Will I Ever Be Able To Have A Relationship?

[jasonD2]

My food/digestive issues have impacted my life so much that I feel like it will be impossible for me to ever have a normal datng life again. I have become so finicky and obsessive with what I eat, how I eat, when I eat and where I eat...to the point where no sane woman will want to be with someone like me. Before I got sick I was so chipper and carefree and would love going out and seemed to naturally attract women all the time, but now its the complete opposite. I feel like women dont even look at me now

I am also 15 lbs underweight and hate the way I look and hate hearing how skinny I am from everyone...if i could work out and get back on an intense physical fitness regimen I would feel much better, but I cant even do that...I did 10 pushups the other day and my reflux bothered me for the rest of the day and i couldnt even eat. As some of you know i have parasites I have to treat, but im still waiting on some followup test results before I start with my meds...I PRAY that this will help me get better.

My attitude has been ok lately and havent been too depressed, just been really into my job and havent been obsessing over my health as much- but as soon as i got home from my week long business trip I feel like im back to the insanity.

Anyway, aside from getting therapy (which i plan to do) how else can i get my s hit together so i can have something of a normal life again?

[RideAllWays]

My food/digestive issues have impacted my life so much that I feel like it will be impossible for me to ever have a normal datng life again. I have become so finicky and obsessive with what I eat, how I eat, when I eat and where I eat...to the point where no sane woman will want to be with someone like me. Before I got sick I was so chipper and carefree and would love going out and seemed to naturally attract women all the time, but now its the complete opposite. I feel like women dont even look at me now

I am also 15 lbs underweight and hate the way I look and hate hearing how skinny I am from everyone...if i could work out and get back on an intense physical fitness regimen I would feel much better, but I cant even do that...I did 10 pushups the other day and my reflux bothered me for the rest of the day and i couldnt even eat. As some of you know i have parasites I have to treat, but im still waiting on some followup test results before I start with my meds...I PRAY that this will help me get better.

My attitude has been ok lately and havent been too depressed, just been really into my job and havent been obsessing over my health as much- but as soon as i got home from my week long business trip I feel like im back to the insanity.

Anyway, aside from getting therapy (which i plan to do) how else can i get my s hit together so i can have something of a normal life again?

Maybe it's different since you are a man, but as a woman I haven't found dating to difficult...once I got to know my boyfriend and he learn all about my issues, he has been looking out for me every since. He used to be a huge gluten eater and has cut down a lot, and actually feels much healthier! He is so caring and accepts my "strange" eating habits as well as my anxiety attacks.

Find somebody who gets to know you, not your issues, and likes you for you.

[sandsurfgirl]

First of all, I think until you finish the parasite medicine and get rid of those, your digestive healing will be a bit on hold. Those wreak havoc on your body and on top of celiac that's a lot to deal with.

But... please know I'm saying this with kindness and caring, but I'm going to be a bit honest here. I think that you need to get out of this spiral of living in your own head. Look outside yourself a bit and force yourself to be more social. Yes you are sick right now. RIGHT NOW is the operative phrase here. You will not be sick forever, but if you go into this shell where all you do is think about being sick and talk about being sick and worry about being sick, life is going to pass you by. You would be amazed at people's capacity for caring and understanding if you give them a chance.

I'm not criticizing you, but you could start here. I've noticed that you don't reply to other people's threads and you don't reach out in friendship, even when others (like me) reach out to you. To find healthy dating situations, I think it's important to be solid in your friendship situations first. I have made some amazing friends on here and 3 of us just went out to dinner last night as a matter of fact!

I am not advocating trying to find people to date on here. I hope what I'm saying is making sense. Try to be the best friend you can to people and most of the time it will be returned. Having that healthy connection with friends will give you healing in your body because you will be connected and you will have more peace. When you are at peace and you have healthy friendships, you will attract a GOOD woman, not just any one you meet in a bar or whatever because you won't be spiraling in on yourself and your worries.

[Bobbijo6681]

I agree with Sandsurf, once you have gotten over the major issues that you are dealing with, DO NOT let the illness control your life. I know that is easier said than done, but you can do it. I was only diagnosed about 2 months ago, but my last relationship ended mostly due to side effects of Celiac (didn't know that at the time of course) At first I was like you I FREAKED out, and just knew that I was destined to be single for the rest of my life, and then my friends beat me over the head and made me deal with it. I am a very positive person most of the time, but this was something that was VERY hard for me to deal with, I thought my life was over. My friends, and the people here, helped me deal with it and get over it. I met someone a couple of weeks ago, and although it is still very new, he is wonderful. He made me dinner the other night and didn't gluten me, he read the labels, or handed me the packages to read so that he knew I wouldn't get sick. When we go out he makes sure that we eat somewhere that I am able to find something easy to eat. Again this is very new and who knows what the future might hold, but this gives me hope that there IS someone out there for me, I just have to find him. When I spend time with my new friend, I don't even talk about my illness, I have told him all that I need to for now and can get into the details later if needed.

