The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[jerseyangel]

  nikki-uk said:

<----Here I am making a spectacle of myself (*snort*)

I thought I'd get my eyes tested as I was taking the kids - and blow me if I don't need glasses!!!!

...but at least I can read without my nose touching the monitor now!!!

spectacle

They look very cool, Nikki It's a good thing you decided to be tested!

Congrats on the 3 weeks without a smoke--that's great! Yep, I never cared for dark chocolate--I loved milk chocolate. When I went dairy free, I developed a taste for the dark very quickly

[nikki-uk]

  jerseyangel said:

When I went dairy free, I developed a taste for the dark very quickly

Well now Patti - I guess we've gone to the dark side

(oh, and look at them curls in your avatar! - nearly as curly as me!!!)

[jerseyangel]

  nikki-uk said:

Well now Patti - I guess we've gone to the dark side

(oh, and look at them curls in your avatar! - nearly as curly as me!!!)

Yep--I had curls for days!

[Mtndog]

  nikki-uk said:

Thanks for the EWWW moment Bev

Love the new avatar!!! (so cute)

<----Here I am making a spectacle of myself (*snort*)

I thought I'd get my eyes tested as I was taking the kids - and blow me if I don't need glasses!!!!

...but at least I can read without my nose touching the monitor now!!!

LOL!!...OH I KNOW....the agony!!!

(Heck I may be in an iron lung but at least I'm slim ) ONLY KIDDING!!!!!!!

OK- that's it- it's official. I love the way you "across the ponders" speak. talked to my friend from England this week and it was just "lovely"

but... what really got me was and blow me if I don't need glasses!!!! You could NEVER say that here :lol: :lol:

Nikki- well blow me if your new specs don't look great!

Glad I was able to provide an EWWWWW moment! It's my specialty!

[Mtndog]

  Miss Missy said:

If Moses supposes

His toeses are roses

Then Moses supposes erroneously

For nobody's toeses

Are posies of roses

As Moses supposes his toeses to be

-Unknown source

OMG- my sister's parting quote in the yearbook was :

I suppose

If had no toes

Then I couldn't wear flip flops

[blueeyedmanda]

Yep...flip flops would be out of the question.

I work with a lady who has webbed toes. She is bummed she can never wear toe socks, she never mentioned flip-flops though.

[nikki-uk]

  Mtndog said:

OK- that's it- it's official. I love the way you "across the ponders" speak. talked to my friend from England this week and it was just "lovely"

but... what really got me was and blow me if I don't need glasses!!!! You could NEVER say that here :lol: :lol:

Hee-hee - glad you approve!!

  blueeyedmanda said:

Yep...flip flops would be out of the question.

I work with a lady who has webbed toes. She is bummed she can never wear toe socks, she never mentioned flip-flops though.

Now, she has my sympathies as *I* cannot wear flip flops either (not that I've got webbed toes though!)

My feet are so skinny (wish my hips were ) and my toes are really long (ok,they are like fingers!! ) that I just can't wear them---I end up with blisters between my toes.

How annoying ...I am bummed too

[nikki-uk]

Pinch, punch, first day of the month!!!!!!

...almost forgot !!!- (it's 9.20pm here )

[Jestgar]

OOWWW!!!

HEY! Just because you almost forgot doesn't mean you had to do it so hard!!

Well, to cheer myself up I'll just watch this:

Open Original Shared Link

[Lisa]

OMG Nora was wonderful!!! She put a big smile on MY face.

Love the "vintage" photos.

[nikki-uk]

  Jestgar said:

Open Original Shared Link

Well if that cat isn't the MOST ADORABLE !!!

I want one just like Nora (don't have a piano but I'm sure I could teach it to play some other musical instrument )

[Mtndog]

  nikki-uk said:

Pinch, punch, first day of the month!!!!!!

...almost forgot !!!- (it's 9.20pm here )

Aww rats.. you BEAT me to it!!!!!!!!!! Happy Belated May Day!

Jestagra- You are too funny! My hubby always does "punch buggy" so now I leave in fear of VW Bugs because he bruises me...Ok so I bruise if I sneeze but whatever

OMG- how cute is Nora!!!!!!!!!!!!

An anonymous hilariously funny person sent me this video (it contains swears) but it is so funny:

Open Original Shared Link

[nikki-uk]

  Mtndog said:

An anonymous hilariously funny person sent me this video (it contains swears) but it is so funny:

Open Original Shared Link

EXCELLENT!!!

[jerseyangel]

  Mtndog said:

An anonymous hilariously funny person sent me this video (it contains swears) but it is so funny:

Open Original Shared Link

Hilarious!

[nikki-uk]

MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU!!!

(I know, terrible.....)

[jerseyangel]

  nikki-uk said:

MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU!!!

(I know, terrible.....)

Actually, that was a good one, Nikki--but I had to think about it a minute

[Jestgar]

Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of

boiling water down your throat and, presto, the blockage will be

removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting

someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply

using the sink.

4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a

few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a

timer.

5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from

rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will

be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will

forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move

and should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. So be brief with people.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thoughts for the day:

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might

need them to empty your bedpan.

Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for anything; but

they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs

[nikki-uk]

  Jestgar said:

Home Remedies

FABULOUS Jestgar thankyou!!!

No's 3 & 6 really appealled to my sense of humour!!! (Hmmm, toilet humour is my fave )

..and can I just say ...I never pass up the opportunity to use the bathroom!!! (weak bladder.....)

[Mtndog]

  Jestgar said:

Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for anything; but

they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs

Oh gawd- that was my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nikki-uk]

  Mtndog said:

Oh gawd- that was my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I had one too!!

...and why Miss Beverly!!! ....you are looking absolutely GORGEOUS DAHLING in your avatar!!!!!!

[jerseyangel]

Yes Bev--you look like a supermodel!

Hi Nikki!

[Mtndog]

  nikki-uk said:

Yeah, I had one too!!

...and why Miss Beverly!!! ....you are looking absolutely GORGEOUS DAHLING in your avatar!!!!!!

Oh you sillies- one bad perm and 2 kegs of blue eyeliner and y'all think I look like a supermodel. Hmmmm.....maybe I need a perm!

The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

spacer

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

[nikki-uk]

  Mtndog said:

The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

spacer

Thanks Bev!

...oh my!!..I remember the blue eyeliner years!!! (hey, I didn't need the perm lol!)

[Mtndog]

Tee hee- Nikki- you have Nicole Kidman's hair (seriously!).

In honor of all you mums out there:

Famous Mothers

COLUMBUS' MOTHER:

"I don't care what you've discovered,

you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER:

"Can't you paint on walls like other children?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to

get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER:

"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card

inside your jacket, take your hand out of

there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:

"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just

wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER:

"I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school,

but I would like to know how he got a

better grade than you."

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER:

"The next time I catch you throwing money across

the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:

"Of course I'm proud that you invented the

electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER:

"I don't care where you think you have to go,

young man, midnight is past your curfew."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER:

"But it's your senior picture.

Can't you do something about your hair?

OY! Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

[tiredofdoctors]

Okay, this one's only marginal, but it won me "Jester of the Month" in the Louisville Jester. My son submitted it without my knowledge:

Q: What do you call a person who protests outside a psychiatrist's office?

A: An Anti-depressant

xoxoxoxoxoxo