Thanksgiving Dinner... Dont Cook For Me!

[Rowena]

So most of the reason I made a Thanksgiving dinner this weekend was so that I could have my own safe dinner at my parents house. Sure it was nice to have it with family too, but that was the real reason I did it. Now my mom is trying to make as many things as possible gluten free. But the fact of the matter is, they are still being made at the same time as other floury things and such. My mom still doesn't quite get the idea of cc. But my husband knows how sick I get and stuff if things are cc'ed. My parents kind of understand the diet, but not entirely... Am I just being ridiculous?

[jerseyangel]

So most of the reason I made a Thanksgiving dinner this weekend was so that I could have my own safe dinner at my parents house. Sure it was nice to have it with family too, but that was the real reason I did it. Now my mom is trying to make as many things as possible gluten free. But the fact of the matter is, they are still being made at the same time as other floury things and such. My mom still doesn't quite get the idea of cc. But my husband knows how sick I get and stuff if things are cc'ed. My parents kind of understand the diet, but not entirely... Am I just being ridiculous?

Nope.

It's so nice of your mom to try and cook for you--my MIL and sister have offered too. I'm just so sensitive to cross contamination that hard as they may try, I know they bake in their kitchens, cook pasta in the pans, use cutting boards for bread, etc. I tell them that I really need to bring my own food--I don't want them to go to any extra trouble for me and that I just want to be there with everyone and not have to worry about what I'm eating.

After 5 years, everyone just accepts I do this and doesn't even mention it anymore

[kareng]

So most of the reason I made a Thanksgiving dinner this weekend was so that I could have my own safe dinner at my parents house. Sure it was nice to have it with family too, but that was the real reason I did it. Now my mom is trying to make as many things as possible gluten free. But the fact of the matter is, they are still being made at the same time as other floury things and such. My mom still doesn't quite get the idea of cc. But my husband knows how sick I get and stuff if things are cc'ed. My parents kind of understand the diet, but not entirely... Am I just being ridiculous?

How did the dinner come out?

My mom was saying I can make scalloped potatoes. I don't put any flour in them. I said " No, really, don't bring anything"" . But she kept insisting. I said will you boil the potatoes in a pot you cook pasta in? Will you use the colander you use for pasta? Then I can't eat it. I think she is getting it, for this week.

[FooGirlsMom]

No you're not being silly. People who love us want to get involved & try to make us happy by learning to make gluten-free foods. It's usually as simple as: "I really really appreciate how kind you are. Unfortunately, and I wish I wasn't this way, I am super sensitive to gluten cross contamination. I can't eat foods that have been cooked in pans or pots (or laid on counters like pie crusts) that had gluten-containing foods on them. Dishwashers don't always have high enough pressure to get it all off. I want to really enjoy my time with you and if I get Cc'd I can't. I like to bring my own food. I want to be here to visit with you, not eat."

I have learned through the years that people are very emotional about food. Sometimes they think of food as "love" and want to "love you" by feeding you. It feels like a deprivation to them if they can't love you that way. I find if I put the focus on my relationship with them, and how I'm coming to VISIT them, not eat, they sometimes feel even better about it.

Good luck! I'm having T-giving at my house like usual and thankfully I get to control all the food!

FooGirlsMom

[Kimbalou]

Sorry for being ignorant, but was does "cc" mean?

[mbrookes]

You only learn by asking. CC means cross contamination. Something that has touched gluten touches your gluten free food. It can be as blatant as a piece of bread on your plate or as subtle as a spoon used to stir pasta, rinsed off and used to stir a gluten free dish.

[weluvgators]

After eating at my mom's house last week, I can relate to your struggles so well. My mom has been cooking gluten free for our family when we visit her home. There are rigid protocols about discontinuing all flour 48 hours before our arrival. She is very knowledgeable about gluten and a very good cook. She has been incredibly understanding and supportive. There are dedicated gluten free cutting boards, knives, pots and colanders in her home. She has been doing this for four years now and has a solid understanding of our struggles, and my parents have adopted a largely gluten free diet now (especially her).

