Social Life/dating

[jasonD2]

Has celiac/food allergies been a problem for anyone who is dating or looking for significant other? I feel like this condition is going to ruin all my chance for finding the type of woman i want. I was just dating someone for 4 months and she seemed perfectly fine with my sensitivities and in fact even bought gluten free food for me when i stayed at her place - she was great, but unfortunately i didnt see a future with her and had to call it quits..also, to be honest I have been feeling very insecure & uncomfortable with myself lately. maybe its because im on a very restricted diet now...watching out for gluten and also trying to kill candida has turned me into something of a recluse.

---I feel like its just not a good time to be dating since im not projecting positive energy and confidence. maybe the right woman will bring it out of me, but i think out of all my paranoia and anxieties the one that weighs the most is the inability to attract as a result of my condition. i also feel like a woman who finds out i have celiac will instantly cross me off her list as a potential husband out of fear of having kids with the same problem. maybe this is all silly & im over thinking as i usually do. im such a fool ;-)

[Roda]

I really hope this does not come across as seeming insensitive, rather it is meant out of concern for you. Maybe you should talk to someone a counsler or such to deal with all of your feelings. You don't seem to be in a very happy place right now.

[cyoshimit]

hi JasonD2,

I dont think that its silly at all. I have the same insecurites. Im not looking to settle down or anything, I have just found it hard to keep friends around. It might jsut be the type of person I am. Over the years symptoms have kept me from being out going and social and now that I am on a gluten free diet I have no clue at how to meet people. I know i Have to get over my fear of what people would think of me when I tell them I cant have gluten. Because I dont know many people around me that could be very understanding besides my family reaching out to others is a scary thing to do for me. I'm not sure when I will be able too. I know that I have lots of issues, but I have to keep in mind that when the time is right and I have my diet under control that something will happen for me.

i dont think that you should stress about finding someone right now. There are enough issues to deal with being food sensitive. There are also sites where you can meet people who havethe same type of food sensetivities. Maybe that might be a good place to meet people? I feel that for myself I need to work on being very comfortable in my own skin before I get into a relationship, before I can contribute to make someone elses life better happier. I hope that makes some sense. It'll be ok. Get your self straightend out first =) You can do it =)

~cherie

[Gfresh404]

I hear ya man. I feel the same way. I just found out last year I had issues with gluten and to be honest, I was a lot happier not knowing. Ignorance truly is bliss. I too feel like my confidence is shot. Because at least before I knew who I was, it was something familiar. Now it's like who I am really. What can I attribute to the gluten and what can't I.

It's like I am being forced to discover myself again. And quite frankly, I don't want to. It took me long enough before to discover who I thought I was. Of course, only to find out, that's not really who I am.

One poster recommended a counselor and I have to agree, definitely try to see one if you can. After being sad for literally no reason evident to me, I have been treating vitamin deficiencies etc., I decided to seek professional help. Even though I have only had one meeting with my counselor, I have to say it IS helping. Most people just simply do not understand how hard it is to live like this. It's tough, there's no way around it except to deal with it. You just have to keep reminding yourself that things WILL get better.

And ya, the social life part sucks too, especially not being able to drink beer but I truly believe that each person's soul mate will bring out the best in the other person. Just being with them makes you a better person.

Just hang in there and don't give up. Things can only get better with time.

[ang1e0251]

Jason, I think you need a dog! A dog loves you unconditionaly and that is a confidence builder. Also dog people love other dog people. Out with your dog you will see people smile and want to engage you. It's a great ice breaker.

Seriously, any woman who would write you off because of a special diet is not really worth your time, is she? Put out your positive energy and the right person will come to you. Draw a picture in your mind of you and your ideal together enjoying happy moments. Replay this dream over and over. She'll find you.

[ranger]

Maybe it's because I'm older and married that I just don't get it, but, I just don't get it. I'm very sensitive, but go out to eat with my friends, stop and have a drink, ect. Beers not the only thing to drink. Celiac does impact my life, but not nearly as much as, say, stage 4 breast cancer (Which my friend has). I agree that you could benefit from some counseling. Celiac is part of you, not all of you.

Susan

[msmini14]

When I was dating I was nervous about telling my date that I can not consume gluten and at first I was very shy about it.

Then I got to the point that if he could not respect that or did not even want to learn about it, he was not worth my time at all. I got to the point in my life that the person either accepts me as is or doesnt. And if they didnt well, they went down the road.

