Question For Magpie (And Anyone Else..)

[Monklady123]

I didn't want to hijack that other thread (about the problem with MIL) -- but Magpie said that her MIL had been caught rubbing seafood on her plate at a restaurant. sheesh... because she thought Magpie was ruining her evening out. Um... I'm trying to figure out how not eating seafood would "ruin" MIL's meal? Can't each person eat whatever they want? If I choose to have steak and one person eats shrimp and another eats clams and a fourth eats ravioli -- well, who cares? amazing... There really are some messed up people in this world.

(and, the seafood thing is really bad, because that's an actual allergy, isn't it? like serious anaphylactic (or however you spell that) shock?)

[MagpieWrites]

I didn't want to hijack that other thread (about the problem with MIL) -- but Magpie said that her MIL had been caught rubbing seafood on her plate at a restaurant. sheesh... because she thought Magpie was ruining her evening out. Um... I'm trying to figure out how not eating seafood would "ruin" MIL's meal? Can't each person eat whatever they want? If I choose to have steak and one person eats shrimp and another eats clams and a fourth eats ravioli -- well, who cares? amazing... There really are some messed up people in this world.

(and, the seafood thing is really bad, because that's an actual allergy, isn't it? like serious anaphylactic (or however you spell that) shock?)

It's a simple enough answer, hon. At least in my case.

My mother in law is absolutely, 100%, completely cracked.

It started, I think, simply from the sad fact she is also quite possibly the stupidest person wandering the planet (not being a b... brat here. That is her son's view. She is addicted to prescription pain killers since the age of 22 and it's addled the brain pan more than a tad. Now in her late 60's, this 4 foot 6 inches tall woman uses enough oxy, darvacet, and duragesic pain patches to fell a water buffalo on a daily basis.).

She likes shrimp - ergo, everyone on the planet must like shrimp. And if they refrain... well. They are just being silly. The first year of dating my husband was filled with meals where she would try to shove one into my mouth, drop one onto my plate, etc... all the while insisting "Just try one. Why be so difficult?" She really honestly could not GRASP it would kill me. She "forgot".

After a year of dating though... it got more intense. I think because she was finally realizing, I wasn't going to go away. My (now) husband had taken over the role of caregiver to his two rather.... self absorbed parents from a young age (he is an only child and adopted) - even to the extent of paying for a large portion of their home. Her belief that he was going to be her whipping boy for eternity was... starting to shake. From there - DEMANDS of weekly (I got it finally DOWN to weekly. The woman has never cooked a day in her life, and before I came along, they all trooped out to eat 3-5x a week.) "family" meals became the nagging norm.

All at seafood restaurants.

I was okay for a while, but the bad thing with shellfish allergies... there comes a tipping point where your body goes from "this is gonna SUCK for a bit." to "No. No more. Game over." Her son had just explained (as I rushed to the bathroom to down an entire bottle of children's benedryl because the whole breathing thing was becoming a serious issue) that we could no longer attend these meals. Too dangerous for me, if she wanted to see us, it was going to have to be somewhere else. It wasn't enough to just not order shellfish at Red Lobster, the fact it was all cooked on the same grills, in the same pans, with thousands of pounds of shellfish each week aerosolizing into the air was making just walking INTO the restaurant dangerous. I'd go red, start to itch, and breathing would become a real issue if I stayed too long.

15 minutes later, when I was out in the bathroom again - she pulled the shrimp trick. She claims it was to prove I wasn't allergic... the emergency bolt to the ER with my husband proved otherwise.

It's not so bad these days - and we have drastically cut back contact (her recent bout with cancer sadly dragged us back in for a while) and my husband stands firmly by me. The resulting battle of "I have no problem having you charged with attempted murder you self-centered psycho she beast" shocked her into quietness, at least for a bit.

Ultimately - I know not to trust her. I know how to manage her. And I have my husband backing me up. Added light spot is the fact every member of her family - her own husband on to her sister - have all said regarding the future and any kids we might have "Oh, of course you can never leave them around her. That would be deadly!" So I won't have to fight that battle alone when/if the time comes.

