I've Learned To Hate Eating Out.

[charleyb]

Even restaurants that have gluten free menues or let you know what is gluten-free...by the time you see what you can have, it turns out to be a very limited choice. At home I can have gluten-free bread and other things that no other restaurants offer. I hate going over my speech with the waitress/waiter explaining the situation everytime I order. I hate getting sick the next day trying to figure out what caused it even though I was careful. I hate being told by a chain to call a toll free number to get information only to be told the only thing they have for me is a salad with grilled chicken or a steak (boring)!! I hate going even to other peoples houses and see them get a little upset with me even though I tell them not to worry about it. I hear Oh I forgot you can't have wheat all the time. I feel like I'm annoying them just by being there. I hate feeling like I'm always making a scene. I see my kids roll their eyes every time I order. And if I have to send a salad back because it has crutons on it even though I requested that it didn't. I am curious how others are coping because I'm ready to just eat at home and bring my own food if I have to go anywhere.

[AllysonBrightMeyer]

I can so relate to this. We've only gone out to dinner once since I was diagnosed. They did everything "right" and were very reassuring, my food came as requested and was delicious.

I did get sick that night, though, not sure if it was them or me.

I find myself feeling frustrated about this, too. I work in daycare and every day we are supposed to eat with the kids, the same meal. I always have to ask to see the ingredient lists, etc. The cook there has been really harsh lately saying things like "I'm so sick of hearing about it." She is diabetic and likes to tell me how much "worse off" she has it. Well, I am sick of talking about it, too, but every time I ignore it and pretend everything is fine, something is missed and my body pays the price.

So I feel your frustration - still working on the coping skills. But hang in there, you are not alone!

[missy'smom]

I'm ready to just eat at home and bring my own food if I have to go anywhere.

That's where I'm at and what I'm doing.

[CarlaB]

I only go to restaurants with gluten-free menus with a couple exceptions. I don't mind that the menu is small ... most restaurant's menus are WAY too long anyway! This narrows down my choices a bit. I will not eat at a chain restaurant that does not have a gluten-free menu. I will eat at an independent one though. I usually check it out first, and if I don't, then I go during off hours.

To get the kids to stop rolling their eyes, start rolling your eyes at them when they are doing something that is fine and normal. After a couple times, ask them if they thought it was rude of you. Then they'll see how rude they're being to you. It's up to you to teach your children compassion for your illness. Actually, mine would get a heck of a guilt trip. Your kids should be supporting you and defending you, not making you feel even worse than you already do about your special orders.

I'll talk to the person who invited me over about the food in advance. I don't expect them to cook special for me, but rather I want to find out what I can bring that's similar to what they're serving, or see if I can eat what's there. Mostly it's either family or close friends, so they usually accomodate me.

This disease is a hassle, both for you and for those serving you. Don't be apologetic, but be thankful.

[Guest cassidy]

I really don't eat out. I have gotten sick most of the times that I tried and I agree, eating a meal of plain meat and steamed veggies isn't worth the consequences if they gluten you.

If it is an extended family dinner then I usually go with everyone and eat before or after. We have kids in the family so there is always someone for me to feed when everyone else is eating, or a child who wants to leave the table and we go walk around.

There are a couple of very nice restaurants where I will eat but those are just special occasion meals.

[gfp]

I only go to restaurants with gluten-free menus with a couple exceptions. I don't mind that the menu is small ... most restaurant's menus are WAY too long anyway! This narrows down my choices a bit. I will not eat at a chain restaurant that does not have a gluten-free menu. I will eat at an independent one though. I usually check it out first, and if I don't, then I go during off hours.

.....

True but you really have little option when your travelling a lot for work....

I do the same on vacation but not the rest of the time.... and I can be pretty certain to get caught in a 3 week vacation (we more days off here)

This disease is a hassle, both for you and for those serving you. Don't be apologetic, but be thankful.

Very true....