Just deal with you medical issues that are still giving you problems, then get out there and find someone GREAT!!

[Reba32]

maybe e-harmony needs to add a dating service specifically for Celiacs?

Jason, your health issues can be overcome, and I do believe that with the right person, a relationship is more than possible, even probable.

But you're right, people will be attracted to other people who *feel* attractive. If you're feeling like crap and down on yourself all the time, then that is outwardly projected to others. Once you're feeling better physically, perhaps emotionally you'll start to heal and can be that outgoing attractive guy again. It takes time, but seriously, Celiac is not a death knell to relationship. It is what we make of it.

[mygfworld]

I don't know your whole story, but I understand the troubles you're having. Celiacs is hard enough without throwing in new diseases and for you parasites. I've had several big health issues happen over the years. I get very depressed and obsess over the latest disease. It takes me a while to come to terms with the new issue too. The very best thing you can do is focus on getting healthy right now. Get medicated for the reflux. Get rid of the parasites and whatever else is going on. Then once you're healthy, start going back to the things you love to do. Get involved and start focusing on other things. For my kids and myself (all celiacs) i try very hard to never say we can't go somewhere or do something because of food. Sometimes it's awkward but most people understand or ask questions. Those who say something rude are clearly not going to be friends anyway.

Hope you start feeling better soon!

[PrincessHungry]

Oh Jason! I know exactly how you feel! I was diagnosed in August of 09, right before I had surgery to remove a large fibroid from my uterus. Fortunately, going gluten free was fairly easy for me since my mom was diagnosed 8 years ago and my sister about 3 years ago. I already knew a lot about the diet and I live in Portland, Oregon which is an amazing place for weird diet crap. Shortly after my diagnosis, I started having other strange symptoms possibly related to interstitial cystitis...but it's still up in the air. As a result, I've eliminated so many things from my diet...I'm constantly hungry, b%$@#y, and miserable. I love food and used to be 180lbs. I started working out and started losing weight and was super happy eating whatever gluten-free food I wanted but now since I have to restrict so much, I can't workout out because I started losing too much weight and have a hard time controlling my blood sugar. I'm down to 145 now and I don't like it. It happened so fast it scared me a little and people ask what's wrong with me or why I'm trying to lose so much weight...hello? if I had any control over this I would eat ice cream all day long. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Being gluten free is one thing, but now I can't have dairy, any grain, salt of any kind, rice, soy, citrus, preservatives...ugh, listing it all makes me sad but you get the idea. This has been incredibly difficult on my relationship with my very loving boyfriend but I'm frustrated and hungry all the time. We can't go out to eat and I can't drink anything other than water and the occasional cup of chamomile tea. The food I eat isn't good. It doesn't taste good and it doesn't fill me up like food used to. It's hard for other people to understand what it is like. I'm so fortunate to have my mom and sister who understand all the weird food stuff, the depression and anxiety, the frustration, ALL OF IT! There is so much to deal with other than the diet. I get it, we all do. I try to focus on the idea that there must be an answer to what's wrong with me right now. I just need to find the right person to help me figure it out.

I agree with everyone else that you need to first get your other health stuff under control but give yourself a break. Being gluten free isn't the end of the world but it is a life changing diagnosis and you need to give yourself time to adjust to that. I try to tell people that eating those foods just isn't an option anymore and I need to accept it and move on. If you're allergic to peanuts do you eat them? No. It's that simple in my mind. That doesn't mean I'm not a miserable jerk most of the time because I'm hungry all the time...but I'm working on focusing on what I can control.

I know this is a lot of rambling but I feel for you. I know your frustration and I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Just know that there is hope, there is a way to live the most incredible life ever. My best suggestion is to find other celiacs who understand. No one else will. They've been so understanding and make me feel less crazy.

[Roda]

Heck if you gotta girl that would like to see you again why not? Why shut the door on something that could be. If you don't take the chance you will never know what the potential was. It may not go any further, but at least you won't be sitting alone saying "what if." There was something there that made her want to meet again.

[ravenwoodglass]

