I Dont Know What To Do

[jasonD2]

I posted a few days ago regarding my concern for dating right now and I just dont think im ready.

I was introduced to a girl a few weeks ago and didnt think much of her the first time, but she was out with me and my friends saturday night and she looked really good so i became intrigued. We talked a bit and seem to have a lot in common but i just left it at that

I emailed her today to tell her it was good to see her again and she wrote back and sent me a pic that was taken of me, her and another close friend that night. When I saw how I looked in the photo it made me so depressed that I completely changed my mind about pursuing her. I was pale, thin and sickly looking and there was no evidence of life in my eyes...how could she possibly be interested in me the way i am and the way i look now? I apologize for sounding like a drama queen but im having a really hard time today and am just venting as usual.

Ive been out of the dating scene for 6 months and may have to prolong it a bit more just until I feel better about myself. Everyone keeps telling me to just get out there but i walk around feeling thin and weak and when i catch a reflection of myself in a mirror I just want to cry.

[Jestgar]

Jason, It's very unfair of you to decide for her what she is, or isn't interested in. If you have so little respect for her that you are unwilling to trust her judgment, then no, you shouldn't pursue her.

[Ahorsesoul]

Jason,

This female sees more of you than just your shell and the protective layer you have laid down around you. Go slow with what you are comfortable with doing. She does not see you in the way you see yourself.

[sandsurfgirl]

Well Jason, you are going to have to quit shooting yourself in the foot eventually.

She is showing signs of interest. You don't know yet if you are in the "friend" category or dating interest category. Don't overthink it. Go with it. If she ends up liking you, then she likes you for what she sees NOW not what she thinks you will be or were in the past.

I posted on your other thread that you need to just focus on friendships and being social right now and the other will come. Be her friend and see where it leads. If it does lead anywhere, don't ruin it by your insecurities. Enjoy the process.

[psawyer]

Jason, what is wrong with you?

You met a woman who has shown obvious interest in you. She saw you as you appear right now, and is interested. This is not the time to run away and hide behind self-doubt. There may be some challenges to come, but seize this opportunity. You have nothing to lose.

Please see this is a win.

[jasonD2]

Thanks- however as someone else pointed out I am not sure if im in the friend zone or the romantic interest zone. All i got was an email saying it was good to see me and she likes hanging with us (meaning me and my friends). I guess i wont abandon ship just yet and see where it goes

[butterfl8]

Apperances will count for nothing when we are all white haired and wrinkly anyway. Enjoy her company and let her learn who you are inside. Learn who she is on the inside. Friendships build better relationships.

-Daisy

[AKcollegestudent]

*blinks* Not to be rude, but I know that you're older than me and my fellow college students. And hell, even at the worst of times, there's usually a little less panic when people are wondering "friend or girlfriend" even at during these drama filled years.

Yeah, you don't know if she thinks you're a possible friend or something more. But she clearly thinks that you're worth getting to know better, so stop undermining her choices and treat her like maybe, just maybe, she sees something worthwhile in you.

Otherwise, as others have said? There's no point in you even continuing forward.

[afreeclimber74]

Jason there's no need to be hard on yourself.

I've seen pictures of myself when I was sick and they disgust me. I was a mess mentally, emotionally, and physically. I spent 2+ years without a single date because I had no desire to pursue those things, had no energy, and looked like hell. I was also unemployed and broke.

If you've met someone you'd like to get to know better, then do it. Maybe she likes the heroin addict look. Maybe you're better looking than you give yourself credit for. Maybe she'll wind up being the best person in the world for you. At the very worst, it will be a lesson for you to learn from and then you move on.

[sandsurfgirl]

Thanks- however as someone else pointed out I am not sure if im in the friend zone or the romantic interest zone. All i got was an email saying it was good to see me and she likes hanging with us (meaning me and my friends). I guess i wont abandon ship just yet and see where it goes

Good. Don't overthink it. See where it goes. And don't use my post as an excuse not to pursue her!!!! My point was not to get too much into your head silly!!

