Family That Wont Say No..

[gfgang]

I don't know if everyone is having this problem or if my family is just the one that doesn't see the dark side of being a Celiac. My son is 4yrs old and was diagnosed this past May. Ever since then the whole family ( mom,dad, sister) are gluten-free. The problem is when he goes to his grandmothers house or to another family members house, they feed him things he cannot eat. My son knows that he cannot eat gluten and with the help of his sister he can manage it a little, when me or his father are not around. But even then when you have someone offering you a piece of cake or a cookie he will not say no.. And by the time one of us finds out hes already consumed a good amount. So we get mad yell at grama and her excuse is its "sunday" or is a "birthday" . I just wish they would understand the situations and stop feeding him the things he cannot have.. No matter how many times we tell them or pamphlets we give them to read its the same story every weekend. I've just had my limits and ran out of ideas..They poor guy comes home every sunday with stomach aches and cramps.. And I want it to stop.. Any suggestions!!!

[MaryJones2]

Is it possible that they haven't fully gotten their arms around the concept of gluten-free? It sounds like they don't understand the importance of not one crumb. Maybe you can print out a few articles for them to read or buy a book. Do you trust them to make gluten-free cakes or can you send goodies? You can also stop sending your son to their houses unsupervised. It'll be rough but they'll either find the time to learn about it or not see their grandchild.

EDIT: How about letting your son spend the night with them a few times so they can see how sick he gets.

[Darn210]

Perhaps they want to be the indulging grandparents but if they don't have a stash of gluten-free goodies then they'll make do with what they've got. I would provide them with a bag of Pamela's choc chip cookie bites (or something like that) so they can "spoil" him. Or give them a short list of goodies to look for in the grocery store so they can have something to treat him with.

My second thought was exactly what Janet (above) said . . . if they can't adhere to the new gluten-free rules then no more visits.

[lizard00]

Either they learn or they'll find their time with their dear grandson has become limited. He's 4!! Of course he's not going to turn down a cookie, especially when it's probably been offered to him a few times.

The suggestion of giving them treats to have on hand is really good, I'd definitely try that first. But they have to understand that celiac doesn't stop because it's the weekend, or because it magically knows it's his birthday.

[ShayFL]

You could have inexpensive T-shirts printed up that say: "If You Feed me Gluten" on the front and on the back it can say "You Must Want Me To Get Sick" Or on the front "Dont Feed Me Gluten" and on the back "Because I dont want Diabeties or Cancer. OR "I have Celiac Disease" on the back "Gluten makes me Hurt"

Drop him off each time with one of these shirts on. They will get the message.

[Mother of Jibril]

I love the t-shirt idea!

Sometimes I'm grateful that we live two states away from my parents and an ocean away from my husband's parents... by the time my kids are old enough for a visit without Mom and Dad they'll be much more aware of what they can't or shouldn't eat.

I can TOTALLY see my mom offering the wrong "treats." She has insulin-dependent diabetes, but she just can't seem to stop herself from eating "goodies" like ice cream and cookies. Ugh A few years ago I helped her find some yogurt with live cultures and no corn syrup... the next day she went back to the store... "Look what I found!"... the same brand of yogurt, only cherry-flavored with flakes of chocolate.

[celiac-mommy]

I would take over some information on the perils of untreated Celiac disease (and if they keep poisoning him-it's untreated) and calmly tell them that you can't take any more chances when it comes to your children's health, and what they are doing is harming him. You tell them that if they have any questions at all, you'd be happy to sit with them and help explain things better, but until they make a huge change, your children won't be visiting anymore. It's (really and truly) an unsafe environment for them.

--we had to do this with my inlaws

[gfgang]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.. Your all right he is 4. I should know he will say yes to everything.. I need to educate my family a little more on the everything is gluten list..I do make the gluten free cookies at home I just got to make sure we save some for those days. That's my plan for xmas, i'm going to make all the deserts, but make them gluten-free..

