I... But... Look, Can Someone Tell Me If This Is A Lot?

[luvs2eat]

Okay... I'm changing my response. The lobster shell incident is a deal breaker for me. Reminds me of the recent thread about the woman's relative who assured her that the meal she served was gluten-free and after everyone had eaten, she told the celiac that there was wheat in the dish and she'd just proved the celiac was exaggerating and didn't have gluten issues because she wasn't instantly sick!

Your MIL attempted to poison you. POISON you. I'd never eat anything she cooked again... oh wait... she doesn't cook. I would never allow my kids to be alone w/ her... EVER. I don't know if she's crazy or not... but she certainly is dangerous.

[farmwife67]

Time to cut your ties with MIL sometimes you just can't get along with people, MIL or not. If your husband wants to see her he can go visit. Your marriage comes first! She is just trying to get you to leave! Don't try to please her just tell her until she can shut up and be nice she's not to come around! Plain and simple!

[Black Sheep]

Okay... I'm changing my response. The lobster shell incident is a deal breaker for me.

I think that's what freaked me out the most, too. Yikes. I was going to ask, but didn't have time as I had a dr. app't.---has this woman been tested for food allergies? And.....celiac? Wow, what sweet revenge ("Bwaaahahahahah!") that would be if it turned out you weren't the only one who had to give up certain foods and be on some "crazy diet!" No seriously though, some of the posts I've read since I've come to this board have alluded to gluten intolerance and food allergies contributing to some pretty strange behavior.....although I don't know about anything that psychotic. At any rate I just wondered if that could be a possibility.

Oh, and the grocery bill? I didn't say how much I spend in my previous post because I really don't know....I just know it's a lot more than you do. But it made me curious, and I needed to re-stock some of my g.f. flours anyway, so after my app't. I stopped by the cheapest grocery store in town. I saved my receipt. There are only the two of us to buy for, btw. So--six 1 1/2 lb. bags of various flours and cornstarch, plus a few fruits and veggies, some cheese, bacon, eggs, and a couple of bags of baked g.f. chips---over $57. And this doesn't even include meat, which I don't buy at that particular store as it's no good, nor does it include the few canned items I usually buy. Sure there's flour to make bread now, but other than that, very little to actually make meals with. As far as grass-fed beef, forget it. There's only one place in my end of the county to get it, and it's astronomical. Not to mention crappy-tasting, but maybe grass fed beef is always strong and gamey-tasting?

Anyway, if you can feed you and hub on only $50+ a week, you are to truly a magician! And to be applauded!

[butterfl8]

Previous to your post, I thought my mil was crazy. She had been diagnosed with conversion disorder, which means that when she thought she had pancreatic cancer, she began to show the symptoms of cancer physically. WITHOUT THE CANCER. But I take it all back now. She is sane. Difficult, yes. But still sane. You are wonder woman for dealing with her so temperately.

But I agree with everyone else here, your mil might need a little psychiactric aid. She sounds a bit co-dependent, from what you've said. Blessings on your hubby, and best of luck to you both.

As far as my food budget? Ouch. It hurts. Probably around 100 a week. Painful.

-Daisy

[JNBunnie1]

As far as grass-fed beef, forget it. There's only one place in my end of the county to get it, and it's astronomical. Not to mention crappy-tasting, but maybe grass fed beef is always strong and gamey-tasting?

Anyway, if you can feed you and hub on only $50+ a week, you are to truly a magician! And to be applauded!

Actually, that's precisely why we enjoy grass fed beef and bison. I'd eat elk and deer and wild fish all the time if I could get it. I guess I'm just one of those people....

And my boyfriend, the bottomless pit, couldn't possibly be fed on less than $100 a week unless all I bought was ramen. You, my friend, are magical.

[MagpieWrites]

You, my friend, are magical.

Nah. Just cheap!

I'm blessed that I work from home - so I have a LOT more time to cook and to shop. It's also still just my husband and I, so I'm able to figure this all out before I have kids. Toss in, well. My friends call me the grocery Rainman.

I also seem to live in the perfect sweet spot in the country - Northern Ohio is GREAT for cost of living, and we have a lot available to us close by. 3 Asian markets within 20 minutes (one the has twigged to the whole gluten issue and has become pretty amazing for what it carries. I got dragged over to the pasta section by the owner's mother a few weeks ago - she wanted me to make sure I found a new brand of soba they had started to carry. 100% buckwheat and gluten free. And a third of the price as the health food store down the road!), several bulk food stores that I can trust to keep things separate and safe (nothing like knowing the owner's son has celiac to instill a little awareness!) tons of discount grocery stores, and as the weather warms up - I'm surround by hundreds of farmer's markets and U-pick farms.

Toss in the fact I really don't buy much actual marketed gluten free items (I make my own breads, pastas, - heck freeze or can my own soups!) and I have the toys that make life easier and cheaper - freezer, grain mill, canner, etc - I'm just lucky. And cheap!

Heck - the grassfed meat I mentioned? It is often a better deal than the grocery store meat - the butcher shop AND the farm are only 10 minutes away, and since we buy in bulk, the cost isn't that bad.

Hmmm. I wonder, think I should put together a "Cheap Celiac Tour of Northern Ohio" and get people to come visit with giant coolers?

[kareng]

Nah. Just cheap!

I'm blessed that I work from home - so I have a LOT more time to cook and to shop. It's also still just my husband and I, so I'm able to figure this all out before I have kids. Toss in, well. My friends call me the grocery Rainman.

