Need To Make A Bed Comfortable

[blueeyedmanda]

So my falling asleep problems have escalated and now things have spun out of control. I sleep in our spare bedroom and on the couch since I cannot get comfortable in my bed at all....why is this bad? I am a newlywed, this is beginning to affect my marriage.

We currently have one of those featherbeds on top of the mattress. It does not seem to do good. The featherbed is only about a year old. We flip it frequently. The mattress is also only 4 years old and it has been flipped many times.

Any tips or ideas?

Between work and the problems arising at home I am just staying afloat day to day....Please Help!!!

[dandelionmom]

What about one of those egg crate mattress toppers? I used one in college and it made even the dorm beds comfy.

[jerseyangel]

I'm sorry to hear this, Amanda....One possibility is that you are allergic/sensitive to the feather bed. I bought one a few years ago, and found this to be the case with me.

It also might be too soft for you--maybe try to remove it and use a good thick mattress pad underneath the sheets and see if that helps.

How are your pillows? I love my visco-elastic pillow (not the kind with the neck roll, but the traditional rectangular kind)

Is your bedroom too warm? That can affect your sleep, too.

It could also have something to do with the stress you're having during the day with your job. I know you are considering a change there, maybe taking steps towards that goal will help you relax and not be as anxious.

[jerseyangel]

What about one of those egg crate mattress toppers? I used one in college and it made even the dorm beds comfy.

This is good idea--I have one that I bought at QVC a few years ago (after the feather bed experience). I forgot about it--it's under the mattress pad, and is quite comfortable.

[blueeyedmanda]

I was looking at the egg-crate route.

I am not sure if the job stress is related, the sleeping elsewhere has been going on since the wedding when John had gotten sick.

[missy'smom]

For now do stretches before bed. It helps me with both muscle tension and mental stress. There have been studies published that show that women sleep better if they do.

My long-term suggestion is to keep doing stretches and consider a sleep number bed. It is worth it to get an upgraded model with a thicker top too. I will never use another kind! I am a light sleeper and it is the only bed I've ever been comfortable in.

[Ridgewalker]

I also think the egg crate toppers are the most comfortable. They aren't expensive, and are definitely worth a try!

Also though, it may simply be a phase. I've been married for nearly 8 years, and there are times when I simply can't stand sleeping in our bed. I end up on the couch for a while (sometimes as much as a couple months) and then I get over it. My husband flails in his sleep and he snores. Sometimes it just drives me nuts.

Sometimes my back gets really bad, and the only place I can sleep is the floor.

Sometimes I just don't wanna share.

For us, it's not a big deal. He used to fuss about it but not for long. He figured out pretty quick that it's nothing personal. I just need to get comfortable.

I hope it gets better soon! Try that egg crate.

[jerseyangel]

Amanda--

There's another "exercise" you can try while lying in bed.

You will begin to relax yourself starting with your toes. Relax them completely and then slowly move up your body and relax each area until you get to your head. It sounds easy, but takes a little practice. It does work for me, though, depending on why I can't sleep.

Have you tried Valarian capsules or tea before bed? That can help.

[blueeyedmanda]

Hi Patti

Here are things I have tried.

Both Chamomile and this organic relaxing bed time tea

these relaxing drops we bought at wegmans which are supposed to set your mind at ease

John bought me some spray which is supposed to be taken and then it will calm you and put you to sleep.

Tylenol PM, Simply Sleep, Unisom....I think I have become dependent on these which is not good...

I cannot do the TV on to go to sleep, the room needs to be dark. John doesn't move around at all...

Its so frustrating

Where did you get that pillow you were talking about?

[confused]

Can u play relaxing music?

Every day get up earlier and earlier then maybe by the time u hit the sheets u are tired?

if u drink caffeine, dont drink it after noon.

im trying to think of other things, ill post back when i think of them lol

paula

[jerseyangel]

Where did you get that pillow you were talking about?

Linen's & Things.

[blueeyedmanda]

I get up at 6:30 everyday to go to work, work until 4:30. I don't drink mostly juice or tea, nothing with caffine. I am not sure on the relaxing music, we wake up to our radio....I don't want to confuse my brain.

[confused]

Well one way i get comfortable is i put an pillow between my legs, i had to do that when i was pg and now its like an comfort thing. ANd one thing i have to do is go to bed before hubby cause he snores and if im still up when he comes to bed, then im up all night. I get up at 4am with him tho so when i hit the bed at 9 or 10 im tired.

paula

[Green12]

For the stress, have you tried taking a hot bath to wind down at the end of the day?

Lavender oil is suppose to be calming, soothing. You can add a few drops in the bath water or look for bath soaks with lavender in them.

[Jestgar]

I find that I can't use synthetic sheets, blankets, or mattress covers. I use cotton sheets and mattress pad and a down comforter. This seems to help me regulate my body temperature better.

I also recommend Patti's relaxation exercise.

For the relaxing music, try finding something you'd never listen to on the radio, something specifically designed to be monotonous and soporific. Then always listen to the same thing as you're falling asleep. The idea is to induce a Pavlovian response, so that whenever you hear that music you want to sleep.

[DingoGirl]

Really good cotton sheets and squishy, soft, good down pillows, with firmer foam pillows behind them to bolster - found at Target, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Mervyn's, lots of places.......

a cool, dark room with a FAN blowing - I could not sleep a single second without white noise.

