She Told Me I Was "weird"

[jasonD2]

So as some of you might recall I had a date and was concerned about discussing the whole gluten thing. Well we've been dating now a month and last night we went out and she grabbed a late dinner since she had not eaten. We were talking about food and stuff and i casually mentioned that I do not eat dairy and gluten..didnt get into the whole celiac thing and just said i was allergic to wheat and dont eat much dairy and that its just a personal choice. since i was never officially diagnosed as celiac i feel comfortable saying i am just intolerant or allergic even though i live the lifestyle of someone w/ celiac. Anyway, we were having a fun and playful conversation and after I told her she seemed surprised and called me weird...but then again she has called me weird a few times already but again just in a playful fun kinda way. so my fear is that she really doesnt understand the scope of my problem and that i need to be super careful with CC and eating out. as things progress i am worried she will see the true nature of my problem and how it impacts my life on a daily basis & prevents me from doing certain things- i dont know how she will handle this. i mean this girl eats everything. any suggestions would be appreciated

j

[dilettantesteph]

It was hard enough with my spouse. I can't imagine dealing with it in a dating situation. Good luck. If she is worth it, she will understand and respect your needs.

[ravenwoodglass]

Take it date by date for now. If she really likes you and you really like her it will work out.

[bbuster]

It was hard enough with my spouse. I can't imagine dealing with it in a dating situation. Good luck. If she is worth it, she will understand and respect your needs.

I agree! This is great advice. (I still have trouble with my spouse's awareness sometimes!)

I was going to answer that my daughter understands and is very aware and attuned to being gluten-free even though her brother has Celiac and no one else in our family does. But she is only 13 so she can not date!!

But seriously, a nice person who truly cares for you will do whatever it takes.

[March102010]

I agree with the others. If she likes you, she will learn how to help you. Seriously, everyone has problems that they have to deal with; I'm sure she has some of her own.

[Aphreal]

I was wondering how this went. Honestly I don't think she gets it. If she did, I don't think she would be calling you (or the allergy and choices you make) weird. The adjective is strange within this context.

But none the less, I too, would take it one date at a time and be sure not to make a big deal about it. If it is brought up again then I would take that and go with it. Explain the severity of your allergy and tell it's not weird, it's everyday life for you.

I am sorry you are fretting over this. My family and I are getting to the point now where it's becoming clear that this IS going to impact everyone. Tension is starting to erupt. I hope it's short lived as we all adjust.

Tiff

[precious831]

So as some of you might recall I had a date and was concerned about discussing the whole gluten thing. Well we've been dating now a month and last night we went out and she grabbed a late dinner since she had not eaten. We were talking about food and stuff and i casually mentioned that I do not eat dairy and gluten..didnt get into the whole celiac thing and just said i was allergic to wheat and dont eat much dairy and that its just a personal choice. since i was never officially diagnosed as celiac i feel comfortable saying i am just intolerant or allergic even though i live the lifestyle of someone w/ celiac. Anyway, we were having a fun and playful conversation and after I told her she seemed surprised and called me weird...but then again she has called me weird a few times already but again just in a playful fun kinda way. so my fear is that she really doesnt understand the scope of my problem and that i need to be super careful with CC and eating out. as things progress i am worried she will see the true nature of my problem and how it impacts my life on a daily basis & prevents me from doing certain things- i dont know how she will handle this. i mean this girl eats everything. any suggestions would be appreciated

j

I'm sorry to hear that. It was very hard for my husband to accept it, how much more for just people who are dating. I haven't read all the replies but I think if she's worth it then it might be ok to wait it out and that she will eventually understand. I think most people don't understand and once they are educated, the come around eventually, slowly. So you'll have to work on her on this slowly. And if she likes you and cares for you she'll probably make the effort to understand your condition.

Good luck and I hope everything works out.

[jststric]

I'm sorry to hear that. It was very hard for my husband to accept it, how much more for just people who are dating. I haven't read all the replies but I think if she's worth it then it might be ok to wait it out and that she will eventually understand. I think most people don't understand and once they are educated, the come around eventually, slowly. So you'll have to work on her on this slowly. And if she likes you and cares for you she'll probably make the effort to understand your condition.

Good luck and I hope everything works out.

I suspect she's just never been aware of anyone else with such issues. If she knew the stats of 1:130 it might help make her realize you certainly aren't 1:1,000,000....in a negative way, anyway. And when she realizes that a majority of gluten-challenged people are also other foods-intolerant, it may help. Did she actually say YOU are weird or that "that's" weird? I can't imagine directly telling someone they are weird when they share such information. Maybe she was talking about your intolerance is weird. Then its simply a matter of opening her eyes to the fact that its much more common than she knows....its just not mainstream knowledge yet.