On the other hand... maybe I'll luck out and she'll just die before that happens. (Yeah. I know. Harsh. But after 7 years... heartfelt too.)

Sorry about the novel... it's a thing I've been dealing with for a while (my husband can never never EVER think I don't truly love him. I knew his mom was this crazy and I STILL married him. Granted... I made him show me his adoption papers first - because those genes just need to STOP.) and it can be a bit.... itchy to talk about. On the upside... beyond stunned horror and a serious desire to do the woman harm, my mom has been taken out to eat for years by her friends for stories of this nutjob. No one really believes... and than they meet her. In the abstract, it can be entertaining as hell. I figure one day I'll write one heck of a book about this!

[looking4help]

Oh Magpie! I believe you fully! I could write and write and write and still not be complete with the stories of my own mother!

You keep remembering how very much your hubby loves you to stand up FOR you! Not everyone has that amazing of a spouse!

In turn yes you too are an amazing person to put up with it and stand by your hubby!

Good for you! I applaud you for standing your ground! It's hard I know. I have been standing my ground with my own mother for so many years and only the last few the rest of the family is "getting" it.

Allergies are real. Pain is real and NOT breathing is REAL! I have the same reaction to 3 things: sweet potatoes, strawberries and fresh ginger. I had to fire a friend once b/c she just kept insisting that I try the sweet potato thingie on the the plate the night we had girls night out. I finally said sure I will as soon as you take me to the ER and I can try it after you get the DR. ready to help me when I can't breathe.

SOME people! ARRRRGGGHH!!

It's a simple enough answer, hon. At least in my case.

My mother in law is absolutely, 100%, completely cracked.

It started, I think, simply from the sad fact she is also quite possibly the stupidest person wandering the planet (not being a b... brat here. That is her son's view. She is addicted to prescription pain killers since the age of 22 and it's addled the brain pan more than a tad. Now in her late 60's, this 4 foot 6 inches tall woman uses enough oxy, darvacet, and duragesic pain patches to fell a water buffalo on a daily basis.).

She likes shrimp - ergo, everyone on the planet must like shrimp. And if they refrain... well. They are just being silly. The first year of dating my husband was filled with meals where she would try to shove one into my mouth, drop one onto my plate, etc... all the while insisting "Just try one. Why be so difficult?" She really honestly could not GRASP it would kill me. She "forgot".

After a year of dating though... it got more intense. I think because she was finally realizing, I wasn't going to go away. My (now) husband had taken over the role of caregiver to his two rather.... self absorbed parents from a young age (he is an only child and adopted) - even to the extent of paying for a large portion of their home. Her belief that he was going to be her whipping boy for eternity was... starting to shake. From there - DEMANDS of weekly (I got it finally DOWN to weekly. The woman has never cooked a day in her life, and before I came along, they all trooped out to eat 3-5x a week.) "family" meals became the nagging norm.

All at seafood restaurants.

I was okay for a while, but the bad thing with shellfish allergies... there comes a tipping point where your body goes from "this is gonna SUCK for a bit." to "No. No more. Game over." Her son had just explained (as I rushed to the bathroom to down an entire bottle of children's benedryl because the whole breathing thing was becoming a serious issue) that we could no longer attend these meals. Too dangerous for me, if she wanted to see us, it was going to have to be somewhere else. It wasn't enough to just not order shellfish at Red Lobster, the fact it was all cooked on the same grills, in the same pans, with thousands of pounds of shellfish each week aerosolizing into the air was making just walking INTO the restaurant dangerous. I'd go red, start to itch, and breathing would become a real issue if I stayed too long.

15 minutes later, when I was out in the bathroom again - she pulled the shrimp trick. She claims it was to prove I wasn't allergic... the emergency bolt to the ER with my husband proved otherwise.

