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Dating Thoughts And Profile Help

powerofpositivethinking

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powerofpositivethinking Community Regular
powerofpositivethinking
Posted

I've read through a lot of the dating threads on the board and here it goes...ok so i've felt better than I have in a long time and finally decided to start dating again.  A lot of my friends have signed up for Match.com and have had success, so I also signed up for it recently.  I went on a date with a guy this past weekend to a garden, and had a really nice time, had a lot in common with him, but I don't think it's going to go anywhere.  Pre-gluten-free I would have been so upset, but now I'm a lot more realistic.  If it doesn't work, it doesn't work and it's not worth forcing something that isn't there.  It's feels amazing to not have my emotions all over the place :)

 

That being said I almost felt as if I was hiding something on the date.  I'm not defined by celiac, but if you've read a lot of my posts on this board, I have been researching it non-stop this past year.  I almost wish I would have told him I have it, but we didn't have a food related date, so I didn't bring it up.  However it was in my head the whole time, so I might have not always focused on what he was saying and I think I came across as not interested...whoops  :mellow:   I'm still legit terrified to eat in a restaurant since I've been following the gluten-free diet to the absolute best of my ability but my antibody levels are still hovering in the weak positive range, but yet eating out seems to be a common first date.  I don't want the mental feeling of hopelessness to reappear from being glutened.  I do have a PF Changs near me, but I've never eaten there. 

 

Ok those are my thoughts right now, but onto my actual question...currently I put a line in my profile about "I rarely eat out at restaurants due to allergies, and I know it can be a pain, but if you want me to feel good, I'd rather cook at home instead of eating out."  Should I take that out and put something more along the lines of "A good first date is meeting for drinks or coffee, maybe taking a walk and having the chance to talk?" 

 

I've always tended to go for the smart types, so the odds that they've heard of gluten intolerance/celiac should be high, and I want to be honest but not scare guys off.  I'm also a liberal and have some pretty strong opinions :D

 

I've always exceled in things, but this dating stuff always get me :P

 

suggestions/advice is welcomed!!

 

PS-I signed up for glutenfreesingles.com but there aren't very many guys in my area.

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

 "I rarely eat out at restaurants due to allergies, and I know it can be a pain

 

I would not start by painting yourself negatively with this line, hon. You make it sound like you are a recluse and a pain in the ass.

LOL

 

....which. I know from reading your posts--you are not!  You're adorable and positive and sweet!

 

Why not say something like what you like to DO...museums, aquariums, walks in the park, movies, skydiving, whatever your thing is?

and if you are a good cook, play that up!  One of the ways I  dazzled my hubs was through my culinary skills and well, my brilliant conversation and ..because I am hot....(I am totally kidding about some of that...)  lol and he is telling me to say "it's all true!"  :lol: 

 

Play up your strengths, kiddo! the celiac convo can come later. A guy who sees you for the catch you are will adapt and who knows? maybe he's G F too. 

 

Skylark (who used be a regular poster on here) once said the best line: "celiac comes with a built-in jerkometer". lol  You'll know right away who sees you for the wonderful person you are ( not the celiac label)

 

Good luck, sweets!! Invite me to the wedding.

SkyBlue4 Apprentice
SkyBlue4
Posted

  I know it can be a pain, but

I agree with IrishHeart. Don't begin with a negative statement like that. I don't think you want to lead with a  "here are my issues" type of introduction.  Just save that for a time when the topic can come up more naturally. As you said, there's always meeting up for coffee.

 

Btw, I used to like dates (when I dated a century ago, lol) where you could do an activity on the date to take the pressure off of keeping the conversation going and yet still engage one another. Things like playing pool, bowling, going to a sporting event, etc. I'm shy so the whole introduce yourself at a table thing always stressed me out anyway. :ph34r:  

eers03 Explorer
eers03
Posted

I would not mention anything about your diet on your profile.  I agree with Irish, play up what you like to do.  If you find yourself going to dinner, go to PF Chang, ask for the gluten free menu and just be casual about it.  If on your date, you act like its a big deal, your date will think its a big deal.  If you act casual, they are more likely to be open minded.  The truth is, there IS plenty you can eat and plenty of places you can eat.  You just don't do McDonalds...

 

Ok, I know I'm completely downplaying this...  We all know its not this simple...  Don't mention it on the profile but if you go to dinner just be casual and matter of fact.  Don't hide from it but don't camp out on the topic either...

 

Thats my take...

cyclinglady Grand Master
cyclinglady
Posted

I hooked the most guys with picnic dates. We would pick a park to hike, go to a museum and then picnic or hang at the beach. Everyone begged for repeat picnics. A cute basket with real plates and glasses, nice blanket, bottle of wine, brownies, chicken salad and whatever takes your imagination!

My husband still requests picnic dates!

Good luck and have fun!

LauraTX Rising Star
LauraTX
Posted

I hooked the most guys with picnic dates. We would pick a park to hike, go to a museum and then picnic or hang at the beach. Everyone begged for repeat picnics. A cute basket with real plates and glasses, nice blanket, bottle of wine, brownies, chicken salad and whatever takes your imagination!

