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How Do You Handle Going To A Wedding?

SaraKat

By SaraKat
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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SaraKat Contributor
SaraKat
Posted

I have a wedding coming up in November and I was just diagnosed. I hate to be the picky one or complainer, but do I tell the bride or just wait till I get there and tell the waitress/er at our table that I need my dinner plain? I'd much rather not get the bride involved if at all possible.

What do you do?

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GlutenFreeManna Rising Star
GlutenFreeManna
Posted

If it's a formal wedding and you want a gluten free meal you will have to request it in advance. That means getting the bride involved or finding out who her caterer is and calling them to ask about gluten free options yourself. I highly doubt you will be able to just ask for a "plain meal" at the reception and get safe food. I used to serve for a caterer that did weddings. If it's plated and served, usually the meals have been completed and on trays/carts by the time the people start arriving. If it's a buffet the food is already in warmers in the kitchen if not out on the buffet. And unless the wedding is at a restaurant currently open for business for other customers, there's not going to be extra food options kicking around the kitchen. The place I worked for brought all their own food to the location to prepare for each event. There's no way we could accommodate someone at the last minute.

Of course if you really don't want to get the bride involved you can just eat before the reception or bring a purse with some food in it that you can eat.

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

I have a wedding coming up next month. The affair is catered and what I did was get the name of the caterer and contacted them. I also wrote gluten-free dinner on my RSVP when I sent it in. Do talk to the bride and get the name from her. Let her know that you will contact them yourself and not to worry about it. If the caterer can not accomodate you simply eat before you go. Chances are that there will be only a limited menu available so last minute would not be likely to work.

elk Rookie
elk
Posted

wow, lots of upcoming weddings -- I have one too. I'm planning just to eat before I go and then take something with me to snack on. If mine was a formal sit down dinner, I think I would pack a fancy meal for myself and then ask for a clean plate. I wonder if that could be construed as an insult if the bride wasn't forewarned? I can be pretty stealthy though. B)

notme Experienced
notme
Posted

we went to our friends' daughter's (and son in law:)) wedding reception and they were absolutely over the top. the caterer helped to serve and rattled off every ingredient in everything i considered eating. they even had smoked salmon (very lightly seasoned, sauce on the side!) extra just to make sure i had something they were sure i could eat! fruit salad (chef jeff is a strict no-cross-contaminater!) green salad with oil/vinegar/herbs of course i didn't eat the bread or cake. oh, and roast beef yummmmmmm very delicious. if you live in the east tennessee area (knoxville) i highly recommend the brickyard barbecue in powell. don't let the name fool you, the guy was very professional and detail oriented. i bet he could do a whole gluten-free event and nobody would even know all the food was 'safe' - if you say 'gluten-free' people run away screaming lol - anyway, it was nice to eat out (first time!) and have a good experience :)))

Aphreal Contributor
Aphreal
Posted

Honestly, I would eat before I go and just enjoy the company and festivities of the ceremony. Personally, planning a wedding is so overwelming I wouldn't want to put added stress on the bride but that is just me :)

notme Experienced
notme
Posted

Honestly, I would eat before I go and just enjoy the company and festivities of the ceremony. Personally, planning a wedding is so overwelming I wouldn't want to put added stress on the bride but that is just me :)

oh, i was prepared, trust me :) i had a cooler full of redbridge and ahi tuna w/sesame noodles :) (father of the bride said he wanted what i brought lol) chex mix & larabars. but i took a leap of faith and ate the food. the chef walked me through all ingredients otherwise i probably wouldn't have. also met another celiac there who noticed i was drinking redbridge. it was so nice to talk with someone who knew EXACTLY what i was talking about face to face!! her boyfriend was so sweet and excited about learning to cook for her :) she didn't eat the food there (i met her at the end of the reception) and was surprised that i had and wasn't camped out in the bathroom. great to commiserate, though. we laughed about what people think we can/cannot eat. lol we should have a secret handshake :D

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glutenfreeinminnesota Contributor
glutenfreeinminnesota
Posted

My best friend is getting married in less then a month...for one I have to travel from Minnesota...my safe zone, to New Mexico where I grew up, but know nothing of gluten free friendly places! And, I told her just not to worry about me for food and I would fend for myself before/after the wedding stuff. She replied by telling me that was ridiculous and asked what I COULD have. Ha...well it's hard to explain to people who know nothing about this disease! Then she continued to tell me I should be able to cheat this one time since it's her wedding. So...that's my story, lol...some people just won't/don't understand no matter how much you try to explain it. I told her if she wanted to see me for the rest of the trip that wouldn't be an option, unless she wanted to visit me in the bathroom. I will probably just give my boyfriend my plate of food, since I have no idea what is going to happen! I will eat a good meal before..and probably be starving after, but I will just bring a Snickers to eat when I get hungry :)

bbuster Explorer
bbuster
Posted

Depends on your relationship to the wedding couple.

We will be attending a wedding and I didn't want to bother the bride, so I contacted the groom's mother (that was easy because she is my sister) and got the name of the caterer. Then I called the caterer and said I had some questions about the menu for such-and-such wedding on Oct 2. The caterer gave me an abrupt "and who, exactly, are you?" and I told them I was the aunt of the groom and had a son who needed gluten-free, blah blah and they were very polite and went through the menu and ingredients with me so I got the info I needed.

Good to know that caterers are not giving out secret wedding menus to strangers!!

So if you know the bride's parents you might contact them, but if not I would have contacted the bride and told her I would take care of what I needed, I just wanted to know who the caterer is. Based on calling them, you can decide if you think it is safe to eat there or you need to make other arrangements.

As you say, the bride has plenty to worry about, and however well-meaning, some things might get lost in the translation anyway.

Good luck!

Marilyn R Community Regular
Marilyn R
Posted

You've received very good advice from this thread.

I was a Catering Manager for five years and handled numerous weddings at a resort hotel.

Every bride wants their wedding to be perfect in every way for everyone who attends, and so does her mother. It would be good to e-mail or phone ahead to get the name and number of the caterer, then proceed with your decisions based on that conversation, as was previously suggested.

Last minute requests present a SNAFU. Pre-planning is a blessing.

Vegetarians and Kosher Jews have no stigma whatsoever associated with ordering special meals, and neither should we, especially since our consequenses are much more dire if we eat what is forbidden. At any rate, perhaps a vegetarian or Kosher substitute will work, or a fruit plate, but you'll only know after you talk to the caterer. I hope you have a wonderful time at the wedding!

The last wedding reception I attended was great, without any repercussions, except a mild hang over from drinking too much potato vodka!

SaraKat Contributor
SaraKat
Posted
  • Author

Thanks everyone. I think I will call the place directly and tell them I don't want to bother the bride and see what they say. The wedding is at a yacht club so there is a restaurant there, it won't just be the wedding/catered food. Hopefully they can just make something plain for me.

BcG3987 Rookie
BcG3987
Posted

I am attending a wedding tonight and of course didnt even think about the food- just ordered the prime rib and said eh- i guess ill eat before- luckily at the bridal shower we got on the subject (of course since they had gourmet mini pizza things and all sorts of gluten filled desserts everyone assumed since i wasnt eating it i was either anorexic or celiac lol!!) Anywho- the bride said she would call and add on a gluten free plate bc she has a couple cousins who have to be on the diet! Sooo more to the point- you never know who already asked and it for it and its probably not as big of a deal as you think! Like the previous person said- the bride wants a perfect day and if she sees you sitting with a full plate (or no plate for that matter) she will probably be more concerned with that than if you asked in the first place!! Have fun! I know I will tonight :D

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