Has Anyone Else Done This?

[Kyalesyin]

I decided when my wife was diagnosed that the best way of doing things was for us both to go entirely gluten-free. That way, we minimise the risk of cross-contamination or fiid mix ups, and we don't end up with me eating things that she wants can can't have...

I have toast cravings. I'm so tempted to walk to the nearest shop and get me a loaf of bread, even though we have a sign in the kitchen politely reminding people that this is a gluten-free zone. But, I did promise.

Right now, I'm resenting that promise somewhat. Anyone else get this?

[gfp]

Hey, Im on the other side of the fence.... but I think its normal....

IMHO you should stand by it and if you want a toast find a cafe....

A different viewpoint, imagine you both quit smoking.... you're craving a cig... would it be fair to buy a packet and not say?

Your support and going along probably is a great boost for your wife.... so why do it?

Just my two penneth....

[CarlaB]

We are gluten-free at home. All the rest of the family will eat gluten when they're not home (except for two gluten-free kids). I have no problem at all with hubby eating gluten when he's away. The idea of being gluten-free at home is to protect me.

We live in an old downtown of a city on the same block as main street. There's a donut shop on the opposite corner of the block we're on (I've always thought that was funny as we live in the Cincinnati metropolitan area and there's that song, "Oh, I went to Cincinnati and I walked around the block, and I walked right in to the donut shop", I digress). For a treat the gluten eating kids go there often. In fact, I believe my high school son goes there daily.

I have no temptation whatsoever when he eats gluten in front of me. In fact, sometimes I ask to smell it and have come to realize a smell is enough.

On the other hand, when we're out on a "date" without the kids, he does not eat gluten. That is because he generally has intentions of kissing me.

I would suggest that when you're away from home you treat yourself to gluten. Resentment is not good, and there's no sense in having resentment over something like this. My feeling is that this is my problem. If it were him who had gluten intolerance, I would not like never eating gluten, so I don't expect him to do that for me. His support is protecting me at home, not complaining about our limitations on eating out, and not eating it on date night.

When he eats gluten in front of me, he does not coddle me, feel sorry for me, or apologize. In fact, sometimes he'll tease me and take a big bite. So I ask him for a bite, he says no I can't have any and takes another. To me, this is better than pity. I guess if I wanted a sensitive guy, I'd have married someone else!

[JennyC]

I'm sure that you wife really appreciates that you have also undertaken this diet to support her. You're only human, and if you don't have a medical reason not to eat gluten, I think that it would be hard to refrain. I personally don't think that there's anything wrong with eating gluten when you're away from home and your wife. You should not sneak around, though. You should be upfront and honest.

[Jestgar]

On the other hand...

If you go completely gluten-free for 6 months to a year, you will have a much better understanding of what she's going through. When SHE wants toast, you'll know what substituting gluten-free toast feels like. When SHE wants to learn how to make gluten-free donuts, you'll be much more willing to go through the hassle of learning how because YOU want some too.

My guess is you agreed to do this because you love her and want to support her. Go the extra mile and go through the depressing deprivation stage with her as well.

[CarlaB]

Jestgar, you make a good point.

In the end, Kyalesyin, why don't you talk to your wife about how she feels. You have people like me who don't want others to be deprived because of my gluten intolerance and who really aren't too upset about being gluten-free ... it's easy for me because I don't like eating that much anyway! Then you have people who would greatly appreciate your sensitivity and sacrifice to understand how they feel.

Which one is your wife? If she's like me, there's no benefit whatsoever to avoiding gluten when you're not together. If she's not, she might be greatly hurt that you can't follow the diet when she's stuck with it for life.

[Kyalesyin]

  CarlaB said:

Jestgar, you make a good point.

In the end, Kyalesyin, why don't you talk to your wife about how she feels. You have people like me who don't want others to be deprived because of my gluten intolerance and who really aren't too upset about being gluten-free ... it's easy for me because I don't like eating that much anyway! Then you have people who would greatly appreciate your sensitivity and sacrifice to understand how they feel.

Which one is your wife? If she's like me, there's no benefit whatsoever to avoiding gluten when you're not together. If she's not, she might be greatly hurt that you can't follow the diet when she's stuck with it for life.

My wife is still at the depressed phase. We've been gluten free for the best part of eight months now, and I haven't gone near it for six, but she's still struggling somewhat. Whenever we go past a bakery, or a cafe, or even see an ad with someone eating bread she gets gloomy and irritable. Me cutting out all wheat products as well was a way to remove all the temptation from the house. She has actually sleepwalked into the kitchen and made herself toast before, when I still had bread hanging about. Sad thing is, I seem to be better at this than her, even though it doesn't benefit me at all [apart from the fact that I've lost some weight].

