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First Trip With New Girlfriend- Have Some Concerns

jasonD2

By jasonD2
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

jasonD2 Experienced
jasonD2
Posted

My girlfriend and i were invited to go skiing in Colorado and stay with one of my good friends and his wife for a few days. i havent spent more than 2 days with my girlfriend in the past 4 months and there are a lot of things about me she still doesnt know...my bizarre routine with traveling and eating, all my supplements and bathroom issues. i know i cant live in a box but how am i going to manage a trip like this? my colorado friends dont even know about my issues since i havent seen them in almost 10 years. its always easy when i travel on my own for work..i can either pick safe restaurants or make my own food...but this is different....i will be at the mercy of other people and the logistics of the trip may make it difficult to find all the safe restaurants and eat what i need to eat. i would really appreciate your feedback on this one. im still not close enough with my girlfriend to spill the beans about my health issues..its too soon and i fear if i reveal anything else it will freak her out. shes totally cool with the gluten thing but i cant get into my bowel habits, constipation and indigestion stuff

thanks & sorry for being so graphic

Jason

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kim:) Apprentice
kim:)
Posted

My girlfriend and i were invited to go skiing in Colorado and stay with one of my good friends and his wife for a few days. i havent spent more than 2 days with my girlfriend in the past 4 months and there are a lot of things about me she still doesnt know...my bizarre routine with traveling and eating, all my supplements and bathroom issues. i know i cant live in a box but how am i going to manage a trip like this? my colorado friends dont even know about my issues since i havent seen them in almost 10 years. its always easy when i travel on my own for work..i can either pick safe restaurants or make my own food...but this is different....i will be at the mercy of other people and the logistics of the trip may make it difficult to find all the safe restaurants and eat what i need to eat. i would really appreciate your feedback on this one. im still not close enough with my girlfriend to spill the beans about my health issues..its too soon and i fear if i reveal anything else it will freak her out. shes totally cool with the gluten thing but i cant get into my bowel habits, constipation and indigestion stuff

thanks & sorry for being so graphic

Jason

Hey,

I am from Colorado (Ski Town USA actually) and I would not be embarrased with your stomach issues because its something natural that hopefully she will understand. If she doesnt, it is a part of you and you can not really change that. On the traveling tips, make sure you pack a lot of food that can be heated up/"on the road food" that cant be heated up. I usually take a whole other suitcase or backpack when I travel with food and see if your girlfriend wants to pack some food that both of you can eat (gluten free pretzels,cookies, fruit, veggies, yogurt,icream..anything like that :)). Not sure what else to tell you, but I promise it will not be bad if you explain your stomach issues now instead of them finding out if you have cross contamination or such...

Good luck though : ) and have fun skiing : )

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Jason,

How long until the ski trip? If its still a few months away, you can start easing into the issues with the gluten-free. Apparently, you haven't stayed overnight together or she might have some clue about some of this.

Also, let the people you are staying with know about the food issues. You may have to help with the food planning and cooking. Bring some stuff to eat. I don't know how close they are to a grocery or what restuarants are around. You will have to do some scouting on the internet.

If you don't feel comfortable going, just say so. Or say you can't get the time off from work. Or your mom will have a fit if you travel with a girl. Or your mom's health is such that you don't want to leave her. (blame mom, that's what we are hear for).

jasonD2 Experienced
jasonD2
Posted
  • Author

Ha- well its a bit too late for that and i dont want to be a mama's boy on top of everything else :) also why should i cancel the trip? why cant i go do one of my favorite activities and see one of my closest friends? my only error was most likely bring this up to my girlfriend - originally i was gonna go out by myself but her & i have been getting closer & i said what the hell let me invite her...it was on a whim & i didnt even consdier all the issues i just discussed. so now its too late and if i tell her i want to go w/o her it wont go over very well & i cant lie and go on my own and tell her a different story (i actually considered that but its wrong)

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

Dude, seriously. I can't believe you're sleeping with her but don't feel "close enough" to talk about your health. If you don't trust her enough to tell her how you eat, why are you with her at all?

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Ha- well its a bit too late for that and i dont want to be a mama's boy on top of everything else :) also why should i cancel the trip? why cant i go do one of my favorite activities and see one of my closest friends? my only error was most likely bring this up to my girlfriend - originally i was gonna go out by myself but her & i have been getting closer & i said what the hell let me invite her...it was on a whim & i didnt even consdier all the issues i just discussed. so now its too late and if i tell her i want to go w/o her it wont go over very well & i cant lie and go on my own and tell her a different story (i actually considered that but its wrong)

I didn't really think you would want to lie. How much time do you have? You can slowly start adding comments and info into your conversations. If you are not sharing a room, its easier to hide bathroom issues. I think you have boxed yourself in and will have to discuss your current issues. Or break-up with the girlfriend. Yeah, right! ;)

jasonD2 Experienced
jasonD2
Posted
  • Author

wish it were that simple but its not unfortunately

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kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

wish it were that simple but its not unfortunately

No one said life & love are simple or easy.

mbrookes Community Regular
mbrookes
Posted

One thing in your favor is that you are going tp Colorado. A lot of food that I order comes from Colorado, so obtaining safe food should not be too hard.