Can you please send an ESP mind message to my husband and tell him to do this? LOL

 

I agree with everyone above and their great ideas..  Putting in how you like to cook for people and taking charge of the food part on first dates until you deem the guy worthy of knowing your secrets is a good plan.  That way you don't waste your time if he turns out to be a bad match.  Also, no better way to try out P.F Changs than with a cute guy (maybe) footing the bill! :)  Call ahead and familiarize yourself with what you want to order before you go so you only have to ask ten questions instead of twenty.

anti-soprano Apprentice
anti-soprano
Posted

Maybe you should try a gluten-free restaurant with a good friend before going out on a date?  For me, the pressure of eating out for the first time combined with a first date would push me over the edge. You get better at asking the right questions as you go (I guess that applies to both restaurants and dates). Best of luck!  Sounds like that Positive Attitude is doing you good in a lot of ways!!

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IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

My husband still requests picnic dates!

 

 

Yes, yes, yes to the picnic date! :D

I used to throw some cheeses, crackers or a baguette, some champagne,chicken salad and cookies  in the basket and off we went. 

The lake nearby, a ride in the country taking pictures, etc...that sort of thing!....and fortunately, picnics still work when you're G F!

eers03 Explorer
eers03
Posted

Maybe you should try a gluten-free restaurant with a good friend before going out on a date?  For me, the pressure of eating out for the first time combined with a first date would push me over the edge. You get better at asking the right questions as you go (I guess that applies to both restaurants and dates). Best of luck!  Sounds like that Positive Attitude is doing you good in a lot of ways!!

This is a really good idea.  I wish I could claim it.

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

This is a really good idea.  I wish I could claim it.

 

 

:D  me too. Awesome idea doing a "Trial run" first, Anti-soprano!! 

powerofpositivethinking Community Regular
powerofpositivethinking
Posted
  • Author

So I updated my profile to this:  "In my opinion, the best first dates are places where we are able to talk. Meeting for coffee or a drink, going to a museum or taking a walk are my favorites."

 

I didn't see my previous comment of, "I rarely eat out at restaurants due to allergies, and I know it can be a pain," as a negative statement, but it definitely is! I wiped that out, and now it fits with the upbeat vibe in the rest of my About Me section.

 

Today I have a random snow day from work...did not see that one coming. I live about 1/2 hour from where I work, and we hardly got any snow here, so I'm going to take the plunge and try PF Changs today.

 

Anti-soprano, I'm taking your suggestion and going with a friend who also eats gluten-free, so I can ask a bunch of questions and not feel awkward. I'm nervous but excited at the same time. Considering I've only eaten in two restaurants since going gluten free this is a big deal for me.

 

cyclinglady, the picnics are a great idea!! I will definitely keep that in mind for the warmer weather :) 

 

Irish, consider yourself invited, but it may be a few years down the line :)  In my reading through threads I saw that line Skylark used about the celiac built in jerk-o-meter, and had a good laugh!

 

Thank you everyone :wub: 

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

 

 

Irish, consider yourself invited, but it may be a few years down the line :)

 

 

okee dokee...I'll be here! :) 

 

Seriously, kiddo....I think you are very wise to give eating out a try. It can be done successfully and once you get a few under your belt, you'll

have more confidence. Don't let this thing confine you or define you. (if somehow, somewhere down the road you get hit by CC, it may be yucky, but it is not the end of the world, I promise you) 

 

Best wishes--and please, update this thread regularly! We want the DEETS!

anti-soprano Apprentice
anti-soprano
Posted

Good Luck today!!  Just FYI- I've been forced to eat out a lot due to business trips and travel.  I have NEVER (knock on wood) been glutened by a restaurant. I like the change you made to your profile too.  It's more fitting of your personality.

 

Also, Congrats on your snow day- favorite day of all teachers!!  I'm on snow day #2 here.  My husband walked to get a paper.....and there was no paper to get!  I don't think anything is open here- so we're hunkered down.     :ph34r: <- This will be me if I go outside today!

KCG91 Enthusiast
KCG91
Posted

Before I was diagnosed with Coeliac myself (or even knew what gluten was!) I started dating a guy with Coeliac. I think our first date was a few drinks and a wander in the park or something - no gluten involved. His celiac disease came up when he explained why he wasn't drinking beer. No biggie. After a few of these dates and maybe the cinema we went for a meal - now, I am veggie, he was gluten-free so it was just fortunate that the only vegetarian restaurant in town offered gluten free food 'before it was cool'. And we never looked back - after those first few dates we found out the stuff we had in common (kayaking, climbing, parties) didn't really involve food in a complicated way. It really wasn't a big deal and it's a cliche but I was much too interested in him and our shared interests to care what I was eating. 

Sadly, after a few months and the full 'head over heels' he turned out to be a total git but that is not Coeliac's fault! :D 

Your dating profile sounds great and remember, celiac disease is a much bigger issue in your mind/to you than it is to any potential dates. Good luck!

