Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

Recommended Posts

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

I was a kid, but still remember my aunt barphing in my grandma's kitchen sink--all the while running the garbage disposal. Gross! She was a nurse and still thought this was a brilliant idea. :blink:

Actually, that IS a heinous, but nonetheless brilliant idea. Let's face it - - vomit is, after all, the stuff that garbage disposals are made for. And the sink is elevated for the Erect Vomiters.... . . . ...yup, gotta go with the elevating toilet seat. Like a sudden sink-with-garbage-disposal right in yer loo!

Moi?

POeter! Ya gotta clean up barph, and sing lonely sonnets, and swab decks. .. . .an' I forget what else.. . .. ...

I'm thinking something like the chairs that hair stylists use.

Um, no. Waaaaaaaaaay too slow. Can you imagine running to the toilet, a large barph eminent, and having to crank the bowl up to chest height with your foot? A nightmare, at least with the speed my digestive system expels things. Gotta be a button - -a big one, right on the wall where you stand... . . . .. .and it's gotta move that sucker up FAST.

However, what about the spinning option that these hairstylists' chairs have? Any way we could incorporate this? If you hit the bowl from the side, perhaps, you could have it centREd. . . .

I was perusing some of the other threads and instead of reading "Am I Barking up the Wrong Tree" . . . I read . . . you know where this is going . . . "Am I Barphing up the Wrong Tree" . . . and thought . . .they're probably standing when they barph up a tree . . . followed by . . . I hope they can put an arch on that barph or it's coming right back at them.

Boomerang barf. :rolleyes:

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


  • Replies 51k
  • Created
  • Last Reply
kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

OK . . . obviously too much vomit talk.

I was perusing some of the other threads and instead of reading "Am I Barking up the Wrong Tree" . . . I read . . . you know where this is going . . . "Am I Barphing up the Wrong Tree" . . . and thought . . .they're probably standing when they barph up a tree . . . followed by . . . I hope they can put an arch on that barph or it's coming right back at them.

I was wondering what the correct tree for barfing is. Maybe a pine tree type. Low branches, lots of pine needles to fall off and cover the barf.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Um, no. Waaaaaaaaaay too slow. Can you imagine running to the toilet, a large barph eminent, and having to crank the bowl up to chest height with your foot?

Obviously, this button must be on the doorjam so it can be pushed on the way in. Any more time spent on it could end in disaster. :unsure:

Darn210 Enthusiast
Darn210
Posted

. . . especially when you consider that the males with the penii . . .

as opposed to the males without the penii??

:o

:blink:

:lol:

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

POeter! Ya gotta clean up barph, and sing lonely sonnets, and swab decks. .. . .an' I forget what else.. . .. ...

Your majesty has phorgotten the Royal Chicken Soup preparation....

as opposed to the males without the penii??

:o

:blink:

:lol:

Yup, they call them eunuchs and they are particularly suitable for working for harems, and for their Royal Majestesses.

.

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Obviously, this button must be on the doorjam so it can be pushed on the way in.

Righto. How about installing a bunch of them -- one on the arm of your couch, one on your nightstand, on your car dashboard for the times you're dashing into the house to barph, holding it through the garage, the kitchen.. . . . . . ...

:lol:

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

Remember the Flowbee? We need something like that. The mouthpiece could look similar to what the Top Gun pilots wear. The suction would instantly carry everything away from the face and dispose contents immediately. No clean up!

especially when you consider that the males with the penii can often not even meet the target accurately

Do NOT even get me started on THAT one!!

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


psawyer Proficient
psawyer
Posted

Sign above the urinal in a public facility:

We aim to please. You aim too, please.

:blink:

:D

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

Sign above the urinal in a public facility:

We aim to please. You aim too, please.

:blink:

:D

I want one of those signs!!

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Thought I was going to have royalty in my family. J was up for Sweetheart king. Alas, he is only a prince.

GFinDC Veteran
GFinDC
Posted

I was wondering what the correct tree for barfing is. Maybe a pine tree type. Low branches, lots of pine needles to fall off and cover the barf.

Nope, the actual barph tree is a ginko tree. We have them on some city streets in DC and in the late summer they drop these little, baby ginko seeds/fruits. They drop a lot of them. Tons and tons all over the sidewalks. And they rot and smell exactly like barph!

Open Original Shared Link

Open Original Shared Link

Unfortunately they are very tall trees so barphing up 'em wood be nigh impossible. Of course it's only the female trees that produce the smelly fruit. The male trees are highly prized for their stately elegance and refined manners. Insert uppity tree snorphing sound here. So only the males trees are planted now. They have talked about ways to "discourage" the female trees mating habits, including chemicals and little chastity belts for the flower heads. But the trees are too tall to make that practical.

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

Haha, I know those trees. Those fruits are supposedly to attract the males who are well acquainted with barph from their college beer-drinking days. Maybe you did not go to college?? :unsure: Some females will do whatever it takes to attract some males :rolleyes:

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Some females will do whatever it takes to attract some males :rolleyes:

Hmmmm.. . . . ..gotta make the field easier to steer from, methinks.. .. ...take all temptation away, and those stinky female flowers would slow production, methinks. . . . .

