of all - I'd like to say how sorry I am that you have a friend that would treat you that way. Shocked does not really cover how I felt reading your words. But I agree with a couple of other posters here. I think there must be some health issue you friend needs to address for herself and she is not willing to do so. Is she overweight maybe? The only reason I ask is that is what happened with a very close friend of mine. She is the only friend I have that is not taking care of her health when she was warned to do so by the doctor and she is the only friend I have that has acted extremely odd since my Celiac dx. You're better off moving on at this point though it's easier said than done. But really, something is wrong with a 'friend' that acts like that woman. You're better off without her in your life.

[Nancym]

Inconceivable! How incredibly self-centered and selfish. You're slightly inconvienent and out-of-the-ordinary so go away. As if this disease doesn't already make us feel like outsiders to the rest of the world!

Just a suggestion, one I really need to follow myself, I want to hook up with the gluten free group in my city. They do cool stuff like go out to dinner and I think it would be awesome to find people just like I am to hang with.

[VydorScope]

You're right; I'm shocked. That is amazingly callous. And, while I hate to judge, especially off of one experience, the tough times - and their reactions to you following through - mark your friends, and she failed miserably.

I have not had *ONE* friend stop inviting us over. I have had a number say "I don't know what to serve you" and when I tell them "don't worry, I'll bring my own food or eat before I come over", they say "ok, that works, I'm glad you can still make it!". There are PLENTY of people out there who will accept you for you, and not ostrasize you becasue "thinking about gluten free food is too hard".

Quite frankly, her excuse is a total copout. How hard is it to pick up a bunch of grapes at the store, eh? It's really total BS, and it sounds like you may be better off without someone who would disregard "a friend" so easily, so cruelly, and so childishly.

Well I cna only echo what the rest say here.. thats not a friend you need. I have had even general aquaitances treat me better then that. Every food function I have been too they have asked me what htey can do to make sure my son can eat there, and most often I say that I will just pack food.

Bah. Ppl like that give ppl a bad name.

[eKatherine]

That is so pathetic. Here she's been taking advantage of your hospitality all along, but when you call her on it she makes a lame excuse. It's as if she was intending to keep doing this until you asked her point blank.

[mart]

I'm still pretty shocked about this response, but I guess I'm just so sad because I feel like it's my children that have been rejected. I hope they'll encounter more decent people than this throughout their lives. You're all right. This person wasn't really my friend.

At the same time, I guess I am pretty lucky. Look at all the caring responses I got from my good friends on this board. That really made my day. Thanks.

[jkmunchkin]

Ok I know you're already upset, and very rightfully so, but I have to say this women sucks as a friend. I won't repeat what everyone has already said, and I know it's hard to imagine ending a 20 year friendship, but it doesn't sound like she is worth your friendship or tears. You and your kids are not eating gluten free by choice, this is a life neccesity for you guys. If a few dietary changes are to much for her to handle, well then she just isn't a very good friend. I mean why in the world would anyone put out chocolate chip cookies and whole wheat bread when she knows you can't eat it. It's almost like she wanted to prove a point. What, the supermarket she goes to doesn't have tostitos and salsa?!! No preperation necessary and something you all could have snacked on.

I really just can't believe how insensitive and horrible this woman's behavior is.

Do yourself a favor. Dry your tears and surround yourself with family and friends (friends being the operative word) who are there to be supportive. I can only hope that one day this woman, or an immediate family member are diagnosed with celiac.

[mart]

To drown out my sorrow, I just had a whole box of Enjoy Life Snickerdoodles with a tall glass of colde milk. I feel better now.

[angel-jd1]

To drown out my sorrow, I just had a whole box of Enjoy Life Snickerdoodles with a tall glass of colde milk. I feel better now.

I'd give you one of the homemade cream puffs that i made today if you were closer......they made ME happy We could sit down and chat over gluten free cream puffs.

-Jessica

[mart]

Thanks Jessica. I'm sure I'll be paying a high price for this wreckless and irresponsible feeding frenzy tomorrow. Food is highly comforting.

[AndreaB]

I'm so sorry Mart. I haven't been reading new posts recently and just got caught up on this one.

You deserve better as every else has said. I haven't had a close friend for over 6 years now. I have some friends from church I talk to once in awhile but they are a long distance phone call and I'm the only one who calls. It took me a long time to get over losing the friendship of my last girlfriend. My husband talked to her but she didn't want to talk to me and have me follow her out of the church. I did wind up talking more to her about 1 year later and I still missed her but her life had taken a totally different turn. I've been finding more friends here and am thankful I have this forum.

I LOVE Enjoy Life Cookies. I usually do half a box at a time unless I have them with ice cream then I only have four.

[tiffjake]

To drown out my sorrow, I just had a whole box of Enjoy Life Snickerdoodles with a tall glass of colde milk. I feel better now.

Yummy!

[lindalee]

Wow. Thanks for all the great advice.

Yes, I've had her over for dinner many times, and she's always commented on how delicious our gluten free food is. But I don't want to feel like my family is not welcome at her home. There goes my over-sensitivity again.

I've taken everyone's advice, and I called her this morning. This is how it played out. I flat out told her that I felt sad because I felt excluded from her life. This was harder to do than I imagined. I felt like such a cry baby. Maybe you will be shocked at her response...I know I was. She said that it's too hard to have to think about gluten free food and that our friendship would probably be better served over the phone.

