Ever Been Glutened By Someone Who Was Trying To Prove You Would Not Be?

[angel42]

Hi,

I have really bad brain fog today so I hope this post makes sense. We have a strainer from back when we were having regular pasta. We had been using it to make rice pasta (for the past 6 months) and it seemed fine. Last week my husband made regular pasta in the strainer and even though the strainer had been through the dishwasher after I used it for my rice pasta I got very sick.

My husband refused to believe that I could have gotten sick from something that had been through the dishwasher. After we talked about it I thought I convinced him that it was possible. We even made a special trip to the store for the sole purpose of getting a non-contaminated strainer.

Last night my husband made pasta in, you guessed it, the contaminated strainer just to prove that I would not get sick. He even said "Ha! See! I don't see you running to the bathroom!" So of course I got sick and today I have terrible brain fog and motor probs (for some reason when I get glutened I have problems with my hands, typing, grasping etc)

I feel really bad that someone would go out of their way to get me sick to prove a point. This is not a game. I don't know how to explain to him that this really is serious and every time I get glutened I am injuring my body.

Has anyone been through this?

[Lisa]

What a terribly inconsiderate thing for him to do. I certainly hope that he regrets his actions and gives you a very sincere apology!

[blueeyedmanda]

I too think that was a horrible thing to do. He is someone you should be able to trust. I am sorry to hear you had to go through this.

[mommida]

Yes, I think a neighbor dipped a gluten cracker into the gluten free dip. When my daughter and I healed up after three days of gluten reaction, we saw her again. She looked very guilty after hearing we had been sick from the usual gluten reaction.

Karma is a b^^! Anyone who would risk the possibility of making someone sick is cruel.

L.

[jerseyangel]

It is cruel--and I hesitated to say that because he's your husband.

The thought that someone could "catch" us is very hurtfull--as if we somehow want to live this way.

You're right--it's not a game, and it's hard to imagine someone acting this way to a diabetic or a person with some other, more well-known disease.

My own sister in law last summer set the table at my mil's house. My plate had a bit of butter on the edge. I picked it up and held it up with a "what's this" expression. She said--"oh, that's the plate we used after we cut the bread." I couldn't believe it....

It's really too bad when we have to protect ourselves from our families, too.

Did you two discuss it?

[jennyj]

This is somewhat related but it makes me wonder why people do what they do. I am highly allergic to lilacs. Everyone who knows me knows this. I had a FRIEND call and ask if I wanted to go to lunch and I said sure. We hadn't driven two blocks before I had to pull over and take my emergency inhaler and meds. I couldn't imagine what could have given me such a violent reaction until she laughed and said "Oh I'm wearing lilac perfume, I wanted to see if you were really allergic to them." We went back to work without lunch. People could not believe she did that. I don't understand people.

[2kids4me]

It is hard to believe someone who is suposed to love and support you, is trying to prove you arent really that sensitive to gluten. What would be his point?

When my father was a boy, he had an allergic reaction to fish - his own mother decided that he would outgrow it... so every 6 months or so, she would feed him fish to see if he was still allergic, each time the reaction got worse (she claimed he did it for attention)... At 12 he had an anaphylactic reaction and nearly died.

Why do people do this? Who knows.

He not only hurt you physically, but it damages the trust and emotional connection between husband and wife.

I am sorry that he felt the need to prove he was right in such a way. Hope he can look himself in the mirror and be proud of the man he is (said sarcastically)

Sandy

[Guest OyVay]

HORRIBLE! What a childish thing to do!

When I was living with my girlfriend (now my ex), she always went out of her way to make sure I would be safe. I can't imagine being with someone who doesn't, or isn't willing to, understand the severity of the illness and what we must do to protect ourselves. I had one (and I do mean just one) date with a woman who didn't quite get it. We went to a restaurant and she was taken aback by everything I had to tell the waitress about how my food had to be prepared. I had never been to the resaurant before and wanted to make sure I wasn't about to spend the date in the men's room.

I recommend gently kicking your husband between the legs. If he doesn't fall down say, "You told me that a kick in the nuts hurts. You lied!" Then kick him harder. Just keep that up until he gets the point.

[darlindeb25]

It is truly difficult for some people to understand that something they eat with no problem could actually make another sick. They just can not phantom the thought.

Yet Angel, now he knows for sure, maybe he just needed that extra bit of info. Hopefully from now on he will remember that day and be very aware of your needs.