I'm hoping its just a phase, like her "I'll jump off the harbour before I give up bread!" moments, and she'll be able to laugh at her condition. At the moment though, its getting tough to handle when I know that I can indulge my cravings and not get hurt.

[CarlaB]

If that's the way she feels, I'd avoid it for the time being.

Does she take anything for her depression? St. John's Wort is very helpful to me. Friends noticed when I started taking it even though I hadn't told them ... hubby noticed when I stopped. Apparently it makes a big difference.

If she's on any type of medication, check for interactions.

[Jestgar]

Start baking.

Maybe you can change her immediate response from: I can't have that ,

to: how can I make that?

[Kyalesyin]

  CarlaB said:

If that's the way she feels, I'd avoid it for the time being.

Does she take anything for her depression? St. John's Wort is very helpful to me. Friends noticed when I started taking it even though I hadn't told them ... hubby noticed when I stopped. Apparently it makes a big difference.

If she's on any type of medication, check for interactions.

St John Wort? I'll write that down. Other people have recomended that we take extra vitamins and such, but I've always been a little resistant to taking any kind of supplemet, especially considering that all our food is cooked fresh and I've read that if you take too many it can cause liver damage.

[CarlaB]

  Kyalesyin said:

St John Wort? I'll write that down. Other people have recomended that we take extra vitamins and such, but I've always been a little resistant to taking any kind of supplemet, especially considering that all our food is cooked fresh and I've read that if you take too many it can cause liver damage.

St. Johns Wort is specifically for depression. It's an herb. As far as I know the only side effect is light sensitivity. Depression can be an effect of celiac, and since it can be a chemical issue, rather than sadness, sometimes you need something for it.

[Jestgar]

It also interferes with some prescription meds. Be sure to tell your doc that you're taking it.

[Ursa Major]

  Kyalesyin said:

St John Wort? I'll write that down. Other people have recomended that we take extra vitamins and such, but I've always been a little resistant to taking any kind of supplemet, especially considering that all our food is cooked fresh and I've read that if you take too many it can cause liver damage.

Because of malabsorption, usually people with celiac disease who had been sick for quite a while are very deficient in some essential nutrients. It would be a good idea for your wife to be tested for levels of ferritin, vitamin D, calcium, magnesium, vitamin K and vitamin B12. For instance a lack of vitamin D all in itself can cause depression! And I think some of the others can, too.

If you know exactly what needs to be supplemented (at least until levels return to normal), you can just buy those specific vitamins/minerals to take. It could make a huge difference in your wife's moods.

St. John's Wort is a great idea if it's been shown that no deficiencies exist.

[2Boys4Me]

  Jestgar said:

It also interferes with some prescription meds. Be sure to tell your doc that you're taking it.

Like birth control pills. A lot of "miracle babies" have been born while on the pill when the mom is taking St. John's wort.

[darlindeb25]

A lot of "miracle babies" have been born while on the pill OOOOOOOOOOO I will have to tell my daughter she is a miracle baby. I always told her she was a wonderful surprise, she is the youngest of 5, the other 4 all boys! I was taking birth control pills and my body was not absorbing them. The doctor looked at me when we figured out I was pregnant again and said, "99% safe and you have to be the 1!!!!!" Yeah, I was sick with celiac's 24 years ago, well, even before that.

[Viola 1]

  Kyalesyin said:

St John Wort? I'll write that down. Other people have recomended that we take extra vitamins and such, but I've always been a little resistant to taking any kind of supplemet, especially considering that all our food is cooked fresh and I've read that if you take too many it can cause liver damage.

I don't know how it is in the US, but here in Canada, most health food herbs etc. are not regulated as to how strong they can be, or how much actual medication you are getting, or even if they are totally gluten free etc. Also note, that the amounts given would be on how well a person is absorbing.

It is recommended by my doctor MD & surgeon, who is also Celiac, not to fool with un-regulated products.

Do your research

[CarlaB]

  Viola 1 said:

It is recommended by my doctor MD & surgeon, who is also Celiac, not to fool with un-regulated products.

Do your research

Docs tend to not like natural medicine (you don't need a prescription for them, so you're not reliant on a doctor to buy them). When I was taking my son to a psychologist for ADHD, the psychologist recommended St. John's Wort for depression.

Doing your research is a good idea with any information from any internet forum, but I would not base my decision on one MD. I'm actually more distrusting of them than internet forums, but that's due to my personal medical history.

[Jestgar]

  Viola 1 said:

It is recommended by my doctor MD & surgeon, who is also Celiac, not to fool with un-regulated products.

Do your research

This is what every MD I've talked to also says. Not because of some huge pharmacy conspiracy, but because if you have a reaction to something, and you've taken an unregulated product, it may be impossible to figure out what caused the problem and/or how to treat it.