[vbecton]

Well, if she persists with the "weird" I would make a short funny comeback like, "yeah, I probably am weird for not wanting to be up all night with uncontrollable D...how bizarre." But, then again I'm a major smarta** so you may not want to listen to me!

When my husband suggests I'm making a bigger deal about all this than necessary, I go cuddle with him when I have horrible gas. Just want to make sure he suffers with me if he won't be supportive

[glutenfr3309]

When my husband suggests I'm making a bigger deal about all this than necessary, I go cuddle with him when I have horrible gas. Just want to make sure he suffers with me if he won't be supportive

lol. maybe i should try that with my bf!

i don't think my bf is 100% supportive of me yet but i think he's slowly coming around. i'm not sure if he ever will. when he is mean about it i just remind him that this is lifelong for me and that i need someone who will be supportive. we don't live together and usually only see each other 3 times a week so he isn't with me all the time. he thinks i need to 'live' and that i make it more difficult for myself. however, i'm really not eating any different than i used to before! now, i just have the alternative go-to foods for pasta, sweets, and breads. so really to me it's not eating that much different!

i think it will come to a point like everyone says- if it's meant to be it will work out. gluten-free is a lifelong thing for you--she may not be.

[cassP]

Well, if she persists with the "weird" I would make a short funny comeback like, "yeah, I probably am weird for not wanting to be up all night with uncontrollable D...how bizarre."

LOLOL

[conniebky]

you all dont' know each other that well yet and are still in the 'best behavior' and 'polite ' stage.

she sounds like a cool girl, she probably just couldn't think of anything else to say.

Little by little you will feel more comfortable explaining it to her and little by little, she'll understand it.

Don't fret so about it. It's all good. Have FUN!

[jasonD2]

nah like i said she was playful about it- didnt seem like it bothered her. i basically told her i just eat a certain way and do what works best for me & left it at that

[jasonD2]

ugh!

[jasonD2]

well she said she always likes spending time with me and tells me im a lot of fun so cant be all that bad

[kareng]

Does she smile and touch your arm when she says, " ( giggle) . Oh Jason, you're so weird!"? If so, substitute "cute" for "weird".

[tarnalberry]

/thumbs up to kareng for the translation.

"Weird" has so many contextual uses - don't assume it's bad. You already said she was being playful. Communication is FAR more than the words used, and her tone of voice/behavior tells you what she means by it.

[miles2go]

"Weird" has so many contextual uses - don't assume it's bad.

Mine would laugh evilly and ask if I wanted to see "really weird."

And I wouldn't want him any other way.

[GlutenFreeManna]

Does she smile and touch your arm when she says, " ( giggle) . Oh Jason, you're so weird!"? If so, substitute "cute" for "weird".

This is my take on the situation too. Maybe she likes "weird" people?

[anabananakins]

It does take a while to get used to this - and it does seem kind of weird at first to have problems with the foods that everyone else seems to eat without problem (though they are probably in denial!) I think she sounds cool and as you get to know each other better you'll be more comfortable with it - and she'll get used to it.

Besides, while I agreed with the others that you can substitute 'weird' for 'cute', even if someone says "wow, that's weird you can't eat those foods", at least it shows they think it's somewhat interesting. I hate the "wow, sucks to be you" response because it's so negative. I am currently making myself jacket potato for breakfast. There will be heaps of butter on it. Is my life so much worse than someone who would be having buttered toast for breakfast? I think not!

Have fun :-)

[Roda]

nah like i said she was playful about it- didnt seem like it bothered her. i basically told her i just eat a certain way and do what works best for me & left it at that

You must not be to "weird" since you still are going on dates!

[lucia]

well she said she always likes spending time with me and tells me im a lot of fun so cant be all that bad

It sounds *all* good.

Totally normal people are boring. When you write fiction, you're supposed to add a kind of "tick" to a character to make them more interesting to the reader.

[precious831]

Next time she says "weird" ask her what it means. Maybe she thinks you're cool!

[munchkinette]

I'm curious- how old are you two? If I heard "that's weird" from a 15 year old I wouldn't think anything of it. If I heard that response from a 35 year old, I would think it an odd response.

Either way, some people still haven't heard of gluten, so it may seem out of the ordinary to them. We talk and think about gluten constantly.

[Aphreal]

When my husband suggests I'm making a bigger deal about all this than necessary, I go cuddle with him when I have horrible gas. Just want to make sure he suffers with me if he won't be supportive

LOL thats some good stuff woman.