[ravenwoodglass]

I had a dentist do it once, he didn't believe in celiac but I can not imagine anyone who loves someone doing this.

This was abusive behavior, or the behavior of a childish idiot. Myself I don't know if I could ever fully trust him around food or drink again.

[Nantzie]

I recommend gently kicking your husband between the legs. If he doesn't fall down say, "You told me that a kick in the nuts hurts. You lied!" Then kick him harder. Just keep that up until he gets the point.

Ooo... I'm writing this one down.

My husband was a real %$%$%%^%#^$^#% at first too. I don't know if he ever did something like that, but I seriously wouldn't have put it past him. Now, he's fine.

People who have never really been sick in their lives just don't understand. Ironically, when they even just get the flu, they're the ones who act like they're dying and want to be taken care of.

Nancy

[PJconfig]

This is somewhat related but it makes me wonder why people do what they do. I am highly allergic to lilacs. Everyone who knows me knows this. I had a FRIEND call and ask if I wanted to go to lunch and I said sure. We hadn't driven two blocks before I had to pull over and take my emergency inhaler and meds. I couldn't imagine what could have given me such a violent reaction until she laughed and said "Oh I'm wearing lilac perfume, I wanted to see if you were really allergic to them." We went back to work without lunch. People could not believe she did that. I don't understand people.

[PJconfig]

It is not just family and friends, but I had a doctor who was told that I have anaphaltic reactions to penicillin, gave it to me anyway. Since it was under another name and I was new in town, the pharmacist did not catch it and I did not know until I have a major reaction that lasted over 2 weeks with an emergency room visit for breathing difficulty and hives. His reaction when I told him was to say, "most patients just think they are allergic and don't know for sure." We we know for sure!

[Jestgar]

Even my ex-husband who thinks I'm a nutcase for not eating bread always hands me a package and asks me if I can eat it before he opens it.

I think it's a question of respect.

[jerseyangel]

I think it's a question of respect.

You know, you're absolutely right!

If someone told me that they couildn't do x or eat x because they had a condition that I knew nothing about--I'd still respect that. And I mean even before I got sick.

Jeesh

[2kids4me]

Last night my husband made pasta in, you guessed it, the contaminated strainer just to prove that I would not get sick. He even said "Ha! See! I don't see you running to the bathroom!

I thought of this... Ask him: if a person were diabetic and you didnt believe they really needed insulin, would you withold the insulin for one day and proclaim: See you're still alive, you dont really need it? I imagine his reaction would be one of disdain and "Of course not, that's different"

But is it really different? A Type 1 diabetic without insulin will get sick as time progresses, they would start off peeing more, then drinking more, then being tired (all within 24 hours) A celiac who has been glutened may not be acutely ill with obvious symptoms to the outsider, but inside their body is reacting violently, thus the neurologic signs, fatigue and/or GI symptoms.

A diabetic without insulin becomes ill just as readily as a celiac with gluten becomes ill. My Type 1 diabetic son is sicker when glutened than he is with a high blood sugar.

I wont compare it to a low blood sugar because that is a medical emergency.

I dont know if the above makes sense.

He is behaving as one who is not treating celiac as an illness with a cure - the gluten free diet. He is acting like someone doing experiments without consent from the victim.

Why not do your own experiment - maybe as man he only thinks he needs sex. Tell him you dont believe it and want to prove he can get along just fine and be productive without it....besides when you get so sick from his " little experiments", then sex is the last thing you feel capable of....

Sandy

[tarnalberry]

Honestly, I understand why he did it. But, as Jestgar mentioned, that he did this sneakily, when he knew you would disapprove, shows a lack of respect. I would go so far as to say that exactly what he did (draining the pasta in a shared collander) isn't the issue at all, it's the fact that he did it against your wishes without telling you.

There *IS* value in blind tests. Even for something like this. But ONLY if EVERYONE involved agrees that it is permissible.

This is not a case of "better to ask forgiveness than permission".

[angel42]

I really appreciate everyone's feedback. I don't think I will trust my husband to cook for me until I see that he actually gets this. I really thought he did but I guess I was wrong. I think people in our lives sometimes resent all of the accomodations they have to make for us. I feel like my entire family seems to have completely forgotten how sick I used to be all the time which seems odd since it was only 6 months ago.