They have talked about ways to "discourage" the female trees mating habits, including chemicals and little chastity belts for the flower heads.

:lol: Perhaps psychiatric arborists are needed to be called in.. ... . . .. ..arboreal promiscuity could be a field specialty, and there may be well-documented methods to address this - - approaches like giving the male trees horrific leaf trims/prunings, or manipulating the male trees' appearance to have them seem thin, needy, lacking any material wealth.... . . .. and absolutely discouraging the male species from standing quietly, branches moving slightly in the breeze, and listening, listening, listening, to the constant, confessional female tree-chatter around them. BIG thing to discourage.

Yep, that would be a great start.

:lol:

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Are we done barphing now? Perhaps we can start a new, more upbeat topic: coughing, snotty noses, menstrual cramps, carbuncles?

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Perhaps we can start a new, more upbeat topic: coughing.....

Ya hit the nail on the head <_< Can nae sleep fer more than an hour at a time before I'm up hacking.

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Ya hit the nail on the head <_< Can nae sleep fer more than an hour at a time before I'm up hacking.

"Hacking up" tis really the best part of a cold or phloo.

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Can nae sleep fer more than an hour at a time before I'm up hacking.

Crap, Patteigh... .. ....you've been really hit. :( Thinking about ya.. . .. . .and yer snot an' everythin'. . . .. . .:unsure:. . . .. ....

Loey Rising Star
Loey
Posted

Hope it ain't strep, Leeeesargh!

I would rather work on an attachment to the toilet that raises the bowl, quickly, to, say, chest level. DH's nose won't clog, Shrooomie's knees would be saved..... . . . ..one could raise it up for easier cleaning. Though ill users would have to be certain to lower the bowl after barphing - - not such a good thing for anyone racing in with sudden bowel issues. Helluva thing, managing to climb up to a chest-high bowl.. . . . . ...

Hmmm. . . . . . ...may need some refining.. .. . . .. :rolleyes:

Now it's my turn to join the barf brigade but I also have D. So I need a bucket and the toilet. I HATE flu season!!!!!! Now that's Peoter is back I suggest that Kareeng and Em become his Queens (with perks).

Gotta run....... literally!

Loey sad.gifsad.gifsad.gifsad.gif

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Now it's my turn to join the barf brigade but I also have D. So I need a bucket and the toilet. I HATE flu season!!!!!! Now that's Peoter is back I suggest that Kareeng and Em become his Queens (with perks).

Gotta run....... literally!

Loey sad.gifsad.gifsad.gifsad.gif

But Loey.... We changed the topic! No more barfing allowed! We are coughing now! :P

Darn210 Enthusiast
Darn210
Posted

Ummmm . . . :unsure: . . . what does lung actually look like when you're coughing up little pieces at a time?

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

Took BE to a pod dinner last night. It was a group of smart-a$$ guys with a quirky look on life.....he fit right in. :)

....We didn't have lungs....

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

Took BE to a pod dinner last night. It was a group of smart-a$ guys with a quirky look on life.....he fit right in. :)

....We didn't have lungs....

What kind of pods did you eat?

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Took BE to a pod dinner last night. It was a group of smart-a$$ guys with a quirky look on life.....he fit right in. :)

....We didn't have lungs....

Pods are gluten-free?

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

It's a pherry fenomenon. Groups of people end up sitting in the same booth. After a couple years of seeing the same group of people every day for half an hour you end up knowing each other pretty well.

There are similar groups of ladies who have bonded over putting on makeup and doing their hair in the ladies room.

I don't think there are any mens room groups....

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

It's a pherry fenomenon. Groups of people end up sitting in the same booth. After a couple years of seeing the same group of people every day for half an hour you end up knowing each other pretty well.

There are similar groups of ladies who have bonded over putting on makeup and doing their hair in the ladies room.

I don't think there are any mens room groups....

You have faerie friends? Do they have sparkly wings? Magic dust? Do they know Tinkerbelle?

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,549
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    Blough
    Newest Member
    Blough
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.4k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Scott Adams
      Taken Seriously

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      Your post demonstrates the profound frustration and isolation that so many in the Celiac community feel, and I want to thank you for channeling that experience into advocacy. The medical gaslighting you endured for decades is an unacceptable and, sadly, a common story, and the fact that you now have to "school" your own GI specialist speaks volumes about the critical lack of consistent and updated education. Your idea to make Celiac Disease a reportable condition to public health authorities is a compelling and strategic one. This single action would force the system to formally acknowledge the prevalence and seriousness of the disease, creating a concrete dataset that could drive better research funding, shape medical school curricula, and validate the patient experience in a way that individual stories alone often cannot. It is an uphill battle, but contacting representatives, as you have done with Adam Gray, is exactly how change begins. By framing it as a public health necessity—a matter of patient safety and protection from misdiagnosis and neglect—you are building a powerful case. Your voice and your perseverance, forged through thirty years of struggle, are exactly what this community needs to ensure that no one else has to fight so hard just to be believed and properly cared for.
    • Scott Adams
      Looking for a gluten-free roomie in Denver CO

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      I had no idea there is a "Louisville" in Colorado!😉 I thought it was a typo because I always think of the Kentucky city--but good luck!
    • Scott Adams
      Allergy medication: cetirizine by the HealthA2Z is it gluten free?