And the shirt idea great idea... Great for family functions...

thanks

[kbtoyssni]

Love the T-shirt idea! If you've given them all the information on celiac and its complications and the "one crumb makes him sick" talk, I would not let him visit or at least not unsupervised. Or insist they come to your house to visit. I know it's not something any parent wants to do, but you son's health has to come first.

[actualize81]

I think you have a couple of options:

1. You can try to educate your family and encourage them not to feed your son Gluten. Unfortunately you cannot make them comply 100%

2. You can your son from avoid family members who do not follow the dietary restrictions

3. Your son can learn the hard way how it feels to continually eat Gluten and he will learn an important lesson about cause and effect at the young age of four.

Personally I think # 3 is the most likely. It's hard to get others to understand right away although it can be done. Maybe this is an opportunity for your son to learn the hard way. I know people, myself included, who have eaten crap over and over until they became very sick ..... Everyone's gotta learn sometime, right?

[aikiducky]

Have they seen him when he's sick afterwards? Or do you always leave before that?

My family was even more supportive after they saw how sick I got from accidental gluten exposure a couple times. Telling them about it was not as effective as seeing it with their own eyes. It's not that they didn't want to believe me (in my case at least) they just couldn't quite imagine.

I agree that ultimately, grandparents and other family have to get on board with the diet or no more visits, it's just too risky. But if it does happen, consider hanging around until the symptoms kick in so that they can SEE what the consequences are of their actions.

Pauliina

[debmidge]

Then there's always going to be the chance that they are not

going to "get it." Example: my MIL (age 82 at the time) felt that if you cooked

the "gluten" on a very high temperature it would no longer be

able to hurt you. She was at an age where she could no longer

process new information and that was the only way she could handle this info.

[taweavmo3]

Yikes...that's a tough one! My husband has a few sisters that took a long time to really catch on. At birthday parties and such, they were always asking if my dd could have "a little gluten". For a long time I would not leave them alone with her, we had worked way too hard to see it all go down the drain in two seconds.

It can also be confusing for little ones when family members offer unsafe foods. We have to reiterate this for my daughter sometimes, because in her mind, family would not offer food that would make her sick, so she doesn't ask if it's gluten free. Same with her primary teacher at school....the teacher gave Emmie a regular cookie at school once, and Emmie ate it, since the same teacher is the one who also gives her the gluten free version I send from home. Kids do eventually get it, but they have to reach a certain maturity level before they truly understand I believe. Now my 9 year old, he totally gets it, and usually ends up educating a few adults now and then, lol.

Age 4 is really young to understand, so the family needs to get on board or it's really going to confuse the poor bug. Good luck, dealing with family can be a little tricky!

[celiac-mommy]

Personally I think # 3 is the most likely. It's hard to get others to understand right away although it can be done. Maybe this is an opportunity for your son to learn the hard way. I know people, myself included, who have eaten crap over and over until they became very sick ..... Everyone's gotta learn sometime, right?

It's your responsibility as a parent to make sure your kids are safe--especially young kids who don't fully understand. My 4yo dd might have gotten it then, but my son won't--then if it's 24hrs later, they don't correlate why they feel sick now if they ate something yesterday....

[debmom]

I think I'd be tempted to ask them if they would offer him a little arsenic because it was a birthday. that makes about as much sense as offering him gluten. They must not see the gluten as a poison for him or they wouldn't offer it with such glib comments.

I used to hear similar things from my daughter's friends. They would ask why I wouldn't let her eat anything good. I have started cooking gluten free brownies and other treats for all of them and they actually prefer them. Take yummy treats to your parents and let them give them to him. take them gluten free mixes so they can participate in making food for him as well.

[Amyleigh0007]

I agree with celiac-mommy. You are the parent and it's your job to keep your kids safe. I would not tolerate anyone giving my son gluten when they know he should not have it. I don't care if it's family or not. I would not let the offending person near my child until they got the message that gluten is poison. Period.