Oh Jason! I know exactly how you feel! I was diagnosed in August of 09, right before I had surgery to remove a large fibroid from my uterus. Fortunately, going gluten free was fairly easy for me since my mom was diagnosed 8 years ago and my sister about 3 years ago. I already knew a lot about the diet and I live in Portland, Oregon which is an amazing place for weird diet crap. Shortly after my diagnosis, I started having other strange symptoms possibly related to interstitial cystitis...but it's still up in the air. As a result, I've eliminated so many things from my diet...I'm constantly hungry, b%$@#y, and miserable. I love food and used to be 180lbs. I started working out and started losing weight and was super happy eating whatever gluten-free food I wanted but now since I have to restrict so much, I can't workout out because I started losing too much weight and have a hard time controlling my blood sugar. I'm down to 145 now and I don't like it. It happened so fast it scared me a little and people ask what's wrong with me or why I'm trying to lose so much weight...hello? if I had any control over this I would eat ice cream all day long. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Being gluten free is one thing, but now I can't have dairy, any grain, salt of any kind, rice, soy, citrus, preservatives...ugh, listing it all makes me sad but you get the idea. This has been incredibly difficult on my relationship with my very loving boyfriend but I'm frustrated and hungry all the time. We can't go out to eat and I can't drink anything other than water and the occasional cup of chamomile tea. The food I eat isn't good. It doesn't taste good and it doesn't fill me up like food used to. It's hard for other people to understand what it is like. I'm so fortunate to have my mom and sister who understand all the weird food stuff, the depression and anxiety, the frustration, ALL OF IT! There is so much to deal with other than the diet. I get it, we all do. I try to focus on the idea that there must be an answer to what's wrong with me right now. I just need to find the right person to help me figure it out.

I agree with everyone else that you need to first get your other health stuff under control but give yourself a break. Being gluten free isn't the end of the world but it is a life changing diagnosis and you need to give yourself time to adjust to that. I try to tell people that eating those foods just isn't an option anymore and I need to accept it and move on. If you're allergic to peanuts do you eat them? No. It's that simple in my mind. That doesn't mean I'm not a miserable jerk most of the time because I'm hungry all the time...but I'm working on focusing on what I can control.

I know this is a lot of rambling but I feel for you. I know your frustration and I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Just know that there is hope, there is a way to live the most incredible life ever. My best suggestion is to find other celiacs who understand. No one else will. They've been so understanding and make me feel less crazy.

It sounds like all you have eliminated is making you worse not better. How have you been going about the elimination? Are you being guided by anyone? Many people do eliminations backwards, according to my allergist. If you can find a good allergist or other medical professional to help you in the process it can make it much less confusing. An allergist will test you for true allergies and then formulate an elimination diet that will give you enough calories and nutrition. Not all allergists will help with elimination diets so do ask if they do before you make the appointment.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

[kareng]

Jason - You might be surprised. Alot of nice girls will understand wierd food issues. Some may even find it a fun game to make things you like to eat. If you make the food, even better. Girls like a man who can take care of himself. That may be a bit in the future because I know you have some hard weeks ahead as you fight off the parasites.

Maybe a walk a couple of times a day would help. When I was soooo tired & sick, taking a slow 10 minute walk lifted my spirits. If you have a hobby you like, try to do it. I know your a grown-up but: if you loved Legos or coloring books or making model cars as a kid, it might be fun to do that now while you aren't able to do alot. We have a mega church here that anyone can come to clubs & activities that are not religion based (card groups, basketball, service groups, etc).

This is enough "suggestions" for now. Don't want your eyes to glaze over or you to fall asleep.

[PrincessHungry]

It sounds like all you have eliminated is making you worse not better. How have you been going about the elimination? Are you being guided by anyone? Many people do eliminations backwards, according to my allergist. If you can find a good allergist or other medical professional to help you in the process it can make it much less confusing. An allergist will test you for true allergies and then formulate an elimination diet that will give you enough calories and nutrition. Not all allergists will help with elimination diets so do ask if they do before you make the appointment.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

I've had a really hard time with the elimination diet and haven't been feeling better. Cutting out gluten was fairly easy since I knew so much about it already but about three months after going gluten-free, I started having weird reactions to citrus. I cut that out and then started following the interstitial cystitis diet because so many of my symptoms seemed to be pointing to that...I cut soy, caffeine, alcohol, fruit of any kind and noticed some things getting better but overall digestion hasn't. I would get this weird super low abdominal pressure which has seemed to disappear (thank god!) but I don't know exactly which food was causing that feeling or even if it was a food related thing. I also stopped eating dairy and all grain hoping to figure out what the problem ingredient was that I was still consuming but I haven't had any luck. I also cut out all preservatives. I eat chicken, salmon, shrimp and eggs for protein and broccoli, snap peas, carrots, red peppers and almond butter. This isn't perfect because I still have digestive issues and feel barfy a lot but I don't know what else to eat. I recently tried to eat brown rice again (doctor told me to try) and also tried tapioca flour...holy crap was it delicious but I was so unbelievably barfy for days that I never want to eat it again! I also avoid corn because it seems to go through my body with lightening speed.

I went to an allergist and every test came up negative! I was so surprised because I thought something would come up positive. He said whatever is happening isn't an allergy so it must be something else...like other autoimmune stuff?

What does your allergist recommend? I went to a GI doctor who I almost strangled because he was such an insensitive a-hole about the foods I was eating and not feeling better. He didn't really have any suggestions on what to eat...just what not to eat...which is most of what I'm eating now...so now what?

I have an appt this Friday with a new GI doc who has celiac experience so I'm super excited and hope to get some answers.