Some People Are Cruel

[canutillomom]

I have been gluten free for a few weeks now and had finally started healing (the first 2 weeks or so were sooo very bad). I explained to my family what was going on and thought I had their support.

Well, my cousin had our family over for dinner 2 nights ago and swore to me that everything would be gluten free. While we were there I questioned the safety of one dish and she said she had used a mixture of corn starch and potato starch and not wheat flour.

After dinner she asked how I liked it and how I felt. I said that everything tasted it very good and I felt fine. Then she started saying I don't have celiac disease because that was wheat flour!

24 hours after that I started itching like crazy and feeling like I had been rolled up in barbed wire and I spent most of last night in the bathroom for "different issues."

I am furious! And extremely uncomfortable! I have new outbreaks on my inner thighs and across my stomach.

Why would someone do that? (she said she did that because I didn't receive a "clinical diagnosis" just the doc saying what it was and wanted to prove to me that I could eat gluten). Are there other people out there doing stuff like this???

[tarnalberry]

Because some people value being right more than you being healthy - or more than anything about you.

Tell her you got sick.

Tell her you will not be eating at her house *ever* again. (You cannot trust her, clearly.)

And tell her that you are disappointed that she would try to sabotage your health and be that cruel.

Not a discussion, three short little sentences that convey the facts and your disappointment. (Conveying anger won't really help - she'll probably just think you're being defensive.)

[Roda]

That is not tolerable behavior. As tarnalberry said, tell her that you got sick. Don't trust her or eat there again.

[lovegrov]

Say bye-bye to that cousin.

richard

[jerseyangel]

That's terrible--I'm so sorry

A person who would do that to you is not worth your time, family or no.

[Mac55]

Oh my gosh! I am shocked that anyone would do that, let alone a family member! I'm so sorry. Like the other posters said tell her you got sick and if I were me I'd never eat there again. It's just not worth the risk. You'd also be proving a point as well. Know that this is her issue, not yours. For some reason she can't accept it but that has NOTHING to do with you. Continue on, knowing what is right for you. I'm pretty new to this too. Funny, I just don't trust people enough to cook for me, lol. Trust issues I guess.

[GFinDC]

Your cousin probably thinks since you didn't curl up in a ball and die right afer eating her poison food you are not sick. She most likely doesn't understand how an autoimmune disease can have a slower response than a wheat allergy based on IGE response. Some celiacs do have a very fast response but probably more often it is a delayed response.

Your cousin is not your friend to treat you like this and risk your health.

[sandsurfgirl]

OH. MY. WORD. She is evil. How are you controlling yourself not to call and tell her off?

I would let her know how sick you are, how despicable her actions are, and that she will not ever see you or your family again. What she did is dangerous, and just evil. I can't think of a better word than evil.

I am so sorry. I don't understand people I really don't. Stand up for yourself. She is a pig.

You know, if you knowingly give something to a person that makes them ill, it's assault. A friend of mine was given something she is allergic to by her evil mother in law and she called the police and pressed charges. It caused anaphylaxis in her, so maybe it would be different than celiac, but use this to scare the crap out of her.

I am so angry reading this. I want to call her for you!

[Mskedi]

Wow. Like everyone else, I'm outraged. It sounds like you're having a skin reaction -- can you take a picture of it and send it to your evil cousin?

And, yeah... that's evil. I've been a vegetarian a long time, and there are some people out there who think it's funny to trick vegetarians into eating something with meat (say, chicken broth). An even larger number of people just don't pay that much attention (and, say, don't realize that chicken broth is made from an animal). Because of having dealt with that for so many years, I'm extra cautious about foods people offer me now that I'm gluten-free. The food may well be safe ingredients-wise, but if it contains contaminated butter or something like that, the person offering it to me would be inadvertently poisoning me. Luckily, my family and close friends are pretty dang awesome, so I don't have to worry much, but at larger gatherings, I just feed myself.

Most likely, I would e-mail some sort of information about how Celiacs react to gluten (including the timeline), pictures of my skin reaction, and end it with something along the lines of, "and that is why I won't be eating with you again."

Maybe, since she's a blood relative of yours, Karma will be nice to you and she'll find out she has Celiac Disease sometime down the road and realize what a horrible, cruel thing she did.

[codetalker]

Your cousin probably thinks since you didn't curl up in a ball and die right afer eating her poison food you are not sick.

Sometimes I think that is what is missing from Celiac Disease. If we immediately fell out of our chairs to the floor and had an epileptic seizure or went into a diabetic coma, people would probably take this a lot more seriously. As it is, I doubt your cousin will be repentant when you tell her you got sick. Unless she sees you on a gurney, she probably won

[digmom1014]

Some people are just idiots! I am so sorry this happened to you and so early in your challenges with being gluten-free.