Then I was lucky enough to have met my roomate and now he is my husband. At first he didnt really understand but like all of us has learned over time.

You are who you are and maybe you need to come to terms with that before someone else can?

I am the type of person who really believes that everything happens for a reason. I went through a series of complicated issues before I met my husband, but I would never have met him if I didnt go through it all.

Like Ranger also said, it could be worse. You will get into the swing of it all, it just takes time. Yes when you go out people might question you but that is your time to shine and help people be more aware of Celiac.

People are very interested in this, 75% ask me what my symptoms were or how I found out and when I tell them they say.. My daughter, friend, etc has been dealing with IBS for years and maybe they have Celiac.

Dont be ashamed Jason, be yourself and dont let Celiac rule your life

[Ahorsesoul]

IMO if being a celiac causes anyone to cross you off their list as a potential mate/friend they have a problem, not you.

You have a lot to offer, stand tall and proud of yourself! You have done what most people would love to do, take charge and be responsible for their life.

[mysecretcurse]

I am on a gluten, corn, soy and dairy free diet and this has not effected my social life in any way...

People who love you, love you for YOU not for what you eat.

I wouldn't worry about it. You seem to have a lot of worries about this, which I understand. Celiac is a lot to deal with, but you don't need to add to it by worrying about what others will think of you, etc. Anyone who would judge you in anyway or not want to be around you for being celiac is not someone you want in your life anyway.

[Kay-dee]

Jason, I can relate to this a lot. I'm recently diagnosed and am feeling very insecure about dating. Unfortunatly so much of dating revolves around food!!!! I keep wishing i could meet a celiac cause it would be so much easier!

[MySuicidalTurtle]

I dated a few guys after being diagnosed and none ever complained about my dietary differences, including my current boyfriend.

[missy'smom]

I know someone who met a guy when she was a complete mess-health wise and personal and work life because of it, looked a mess, could barely hold a job, having seizures regularly etc.- before she found out about celiac disease and gluten. He dated her anyway and clearly saw the best of her and what she had to offer. When she went gluten-free, he did too to support her and has in so many other ways. He had been badly burned by someone prior to her and I think he could see that she wouldn't do that. They just recently got married and I'm so happy for her because he's a real stand up guy-a very special find.

[jasonD2]

These are all inspirational stories- thanks! I just hope my special lady is out there ;-)

[hermitgirl]

I honestly can say that I felt the same way when I was first diagnosed. "Friends" abandoned me, and when you feel alone, especially at the beginning it really sucks. Once you really get in the swing of things, and aren't terrified of food and friends, life gets great. My best friends are still around, and I have met many new people. For the most part, everyone I associate with now has no quams about my cautions and restrictions. I have only dated a couple of times, but so far it hasn't been an issue, just finding the right person.

I honestly didn't believe someone who told me face to face that "it will get better", but now I know she was right.

[cyoshimit]

I know someone who met a guy when she was a complete mess-health wise and personal and work life because of it, looked a mess, could barely hold a job, having seizures regularly etc.- before she found out about celiac disease and gluten. He dated her anyway and clearly saw the best of her and what she had to offer. When she went gluten-free, he did too to support her and has in so many other ways. He had been badly burned by someone prior to her and I think he could see that she wouldn't do that. They just recently got married and I'm so happy for her because he's a real stand up guy-a very special find.

this is great news right here!

[LadyCyclist87]

Has celiac/food allergies been a problem for anyone who is dating or looking for significant other? I feel like this condition is going to ruin all my chance for finding the type of woman i want. I was just dating someone for 4 months and she seemed perfectly fine with my sensitivities and in fact even bought gluten free food for me when i stayed at her place - she was great, but unfortunately i didnt see a future with her and had to call it quits..also, to be honest I have been feeling very insecure & uncomfortable with myself lately. maybe its because im on a very restricted diet now...watching out for gluten and also trying to kill candida has turned me into something of a recluse.

---I feel like its just not a good time to be dating since im not projecting positive energy and confidence. maybe the right woman will bring it out of me, but i think out of all my paranoia and anxieties the one that weighs the most is the inability to attract as a result of my condition. i also feel like a woman who finds out i have celiac will instantly cross me off her list as a potential husband out of fear of having kids with the same problem. maybe this is all silly & im over thinking as i usually do. im such a fool ;-)

I can relate very well to your situation. I have my own set of insecurities, anxieties, etc. and sometimes I don't know if it's just from trying to get everything in my diet straightened out, or if it's really just me. Most of my friends are either in serious relationships or are engaged, and it sort of makes me feel out of the loop. I really do want to be with someone, but I keep telling myself I'm not ready for the same reasons you do.