My local Italian deli I put in touch with the best Milanese resto and possibly best Italian resto in Paris... I often take my deli little gifts (she also often gives me little gifts) and both the deli and resto self-import so putting them together worked out real well and Italian celiac certification for gluten-free is very good... so it really works for me....

Overall what I have done locally is cultivate the resto's.... but its not cheap.... ... A couple of really good resto's I take rare wine or food for the owners and leave huge tips both at the table and seperately for the kitchen staff. I have now trained quite a few chefs .... but its a long process... I'm lucky to be a good cook (OK blush.. I'm really very good) so I often cook gluten-free treats and take samples for the chefs... and try and make it a story .. last time at the Milanese we had a dessert wine and only finished half the bottle but I made some almond and apricot slices with the apricots cooked in the wine and reduced and then used this as an excuse to drop them off for the chef... and owners... Now they are trained they'll do anything for me and the chef joked about making the almond slices for the resto (its a joke the wine is $200 a bottle) but perhaps he'll use a cheaper wine

As I say its not cheap but I count eating out as a treat and you can't enjoy it if you are worried the whole time.... so I cultivate my local places (usually high mid-range resto's that are no too large) and eat out less often...

[darlindeb25]

I hated eating out for years, even before gluten-free. I used to panic so much when going out. Crowds made me nervous, I had to sit by the door, had to be in a smoke free section (allergic to smoke), had to be close to the bathroom---it was so stressful just to begin with, I could not enjoy the food. Now, I do not even care to eat out. Food isn't important to me though, I can sit with others who are eating and have a great time.

She is diabetic and likes to tell me how much "worse off" she has it.Charleyb, this just is not true. It is much tougher to be a celiac than a diabetic. Kev is diabetic and would prefer it over celiac if he had to choose! Diabetic's can still have sugar, it will not make them ill to get a little sugar in their food--we absolutely can not have gluten in ours. Yesterday, once again at work, I had to explain how a miniscule crumb of gluten could make me ill for a couple of weeks. I explained the 1/1000th of a piece of bread rule to the optician yesterday after he tried to get me to eat a piece of cheese that had a cracker leaning on it! He says, "Oh Debs, that's terrible, and they always have crumbs here, all over my counter!" to which I reminded him I have been complaining about for months. It's a dog eat dog world out there and we have to be the top dog!!!!!

[key]

I too have given up. I will go with family and do what Cassidy does. The fear of getting sick, finally drove me to quit all together. I haven't eaten out at all in 3 months. It is sad sometimes, but I do feel as if our family is probably eating healthier. We can't eat fastfood ect. I also console myself that 100 years ago everyone ate their own food and there wasn't so much eating out. You may want to start eating at home first or bring a snack to share while everyone else eats. It does take the enjoyment out of it, but I have found the longer I go without eating out, the less I actually miss it. I am also vegetarian, so most restaurants would only have a salad.

Monica

[AllysonBrightMeyer]

darlinda,

Thanks for your comments on the diabetes thing. I get so frustrated when she tells me this every day when I go in and ask about ingredients. Nothing I can say, though, she's just one of those people who enjoys being mean. Other diabetics I know who know that I have celiac have all said they'd rather have the diabetes. I hate wanting to play "I'm worse off than you" - it feels so junior high to me. But it is so hurtful & frustrating when she makes fun of me or tells me to stop talking about it because it's not that big of a deal. It IS a big deal! I try very hard to be optimistic about feeling better and such, but it is very difficult when a coworker is breathing down my neck telling me how awful it is for her and how I should be lucky that it's "just" a gluten problem. ARRGH!

Thanks for letting me vent, and thanks for understanding!!

-Allyson

[celiacgirls]

I'm ready to just eat at home and bring my own food if I have to go anywhere.

That is pretty much what I do. It just is not worth it to take a chance most of the time.

On those times when I have to eat out, I choose the restaurant carefully, pick something most likely to be gluten-free, and then explain to the waiter. I recently ate at an upper-end steak place and a Mexican restaurant where I just had rice and beans. I didn't get glutened either time so I'm feeling better about eating out but it still isn't something I want to do more than once a month.

