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Why Can't She Have It In Moderation?

JustForJen

By JustForJen
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

But, truthfully, it is NOT a life sentence.

Actually, in a way, it is - it is a GIVING BACK YOUR LIFE sentence :D

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  • Replies 68
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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

My wife may disagree with you about me being amazing. At least sometimes :). Thank you for taking the time to respond, I will ask her read it.

Trust me, I have read posts from many women & men on here who say their significant others left them when they needed them the most. I thank my man every single day for staying by my side. Your support is crucial to her, especially right now. This means, of course, no more buying those Kit Kats!! ;) no matter how much she wants them.

It takes courage to make major changes in your life, but dropping gluten from your life is not as big a deal as it first seems. We'll help!

This diagnosis, however, is not to be taken lightly.

Please, do have her read the whole post, if only to see that we care and that she is not alone and that we can help make this transition easier.

geesh, six months ago I barely spoke, I was so out of it and my family was worried I was dying... and now, I can't stop talking.... :D ....back to "chatty me" again.

Think of this as SAVING YOUR LIFE, not life being over. There are many on here who will tell you similar horror stories to mine...but I think you are getting the message loud and clear.

Life without gluten..is LIFE. Healthy and happy and LONG!!

Be well!! ;)

JustForJen Newbie
JustForJen
Posted
  • Author

Just thought you guys should know that my wife left me on Saturday on moved in with her Mother in Virginia. 4 days before the whole family was suppose to move to kentucky for my job that we have know about for months. I got home from work and she told me that her and my daughter would not be accompanying me to Kentucky. Really blindsided me and screwed me. I have a 26 foot moving trucked ready to packed, a new lease ready to be signed, and no place to live here after next week. I don't know if it has anything to do with Celiacs disease but I'm just really hurting right now and in shock!! I had to file immediate paperwork with the court and now that she has been served she has stopped speaking to me. OUCH

Roda Rising Star
Roda
Posted

I'm so sorry for you. Maybe there are other issues going on with her besides gluten. Try and stay strong. I know it hurts. You can always come here for support if you want.

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

Just thought you guys should know that my wife left me on Saturday on moved in with her Mother in Virginia. 4 days before the whole family was suppose to move to kentucky for my job that we have know about for months. I got home from work and she told me that her and my daughter would not be accompanying me to Kentucky. Really blindsided me and screwed me. I have a 26 foot moving trucked ready to packed, a new lease ready to be signed, and no place to live here after next week. I don't know if it has anything to do with Celiacs disease but I'm just really hurting right now and in shock!! I had to file immediate paperwork with the court and now that she has been served she has stopped speaking to me. OUCH

I am so sorry that has happened. Did you talk to her before you filed the paperwork? Celiac can make us a bit nutty at times and effect moods very strongly in some of us. Maybe she needed some time to absorb everything. I don't know if something else may have been going on for a while but you might want to withdraw the paperwork and do some talking even if over the phone for a bit before making the split permanent.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

zus888 Contributor
zus888
Posted

I'm assuming the paperwork has more to do with child visitation than divorce proceedings.

I'm so so sorry!! I really don't know what else to say. I can't imagine losing my mate and my kids.

lynnelise Apprentice
lynnelise
Posted

I am so sorry about what you are going through! I can't imagine what a shock this must be! Hopefully she is just emotional over her diagnoses and perhaps even gluten withdrawl and will reconsider! It sounds like if she doesn't she is losing out on a great and caring husband! I have a wonderful husband but trust me, he'd never join this forum just to help me cope or make a special trip to try to replace a beloved candy bar. He'd probably tell me to suck it up and to be thankful I wasn't worse off! Hope she appreciates what she has in time!

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

OMG!

I am very sorry to hear this as I felt you had done so much to try and help your wife with her celiac diagnosis.

I don't know what else is going on, but I can tell you that celiac DEFINITELY affects people's BRAIN function enormously. I have to wonder if her behavior and judgment right now isn't seriously compromised because of her malnutrition from the disease.

I know how much it affected me. I was anxious, depressed, full of rage, anger, frightened, jittery and unable to make decisions. I felt overwhelmed by simple tasks and big decisions were impossible for me. My husband and I could not figure out why in hell I was behaving that way. I assure you, I went from being mentally stable and happy and calm to that lunacy because malnutrition can do that. I wish I had myself on video cam to show to others how bad it was.