The one thing I never try to do is let my Celiac Disease drag me down. If I can feel the brain fog I'm getting, I just flat out tell people that I'm having a bad day. People can judge however they wish (a "ditz", someone who "doesn't get it", etc.) but it doesn't matter to me because they're not walking in my shoes. I'm aware of my own capabilities and am doing the best that I can. And if my anyone (especially a significant other) can't understand that, then that person isn't worth my time and energy. I'll save that for the people who have been so understanding and supportive with my disease. But thankfully, I haven't had a problem with anyone I've dated in not accepting my situation.

I still have a social life with my friends, but finding that "special someone" is a whole other issue. I do believe that special person exists, but I just don't know WHEN I'm going to be able to find him. I think those kind of things always happen unexpectedly :-)

[klala]

I cannot believe some of the posts I'm reading. Why would a few restrictions on your diet limit your social life in any way? I'm in college and everyone seems to know someone who has a gluten intolerance as well. I'm not ashamed of it; I talk about it openly so more people are aware of it and accepting of it. I've rarely gotten negative reactions. People are very curious and like hearing about it, and many many times the reaction will be something like, "whoa! I think I've got that!" I've found it to be a great conversation piece. Sometimes when I go out to eat I have to get plain chicken and rice and that's fine--I'm still having fun talking to whoever I'm with. And one time I went on a date with a guy who turned out to have celiac too and we bonded over gluten-free Long Island iced teas. People joke with me about it and it's all in good fun. I was at a party over the summer where the guys were yelling, "Kayla! You can't have this vodka watermelon it's got gluten!" Have a sense of humor! You're not weird, it's just that most people don't know they have it yet. I always approach the subject like it's something totally common that everyone should know about but don't--because that's what it is! People are just ignorant of it now, but that's changing thankfully.

[latteda]

Has celiac/food allergies been a problem for anyone who is dating or looking for significant other? I feel like this condition is going to ruin all my chance for finding the type of woman i want. I was just dating someone for 4 months and she seemed perfectly fine with my sensitivities and in fact even bought gluten free food for me when i stayed at her place - she was great, but unfortunately i didnt see a future with her and had to call it quits..also, to be honest I have been feeling very insecure & uncomfortable with myself lately. maybe its because im on a very restricted diet now...watching out for gluten and also trying to kill candida has turned me into something of a recluse.

---I feel like its just not a good time to be dating since im not projecting positive energy and confidence. maybe the right woman will bring it out of me, but i think out of all my paranoia and anxieties the one that weighs the most is the inability to attract as a result of my condition. i also feel like a woman who finds out i have celiac will instantly cross me off her list as a potential husband out of fear of having kids with the same problem. maybe this is all silly & im over thinking as i usually do. im such a fool ;-)

Jason, I wish I could give you a hug. I know it can be so discouraging sometimes when you feel like your intolerance will have such a profound effect on the lives of those you care about deeply.

When my boyfriend and I started dating, the only sensitivity I knew I had was wheat. However, after symptoms kept on I found out that I had Celiac while we were dating. It was a very emotional time for me. I knew that I could handle going without, but I just hated the thought of how it would hold him down if we got married. I can remember one night where I was crying about it and asking him all these questions like what were we going to do at holidays when we have to travel to visit relatives and I can't eat anything that's there? Or what if we got married and I passed it down to future children? I worried about all the same things you worried about. He was extremely supportive and still is...every time I worry about it, he just tells me that it's ok and that we'll figure it out and work it all out. When he goes to the store and buys groceries he'll often check to see if there is a gluten-free brand so that I can have it when I come over. He has scrubbed one side of his grill so that I can eat grilled meat. He helps find restaurants I can eat at safely. He offered to stand next to the gluten-free ham with a knife at Thanksgiving to make sure no one stuck a gluteny fork in it. Sometimes I think he almost enjoys the challenge and sees it like an adventure. He constantly reassures and encourages me when I'm feeling down about it.