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      Navigating medication safety with Celiac disease can be incredibly stressful, especially when dealing with asthma and severe allergies on top of it. While I don't have personal experience with the HealthA2Z brand of cetirizine, your caution is absolutely warranted. The inactive ingredients in pills, known as excipients, are often where gluten can be hidden, and since the FDA does not require gluten-free labeling for prescription or over-the-counter drugs, the manufacturer's word is essential. The fact that you cannot get a clear answer from Allegiant Health is a significant red flag; a company that is confident its product is gluten-free will typically have a customer service protocol to answer that exact question. In situations like this, the safest course of action is to consider this product "guilty until proven innocent" and avoid it. A better alternative would be to ask your pharmacist or doctor to help you identify a major national brand of cetirizine (like Zyrtec) whose manufacturer has a verified, publicly stated gluten-free policy for that specific medication. It's not worth the risk to your health when reliable, verifiable options are almost certainly available to you. You can search this site for USA prescriptions medications, but will need to know the manufacturer/maker if there is more than one, especially if you use a generic version of the medication: To see the ingredients you will need to click on the correct version of the medication and maker in the results, then scroll down to "Ingredients and Appearance" and click it, and then look at "Inactive Ingredients," as any gluten ingredients would likely appear there, rather than in the Active Ingredients area. https://dailymed.nlm.nih.gov/dailymed/   
    • Scott Adams
      Protein or fat?

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      What you're describing is indeed familiar to many in the Celiac community, especially in the early stages of healing. When the intestinal villi are damaged from Celiac disease, they struggle to properly digest and absorb fats, a condition known as bile acid malabsorption. This can cause exactly the kind of cramping and spasms you're seeing, as undigested fats can irritate the sensitive gut lining. It is highly plausible that her reactions to dairy and eggs are linked to their higher fat content rather than the proteins, especially since she tolerates lean chicken breast. The great news is that for many, this does improve with time. As her gut continues to heal on a strict gluten-free diet, her ability to produce the necessary enzymes and bile to break down fats should gradually return, allowing her to slowly tolerate a wider variety of foods. It's a slow process of healing, but your careful approach of focusing on low-fat, nutrient-dense foods like seeds and avocado is providing her system the best possible environment to recover. Many people with celiac disease, especially those who are in the 0-2 year range of their recovery, have additional food intolerance issues which could be temporary. To figure this out you may need to keep a food diary and do an elimination diet over a few months. Some common food intolerance issues are dairy/casein, eggs, corn, oats, and soy. The good news is that after your gut heals (for most people who are 100% gluten-free this will take several months to two years) you may be able to slowly add some these items back into your diet after the damaged villi heal. This article may be helpful: Thank you for sharing your story—it's a valuable insight for other parents navigating similar challenges.
    • Beverage
      Diagnosed celiac for 1-2 months ago and everything makes me bloated.

      By Beverage · Posted

      I had a very rough month after diagnosis. No exaggeration, lost so much inflammatory weight, I looked like a bag of bones, underneath i had been literally starving to death. I did start feeling noticeably better after a month of very strict control of my kitchen and home. What are you eating for breakfast and lunch? I ignored my doc and ate oats, yes they were gluten free, but some brands are at the higher end of gluten free. Lots of celics can eat Bob's Red Mill gluten-free oats, but not me. I can now eat them, but they have to be grown and processed according to the "purity protocol" methods. I mail order them, Montana Gluten-Free brand. A food and symptoms and activities log can be helpful in tracking down issues. You might be totally aware, but I have to mention about the risk of airborne gluten. As the doc that diagnosed me warned . . Remember eyes, ears, nose, and mouth all lead to your stomach and intestines.  Are you getting any cross contamination? Airborne gluten? Any pets eating gluten (they eat it, lick themselves, you pet them...)? Any house remodeling? We live in an older home, always fixing something. I've gotten glutened from the dust from cutting into plaster walls, possibly also plywood (glues). The suggestions by many here on vitamin supplements also really helped me. I had some lingering allergies and asthma, which are now 99% gone. I was taking Albuterol inhaler every hour just to breathe, but thiamine in form of benfotiamine kicked that down to 1-2 times a day within a few days of starting it. Also, since cutting out inflammatory seed oils (canola, sunflower, grapeseed, etc) and cooking with real olive oil, avocado oil, ghee, and coconut oil, I have noticed even greater improvement overall and haven't used the inhaler in months! It takes time to weed out everything in your life that contains gluten, and it takes awhile to heal and rebuild your health. At first it's mentally exhausting, overwhelming, even obsessive, but it gets better and second nature.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.