[Jestgar]

I also don't eat out much. If I've girded my loins (what does that mean anyway?) and am prepared for making my case I will go out, but otherwise I eat at home.

On the up side, I eat a lot less fat and spend less money, so I can't say it's a bad thing.

[MistressIsis]

hate having to make the speech to the waitress or manager...worse I feel like I'm annoying whoever I happen to be out with.

Have to say, CHili's so far has been the most helpful and concerned chain I've been to. My BF was stunned to have the manager come over, bring me a fresh gluten-free menu, explain they update every month so to always ask for a new one & then went into the kitchen and personally made sure the kitchen understood about CC. And even came back a few times to check on me and offer a special dessert. The mananger & the bartender actually came over & asked if they could ask me questions

[num1habsfan]

I dont hate eating out. I can eat 1 thing at 1 restaurant here in town, and I found a few restaurants in the cities (that are 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 hours away). Otherwise it doesnt bother me. I can always eat later, or I just bring my own food. I'm used to being around people who eat gluten, so it rarely bugs me if I go out for lunch with people eating it all around me. As long as they dont rub it on my face or dont offer me any, I dont care.

~ lisa ~

[Mtndog]

Even restaurants that have gluten free menues or let you know what is gluten-free...by the time you see what you can have, it turns out to be a very limited choice. At home I can have gluten-free bread and other things that no other restaurants offer. I hate going over my speech with the waitress/waiter explaining the situation everytime I order. I hate getting sick the next day trying to figure out what caused it even though I was careful. I hate being told by a chain to call a toll free number to get information only to be told the only thing they have for me is a salad with grilled chicken or a steak (boring)!! I hate going even to other peoples houses and see them get a little upset with me even though I tell them not to worry about it. I hear Oh I forgot you can't have wheat all the time. I feel like I'm annoying them just by being there. I hate feeling like I'm always making a scene. I see my kids roll their eyes every time I order. And if I have to send a salad back because it has crutons on it even though I requested that it didn't. I am curious how others are coping because I'm ready to just eat at home and bring my own food if I have to go anywhere.

I've actually had better luck at smaller places that don't have gluten-free menus and prepare your stuff fresh than big chains that have gluten-free menus. Especially when they are busy- FORGET IT!!!

As far as feeling annoying about explaining your situation to the wait staff...I usually go straight to the manager and mention SEVERE Allergy. Then when the server comes over, you don't have to go through your whole schpiel (and I echo Carla's advice about your kids rolling their eyes. Tell 'em to stop it. NOW.

And as for people getting upset with you for bringing your own food to their houses, I've realized something. It's actually THEIR problem. They have the issue with it, not you and that too is disrespectful. Overall, I've encountered a lot of supportive, helpful people and the ones that aren't, I've realized that they have some issue.

I have a friend that is vegetarian- she was born and raised that way and has chosen to remain that way. We laugh everytime we get together because there's the gluten-free grill, the meat-free grill and then everyone else's grill. I believe she actually would get sick if she ate meat as she's NEVER had it. We commiserate a lot.

Another thing I've realized is that if you get comfortable explaining the diet, other people seem to "get" it better. That and I try to be VERY VERY nice, appreciative of what they can do for me and flexible about what I eat.

That said, I eat out about 80% lerss than I used to.

[bookbabie]

Eating out is a big hassel! My husband and I doing a road trip up Route1 in CA at the end of the month and I'm stocking up on gluten-free bars We'll see how it goes, maybe we'll buy a motorhome at some point so we can bring a gluten-free kitchen with us!

[charleyb]

Had another miserable experience. Had a dinner at a relatives. Everything was gluten free except desert. I had to explain why I couldn't have something with oatmeal in it. One of my kids asked "Are you sure it's not in your head" needless to say I didn't have the greatest time. Yuck!