I try to repay his kindness by not making a fuss when he eats bread at Outback Steakhouse or if he wants to make himself some pasta while I eat gluten-free Mac and Cheese or something. Remember that if you end up with someone that is not gluten-free, you are both going to have to be patient with each other. She'll have to be patient with you as she learns what you can and can't eat and where you can and can't eat. She'll have to learn how to be careful of your disease, to be sensitive to it, and to be there to support you when time after time you have to speak to a manger at a restaurant or send back a salad because it had crutons on it. She'll have to be patient with you those times when, try as hard as you could, you got glutened and you have a crazy stomach for a few days. On the other hand, you'll have to be patient with her, as well. You'll have to be patient with her as you have to remind her over and over again what you can't eat. You'll have to be patient with her when she gets you something or makes you something that she *thinks* is gluten-free but it turns out to be poison. You'll have to be patient with her the times when you eat out together and watch her eat a hamburger and fries while you can only eat a meat patty with a side of steamed veggies. For both of you, it will be difficult at times and it will require compromise. But if you work together it can be a bonding experience and a way to be generous to one another. There may be women out there who don't want to date you because of your Celiac disease, but there are probably far more who will.

I understand that it's frustrating in social situations with friends, as well. What I do is just prepare ahead of time and take something with me that I can eat. If you are eating out, ask if you can eat somewhere with a gluten-free menu. If someone choose a restaurant without, either go and order a drink and enjoy the fellowship or decide to stay at home instead. All of my friends have tried to accommodate me when they can. Sometimes I've been surprised that they remember things I can eat and bring them for me! Other times I just stay home and they are understanding of that, too.

[latteda]

I cannot believe some of the posts I'm reading. Why would a few restrictions on your diet limit your social life in any way? I'm in college and everyone seems to know someone who has a gluten intolerance as well. I'm not ashamed of it; I talk about it openly so more people are aware of it and accepting of it. I've rarely gotten negative reactions. People are very curious and like hearing about it, and many many times the reaction will be something like, "whoa! I think I've got that!" I've found it to be a great conversation piece. Sometimes when I go out to eat I have to get plain chicken and rice and that's fine--I'm still having fun talking to whoever I'm with. And one time I went on a date with a guy who turned out to have celiac too and we bonded over gluten-free Long Island iced teas. People joke with me about it and it's all in good fun. I was at a party over the summer where the guys were yelling, "Kayla! You can't have this vodka watermelon it's got gluten!" Have a sense of humor! You're not weird, it's just that most people don't know they have it yet. I always approach the subject like it's something totally common that everyone should know about but don't--because that's what it is! People are just ignorant of it now, but that's changing thankfully.

Where are you from? In some places, the public is more aware of Celiac than in others. Usually around here, if I mention gluten or Celiac people look at me like I am speaking a foreign language. I think it's great that you are around so many people that are familiar with the disease, but that is not the case for everyone.

[cyoshimit]

I cannot believe some of the posts I'm reading. Why would a few restrictions on your diet limit your social life in any way? I'm in college and everyone seems to know someone who has a gluten intolerance as well. I'm not ashamed of it; I talk about it openly so more people are aware of it and accepting of it. I've rarely gotten negative reactions. People are very curious and like hearing about it, and many many times the reaction will be something like, "whoa! I think I've got that!" I've found it to be a great conversation piece. Sometimes when I go out to eat I have to get plain chicken and rice and that's fine--I'm still having fun talking to whoever I'm with. And one time I went on a date with a guy who turned out to have celiac too and we bonded over gluten-free Long Island iced teas. People joke with me about it and it's all in good fun. I was at a party over the summer where the guys were yelling, "Kayla! You can't have this vodka watermelon it's got gluten!" Have a sense of humor! You're not weird, it's just that most people don't know they have it yet. I always approach the subject like it's something totally common that everyone should know about but don't--because that's what it is! People are just ignorant of it now, but that's changing thankfully.

Wow... isnt that just great for you?!its a good thing that we have people like you out there to educate the public about gluten. Perhaps you can come to hawaii and let people here know as well? You seem to be healthy enough to be expressing comfortably about gluten and have fun a the same time. Unfortunately there are different stages and severitys of Celiac, maybe a little compassion for those who have it harder than you do or are going through a rough time? But ITS GREAT that it dose not to seem to impose on your live as much. GOOD FOR YOU! =)

[Gfresh404]

Jason, I wish I could give you a hug. I know it can be so discouraging sometimes when you feel like your intolerance will have such a profound effect on the lives of those you care about deeply.