I fear she is making errors in judgment out of fear and insecurity and illness. If she continues to ingest gluten, it is only going to get worse.

Perhaps her doctor can help you by talking with her? What about her MOM?

I am so sorry this has happened.

I pray for you all.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

I am so sorry to hear this. I hope when things settle down a bit, you two can sit down and talk.

Take care.

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

You have my heartfelt sympathy.

notme Experienced
notme
Posted

i am so sorry. i hope things get better for you soon.

bunche73 Newbie
bunche73
Posted

Just thought you guys should know that my wife left me on Saturday on moved in with her Mother in Virginia. 4 days before the whole family was suppose to move to kentucky for my job that we have know about for months. I got home from work and she told me that her and my daughter would not be accompanying me to Kentucky. Really blindsided me and screwed me. I have a 26 foot moving trucked ready to packed, a new lease ready to be signed, and no place to live here after next week. I don't know if it has anything to do with Celiacs disease but I'm just really hurting right now and in shock!! I had to file immediate paperwork with the court and now that she has been served she has stopped speaking to me. OUCH

I got a feeling there are other issues going on here and maybe spend time understanding what she feels like 'cause until you have walked a mile in someones shoes you just don't know what its like saying good bye to gluten forever. But we Celiac's have to - there is no choice.

GlutenFreeManna Rising Star
GlutenFreeManna
Posted

Just thought you guys should know that my wife left me on Saturday on moved in with her Mother in Virginia. 4 days before the whole family was suppose to move to kentucky for my job that we have know about for months. I got home from work and she told me that her and my daughter would not be accompanying me to Kentucky. Really blindsided me and screwed me. I have a 26 foot moving trucked ready to packed, a new lease ready to be signed, and no place to live here after next week. I don't know if it has anything to do with Celiacs disease but I'm just really hurting right now and in shock!! I had to file immediate paperwork with the court and now that she has been served she has stopped speaking to me. OUCH

I am sorry to hear this! I want to encourage you however to not give up on your marriage if you really still love your wife. Give her time to come around if possible. I must tell you a personal story because this scenario well could have happened in my own marriage all due to celiac. When I was still very sick and undiagnosed my husband lost his job. I was unable to work due to being so sick and my husband was applying to everything in sight but couldn't find a job. We had to give notice on our apartment before we had another job lined up--we had NO money left in savings for rent and piles of medical bills from tests that yielded no diagnosis. I was stressed out of my mind and not thinking clearly about things at all. I was very sick and very depressed about everying. My husband and I had a fight about something petty--I don't even remember what the argument was about now. He went out for a job interview or something else--it might have been grocery shopping I don't know now. For some reason I had reached my breaking point of frustration. I emptied out my closet, packed up my car and started to just drive. I had very little gas. I very little money. And worst of all I had been ordered to NOT drive anymore by my doctor! I only got about an hour away when I ran out of strength and couldn't drive anymore. I was that sick and weak that I couldn't drive an hour. My husband noticed I left with my clothes and had started calling me on my cell phone and calling anyone that could have taken me with the car (because he knew I was too weak to drive far and he was worried about me). He left me a few tearful messages saying he loved me, he was sorry for whatever he may have done to make me leave and to please come back because he was worried about me. I called him back and said I needed some time to rest and think. In the end I ended up having to find a safe place to park the car and rest for two or three hours and then drove BACK home to my husband. The reason I tell you this story is that had my parents been local (they lived five states away at the time) or had I been in good shape still physically enoguh to drive I WOULD HAVE GONE TO LIVE WITH MY PARENTS. As I say all this I need you to understand my husband is a saint of a man. He has been there for me through all this illness--taking care of me when I could barely stand up and could not keep food down. He never complained about me being sick all the time. He prayed for me, took me to the doctors appointments and tests and loved me more than I deserved. The reason I was trying to leave had NOTHING to do with him. It had EVERYTHING to do with this illness. Celiac affects the mind. It causes depression, anxiety, paranoia, etc in some people. Since being gluten free my husband and I don't argue as much. Our marriage has never been stronger or happier than it is now. Yet, if someone saw our marriage at the point in time when I was sick and trying to drive away they would have said surely our relationship is over. Surely we had some irreconcible (sp?) differences. I don't know you and you two may have something else serious going, BUT if you don't know why she left and you have no serious problems like infidelity happening, I really, really encourage you to give her time and seek reconciliation later on. She may very well change her mind once she has been gluten free for a while and realizes what a great man she threw away when she was "crazy" from the gluten.