So, in a bit of an organized, hurried effort to get us out the door and back on the road home on this last trip, she pulled "gluten-free ham and bean soup" out of the freezer. Thankfully, my littlest was adamant that he wanted beans, not soup, so I started to strain some beans out of his soup. And, there, in the midst of it was a strange looking object . . . barley?? For real?? It was unbelievable, yet there it was. She still is unsure how it happened, but there it was. Somehow she had made her soup with barley in it. Thankfully, we recognized it before full fledged consumption.

But it demonstrates how incredibly difficult it can be to navigate the gluten free world in a gluten filled minefield.

I hope that your mom will soon come to recognize that you are taking wonderful strides in regaining and maintaining your health, and I would be so proud of my child for being so proactive in the face of a difficult situation. Congratulations on making a Thanksgiving dinner to enjoy, and I fully understand how difficult it can be to feel completely comfortable in how we choose to navigate social eating situations with gluten intolerance. But it sounds like you are doing fantastic, not ridiculous at all.

[SGWhiskers]

Tell her you appreciate her thoughfulness and her efforts. Tell her you know how stressful preparing a big meal is. Tell her that you would love to cook WITH her another time, but that this big holiday meal is not the time to practice cooking gluten free. Let her know that you love her and know she loves you and that all you want is her company for the holidays.

I used to tell my mom that I was still learning what made me sick. Let her know that trust isn't the reason you are refusing her food. Tell her how long it took you to learn to cook without accidentally making yourself sick. I'm still learning that one after 2 years. I offer up the example of how easy it is to accidentally grab a spoon and put it in the wrong pot or to have another relative "help" by stirring your dish.

Make plans for another simpler time when you can bring something to pass and the two of you can cook something else together.

My mom wants to cook for me or buy me expensive yucky gluten-free bread. I've gotten so that I tell her one thing she can do to help me with my meal. For example, "Wash your hands when you make hamburger patties and save me a 1/4 lbs still in the container until I get there". Or I ask her to set aside some veggies or fruit still in their packaging for me to prepare when I get there. She feels she is doing something good for her daughter and I'm getting a safe meal.

I made it pretty clear when I was first diagnosed that this disease was my problem to manage and that I would not ask my extended family to accomodate me. I also told everyone that I would no longer be eating their food and it had absolutely nothing to do with my love for them or their cooking. My family's matter of fact style wasn't pretty during my teenage years, but it helped this time.

[GFshay]

Tell her you appreciate her thoughfulness and her efforts. Tell her you know how stressful preparing a big meal is. Tell her that you would love to cook WITH her another time, but that this big holiday meal is not the time to practice cooking gluten free. Let her know that you love her and know she loves you and that all you want is her company for the holidays.

I used to tell my mom that I was still learning what made me sick. Let her know that trust isn't the reason you are refusing her food. Tell her how long it took you to learn to cook without accidentally making yourself sick. I'm still learning that one after 2 years. I offer up the example of how easy it is to accidentally grab a spoon and put it in the wrong pot or to have another relative "help" by stirring your dish.

Make plans for another simpler time when you can bring something to pass and the two of you can cook something else together.

My mom wants to cook for me or buy me expensive yucky gluten-free bread. I've gotten so that I tell her one thing she can do to help me with my meal. For example, "Wash your hands when you make hamburger patties and save me a 1/4 lbs still in the container until I get there". Or I ask her to set aside some veggies or fruit still in their packaging for me to prepare when I get there. She feels she is doing something good for her daughter and I'm getting a safe meal.

I made it pretty clear when I was first diagnosed that this disease was my problem to manage and that I would not ask my extended family to accomodate me. I also told everyone that I would no longer be eating their food and it had absolutely nothing to do with my love for them or their cooking. My family's matter of fact style wasn't pretty during my teenage years, but it helped this time.

I'm going to my husband's family's house for Thanksgiving, and the hostess has been very insistent on making things that are safe for me. I kept saying I'd bring things that would be okay for me so I'm not nervous, and she said she understand and was fine with it... but she went and bought new casserole dishes and a cutting board to be used for gluten-free food only. She cooks everything from scratch and sent me a list of all her ingredients, and I think she would probably be as careful as possible. My question is: Do I bring things anyway? I want to trust her, but don't want her to be responsible for my health. Has anyone actually survived a big meal at someone's house who is a gluten-eater? It sounds so dangerous, and I'll be out of town staying at a hotel all week and will have to deal with restaurants anyway... HELP!