Are you in NC? Have her invite me over! I never underwent the biopsy to "prove" I had celiac but, I have a reaction, and not a pretty one, in about 20 min. after ingesting gluten! EVERYTIME!!(I have been gluten-free for over 2 yrs.)

[SGWhiskers]

I'm thinking you should have called her at 2:30, 3:30, and 4:30 am to share you bathroom issues with her. I am appalled. I hope you let the rest of the family know how sick you got from her nastiness.

She is the first person I have wished celiac disease upon. May migraines and bathroom visits teach her to be more sensitive.

[serenajane]

I have been gluten free for a few weeks now and had finally started healing (the first 2 weeks or so were sooo very bad). I explained to my family what was going on and thought I had their support.

Well, my cousin had our family over for dinner 2 nights ago and swore to me that everything would be gluten free. While we were there I questioned the safety of one dish and she said she had used a mixture of corn starch and potato starch and not wheat flour.

After dinner she asked how I liked it and how I felt. I said that everything tasted it very good and I felt fine. Then she started saying I don't have celiac disease because that was wheat flour!

24 hours after that I started itching like crazy and feeling like I had been rolled up in barbed wire and I spent most of last night in the bathroom for "different issues."

I am furious! And extremely uncomfortable! I have new outbreaks on my inner thighs and across my stomach.

Why would someone do that? (she said she did that because I didn't receive a "clinical diagnosis" just the doc saying what it was and wanted to prove to me that I could eat gluten). Are there other people out there doing stuff like this???

WOW I am really taken back by this, What a NASTY _____ (well you know what she is) I have had one of my co-workers show me a bread recipe that I could make just playing of course. They have listened to me ramble on and on about gluten free this and that and they are good but most likely tired of hearing it. LIVE WITH IT AND YOU WILL REALLY BE ANNOYED. people don't understand what they don't know.

Tell her to check out all the new signs in the supermarket that say gluten free. my supermarket has become so good about labeling things I have noticed a huge change in the short amount of time that I have been shopping for gluten free diet.

I tried gluten free couple years ago when they thought that might be what was wrong. Then I met with gi doc and they told me not to be gluten free before testing. Due to my daughter being diagnosed with a rare type of brain tumor I put my stuff on the back burner and focused on her. I am sad to say my sweet little girl Cameo Anna passed away 9 weeks after diagnosis. Needless to say I didn't have time for myself it was about my then 3 year old son and functioning day to day. So that is why it took me so long to be officially diagnosed.

My thought is that people don't understand things sometimes unless they are right in their lap...

hang out with different family members

[AKcollegestudent]

I'm thinking you should have called her at 2:30, 3:30, and 4:30 am to share you bathroom issues with her. I am appalled. I hope you let the rest of the family know how sick you got from her nastiness.

She is the first person I have wished celiac disease upon. May migraines and bathroom visits teach her to be more sensitive.

I'm right there with you. Maybe my friends and family are more supportive because there's nothing like your 21 year old friend, lover, sister or daughter either a) curled up with a migraine, unable to put pressure on her joints, and/or c) vomiting into your trash can on Christmas. It doesn't hurt that I slate into the category of "I would have been in pain in about 30 minutes."

Regardless, your cousin needs suffer long and often---and that's not something I ever say. Because you don't know yet how long this glutening is going to take to get out of your system, and it's not okay to force pain on your relatives. Or anyone else!

[AlysounRI]

That is just sad ... and very. very cruel.

I don't understand it at all.

What does she have to prove?

It's not her health - it's YOURS.

Can you lend her some books so she can read up on it?

Can you explain to her that this is a DISEASE, like diabetes.

I am sorry that you went through that.

What an awful experience.

As it's family, it could get tricky but if you can't get through to her, I suggest if you can rely on other members of your family talk to her and impress upon her the complete inappropriateness of what

she did to you.

Sympathies and hugs,

~Allison

[psawyer]

Family or not, I would walk away and not come back. This is a deliberate attempt to poison you, to see if it is really poison. How would she feel if you slipped "just a bit" of rat poison into her meal, to see if it was really poisonous. Geez, Louise, she doesn't get it and never will. Did I say walk? I should have said RUN.

[TrillumHunter]

I'm sorry this happened.

You've gotten lots of advice on what to do, but only you know what is best.

Take care of yourself until you feel better.

It's sucks, but some people are nasty. She does realize that she is at increased risk? Maybe that's why she's so eager to prove it's not really a problem for you.

Take care of you!!