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

I am sorry to hear this! I want to encourage you however to not give up on your marriage if you really still love your wife. Give her time to come around if possible. I must tell you a personal story because this scenario well could have happened in my own marriage all due to celiac. When I was still very sick and undiagnosed my husband lost his job. I was unable to work due to being so sick and my husband was applying to everything in sight but couldn't find a job. We had to give notice on our apartment before we had another job lined up--we had NO money left in savings for rent and piles of medical bills from tests that yielded no diagnosis. I was stressed out of my mind and not thinking clearly about things at all. I was very sick and very depressed about everying. My husband and I had a fight about something petty--I don't even remember what the argument was about now. He went out for a job interview or something else--it might have been grocery shopping I don't know now. For some reason I had reached my breaking point of frustration. I emptied out my closet, packed up my car and started to just drive. I had very little gas. I very little money. And worst of all I had been ordered to NOT drive anymore by my doctor! I only got about an hour away when I ran out of strength and couldn't drive anymore. I was that sick and weak that I couldn't drive an hour. My husband noticed I left with my clothes and had started calling me on my cell phone and calling anyone that could have taken me with the car (because he knew I was too weak to drive far and he was worried about me). He left me a few tearful messages saying he loved me, he was sorry for whatever he may have done to make me leave and to please come back because he was worried about me. I called him back and said I needed some time to rest and think. In the end I ended up having to find a safe place to park the car and rest for two or three hours and then drove BACK home to my husband. The reason I tell you this story is that had my parents been local (they lived five states away at the time) or had I been in good shape still physically enoguh to drive I WOULD HAVE GONE TO LIVE WITH MY PARENTS. As I say all this I need you to understand my husband is a saint of a man. He has been there for me through all this illness--taking care of me when I could barely stand up and could not keep food down. He never complained about me being sick all the time. He prayed for me, took me to the doctors appointments and tests and loved me more than I deserved. The reason I was trying to leave had NOTHING to do with him. It had EVERYTHING to do with this illness. Celiac affects the mind. It causes depression, anxiety, paranoia, etc in some people. Since being gluten free my husband and I don't argue as much. Our marriage has never been stronger or happier than it is now. Yet, if someone saw our marriage at the point in time when I was sick and trying to drive away they would have said surely our relationship is over. Surely we had some irreconcible (sp?) differences. I don't know you and you two may have something else serious going, BUT if you don't know why she left and you have no serious problems like infidelity happening, I really, really encourage you to give her time and seek reconciliation later on. She may very well change her mind once she has been gluten free for a while and realizes what a great man she threw away when she was "crazy" from the gluten.

This is what I was trying to say before, but GFMANNA said it best. I was "not myself" at all while ingesting gluten. I overreacted to things that normally would not have been a big deal at all. My husband had to deal with me being physically ill and listening to me cry and rant and tremble--not at him, but at my chronic pain and illness. I really felt like I would lose my mind. I was so sick, crippled with musculoskeletal pain and feeling like a madwoman, I told my sweet hubby I wouldn't blame him if he wanted a divorce because I did not wnat him saddled with an invalid. He told me gently "Don't ever say that again, babe. We'll figure this out together."

After I told my story to a really gluten-savvy psychiatrist (yes, I went to one because I was desperate), telling her I had no idea why I was behaving this way-- that I am usually a happy, balanced person-- SHE was the one who told me "you are not mentally ill--do you have food intolerances?? They can impact your brain!"

Malnutrition from celiac affects neurotransmitters in your brain, resulting in depression and anxiety. Once the villi heal, malnutrition stops and she will feel better--physically and emotionally.

I think between your wife's illness and the diagnosis that requires a major lifestyle and diet change and the move to a new state, she just cannot handle it. Understand it is THE DISEASE doing this and IF she follows the diet and gets well, this behavior will subside. I hope things work out for you guys; I really do.