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

Sadly, after a few months and the full 'head over heels' he turned out to be a total git but that is not Coeliac's fault! :D 

 

 

You're right....I have not been able to find "being a total git" listed anywhere as a celiac symptom. :lol:

 

How ironic that you turned out to have celiac as well, though.  Life is crazy sometimes.

powerofpositivethinking Community Regular
powerofpositivethinking
Posted
  • Author

drum roll please...I didn't get glutened from PF Changs!!!  I ended up getting the Ginger Chicken with Broccoli which was good.  I feel like I did yesterday before going to the restaurant, so I'm taking that as a great sign.  No brain fog, no digestive back up and no joint cracking.  I still don't plan on going out to eat often because it's expensive, and I do actually prefer making my own food.  However, I'm so happy that I can claim that as a safe restaurant, and now if the dinner question comes up, PF Changs it is! 

 

Thank you all for encouraging me to give it a try...more steps in the right direction :)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

drum roll please...I didn't get glutened from PF Changs!!!  

 

happy-dancing.gif  whoohoo!! this news  is awesome .......with awesome sauce!!!!  

KCG91 Enthusiast
KCG91
Posted

You're right....I have not been able to find "being a total git" listed anywhere as a celiac symptom. :lol:

 

How ironic that you turned out to have celiac as well, though.  Life is crazy sometimes.

I know! I'm probably the only person who laughed when they were diagnosed. 

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

I know! I'm probably the only person who laughed when they were diagnosed. 

 

I did not actually laugh, exactly, but the irony of it was not lost on me as I had been telling THEM (the docs) I had it for years.

 

Good thing we have good senses of humor, yes??. (or someone was getting strangled.....)  :D

  • 1 month later...
powerofpositivethinking Community Regular
powerofpositivethinking
Posted
  • Author

this has been a looooonnnnnggggg week, but a good one!  Went out with a guy the other night and it was going really well.  After dinner, second time at PF Changs!!, he tried to kiss me but I had to kill the moment and say sorry I can't kiss you because of what you ate, and oh btw I have celiac disease.  Awkward...

 

However he seems to have passed the celiac jerk-o-meter test because I heard from him today, and he told me he called a few restaurants around the area about their gluten-free menus but also said if I wanted to do something else that works for him too.  That made my day  :)

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

Well, this is great news, hon! yaay!! :) 

WinterSong Community Regular
WinterSong
Posted

Lots of good advice on here, so I'm just going to add my experience:

 

I met my current (and wonderful and supportive) boyfriend online. I didn't say anything in my profile about my diet because I don't want to be defined by Celiac or stereotyped by the name of a fad diet. I did mention that I love cooking and baking from scratch. I'd meet people for coffee - that's my general rule. That way 1) I wouldn't have to worry about picking a restaurant and 2) if it wasn't going well I could cut the date somewhat short and not feel obligated to stick around for hours on a bad date, lol.

 

I would casually bring up my diet when it came up naturally in conversation. Most guys were actually really accepting of it and wanted to know more about it. I always spoke about my diet in the most positive way. You'd be surprised how many understanding guys there are out there, even ones who know what Celiac is or have a family member/friend who has it.

 

My boyfriend had an old roommate with Celiac so he knew a lot about CC. He realized the issue with kissing on his own and said "Oh! I'll just brush my teeth!"  :)

 

Have confidence in yourself and don't feel like you are hiding anything. Everyone has foods they prefer not to eat and there are SOOO many people out there with other allergies or food intolerance. If a given guy turns out to be rude or unaccepting about it, then you wouldn't want to be with him anyway!  ;)

moosemalibu Collaborator
moosemalibu
Posted

this has been a looooonnnnnggggg week, but a good one!  Went out with a guy the other night and it was going really well.  After dinner, second time at PF Changs!!, he tried to kiss me but I had to kill the moment and say sorry I can't kiss you because of what you ate, and oh btw I have celiac disease.  Awkward...

 

However he seems to have passed the celiac jerk-o-meter test because I heard from him today, and he told me he called a few restaurants around the area about their gluten-free menus but also said if I wanted to do something else that works for him too.  That made my day  :)

 

 

I am so excited for you!! YAY!!

cahill Collaborator
cahill
Posted

You give me hope :)

A friend of mine tried to get me to go onto one of those  online dating  web sites . :blink: not sure how that is going to workout :lol: :lol:

It is hard enough meeting /dating men at my age but add super sensitive celiac :wacko:   I have to say  dating intimidates the begeebees out of me  :ph34r:

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

this has been a looooonnnnnggggg week, but a good one!  Went out with a guy the other night and it was going really well.  After dinner, second time at PF Changs!!, he tried to kiss me but I had to kill the moment and say sorry I can't kiss you because of what you ate, and oh btw I have celiac disease.  Awkward...

 

However he seems to have passed the celiac jerk-o-meter test because I heard from him today, and he told me he called a few restaurants around the area about their gluten-free menus but also said if I wanted to do something else that works for him too.  That made my day  :)

 

 

well, come on ,girlfriend...dish!....have you gone out again?? Auntie Irish wants to know....lol

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