It's not so bad these days - and we have drastically cut back contact (her recent bout with cancer sadly dragged us back in for a while) and my husband stands firmly by me. The resulting battle of "I have no problem having you charged with attempted murder you self-centered psycho she beast" shocked her into quietness, at least for a bit.

Ultimately - I know not to trust her. I know how to manage her. And I have my husband backing me up. Added light spot is the fact every member of her family - her own husband on to her sister - have all said regarding the future and any kids we might have "Oh, of course you can never leave them around her. That would be deadly!" So I won't have to fight that battle alone when/if the time comes.

On the other hand... maybe I'll luck out and she'll just die before that happens. (Yeah. I know. Harsh. But after 7 years... heartfelt too.)

Sorry about the novel... it's a thing I've been dealing with for a while (my husband can never never EVER think I don't truly love him. I knew his mom was this crazy and I STILL married him. Granted... I made him show me his adoption papers first - because those genes just need to STOP.) and it can be a bit.... itchy to talk about. On the upside... beyond stunned horror and a serious desire to do the woman harm, my mom has been taken out to eat for years by her friends for stories of this nutjob. No one really believes... and than they meet her. In the abstract, it can be entertaining as hell. I figure one day I'll write one heck of a book about this!

[digmom1014]

Magpie-if you don't write for a living you should try. Your stories are always entertaining and highly engrossing.

[kareng]

Magpie-if you don't write for a living you should try. Your stories are always entertaining and highly engrossing.

I agree. I love reading your posts. I am soooooo happy to hear your Hub is adopted!

My MIL was crazy with a diagnosis. But it was more the sad and inconvenient kind. Not particularly dangerous. Her ex, my FIL, is evil. He can't do anything to us because we limit our exposure to him and he usually only wants to see us if he wants something from us.

[jerseyangel]

Magpie-if you don't write for a living you should try. Your stories are always entertaining and highly engrossing.

Goodness, I think so too! I love reading your stories

But oye....you really do have your hands full with the MIL

[knittingmonkey]

It's a simple enough answer, hon. At least in my case.

My mother in law is absolutely, 100%, completely cracked.

Oh Magpie,

My own mother is toxic too. Seems fishy that nature would allow some people to become parents. Now she's developed dementia to boot, which makes it even more difficult to try to relate to her.

And it's true, you write really well! In the end, your stories are uplifting.

[MagpieWrites]

You might not be able to see it, but you are all making me blush a bit here.

The writing thing... I'm working on it actually. Starting a new website that should finally get off the ground on Monday (not going to put the link here - I don't want to annoy the powers that be . If someone really DOES want to read more of my babblings, drop me a line and I'll email you the address.) and slowly getting things pulled together to see if all the random writing I've done all my life, and the time put in as editor for other writers works out to making a quiet go of it.

But honestly, it sounds like I've actually gotten off lucky in a lot of ways. It's my mother in law that is the issue - a pretty standard position for antagonistic stances. My own family (parents, my husband, my brother and his family) have been incredibly supportive (helped by how MANY folks in both my immediate and extended family have bother allergies and celiac) over food and food safety. Even my friends have been really great - the general (and very sweet) consensus amongst them was "If anyone can make it tasty - it's you!" The first week after my biopsy, I even had 3 couples over for dinner - all champing at the bit to try the "new" foods out. A few nits at my husband's job, a few irritations, but really, nothing but support from the core people in my life. My mother in law? I knew she was nutters when I met her - so I can't be too shocked when she acts true to type.

I don't know if I could have managed if my MOM had acted like that. I don't think it would have broken me (I'm a rather tough bird) but it would have been one heck of a body blow. Same with people I had viewed as close friends - that kind of ignorance and outright nastiness... that just makes my stomach clench to even think about!

There are some VERY strong folks on this board to manage dealing with people like THAT in their lives!

[Monklady123]

Just got back to this thread... and sheesh! That "sheesh" is for your MIL, and all the other toxic people in our lives.