Be honest with her. Why would you want a girl friend that you can't be open with? And you may ne surprised. She may have issues that you have not yet been exposed to.

lynnelise Apprentice
lynnelise
Posted

Well advice-wise definately tell your hosts. They are good friends so they will of course do what is necessary to ensure you have a safe and healthy visit! Pack lots of safe snacks and offer to go to the grocery store upon arrival and stock up on the stuff you need. Throw in disposable baking sheets and pans so you have less to worry about.

This may make you feel better...from my experience of being a girl and having lots of friends who are girls I can say with some confidence that your girlfriend is also anxious about going to the bathroom on this trip. Girls would like for their boyfriends to think that they are perfect heavenly beings who don't do anything worse than powder their noses in the restroom. Therefore the first overnight trip is usually when the girl realizes that at some point she is going to have to poop and it could be awkward.

jasonD2 Experienced
jasonD2
Posted
  • Author

thats funny & true

still though i hate being "the person" who is the oddball in the group who cant eat like everyone else and need to have everything done a specific way- it make me feel like an weakling and an inferior human being

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

Jason, you really need to consider counseling to help you accept who you are.

jasonD2 Experienced
jasonD2
Posted
  • Author

counseling aint gonna cut it - i just need to feel better. when i feel good my mental state is perfect

SGWhiskers Collaborator
SGWhiskers
Posted

I say enjoy the ski trip with gusto! Talk to the hosts a 2-4 weeks ahead of time. Let them know you developed food allergies and will be shipping out a box or two of food so that they don't have to worry about cooking for you. (After a recent trip back home with a suitcase full of food, I wish I had shipped it instead of lugging it through a train station. It will be cheaper than checking an extra suitcase of food). Ask if they wouldn't mind having some plain meat and plain fruits and veggies on hand for you. Offer to cook a wonderful meal for everyone a few nights you are visiting. Then go online and find as many restaraunts that either have gluten-free menus or chefs. Print this list out and keep it with you at all times. Contact the Ski hills ahead of time and ask about gluten-free eating. They should have lockers you can store safe food in for snacks and meals if the restaraunts are unsafe. Keep in mind that what you carry on your body should be soft in case you fall. My mother in law broke her ribs by landing on a bottle of ibuprofin in her coat. Don't go carrying a can of tuna in you pocket.

Everyone's got to poop and it is socially OK for men to stink up the bathroom. I had a friend in college with serious bathroom issues and we loved her just the same. It was never an inconvenience, just a part of life that we stopped for 20 minutes at a bathroom after every meal. She made the occassional joke about her frustration level or having grandpa's bathroom habits, and took it in a stride. We followed her lead.

Trips with a girlfriend are one part fun and one part learning more about each other, both good and bad. At this stage in dating, a girl's not gonna leave you over food, bathroom, or being neurotic/having quirks. Share your feelings in the days/weeks ahead of the trip and it will likely bring you closer. She's gonna be worried about her own issues too. You just don't know what those are yet. Won't you feel more in tune with her when you figure out that she has horribly frizzy hair if she does not spend an hour fixing it in the morning or that she snores? What if she has female issues while she is on the trip? Maybe she is afraid of looking like a fool on the ski slopes? What if she is the one with the worst skills and everyone has to ski on easier slopes to keep her company? The way you react to her insecurities will impact how she reacts to yours.

Also, from a skiing perspective, everytime I've been out west, We've taken semi-private lessons in the morning and met up with each other in the afternoon. It sure made my skiing better and made the day more enjoyable for everyone because everyone felt like they had gotten in some good skiing at their level. I didn't mind standing at the base of the moguls while my crazy husband tried to kill himeself and the rest of the family didn't mind taking some easier runs at the end of the day while I tried to get better at what I learned in the morning. I was also up for a few challenges after gaining my confidence all morning.

Have fun and I'm SO jealous of your plans.

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

counseling aint gonna cut it - i just need to feel better. when i feel good my mental state is perfect

The trick is to have a good mental state even when you don't feel well. To be able to understand that what your body feels doesn't have to affect your emotions.

You may always have these issues with food. Are you prepared to be terrified of discussing this with every new partner?

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

The trick is to have a good mental state even when you don't feel well. To be able to understand that what your body feels doesn't have to affect your emotions.

Tru dat! A positive mental attitude will take you so far, especially when you're not feeling well.

Also agree-if you're already sleeping together and you don't feel like you can open up and be honest with her, then there's not much of a 'relationship' there. If you want to have a long term relationship, you have to be able to be open and honest. Your health issues are important, so it's important for her to know that part of you too. If she can't handle it, wouldn't you rather find out now than later.

And as a woman, when a guy is being dishonest...No bigger turnoff!

Have a fun trip-really!

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Jason, I can't agree more with leveling with her. Good things will not come from hiding your food issues now--it's not a good way to start a serious relationship.

