Everyone Eats While I Watch: Your Honesty Needed, Please

[Looking for answers]

ravenwoodglass -

my point is that some -SOME- celiacs i have met in RL or have met through chatboards let celiac disease control their lives, to the point where they think everyone is against them or they have no control over what happens to them. that is a sad and lonely place to be.

in the beginning, yes, it IS overwhelming and scary, and i remember being really frustrated and freaked out, lost about 20 pounds (that i didn't need to lose) and cried...alot. but after a while you take a breath, see a nutritionist, read some books, and figure it out through trial and error. for example, i endlessly tried recreating bread (my fave food) but it just reminded me of how much i miss wheat bread. and that made me depressed and angry and snappy, and when i saw people eating warm buttered bread in restaurants i wanted to scream. eventually i saw the corellation and stopped trying to recreate a french loaf, and put my time into other things, and i felt much better. when i see/hear veteran celiacs complain about how mean/thoughtless their boss is by offering them a doughnut, for example, which i have read at least twice on this board, i think maybe it's about more than just the food. maybe some people feel out of control about othere aspects of their lives, or they have always felt like the blacksheep of their family, and the celiac diet makes them feel even worse. food tends to push buttons for alot of people, celiac or not, and i think it bears looking at. i so seldom hear anyone on this coping board talk about stress relief: yoga, meditation, therapy, kickboxing, whatever. i like to journal and sometimes my entries are just lists of food i miss, but it helps me enormously.

this is a difficult disease, but being furious at everyone around you won't help. obviously this is the place to vent, but i just think some people are so negative about everything, all the time; their every post is filled with anger, which can't be healthy. just offering a different perspective, or maybe i just believe in a little toughlove.

in any case this will be my last post so you can take this as you wish. good luck, all.

Great perspective...I think you should keep posting, you may help out others.

[Lynayah]

Wow -- all of the replies here have been so thoughtful AND helpful! I'll add a longer post later (just got back from vacation), but I wanted to thank all of you right away.

Here's a short update:

Hubby and daughter were VERY supportive -- more later.

As it turned out, the restaurant in question (which is a road-side, Food Channel "Drive-In, Diners and Dives" hamburger joint) WAS able to accomodate me, which came as quite a surprise -- I plan to post a review in the forum and will notate it here when I do.

However, there was an old-favorite New Mexican restaurant that was unable to give me an uncontaminated meal -- it seems that everything there comes in contact with flour in one way or another. When I called them, they were very honest, which I deeply appreciated.

I'm pleased to report that my husband and daughter went alone and had a great daddy/daughter dinner, but only after my encouraging them to do so (thank you to those who posted this suggestion).

Bottom line: Why did the situation change and work out so well? Well, thanks to all the posts here, I prayed about it, let go of my ego, and just let life guide the way . . . and it all worked out.

Everyone here: You are the greatest friends and THE WORLD'S BEST support group. I love you for taking the time to post a reply. Thanks again.

[Ahorsesoul]

You can do and enjoy anything with a good attitude! You deserve a star!

[luvs2eat]

Yes, Yes, YES! I look to support groups to help me work through the issues *before* I am in a situation and sometimes to help me develop my Lessons Learned!

And when I first went gluten free I was just so grateful that *I* didn't have to figure out that cross contamination thing. Well, life has a funny way of teaching me, I guess!! But I have been blessed, and I am forever grateful for my daughter who has helped me navigate this as well as we have.

Having nothing to do w/ anything... your avatar is about the cutest face I've ever seen!!!

[Skylark]

That's great news. I'm so glad your hubby and daughter were supportive and you all worked things out!

[Gemini]

I can't believe this place can't fix a gluten free meal. If you haven't called the place you need to give them a call. I just had dinner at an Italian place whose speciality is of course pasta. My meal was gluten free.

I think one could go both ways on this. It would be nice as a father-daughter night out. I could go, not eat and enjoy myself but not everyone could do this. I'd be taking photos the whole time to document the dinner. If both of them want you to go I suggest you go or it will be remembered by your daughter as the night Mom refused to go to dinner with me.

I do vote your husband as being rather selfish on this matter.

This is definitely the best advice and the most normal way to go about a resolution. I couldn't agree more. I have yet to go to any "special" restaurant, which sounds like it would be a higher end place, that could not accommodate a gluten-free diet successfully. Even an Italian restaurant can make a steak or chicken dish, with a potato, that could be safety ingested without it being a big deal.

You may not get the meal of a lifetime but if it's well prepared, that should do fine.

I do second vote your husband as being the slightly selfish one and he could be more understanding about it but maybe he feels the same and cannot fathom why you wouldn't be able to order something and not get sick. I am about as sensitive a Celiac as they come and I have eaten out successfully no matter what the situation. Celiac doesn't have to be a show stopper, for the most part. There are things that will be off limits but this isn't one of them. I think you should call the place and feel them out as to what they could do for you.You may be pleasantly surprised!

[Lynayah]

This is definitely the best advice and the most normal way to go about a resolution. I couldn't agree more. I have yet to go to any "special" restaurant, which sounds like it would be a higher end place, that could not accommodate a gluten-free diet successfully. Even an Italian restaurant can make a steak or chicken dish, with a potato, that could be safety ingested without it being a big deal.