Can you tolerate milk? Warm milk before bed - a shot of brandy or something in it can't hurt.

If not, your hot tea w/ brandy or something in it....

There are memory foam toppers that are quite good - I like them better than the egg crates - they are more expensive but are pretty fabulous.

Are you totally against something like Lunesta/Ambien, any of those? they can work quite well - and you could just use them a couple of nights a week, not every night.......

I had a solid decade of insomnia and totally feel for you. I am WAY past the herbals and the warm milk - I take drugs, every single night. I'd rather live two or four FEWER years due to drugs, than five extra yeasr with insomnia that makes me psychotic.......

good luck, sweetie!

[Ridgewalker]

For the relaxing music, try finding something you'd never listen to on the radio, something specifically designed to be monotonous and soporific. Then always listen to the same thing as you're falling asleep. The idea is to induce a Pavlovian response, so that whenever you hear that music you want to sleep.

Yes! The last thing I do before I go to bed is (check on the kids and) switch on the dishwasher. Listening to the dishwasher every night is sooo relaxing to me. It kinda sounds like waves. I feel like I'm still getting housework done even though I'm in bed. The white noise helps drown out Brian's snoring.

Now, if I have to run an extra load during the day (not uncommon,) the sound makes me want to take a nap.

[jerseyangel]

Yes! The last thing I do before I go to bed is (check on the kids and) switch on the dishwasher. Listening to the dishwasher every night is sooo relaxing to me. It kinda sounds like waves. I feel like I'm still getting housework done even though I'm in bed. The white noise helps drown out Brian's snoring.

Now, if I have to run an extra load during the day (not uncommon,) the sound makes me want to take a nap.

Sarah--

Now that you mention it, I have fallen asleep to the sound of the dishwasher for years! Never really thought about it....yes, I think that type of soothing, water noise is helpful.

Amanda--I have to agree with the good (at least 300 thread count) cotton sheets. So much more comfortable.

[kbtoyssni]

It sounds like this is a problem with the room, not a problem with insomnia. I started a similar thread a while back. I moved to a new apartment, and there's something not right about the new bedroom. I have trouble sleeping in it - it's like the bed doesn't feel comfortable - but I had no problems before moving. Here is it, there might be some good tips there: Open Original Shared Link

When I was younger, I had a relaxation tape I would fall asleep to.

I also have trouble because I tend to have a million things running through my head. A pad of paper by my bed to write down things I needed to do the next day fixed that.

[tarnalberry]

Any idea what the problem is?

Mattresses are *hugely* personal. It took my husband and I a full day (and a half dozen stores) to find a mattress we liked. It was $1500 bucks (full memory foam mattress, not a TempurPedic), but you're going to spend at *least* one-third of your life on it, and a *very important* one-third of your life on it, so it's not an area to be super cost-conscious in. We both hated the pillow-top ones, and the ones that had just a top layer of memory foam, but had very different opinions on the other mattresses when it came to firmness and other characteristics.

And it's not enough to just be in a store and sit on it and lay down and get up again. You've got to stretch out, toss and turn, and stay there for five or ten minutes (bring a pillow if you have a favorite; figure out what pillow you should be using if you don't already know). You might look silly, but a good mattress store/department won't mind.

Of course, all the other sleep hygiene issues are important - a regular schedule before bed, turning down lights starting a few hours before bed, not watching TV/computers right before bed, exercise no less than one or two hours before bed... Making sure that you're comfortable in the room, setupwise, can help as well, particularly if something ends up 'nagging' your brain.

[Phyllis28]

I have a memory twin foam bed topper for the king size bed. I love it. My husband tried it and hated it. I am also a light sleeper so I have a white noise machine to mask noise, such as my husbands snoring. I got mine from this website:

Open Original Shared Link

Hope you resolve you sleep issues.

[Mango04]

I don't know if this will completely solve the problem, but unplugging absolutely everything in your room might help.

Also, have you tried Bach Rescue Remedy? Burning some lavendar oil is really helpful too.

I also like those memory foam toppers you can get a Linens and Things. I bought one when I was in college and it made my tiny futon thing I slept on really comfortable.

[Darn210]

The idea is to induce a Pavlovian response, so that whenever you hear that music you want to sleep.

Or drool . . .

I also have trouble because I tend to have a million things running through my head. A pad of paper by my bed to write down things I needed to do the next day fixed that.

This may sound silly but it's a great idea . . . when I'm stressed and get into that "don't forget to <fill in the blank> tomorrow" mode, it will get it out of your system so you can relax.

White Noise! Good Pillow!

Also, lately, I have had problems warming up - I'm cold (especially my feet) and can't seem to warm up no matter how many blankets. Of course I eventually warm up enough to fall asleep, then I overheat and wake up because I have too many blankets, kick them all off and try to go back to sleep. I'm going to add a heating pad at my feet to get them warmed up and then turn it off for sleeping.

[jerseyangel]

I found a good way to warm up the foot of the bed--I heat a buckwheat filled bag (the kind that you use to wrap around sore necks, knees, etc) in the microwave for a few minutes and put in the bed for a little while before I turn in.

It's so relaxing--especially this time of year--to have warm feet when you first get into bed. The best part is it cools off gradually and there's nothing to turn off.

We have two now--one for me (works on a sore tummy, too) and one for my husband's arthritic knee

[blueeyedmanda]

I love you guys, all these great suggestions :)