[darlindeb25]

Ally, you are very welcome. I do understand, totally. I get very tired of the co-worker remarks too. The one that bugs me the most is, "How sick could just one cookie make you?" Sometimes, I think the hardest part about this disease is the outside world. It seems that many just do not care to understand. They make no effort whatsoever.

Celiac disease has changed me. I have always been a good person, understanding of others, yet I think this has made me even more understanding. I too, used to wonder why a perfectly normal looking person has a handicapp sticker on their car. Now I know that some of us do look perfectly normal, even when we aren't. I am one of the celiac's who has weight issues. My sweetie always wonders how I can gain on what I eat--it's a huge aggravation for me. When any of my intolerances are out of control, or a new one has popped up that I have not figured out, I gain--so I do not look like I have a disease. This disease has made me much more tolerant of others. My neuropathy is very painful at times, yet that can not be seen by others.

Sometimes we just have to ignore others--some, like the kitchen worker at your job will never change. Her life will always be "tougher" than yours, because she resents her life. Try to ignore her and if you really do feel unsafe with her making your food, then absolutely, you should bring lunch from home. Your safety should be uppermost in your mind. You can't work if you are sick.

[Mtndog]

Had another miserable experience. Had a dinner at a relatives. Everything was gluten free except desert. I had to explain why I couldn't have something with oatmeal in it. One of my kids asked "Are you sure it's not in your head" needless to say I didn't have the greatest time. Yuck!

I'm sorry Charley. That is such a drag. My sister still doesn't understand how one crumb can tank me for weeks. she means well, but it's not quite there. My dad (he's 76), my sis and I were driving somewhere yesterday and we stopped at McD's and i said I can't have anything here and he said, "welll, I can." I know he doesn't mean to be mean and that he really just doesn't get it, but it definitely gets aggravting when everyone's eating a quarter pounder with cheese and fries and you're driving!

One thing I was thinking was how long it took ME personally to really learn this diet.

[janjal]

I can so relate to this. We've only gone out to dinner once since I was diagnosed. They did everything "right" and were very reassuring, my food came as requested and was delicious.

I did get sick that night, though, not sure if it was them or me.

I find myself feeling frustrated about this, too. I work in daycare and every day we are supposed to eat with the kids, the same meal. I always have to ask to see the ingredient lists, etc. The cook there has been really harsh lately saying things like "I'm so sick of hearing about it." She is diabetic and likes to tell me how much "worse off" she has it. Well, I am sick of talking about it, too, but every time I ignore it and pretend everything is fine, something is missed and my body pays the price.

So I feel your frustration - still working on the coping skills. But hang in there, you are not alone!

[SunnyDyRain]

That is pretty much what I do. It just is not worth it to take a chance most of the time.

On those times when I have to eat out, I choose the restaurant carefully, pick something most likely to be gluten-free, and then explain to the waiter. I recently ate at an upper-end steak place and a Mexican restaurant where I just had rice and beans. I didn't get glutened either time so I'm feeling better about eating out but it still isn't something I want to do more than once a month.

Mexican is my one sure bet when eating out! Fajhitas without the flour tortilla are yummy and mexicans tend to not use flour for much.

Other than that...scared to death.

[DarkIvy]

Eating out is tricky, at best.

I've had some good experiences and bad... in my college town, there's a sushi bar where everyone's helpful and if I ask they can cook me something special (usually rice, beef, and veggies with some tamari). They've always got tamari on hand and they take it seriously. On the other hand, my boyfriend and I went out just yesterday to a sushi bar in my home town and they did not have tamari, and it was really difficult to communicate about ingredients of certain items.