[sandsurfgirl]

I was thinking about this today, and feeling outraged and then I thought, maybe this bad can be turned into something good. As a celiac, you have to be assertive to make sure your needs are met. There are times when you have to work very hard to get through to a restaurant manager or whatever and you need to make things perfectly clear.

So maybe it's time you learn to be more assertive. Of course I don't know you, but I was just wondering if that's not something you are used to doing. I'm very assertive and pretty outspoken, and if I did have an evil cousin, thankfully I don't, I don't think they would do that to me because they know what sort of earful they would get. Know what I mean? Maybe she figured she would get away with it and it's time you stand up and show her that's just not the case anymore.

[kayo]

First of all - hugs to you! I hope you're feeling better.

Your cousin is a psychopath!

What she did was assault. Calculated and deliberate assault. Assault for her own pleasure no less. She poisoned you for her own amusement. Would she give sugar to a diabetic? Peanuts to someone with a peanut allergy? Shrimp to someone with a shellfish allergy?

What she did was criminal. She should pay the price. Please consider pressing charges. If anything, have a lawyer send a threatening letter. That might get the point across.

[luvs2eat]

First of all - hugs to you! I hope you're feeling better.

Your cousin is a psychopath!

What she did was assault. Calculated and deliberate assault. Assault for her own pleasure no less. She poisoned you for her own amusement. Would she give sugar to a diabetic? Peanuts to someone with a peanut allergy? Shrimp to someone with a shellfish allergy?

What she did was criminal. She should pay the price. Please consider pressing charges. If anything, have a lawyer send a threatening letter. That might get the point across.

I've been thinking pretty much the same since I read this yesterday. My first thought, using the good old rat poison analogy, was to invite her for food and when she was done... ask her if it was good and how she felt. Then tell her you put a little rat poison in there. But, you could totally get arrested for intentionally poisoning someone... which is exactly what she did to you!! I think I'd be sorely tempted to press charges!! That's how unconscionable her intentionally feeding gluten to you was!!

[nutralady2001]

I've been wanting to comment but have quite honestly been rendered speechless.

This is abuse, plain and simple. I would not take this and say nothing......contact her, show her the rash and quite honestly you would be quite within your rights to tell her you can never trust her again.

Ask her how she would feel if you put "just a little bit" of rat poison in HER food.

[DownWithGluten]

I would be infuriated. Maybe she's a psychopath...or maybe she's just one of those eye-rolling people who doesn't take celiac/gluten intolerance seriously. Maybe she's had experience with someone who has feigned-illnesses and so she was trying to prove a point, that it's "all in your head" or some bull crap.

Or she was just lazy, wanted to use the wheat flour, and figured you probably really wouldn't get hurt (since she doesn't take it seriously) and just wanted to be a brat about it.

But here's the ultimatum as others have said: Never trust to eat at her house again. I would be furious and hurt (mentally, not just physically) if someone did that. Angry that they didn't take it seriously. I, too, would let her know that I DID get sick.

But it's just wrong. Some Celiacs don't get sick as a symptom, but it's still destroying their intestines.

And for me, during my past three gluten free years, I noticed during the only two times I've been "glutened" that I reacted approximately 12 hours after ingesting the culprit food.

So sorry, honey, that little "look, you're not dying right now, thus you can eat gluten" trick does NOT work. I almost wish I would react right away, so I'd have a chance to throw it up. But how I am...if I eat something I'm a little worried/unsure about (someone else's house, new restaurant), I'm internally anxious for the next 12 hours and don't enjoy the meal because I'm worried that a future bomb might explode in my digestive system. I'd rather just get it over with and find out right away. So NO, I would NOT know right away, which sucks in of itself.

It's just a mean, bratty thing to do. Like the first person who responded to you said, some people care more about being right than anything else, including other people's well-being.

[mndtrp]

Cross contamination, or simply not knowing, is one thing. Deliberately putting wheat flour into your food is something entirely different. I would most certainly tell your cousin what happened, and how disappointed you are with her. I wouldn't disown a family member, but I definitely wouldn't trust their food ever again.

[mommida]

I have heard cases of lacing brownies with laxative ending in criminal charges.

This is intent to do bodily harm. She asked you if you felt sick, right? So she was expecting you to get sick.

Why you would ever have anything to do with this person again, I can't think of a good enough reason at this point.

[canutillomom]

Thank you so very much for your replies! I went over last night and showed her the outbreaks and she could not believe how bad it was. I also gave her this website address and a book on Celiac. Finally, I told her, "Sorry, but I will never eat here again and it will be awhile until you see me again." Ok, said it with a little more emotion- and I think she finally got the message!