[cap6]

my good friend did the same thing ` bought new pots & pans just to use for me. She called me to go through each and everything when she made the meal and she got CC. Actually she was in a little panic that she might make me sick and called me twice the day after to be sure I was ok. I went ahead and ate and it was all good. But~ I know her well, know her kitchen and how she cooks. It would have been fine for me to bring my own food but I must admit that it is a real treat to have one friends home where I can safely eat and I don't have to bring my own. I do need to add that when we eat at her place the entire meal is gluten-free so the chance of cc is greatly reduced. I would probably not feel so comfortable if the hostess was trying to make a gluten meal and a gluten-free at the same time. That's hard for the best of us!

[SaraKat]

I am in this situation too- we are going to my MIL's for dinner and she told my husband that the turkey is gluten-free and her stuffing is made with rice, not bread (I guess it's not really stuffing then, haha) and all the other ingredients in it are gluten-free. I was going to bring my own meal, but I am going to eat her things this time to see what happens. This is my first Thanksgiving as a celiac.

[Kimbalou]

Ok, I posted a new topic just about CC. Do you REALLY have to buy separate pots and pans? Even if they are washed in the dishwasher and/or hot and soapy water? I want to see if I'm really going to be this sensitive. For now, I'm just cutting out all gluten. I think I'll feel better just by doing this, since apparently I've had undiagnosed Celiac for a long time now. One day at a time for me. My husband and kids are not gluten-free, so I'm just being cautious to not CC, but I'm not going to change out all my dishes and make everyone go gluten-free if they don't need to.

JMO...not going to worry about this...yet!

[Takala]

I had to buy some new bakeware.

But if you saw how old the previous bakeware was, you'd understand.

I had stuff that could have been 30 years old or more. Some of the pans for cake and pie were literally antiques I had collected at garage sales. They are now gracefully retired. The regular bakeware pans were not coming clean, short of sandblasting. Buh -bye !

[jenngolightly]

Ok, I posted a new topic just about CC. Do you REALLY have to buy separate pots and pans? Even if they are washed in the dishwasher and/or hot and soapy water? I want to see if I'm really going to be this sensitive. For now, I'm just cutting out all gluten. I think I'll feel better just by doing this, since apparently I've had undiagnosed Celiac for a long time now. One day at a time for me. My husband and kids are not gluten-free, so I'm just being cautious to not CC, but I'm not going to change out all my dishes and make everyone go gluten-free if they don't need to.

JMO...not going to worry about this...yet!

Depends on the kinds of pots and pans you own. Are they non-stick? Then yes, you need separate pots and pans. Non-stick coated pots get scratches that allow gluten to cling to them. My recommendation is to think like a little gluten particle. You want to cling to things. You don't want to slide off of them. Now think of everything in your kitchen that you cook with. You (as the cook) don't want the gluten to cling to things, you want it to slide off of things. So get rid of wooden spoons, non-stick scratched pots and pans, plastic strainers that were used for gluten food (gluten likes to cling to the little plastic scratches). Instead, use slick things. I use metal or glass bowls to mix things in, metal spoons to stir with, aluminum pots and pans, you get the picture. If I need something that's non slick, like a cooking utensil or cutting board, then mine are separate from my glutenous husband. All of my things are red. Red cutting board, red spatula, red toaster, etc. Our kitchen is quite pretty!

Again, look at your kitchen and think like a little, sticky, gluten particle and cling to scratches or holes or nooks and crannies. If you can cling, toss it or buy another one to have for gluten-free cooking.

Hope this helps.

[shelly184]

So most of the reason I made a Thanksgiving dinner this weekend was so that I could have my own safe dinner at my parents house. Sure it was nice to have it with family too, but that was the real reason I did it. Now my mom is trying to make as many things as possible gluten free. But the fact of the matter is, they are still being made at the same time as other floury things and such. My mom still doesn't quite get the idea of cc. But my husband knows how sick I get and stuff if things are cc'ed. My parents kind of understand the diet, but not entirely... Am I just being ridiculous?

I don't think you're being ridiculous! My husband and I were invited to my girl friends house for Thanksgiving and I told her "believe me you don't want me for Thanksgiving". I too get sick when I get cc'ed. and I would rather be safe and cook my own food, even pans that things are cooked in can be CC'ed. When I make it myself I don't get sick.

Happy Thanksgiving