You may not get the meal of a lifetime but if it's well prepared, that should do fine.

I do second vote your husband as being the slightly selfish one and he could be more understanding about it but maybe he feels the same and cannot fathom why you wouldn't be able to order something and not get sick. I am about as sensitive a Celiac as they come and I have eaten out successfully no matter what the situation. Celiac doesn't have to be a show stopper, for the most part. There are things that will be off limits but this isn't one of them. I think you should call the place and feel them out as to what they could do for you.You may be pleasantly surprised!

Thank you! Check out my post No. 27 for an update! : ) You may have missed it.

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

Having nothing to do w/ anything... your avatar is about the cutest face I've ever seen!!!

Just thought the same thing... cute face.

I know I'm late responding to this post, but I also wanted to say something on what somebody said in this post (can't remember who) about negativity and ranting. I've tried to eat out with my German friends over here in the US and pointed out to them several times, that I am not comfortable with eating at an Italian place. Nobody really cares, so about 10 times or so I actually made the effort to come with them. Called ahead to the places, then talked again to the waiter/waitress. Most of the time ended up only eating a salad. I have to say I really dislike eating salad very much though (I feel like a rabbit). Basically explained myself to death every time about this gluten issue and I believe after living a glutenfree life since 2004 I have a very good understanding of what I can and can't have and what to watch out for, when you prepare it. Every single time I got glutened by something at those places (!!!) and I finally came to the conclusion, that if my friends value my presence, they would accomodate my needs to go to a place, where I would be comfortable, too. When I told them, I wouldn't come, most of them got offended and must have thought, I'm high maintenance. I gave up on those friendships, because of this. I have new friends now, who value, who I am and try to accomodate me. I've also found that through ranting and people listening, one developes the want for less ranting. This is a typical RC technique that I've found very helpful.

Oh, and like most of you know, I am a professional kickboxer. This however never helped me and sparring just made me more aggravated and obsessed with the whole gluten thing, whenever I had a need to rant. However friends like the ones on this board listening to my rants, however long they may take, has very greatly benefited and helped me to get rid of my "obsessions". "Tough love" usually made the entire thing worse and you keep going until you find someone, who will listen. I realize, not everybody is the same, those are just my own experiences. But still, listening always helped me.

[codetalker]

Most of the time ended up only eating a salad. I have to say I really dislike eating salad very much though (I feel like a rabbit).

Your comment struck a chord with me. A while back, my director tried to rope me into a vendor-sponsored business meal at the last minute. It was one of those gratuitous vendor meals that vendors host just as much for themselves as for the client. The menu was fixed by the host, we had no control over it and there was no time to arrange any special accomodation for my diet. In addition to pointing out that there was no business reason for me to go, I pointed out that the menu (which we knew in advance) was not gluten-free. His response:

Can't you just eat the carrot sticks?

My feeling is that we should have the right to excuse ourselves from a meal situation, if we wish. In the case of my company, I shed my share of blood, sweat and tears. I always put them first and never let my diet interfere with my responsibilities. As a result, they should have respected my decision to skip the excesses.

[mushroom]

My feeling is that we should have the right to excuse ourselves from a meal situation, if we wish. In the case of my company, I shed my share of blood, sweat and tears. I always put them first and never let my diet interfere with my responsibilities. As a result, they should have respected my decision to skip the excesses.

Unfortunately, as we both seem to have found out, shedding blood for a company does not earn any brownie points It's like, yeah, but did you shed any yesterday??

[weluvgators]

Having nothing to do w/ anything... your avatar is about the cutest face I've ever seen!!!

Thank you so much! This really made my day, and I really needed it!! It is the face of my super silly daughter who has taught me so much. She has been an amazing and incredible guide for our family on this gluten free journey.

[Gemini]

Wow -- all of the replies here have been so thoughtful AND helpful! I'll add a longer post later (just got back from vacation), but I wanted to thank all of you right away.

Here's a short update:

Hubby and daughter were VERY supportive -- more later.

As it turned out, the restaurant in question (which is a road-side, Food Channel "Drive-In, Diners and Dives" hamburger joint) WAS able to accomodate me, which came as quite a surprise -- I plan to post a review in the forum and will notate it here when I do.

However, there was an old-favorite New Mexican restaurant that was unable to give me an uncontaminated meal -- it seems that everything there comes in contact with flour in one way or another. When I called them, they were very honest, which I deeply appreciated.

I'm pleased to report that my husband and daughter went alone and had a great daddy/daughter dinner, but only after my encouraging them to do so (thank you to those who posted this suggestion).

Bottom line: Why did the situation change and work out so well? Well, thanks to all the posts here, I prayed about it, let go of my ego, and just let life guide the way . . . and it all worked out.

Everyone here: You are the greatest friends and THE WORLD'S BEST support group. I love you for taking the time to post a reply. Thanks again.

I am so happy the whole thing worked out for you! It sounds like you have conquered this gluten free issue and moved on to a better way of dealing with the whole thing. You did the right thing...take a moment, think about it, take a few deep breaths and let it go. It really is only food and, as much as we all enjoy eating with socializing, it isn't the end of the world if we can't do so every time. It's good to be a happy Celiac!

[kareng]

His response:

Can't you just eat the carrot sticks?

I would have said, "Can you?" or "I will if you will"