[Lisa]

Angel:

Sometimes, I seem to forget how disrupted my diet is for those around me. My husband is very supporting, especially because he doesn't have to pay for restaurants much any more.

Give him time. Men, I have found, don't like disruption in their routine.

[lonewolf]

My brother in law went out of his way to tell me that he had made some special meat patties for me without breadcrumbs. I was pretty sick within an hour and had the big D for 3 days and had to miss a day of work. I found out later that he did put breadcrumbs in them, but thought it was all in my head. He's a pharmaceutical buyer for a large HMO and doesn't believe that changing your diet will help with anything - you should just take drugs.

[mamabear]

I really appreciate everyone's feedback. I don't think I will trust my husband to cook for me until I see that he actually gets this. I really thought he did but I guess I was wrong. I think people in our lives sometimes resent all of the accomodations they have to make for us. I feel like my entire family seems to have completely forgotten how sick I used to be all the time which seems odd since it was only 6 months ago.

I understand how you must feel. It is no picnic being the index case in a family. and having to convince your DH that it is real !. I,too get tired of being "special" at mealtime, but I do not trust lightly ANYONE who prepares meals for me. We don't all react the same to being glutened.....not just us as individuals, but also at different times in our own health-lives. SO, to my knowlegde, no one has dared to try and test my illness. If they did, I don't think I could handle it as well as you have. When I get glutened(after the bloat,cramps,abd&back pain,muscle cramps,odd BM's)....I get mean...angry..irritable..and most people with any sense wouldn't set themselves up as my target if they poisoned me on purpose!!

Sorry.....just got back from a long trip and other than being tired, all went well as far as food......just still a little cranky from fatigue.

[miles2go]

My brother in law went out of his way to tell me that he had made some special meat patties for me without breadcrumbs. I was pretty sick within an hour and had the big D for 3 days and had to miss a day of work. I found out later that he did put breadcrumbs in them, but thought it was all in my head. He's a pharmaceutical buyer for a large HMO and doesn't believe that changing your diet will help with anything - you should just take drugs.

I do NOT understand this type of behavior, beyond abuse. Can someone explain it to me in a kinder, gentler way!?

Margaret

[psawyer]

Incredible.

[NoGluGirl]

I really appreciate everyone's feedback. I don't think I will trust my husband to cook for me until I see that he actually gets this. I really thought he did but I guess I was wrong. I think people in our lives sometimes resent all of the accomodations they have to make for us. I feel like my entire family seems to have completely forgotten how sick I used to be all the time which seems odd since it was only 6 months ago.

Dear angel42,

I understand what this is like. My parents have done this crap to me. They say they do not know how I got glutened. That is crap! I found him eating toast right by my coffee or pouring cereal near it! A little dust is all it takes! OMG! It does not matter to them if I become violently ill from it. I get major gastro issues. When I am glutened, I break out in a sweat, get severely nauseated, have the urgent need to have a bowel movement, start shaking, sometimes my hands go numb, and if I do not get a promethazine down quick enough, I get dry heaves that are so bad it feels like my insides are emploding. Everyone else does not have to deal with this. Why would they care? I don't trust anyone with my food at all. As for your husband, I am like Tony Soprano, I would have just had him whacked. However, OyVey had a more legal option I liked. Kick him in the nuts! Kick him in the nuts!

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

[gfgypsyqueen]

I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. So you do really think you are ever going to be able to trust him with making food for you again?? I am not sure I would. Some people are just inconsiderate, ignorant, *&*&*&^%%. Excuse my french! Unfortunately, the worst people I know regarding the food allergies are my own immediate family members - Grandparents, aunts & uncles, are terrible. Funny enough my sister in law is awsome! When I say - no one feeds the kids ANYTHING without asking my husband or I first - she is the only one who asks!

My husband asks me on a regular basis if I want a bite of his pizza. He thinks it is a joke. I think it is one of the most hurtful things. We have had more arguments over this than you can imagine. He has seen me very sick from gluten. He knows it is not a joking matter. But he is just inconsiderate at times. However, he has never made me sick on purpose and he has been a huge help when I had to be in the hospital by brining me food, etc.

Maybe your husband will realize what a terrible thing he has done to you. Or, maybe you'll have to follow the advice of a previous poster and kick him in the nuts a few times to see if it really does hurt him. Maybe he is just making thta up afteralll.

Best of luck to you. We are all hoping you feel better soon.