From a girl's perspective it really sucks to meet a guy you like, have him make a move toward you by emailing, and then pull away abruptly for no apparent reason. Then the girl is sitting there wondering what is wrong with HER that you seemed so interested and then did a 180.

Odds are she does want to go out with you, or she wouldn't have taken the time to send you the pic.

[WheatChef]

I emailed her today to tell her it was good to see her again and she wrote back and sent me a pic that was taken of me, her and another close friend that night.

holy crap, dude you're in!

If she wanted to automatically friend zone you then she wouldn't have sent the photo. In dating attitude>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>looks. You've obviously got something going for you besides your pale skin so use that fact to boost your confidence.

You mention worrying about getting into the friend zone. The only people who worry about getting into the friend zone are the people who put themselves into it in the first place. Stop assuming that is where things will go each time and it will happen less and less. If you can't be confident in who you are and what you have to bring to a relationship then it most often times just won't happen. If you're just faking the confidence it's noticeable to anyone else (or at the very least decent women can definitely pick up on it) but if you fake it long enough you may just learn to believe in yourself.

[Nightingale8472]

Pale, thin and sickly is in! Haven't you seen Twilight?

[Peace41]

I posted a few days ago regarding my concern for dating right now and I just dont think im ready.

I was introduced to a girl a few weeks ago and didnt think much of her the first time, but she was out with me and my friends saturday night and she looked really good so i became intrigued. We talked a bit and seem to have a lot in common but i just left it at that

I emailed her today to tell her it was good to see her again and she wrote back and sent me a pic that was taken of me, her and another close friend that night. When I saw how I looked in the photo it made me so depressed that I completely changed my mind about pursuing her. I was pale, thin and sickly looking and there was no evidence of life in my eyes...how could she possibly be interested in me the way i am and the way i look now? I apologize for sounding like a drama queen but im having a really hard time today and am just venting as usual.

Ive been out of the dating scene for 6 months and may have to prolong it a bit more just until I feel better about myself. Everyone keeps telling me to just get out there but i walk around feeling thin and weak and when i catch a reflection of myself in a mirror I just want to cry.

Hello Jason,

Forget the relationship thing right now, u know u r really not ready and don't worry what others are saying. My parents use to say to me, if ur friends jumped off the harbour bridge would u? And the answer is of course not. There are so many people having relationship problems etc...right now, u need to focus on getting Gluten Intolerance sorted out and be strong in sticking and being faithful to the diet. My son is almost 18 and he has no interests in going out to nightclubs or pubs or other places and he sees girls as friends and he has learnt to have honour for them. He would rather be like a good brother to them at present. He has learnt what its like when people have terrible relationships and then break up, and all the problems that causes. He has learnt if he is not going to marry someone then don't have a love/sexual interest relationship with them or even go to bed with them and he is waiting for the right time and the right one. He is doing home learning and getting right with His health/disabilities and also making sure our family relationships are better first. We have joined together started saving in a joint accoutn and are about to buy a house together, so my son will be a home owner with me at 18. He is getting that part of his life right, building on his foundations and can he provide for a family etc....he has it in him, also to make sure that I am looked after and helped too....and these questions are being answered can he work with another person, can he share with them, is he able to take out a loan with another. And in a few years after we have done up a house, we will then sell it, he will have some investment capital behind him. And then we will continue to look at property investment etc...for him to learn this, while he also learns technology, he wants to make computer and online games and be able to work from home, he can not go out into the work force because of his disaiblities. So he is looking at other options.

Be friends with this girl, its really about the heart, mind and soul of a person, the internal that is attractive to a woman, not the outer appearance. Of course some people get attracted to the good looking etc...but in the end that's not going to last, that beauty is here today and gone tommorrow. Why can't u pursue a friendship with this girl, all really good relationships friendship is an important key factor. Its also what can u bring into a relationship with her, and its about being able to get to know her. Can u be there for her, and be a true friend? And if she looked like death warmed up, would u still want to be her friend. There are too many fair weathered people/relationships in this earth at present, but its the rare ones that will be with u right up to the end no matter what, that end up loving u for just u. That is what is most important. U can ask this question, if her house burnt down and she just lost everything would u lift up ur finger to help her and be there for her, when others weren't and she needd a continual helping hand?