This doesn't mean there aren't safe products available, just be careful, and do your research.

[Phyllis28]

Although your house is gluten free, she needs to be able to cope with other people eating gluten laden food outside the house. She will be dealing with this the rest of her life. If your wife will go, you might want to consider contacting a mental health professional for her depression and counseling to help her mentally cope with a gluten free the diet.

My husband suffers from clinical depression and both medication and counseling have been a great help.

I applaud your support of your wife.

[gfp]

  Jestgar said:

This is what every MD I've talked to also says. Not because of some huge pharmacy conspiracy, but because if you have a reaction to something, and you've taken an unregulated product, it may be impossible to figure out what caused the problem and/or how to treat it.

This doesn't mean there aren't safe products available, just be careful, and do your research.

While I agree wholeheartedly .... this is definately one case of Sophies choice!

Most of the prescription psychotropics are not particualrly safe either... or that well understood....

Doctors tend to hand them out like candy until a specific one gets banned or more heavily regulated...

Its my opinion as a layman but also the opinion of a friend of mine who's a trained physchiatrist and just happened to have a friend who got put on these drugs that they are pretty risky all round...

After doing my own research I find St. Johns Wort generally a bit safer but obviously something you should do your own research on first.

[debmidge]

As a mixed marriage (celiac and non celiac) we do it this way: house is about 95% gluten-free with exception of pre-packaged Lean Cuisines in freezer which get popped in microwave and do not contaminate anything. I keep a loaf of regular whole wheat bread for me for my lunches and I make my lunch every morning making sure to keep table wiped well afterwards. We keep separate toasters and mine is packed away in cabinet in a heavy duty plastic bag. So far I've used it about 5 times in the past 3 years for toast. I do use the gluten-free bread for toast more often than not, but that might have to change soon as soon I'll have a job that makes less money and won't be able to afford both of us to eat these specialty gluten-free products.

My husband's response to this: he's not going to keep me from eating what I want in my own home

My response: I'll do what I must to keep gluten out of the house within reason

This approach works for us. But also keep in mind that I do not have any children which can factor in as well.

[MistressIsis]

I do the smell thing too! All the time! in facr, my friends will ask me if I want a smell...very funny when we're in public places.

be patient she will get past the angry part, it takes awhile...probably took me a year as I lived on breads & pastas.

Make her some surprise bags...go gt some gluten-free treats that people here mention all the time and you know she'll appreciate that and feel like she's not missing out on anything. (that's the big thing, missing out)

My boyfriend of almost a year is finally starting to get it. He's always been supportive but just didn't realize how many things I can't eat. He came for a 5 day visit recently and I noticed he's started reading labels on everythig he picks up, he's still not perfect at what I can & can;t have but I found out recently that he's been doing research lately and his mom has been giving him info too...and I haven;t even met her yet!

[kbtoyssni]

  Kyalesyin said:

St John Wort? I'll write that down. Other people have recomended that we take extra vitamins and such, but I've always been a little resistant to taking any kind of supplemet, especially considering that all our food is cooked fresh and I've read that if you take too many it can cause liver damage.

I know St Johns Wort can interfere with the effectiveness of birth control pills and maybe other meds, too. You might want run this by a doc before you start taking it if she is on any other meds. Omega-3 can be a good supplement to help with depression, too.

[dragonmom]

Try baking some of your old favorites, The Gluten Free Kitchen is a great book with great biscuits, corn bread and cinnamon rolls. When you have something that you like at home to eat sometimes helps. There is a frozen bread that I like a lot Enjoy Life Ryeless Rye, and sandwich bread. Everyone here eats gluten free when I'm home. If I'm at work they will order a pizza or go out and have Italian. The worst time for me is at parties when there is absolutely nothing to eat....even when I know that I have something in my pocket. It's only been 2 years but it is getting easier. Good luck

[larry mac]

  Kyalesyin said:

I decided when my wife was diagnosed that the best way of doing things was for us both to go entirely gluten-free. That way, we minimise the risk of cross-contamination or fiid mix ups, and we don't end up with me eating things that she wants can can't have...

I have toast cravings. I'm so tempted to walk to the nearest shop and get me a loaf of bread, even though we have a sign in the kitchen politely reminding people that this is a gluten-free zone. But, I did promise.

Right now, I'm resenting that promise somewhat. Anyone else get this?

K,

Don't know if I can truly get it as I'm the one with the disease, but hey, good intentions on your part.

That never occurred to us. I'm the grocery shopper and the cook, so I make toast, flour tacos (corn for me), rolls, get pizza, all kinds of gluten foods for my darling wife (looky there I spelled it out - no silliness here, yeah right, lol ). I don't have a problem with it at all.

best regards, lm

p.s., sure wish I had some sugar toast!