Gfreeatx Apprentice
Gfreeatx
Posted

I don't know if there are other circumstances involved in your relationship, but I can tell you from my experience I was a wreck after my diagnosis and I even told my husband I wanted him to leave me. We have always had a great marriage, but mentally I was not in a good frame of mind. I had been diagnosed with a condition that effected my heart back in 2005 (which they now believe was related to the undiagnosed Celiac Disease) so after the Celiac diagnosis I thought he would be better off without me. I was crying all the time and lashing out at him for no reason. I couldn't understand what had happened to me. I had always been a very positive, happy person, but I found myself in a really dark place. I am fairly young still and I felt like my body was giving out on me. My husband has always been supportive through everything I've gone through, but even he knew that I needed to talk to someone about what I was feeling. I ended up seeing a therapist and she really helped me. I was against it at first since I'd never talked to a professional before, but I finally realized I needed to feel better in order to cope with the celiac disease diagnosis and move on with my life. I am now about 8 months after my diagnosis and I am doing amazingly better both physically and mentally. For me the therapy worked as well as I think the longer I was away from gluten it was like the black cloud that was over me lifted. My husband has noticed that I am my old self again and we are doing great. So don't give up...in my fragile state of mind I was willing to dump the love of my life. Looking back, I cannot believe some of the things that came out of my mouth. Hope all works out for you too!

hockeymomofceliacchild Rookie
hockeymomofceliacchild
Posted

Once again thanks for the responses. I have no Gluten Allergies, however for many years I have not eaten many wheat based products regularly. I have always believed carbohydrates are the leading cause of many health problems so I have abstained. So please stop bashing me about wanting to keep eating Gluten. I could care less, I barely eat it right now anyway. My wife however loves bread and loves kit kat's, etc. Just last night when she found out she would never be able to have a kit kat again, I dealt with a very upset young lady and promptly drove to the nearest gas station to buy as many different candies that I could that were gluten free, to console my crying wife. THIS ISN"T ABOUT ME!!!!!

I agree with your earlier post you do need to have her go for the scope to make sure it is celiac. It is a lifelong diet and very strict and hard to follow. But it will be necessary. However I do have a friend who has celiac and still chooses to eat gluten. Why? I have no idea but then I choose not to smoke at all or be near anyone who does (I get massive headaches) or drink- in excess for fear of what it does to my body now and in the future. It is a personal choice to follow this diet. My son (6) is newly diagnosed and like you I am madly searching for all the answers to my questions, it is a lot to soak in. My older brother has had celiac for over 10 years and gets a huge rash if he eats gluten. He was shocked to hear that my son at 6 and had just developed a rash had damage done to his small intestines (which they discovered after doing the scope, which then told us he for sure had celiac)He didn't know that even with out gastral symptoms damage could still be done to his body.

This site is fabulous and people have copious amounts of information to share (and varying opinons-which you can take or leave. lol) I found out that iodine and gluten cause my sons rash. We have choosen to limit his salt intake, buy non-iodized salt but really trying to eliminate all iodine seems imposible to me. So when my son says "Can I eat these" I say "Yes, they are gluten free, they do have salt on them. If you eat them you it will react with the gluten that is still in your system. Do you care if you get itchy?" He then replies...umm...I don't care, mmmm...these are good" LOL

Before I end this lengthy note I have to say it is wonderful the support you are giving your wife and learning all you can, she is very lucky to have you ;)

hockeymomofceliacchild Rookie
hockeymomofceliacchild
Posted

I just realized there were pages of responses here and missed all the others til now. Sorry to hear things are not going good with you and your wife :( I have read that celiac causes so many issues and this could be part of it. Just let her know you are there for her and focus on your child and what is best for her (him?)If I have learned anything from a divorce it is that both parents have to focus on the child and what is best for them. Good luck and take care

WhenDee Rookie
WhenDee
Posted

I just wanted to say you are a TERRIFIC husband to be so concerned that you are on this site and doing your own research - and mourning with her as well. Because you sound as sad as a newbie celiac yourself, LOL.

Look for Bob's Red Mill chocolate cake mix. It tastes just like real cake. His flour mixes are the best I've tried (though admittedly my options are very limited).

Something else to consider? Take a cooking class together. Life is going to be much easier if you cook at home (I don't know if you did before or not) and cook more from scratch. Every other time I pick up a box of something packaged, I end up regretting it. If you embrace cooking as a new hobby, this will be a lot easier - and more fun.

Marz Enthusiast
Marz
Posted

Woah, was that out of the blue? So sorry to hear you've split. You've got the whole forum's sympathy :(

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