I've had pretty good luck with Indian restaurants, of all places. I actually used to work at one near campus, and people would come in all the time saying they had celiac and wanted to know what was safe to eat. When I went gluten free, I came back and talked to my old boss, who showed me AND another celiac who just happened to be there at the same time the items that were OK to eat. I've eaten off of the buffet several times since going gluten free and not once have been sick. The owner is a wonderful woman who knows a lot about the topic and has a son who for a long time could not tolerate any wheat. She takes everyone's dietary restrictions very seriously. Another Indian place in the same town is also pretty "safe"... I haven't had any issues there, either, even though neither restaurant has an actual "gluten free menu"

There's a restaurant in my home town that is "American" style, it's somewhat upscale but not overpriced. They're working on a gluten free menu, but when I went a week ago, the manager came over and told me everything that I could have off of the menu and everyone was absolutely wonderful about it. I'm not sure if I actually had any problems: I was eating loads of gluten that week anyway for the bloodwork but decided to order gluten free since I was feeling so sick. I was feeling like crud before during and after in either case, but I'd probably trust the restaurant again.

I would have to say I've had much better luck with local, "nice" restaurants than chains. The staff at local restaurants always seem to be better trained and more accomodating, and there's a lot more flexibility for the chef to cook something that's not even on the menu to accodmodate your diet.

I've gotten sick at two different Chili's (in my hometown and in my college town) and generally am wary of the chain set up. The staff isn't as aware of issues like celiac and I don't feel like anyone genuinely has any idea of what they're doing. I can't blame them: I'm pretty new to this myself and half the time I don't feel like I know what I'm doing, either.

I've started calling ahead to restaurants to see if they can accomodate me. I ask about things like soy sauce: if they don't have wheat free I bring my own! If the people on the other end sound totally clueless, I take that as a sign not to eat there. On the other hand, I've been surprised at how many restaurants could answer my questions promptly and didn't even make me sick. Call around and do some research as to which ones are safe and which are not.

When I'm in a restaurant, I usually just explain that I can't have gluten and it's really important that the ustensils and cookware they use are ultra clean, since just a couple crumbs is enough to make me sick. Once I say "it just takes a couple crumbs bla bla" the server always seems a lot more understanding. Oftentimes, people are just unaware of how little it really takes to cause damage, and if you put it in terms that can put it into perspective, it helps. And like Mntdog says, being nice and friendly about the whole thing really helps. Obviously one needs to be demanding in this situation, but I find that the nicer I am to the sever, the more willing they are to go out on a limb to make sure my food is "safe". One of the best things to do is to establish that you're not just trying to be a whiny, picky customer, but that you are simply looking out for your health. Again, once they understand the minute amount of gluten it takes to make you ill, they take it a LOT more seriously.

For me it also helps that when I go out with my boyfriend, he usually chimes in at some point and reminds the server just how important this is. I don't ask him to, and I consider myself very lucky that he is concerned and understanding enough to do so, but it DOES make a difference. It's just another little thing that seems to get the server to understand the importance of my meal being 100% gluten free. I generally like to thank the server profusely when they go out of their way for me, and obviously leave a decent tip.

Eating out all the time isn't a good option, I don't think, because there is always risk. My dad always reminds me that the more servers I "educate" the more awareness I've spread about such an "unknown" condition. I try to approach eating out with that same kind of attitude. I don't want to give it up because I love going out... so I just tend to be extra careful. Just as they need to understand my condition, it seems to help if I empathize with them how difficult it really can be.

[nederlandse]

Hi All,

I have a love hate relationship with restaurants too. I only enjoy eating out if I can pick the place. New places make me very nervous and I try to avoid them. Since going gluten free, however, I occasionally can't help but give in to the old urge to explore and I've been starting to keep track of where I can eat. All that trial and error shouldn't go to waste right?

So, I've started compiling Open Original Shared Linkof 'safe' places to eat on a website that I can access from my phone. Now when I'm out on the town and I need food but didn't come with a plan, I can look something up pretty quick by location via my cell phone.

Many places are popping up that are aware of celiac disease so I'm going to keep adding to this website. I can also expand it to reach more cities / areas. More than anything, I'd like a website like this to be nation wide so I can always quickly find a safe place to eat. This is a start in that direction.

If you are in the NYC area, or are planning to visit feel free to check out Open Original Shared Link. (Book mark it in your cell phone's internet browser).

Help improve the site:Open Original Shared Link. I only just started it so I can definitely use the input and help!