The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Sequel

[IrishHeart]

I like to walk through the giant bakery section at BJs,

staring with wild eyes and pointing at all the products and saying loudly

"It's poison! Poison, I tell ya!!" . It's fun.

 

My poor hubs...walks quickly away from me, pretending he does not know me.

[GF Lover]

Love the jokes, Willow's got a coffee spit out of me.  

[kareng]

I like to walk through the giant bakery section at BJs,

staring with wild eyes and pointing at all the products and saying loudly

"It's poison! Poison, I tell ya!!" . It's fun.

 

My poor hubs...walks quickly away from me, pretending he does not know me.

You can do that at Whole foods and it will seem normal.

[kareng]

Love the jokes, Willow's got a coffee spit out of me.  

I was reading it and thinking I was going to have to hide it...... But it was just right!

[Wi11ow]

Love the jokes, Willow's got a coffee spit out of me.  

 

 

I was reading it and thinking I was going to have to hide it...... But it was just right!

 

 

You guys are cracking me up!!! LOL

[LauraTX]

LOL Ellen with the shakeweight!  I just looked it up and watched it.  Hehehhe

 

I have an original funny story for you guys:

 

This morning I was in the shower, and a full bottle fell off the shelf and hit my toe.  Screaming in pain, I went to sit down and rub it, when I slipped and fell, hitting my hiney on the shower door track.  Then I was bawling and laughing at the same time.  I now have a beautiful bruise across half my hiney and it hurts... LOL.  My husband is amazed at all the inventive ways I end up hurting myself.    *slowclap for myself*

[Wi11ow]

OMG - I hope you are ok! Didn't break you toe, did you? Poor thing!

[GottaSki]

Doh!!!  Only laughing because I regularly pull similar tricks -- the men threaten to wrap me in bubble wrap -- I'd still find a way

[IrishHeart]

LOL Ellen with the shakeweight!  I just looked it up and watched it.  Hehehhe

 

I have an original funny story for you guys:

 

This morning I was in the shower, and a full bottle fell off the shelf and hit my toe.  Screaming in pain, I went to sit down and rub it, when I slipped and fell, hitting my hiney on the shower door track.  Then I was bawling and laughing at the same time.  I now have a beautiful bruise across half my hiney and it hurts... LOL.  My husband is amazed at all the inventive ways I end up hurting myself.    *slowclap for myself*

 

 

Oh look, guys...we've got another Lucy in our midst!!

 

You are too young to know this I am sure, but I call this behavior "LucyRicardo Syndrome"

 

My hubs will say "Lucy!!you got some 'splainin to do.....what have you gotten yourself into now?"""

 

because I am the original bruise queen. You probably missed my chipmunk story, my ankle story, my bruised tailbone story, my car rolling story...etc....

 

if there is a way to injure myself, I do it.

 

I call it "klutzitis"

 

honestly, I think it's a celiac symptom. ....no. really.

 

Sorry you got a boo-boo. the cure for that? well, my daddy used to kiss my boo boos...so tell the hubs

pucker up!

[Wi11ow]

 

Sorry you got a boo-boo. the cure for that? well, my daddy used to kiss my boo boos...so tell the hubs

pucker up!

 

My Mom used to say - come here, I'll fix your boo-boo... I'll stomp on your toe and your (fill in the blank) will stop hurting!

I never fell for it! Duh! Mom! Then they will BOTH hurt!!! <----run away!!

[IrishHeart]

My Mom used to say - come here, I'll fix your boo-boo... I'll stomp on your toe and your (fill in the blank) will stop hurting!

I never fell for it! Duh! Mom! Then they will BOTH hurt!!! <----run away!!

gee whiz...I thought my mom was a "tough love" girl. 

[LauraTX]

Ahahaha!  I will definitely tell my husband to pucker up! LOL.  And as a kid with just the regular TV channels, I spent a lot of time watching I Love Lucy reruns!    My husband always says he is keeping a list of the 9000 ways I can hurt myself, lol.

[kareng]

We went kayaking today. Had a nice couple of hours. Saw a heron, red winged black birds, a bird coming out of a nest in a hole in a dead tree, some other birds, turtles, etc.

[GottaSki]

While Karen was doing one of my favorite things...we spent the day moving!

We are back upstairs...ground floor in our home...oldest is in our old bedroom which has its own entrance and bath....independence without us signing a lease

So here's why I logged into the funny thread....plugged in the lamps in the new bedroom and immediately thought:

Clap on, clap off....the clapper & actually ordered!!!!

[kareng]

[IrishHeart]

 

 

that's punny, K! 

[kareng]

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking 
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

 

[GF Lover]

great one!

[elye]

Mr. Durwood is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.

He says to them:

"Paul, I want you to take the Shaughnessy houses."

"Valerie, take the condos over in Coal Harbour and False Creek."

"Mike, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."

"Mildred, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings in Point Grey."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and, as Mr. Durwood slips away, she says, "Mrs. Durwood, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property!"

 

 

 

 

Mildred replies, "Property? The a**hole had a paper route!"

 

 

 

 

[IrishHeart]

 That one was  LMAO coffee- spit-worthy (but I was ready this time. I put my cup down first. I gettin' smahtah about this! fool me once....) 

[GF Lover]

 Unfortunately I was drinking mine and dribbled down my jammies...lmao.  That was a good one Emily.

 

Colleen

[IrishHeart]

Friend sent me this this morning...it's groan-worthy and I should probably apologize in advance...lol...but you guys like the silly stuff...

 

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.
One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"

He said he hadn't.

Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach.

Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband, and then leave.

The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

"Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.

"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. "She's a battery salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes," he replied. "She sells C cells by the seashore."

[GF Lover]

 Yes...I love the silly ones....

 

Colleen

[beth01]

I don't seem to have a filter and my mouth seems to think faster than my brain lately, I think I just now end every sentence in "I'm sorry" just in case I said something stupid.

 

I have to give a little back story to make this funny.  My parents divorced when I was a year old and when I was 4 my biological father deserted me ( I know, not funny but it get's there), his name is Mike.  My ex-husband's name is Mike also.  End of back story

 

Last night I was sitting talking to my live-in boyfriend about how I am never going to feel a 100% until my mind and my body heal.  Just out of the blue I stated " I think I have made a decision that I am going to make things right with Mike". When I saw the look on his face, I knew I had said something wrong.  It wasn't until he asked me if he could still live here that I realized he thought I was talking about my ex. Made me laugh, he didn't think it was so funny.

[LauraTX]

So, today I log into facebook and one of the few celiacs I actually know in real life had posted this:

 

http://dailycurrant.com/2014/06/03/gluten-found-in-portlands-water-supply/

 

---- BEFORE YOU READ IT AND TAKE IT SERIOUSLY IT IS A FAKE SPOOF ARTICLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PEOPLE----

 

She thought it was real, and so did her other gluten-free friends.  I am assuming they only read the headline, because once you read a few sentences in you can see how hilariously redonkulous the satire article is.  Maybe I shouldn't expect others to be as detail oriented as I am, but really???!!