And when u start seeing girls as friends first then a whole new world opens up to u and u end up having more freedom, become a lot more comfortable and able to be really who u r and were created to be and then people see the real u and that is more important to be able to have the freedom to live ur life in sincere authenticity.

Have a blessed day,

Peace41

[jasonD2]

I'm sorry I really didn't follow any of that - but thanks anyway

[SGWhiskers]

I agree with the "Holy Crap! Dude you're in" statement. I think the picture was her way of safely signaling she would like to get to know you better. Granted, I married my highschool sweetheart and have 0 dating experience. I'll confess as well that I dated and married my husband for his mind, sensitivity, and values not for his looks. I would have made him with thick curly hair and 30 more pounds. He would have made me taller and thinner. So what. We figured out we had a little in common, and took our time getting to know each other. So looks don't matter.

Now, in regards to dating. Only you will know when you are ready to test the waters. Being sick and the recovery process can be a challenge. Keeping work, gluten-free living, and a social life may be plenty without adding a dating/relationship to the mix. If you are able to handle somewhat of a social life, then exploring the dating may be the next step. If, like me, you are exhausted from work and cringe at the thought of exhausting evening or weekend committments, then maybe this girl can go into the friend for now category.

You are a sensitive guy, which I appreciate in a man. When you decide it is time to start dating, I hope you find women that appreciate and respect you own sensitivity and have their own internal balance. Avoid the heart-breakers, manipulative drama queens, and crazy girls. Maybe a nice vegetarian or a teacher/nurse type.

Take care

[jasonD2]

sounds good- i tend to like women who are a little edgy anyway..although i have dated the crazies and the drama queens too. This current girl almost seems a bit too mainstream & bland, but i really need to get to know her before i get a confirmation on that. my initial reaction when i met her was that she reminds me of an ex and lacked a certain type of spice, but time will tell

]

thx

[StacyA]

...when u start seeing girls as friends first then a whole new world opens up to u and u end up having more freedom, become a lot more comfortable and able to be really who u r and were created to be and then people see the real u and that is more important to be able to have the freedom to live ur life...

Peace41

Hey, Peace41, sorry your 'y' and 'o' are broken. I think I have an old keyboard lying around - do you want it?

[luvs2eat]

Hey... no one can have TOO MANY friends. And friendships that turn into dating/love are the BEST.

[sandsurfgirl]

sounds good- i tend to like women who are a little edgy anyway..although i have dated the crazies and the drama queens too. This current girl almost seems a bit too mainstream & bland, but i really need to get to know her before i get a confirmation on that. my initial reaction when i met her was that she reminds me of an ex and lacked a certain type of spice, but time will tell

]

thx

So in the span of one meeting with a group and one email, you've liked her, freaked out about whether or not to date her because how can she possibly like you the way you are, and will probably end the "relationship" because she's boring anyway. Well good thing you worked it out.

[Jestgar]

So in the span of one meeting with a group and one email, you've liked her, freaked out about whether or not to date her because how can she possibly like you the way you are, and will probably end the "relationship" because she's boring anyway. Well good thing you worked it out.

:lol:

Don't we all do this to some extent?

[sandsurfgirl]

:lol:

Don't we all do this to some extent?

yes we do. I've done it which is why I think it's funny!

[jasonD2]

Ugh- I got shot down....I asked her out and she never responded. I then heard from our mutual friend and she said she wasnt interested....so she probly did pick up on all my issues. people arent dumb, the can sense when someone is in a funk.

[SGWhiskers]

Ugh- I got shot down....I asked her out and she never responded. I then heard from our mutual friend and she said she wasnt interested....so she probly did pick up on all my issues. people arent dumb, the can sense when someone is in a funk.

Good for you for taking the chance. It sucks she said no, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Taking the risk is a win in my book. Also, rest assured, I'm staying away from dating advice for a while.

[txplowgirl]

Hey Jason, at least YOU TRIED! Good for you. Hang in there.