It actually is pretty simple--if she can't handle it now, it's gonna be so much harder for you later. Your issues are a part of you--not who you are and I'll bet if you give her the chance she will surprise you.

I personally find that how someone reacts to me when I eat differently or answer their questions is in the way I present myself. You have to accept this before you can expect others to and it really might be worth your while to at least speak with someone professional who can help you get to the root of this.

Charlie's Girl Apprentice
Charlie's Girl
Posted

I went back to Bikram yoga this summer after several years. Big emphasis on just staying in the room. I was filling out the form and trying to explain to the teacher that I was a little "delicate" and if I left the room suddenly- please just let me leave quietly. He pressed for more info- I told him I had Celiac disease and he said "My Mom has that. I get it. Set up your mat by the door on the south side of the room- it's closest to a bathroom."

You never know who may be totally understanding as they have some experience with these issues.

lynnelise Apprentice
lynnelise
Posted

I agree with the above about not knowing who may be more understanding that you think. I got in an embarrassing glutening situation while me and my husband were out with another couple...turns out they have several family members with Crohn's disease and completely understand mad dashes to the restroom.

cassP Contributor
cassP
Posted

Jason- WHERE in Colorado??? im always seeing on Twitter- that there's a lot of gluten free restaurants/bakeries in Colorado.

i follow this girl, she's a gluten-free blogger out of denver i think... but she's always mentioning restaurants in Boulder County.. ???

Open Original Shared Link

good luck :) and dont worry about your girlfriend and friends... this is important.. and it shouldnt matter to everyone..

ElseB Contributor
ElseB
Posted

My two cents is that if your girlfriend doesn't understand and isn't willing to put up with someone with "food issues" then she's not worth the effort. You need to take care of yourself and everyone around you needs to realize this. When I travel, I always pack in my suitcase lots of cereal, granola/snack bars, pasta as I find these are sometimes the hardest to find. If its a short trip, I bring enough for the whole trip. And then I supplement this with fresh fruit, dried fruit and trail mix, yoghurt, canned tuna, cheese. Its nothing gourmet, but at least I don't go hungry.

As an aside, my boyfriend and I first got together around the time I was diagnosed and travelled together shortly afterwards. I admit I was nervous and anxious since I'd been travelling alone for a few weeks and figured out my own routines for getting food. But he was amazingly supportive. And still is. Travelling with Celiac sucks. There's no way to sugarcoat it. Last year we travelled around France and I watched my boyfried eat pastries and croisants, and baguettes while I munched on lettuce. (but at the same time I was adament that he not deprive himself of what he wanted because of me. Afterall, I could still enjoy the wine :-) ) I've burst into tears in public more than once when I'm tired and hungry and can't find anywhere to eat. But he's there to support me and always says that the food issues are nothing and doesn't bother him. He loves me for who I am and for the fact that I can overcome these challenges and still live my life.

dilettantesteph Collaborator
dilettantesteph
Posted

I know that gluten has a strong affect on my mind as well as on my body. It sounds like this guy is still figuring things out since he is still having a lot of issues. I know that it took me a long time to figure out what I could eat, and in the meanwhile I wasn't quite all the way sane. Give the guy a break.

Nonetheless I agree that you need to come clean. It's been awhile now. Good luck with that.

Loey Rising Star
Loey
Posted

My girlfriend and i were invited to go skiing in Colorado and stay with one of my good friends and his wife for a few days. i havent spent more than 2 days with my girlfriend in the past 4 months and there are a lot of things about me she still doesnt know...my bizarre routine with traveling and eating, all my supplements and bathroom issues. i know i cant live in a box but how am i going to manage a trip like this? my colorado friends dont even know about my issues since i havent seen them in almost 10 years. its always easy when i travel on my own for work..i can either pick safe restaurants or make my own food...but this is different....i will be at the mercy of other people and the logistics of the trip may make it difficult to find all the safe restaurants and eat what i need to eat. i would really appreciate your feedback on this one. im still not close enough with my girlfriend to spill the beans about my health issues..its too soon and i fear if i reveal anything else it will freak her out. shes totally cool with the gluten thing but i cant get into my bowel habits, constipation and indigestion stuff

thanks & sorry for being so graphic

Jason

Jason,

I totally agree with everyone who is telling you to be open and up front about your situation with your girlfriend. If this girl can't handle it then she doesn't deserve you and it's not going to work out in the long run. Everyone has bathroom issues and most of us have funny (and some not so funny) stories that go along with them. You need to realize that you are going to waste time and money on this trip if you aren't honest. Celiac is becoming more and more common and it's amazing how many people are aware of it and how many restaurants are accommodating it.

There's a lot of great advice that's been posted here for you and I hope you take it. This can be an amazing trip but it's up to you!!!!

Loey

Loey Rising Star
Loey
Posted

counseling aint gonna cut it - i just need to feel better. when i feel good my mental state is perfect

There's nothing wrong with counseling.

psawyer Proficient
psawyer
Posted

There's nothing wrong with counseling.

It could even help you to feel better about your situation. Been there.

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