When my boyfriend and I started dating, the only sensitivity I knew I had was wheat. However, after symptoms kept on I found out that I had Celiac while we were dating. It was a very emotional time for me. I knew that I could handle going without, but I just hated the thought of how it would hold him down if we got married. I can remember one night where I was crying about it and asking him all these questions like what were we going to do at holidays when we have to travel to visit relatives and I can't eat anything that's there? Or what if we got married and I passed it down to future children? I worried about all the same things you worried about. He was extremely supportive and still is...every time I worry about it, he just tells me that it's ok and that we'll figure it out and work it all out. When he goes to the store and buys groceries he'll often check to see if there is a gluten-free brand so that I can have it when I come over. He has scrubbed one side of his grill so that I can eat grilled meat. He helps find restaurants I can eat at safely. He offered to stand next to the gluten-free ham with a knife at Thanksgiving to make sure no one stuck a gluteny fork in it. Sometimes I think he almost enjoys the challenge and sees it like an adventure. He constantly reassures and encourages me when I'm feeling down about it.

I try to repay his kindness by not making a fuss when he eats bread at Outback Steakhouse or if he wants to make himself some pasta while I eat gluten-free Mac and Cheese or something. Remember that if you end up with someone that is not gluten-free, you are both going to have to be patient with each other. She'll have to be patient with you as she learns what you can and can't eat and where you can and can't eat. She'll have to learn how to be careful of your disease, to be sensitive to it, and to be there to support you when time after time you have to speak to a manger at a restaurant or send back a salad because it had crutons on it. She'll have to be patient with you those times when, try as hard as you could, you got glutened and you have a crazy stomach for a few days. On the other hand, you'll have to be patient with her, as well. You'll have to be patient with her as you have to remind her over and over again what you can't eat. You'll have to be patient with her when she gets you something or makes you something that she *thinks* is gluten-free but it turns out to be poison. You'll have to be patient with her the times when you eat out together and watch her eat a hamburger and fries while you can only eat a meat patty with a side of steamed veggies. For both of you, it will be difficult at times and it will require compromise. But if you work together it can be a bonding experience and a way to be generous to one another. There may be women out there who don't want to date you because of your Celiac disease, but there are probably far more who will.

I understand that it's frustrating in social situations with friends, as well. What I do is just prepare ahead of time and take something with me that I can eat. If you are eating out, ask if you can eat somewhere with a gluten-free menu. If someone choose a restaurant without, either go and order a drink and enjoy the fellowship or decide to stay at home instead. All of my friends have tried to accommodate me when they can. Sometimes I've been surprised that they remember things I can eat and bring them for me! Other times I just stay home and they are understanding of that, too.

You could not have been more spot on. Nearly all the things you mentioned I think about or have thought about at one time or another.

I think it really just about going with it, having confidence with your disease. Almost as if to say "Psh, you wish you had Celiac Disease, then you'd be forced to eat a lot healthier and live a lot longer." Ok maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I am starting to realize that so much of dating and finding that significant other is just about being your own individual and being confident in as many aspects of your life as you can. Yes, gluten intolerance plays a role in your life, but you decide how big of a role it gets to play. You decide how big of a factor it gets to be.

[ang1e0251]

Wow... isnt that just great for you?!its a good thing that we have people like you out there to educate the public about gluten. Perhaps you can come to hawaii and let people here know as well? You seem to be healthy enough to be expressing comfortably about gluten and have fun a the same time. Unfortunately there are different stages and severitys of Celiac, maybe a little compassion for those who have it harder than you do or are going through a rough time? But ITS GREAT that it dose not to seem to impose on your live as much. GOOD FOR YOU! =)

You are right about the different stages and severities of our outlooks on this new life we have to lead. We didn't choose it but there are severe consequences for not complying and boy, that can really chafe!

But let's be respectful of each person's way of dealing with the problem. Because she is in a different place than others, she has her own outlook as do you. I respect her way of dealing at this point in her life and I respect yours. Even if I don't agree with it, I would counter it with a respectful argument. I think she was conpassionately stating her case just as one example of a way to cope. We're here to support one another. We get enough scepticism, put downs and outright disbelief from others, let's be kind to one another.

[cyoshimit]

You are right about the different stages and severities of our outlooks on this new life we have to lead. We didn't choose it but there are severe consequences for not complying and boy, that can really chafe!

But let's be respectful of each person's way of dealing with the problem. Because she is in a different place than others, she has her own outlook as do you. I respect her way of dealing at this point in her life and I respect yours. Even if I don't agree with it, I would counter it with a respectful argument. I think she was conpassionately stating her case just as one example of a way to cope. We're here to support one another. We get enough scepticism, put downs and outright disbelief from others, let's be kind to one another.

Your right open mindedness and support is key here.