I don't know why I bothered, but I proceded to tell her that fruit and Coca Cola are gluten free. She then got quiet and then said, "yeah, don't worry, we'll still get together from time to time."

SOOOOOO, I don't know what else to think or say. I guess it's over. But now I'm about ready to go into a full blown crying tantrum. Because the more I think about it, nobody invites us to their house anymore! Almost one year gluten-free, and I thought I had everything together. But now it's all coming back. I feel like a leper. Thanks for listening to me feel sorry for myself. I'll just have to be a big girl and try to get everything into perspective and remember that it could be a lot worse. Would I prefer that my kids be able to eat anywhere and have a disease that was untreatable? No thank you. We'll opt for the celiac disease and some isolation. I'm sure there are new friends we'll make in the future who will be willing to go the extra mile to have us over.

Hi Mart, I know that hurt but she will probably be calling you and act like nothing ever happened. Maybe she is on anti-depressants or some meds. that make her on the mean or on the uncaring side. I hope you will not dwell on her. I hope you don't let her get you down. Put on some happy music. Go for a walk. Do something for yourself. You sure deserve it. LindaLee

[Rachel--24]

Wow..I was shocked when I read how your conversation played out. I know you feel sad but obviously you deserve much better than what you got from this person today. She's not worth your tears and you'll meet people who care about you, your health and your feelings. Sounds like she doesnt want to be inconvenienced by anything "out of the ordinary". You should feel proud that you confronted her....you were the bigger person and the one who cared enough to want to make things right. She's shooed you away since Celiac entered your life as if somehow you were no longer good enough??? Its better for your kids to not have to sense the awkwardness that is probably apparant when you're at her house. They shouldnt have to feel out of place because they cant eat gluten...its not that big a deal. It also seems extremely rude and incondsiderate of her to not even go out of her way to *try* and accommadate you at your last visit. She should have offered no appetizers rather than totally disregard your diet. Wheat crackers??? Come on...

Shes not worth it.....the cookies and milk sounded good.

[Guest cassidy]

It is sad that someone would treat you that way. I know how hurtful that is. I hope you realize that you didn't do anything and that she is the one with the problem. You are probably better off without her.

Not sticking up for your insensitive friend, but I wonder what is going on with her that makes her act that way? Maybe one day she will apologize and tell you where she is coming from. I had a friendship end 10 years ago because of a friend treating me wrong and last year she tracked me down and apologized. It really did make me feel better.

[shai76]

I'm sorry about your friend. Some people are just very ignorant and not willing to learn. There's nothing you can do but move on. Maybe if there is a celiac support group in your area you can meet new friends there. Just a thought.

Hope you start feeling better.

[jkmunchkin]

I'd give you one of the homemade cream puffs that i made today if you were closer......they made ME happy We could sit down and chat over gluten free cream puffs.

-Jessica

Cream Puffs?!!! How'd you make those?!!

[KaitiUSA]

Some people just do not get it and come acrodd pretty rude in the meantime.

[plantime]

Whew! Your friend sounds like one I used to have! She wanted to know why I tortured myself by giving up wheat, and I wanted to know why she tortured herself by eating the cheese that gave her severe migraines! I wish I could share my real friends with you, food does not come between us.

[Guest BERNESES]

i am so sorry this happened to you. Everyone has had insightful comments so I won't add to them. But I will say this. It sounds like she has something going on that goes way beyond you- I don't know what- maybe she's scared that she'll "get" it or somehow it strikes a chord of fear in her- but regardless, it's totally unacceptable.

Hang in there. I "broke up" with a friend once after years of her treating me horribly and after the initial pain, I felt free because that cloud was no longer hanging over my head!!!!!! Hope you eventually feel the same. Hugs, Beverly

[mart]

Thanks again everyone. You are TRUE friends.

P.S. Yeah, don't ever turn to food for comfort when you are down. The next day, you just wake up fat.

[debmidge]

I didn't want to comment to you first post as I was hoping you and your friend would be Ok ...but after reading her response I felt for you. My husband and I have experienced this, unfortunately and we feel we are better off without those shallow, self centered people. That being said, next time you talk to her, tell her for me to "get over herself."

When a person reacts as she did, she's telling you that her friendship with you was based on her convenience. If she were are boyfriend, I'm sure many of us would tell you to dump him and move on. You wouldn't "pine" over a man like this...it's her loss.

I have had the experience of inviting people over for dinner/food and they've conveniently "forgot" about it. One time I called the couple we invited over the night before our "date" to ask a question and the person said, "Oh? ...It's tomorrow? We forgot. We are painting our bathroom tomorrow and can't possibly come." That was about 25 years ago and I haven't re-invited them since and neither have they picked the phone up and made communication that they want to see us either..I thought they would after they painted the bathroom.....and to boot they are relatives of my husband.

There's an expression that goes "Stop throwing good money after bad"; you can sort of use that expression when it comes to shallow people. I'd rather be alone than have to suffer insufferable people who are self centered and shallow and who will betray our friendship when I have a problem.

[lindalee]

I love James Taylor-"You've Got A friend"..Wer're here for you. LLee