I also seem to live in the perfect sweet spot in the country - Northern Ohio is GREAT for cost of living, and we have a lot available to us close by. 3 Asian markets within 20 minutes (one the has twigged to the whole gluten issue and has become pretty amazing for what it carries. I got dragged over to the pasta section by the owner's mother a few weeks ago - she wanted me to make sure I found a new brand of soba they had started to carry. 100% buckwheat and gluten free. And a third of the price as the health food store down the road!), several bulk food stores that I can trust to keep things separate and safe (nothing like knowing the owner's son has celiac to instill a little awareness!) tons of discount grocery stores, and as the weather warms up - I'm surround by hundreds of farmer's markets and U-pick farms.

Toss in the fact I really don't buy much actual marketed gluten free items (I make my own breads, pastas, - heck freeze or can my own soups!) and I have the toys that make life easier and cheaper - freezer, grain mill, canner, etc - I'm just lucky. And cheap!

Heck - the grassfed meat I mentioned? It is often a better deal than the grocery store meat - the butcher shop AND the farm are only 10 minutes away, and since we buy in bulk, the cost isn't that bad.

Hmmm. I wonder, think I should put together a "Cheap Celiac Tour of Northern Ohio" and get people to come visit with giant coolers?

You are the Martha Stewart of Celiac! I am 20 years older than you & trying to become you. I know that it doesn't really cost us more with me being gluten-free. We are fortunate that we don't have to stick to a tight grocery budget but I still don't like to waste money.

I had a diagnosed crazy MIL. She wasn't mean just a pain. I have a bordering on evil FIL. He would just ignore her negligence with thier kids. They are lucky to have made it to adulthood. I try to minimize my & my kids contact with FIL. Not hard to do as he only calls if he wants a favor. Also, my kids are teens & can now understand, as much as any sane person can, what he has done.

[juppygirl]

OMG - I feel lucky to cope with some of the mild stuff my family throw at me in comparison!!

I am impressed that your husband is so well balanced and can help you. Mine is brilliant and copes somehow with me.

Keep your chin up and dont let her rule the roost - its your life at the end of the day!

We spend an awful amount on food since diagnosis last sumer but thats the price i pay!

[i-geek]

Please, if you have children, do not ever leave them alone with this woman. She can't be trusted to keep them safe. Sad, but true.

We spend about $100 on food per week. However, we eat out at most once every other week because it's no longer fun for me and because I've had bad reactions enough times. So I figure $100 for two people (and we eat well- lots of organics and I cook whole foods from scratch as much as possible) isn't so bad.

[MagpieWrites]

Not a worry.

My husband and I are both nerds, and decided when we got married we weren't even going to SAY the, well, D-word, at least not in relation to us. Not an option. The one caveat? When we have kids - never ever EVER will they be left alone with this loon. The only thing that will make me say "We're done. Bu-bye" would be if he did this. And he agrees. It is going to be a battle since we live so close at the moment - but it would be insane to ever allow.

The one thing that gives me hope? On the day we sat in the waiting room with her husband, her sister, a niece - all waiting for her to get out of surgery for her anal cancer, the issue got brought up. I tentatively mentioned some of the pressure she was putting on her son and I to "produce" (you want an awkward conversation killer? Have your mother in law announce at the table in a restaurant that as soon as you give her grandbabies, you and your husband can stop all that ridiculous sex and spend your time doing something better - like taking her out. I'll admit to a strangled "We BETTER NOT!" before I could stop myself.) and her sister looked at me in horror. "Dear GOD! You can't ever plan to let HER take care of the kids!" was the general announcement in the room.

Just no way.

[kareng]

Not a worry.

My husband and I are both nerds, and decided when we got married we weren't even going to SAY the, well, D-word, at least not in relation to us. Not an option. The one caveat? When we have kids - never ever EVER will they be left alone with this loon. The only thing that will make me say "We're done. Bu-bye" would be if he did this. And he agrees. It is going to be a battle since we live so close at the moment - but it would be insane to ever allow.

The one thing that gives me hope? On the day we sat in the waiting room with her husband, her sister, a niece - all waiting for her to get out of surgery for her anal cancer, the issue got brought up. I tentatively mentioned some of the pressure she was putting on her son and I to "produce" (you want an awkward conversation killer? Have your mother in law announce at the table in a restaurant that as soon as you give her grandbabies, you and your husband can stop all that ridiculous sex and spend your time doing something better - like taking her out. I'll admit to a strangled "We BETTER NOT!" before I could stop myself.) and her sister looked at me in horror. "Dear GOD! You can't ever plan to let HER take care of the kids!" was the general announcement in the room.

Just no way.

Please don't leave them with her & grandpa thinking that grandpa will keep them safe. He probably won't. He's proven that he won't stop this behavior or get her help. He may be a great guy but he can't stand up to his wife.

[annemarie246]

Hi Magpie-

I think you should seriously limit your contact with this person, she's evil, dangerous & mean (lobster on your plate???)! As a fellow fiber nut(knitter & spinner), you deserve large quantities of yarn every time you need to deal with her!

Hope you can move away soon.

[Black Sheep]

I wish I could knit! I tried it a couple of years ago and really liked it, but it gave me tennis elbow so bad, that to this day it flares up from time-to-time. I was thinking of trying crocheting but was told that if knitting gave me tennis elbow, so would crocheting.

Maybe going g.f. will help....

N. Ohio sounds nice, Magpie! The cost of living here (near Seattle--but not near enough to make it worthwhile to go shopping there) stinks. I have a friend who moved here from the E. part of the state, and she can't believe how high the c.o.l. is here compared to just a 5 hr. drive from here.

Oh, and that grass-fed beef I said I didn't like? Maybe there was something wrong with it....because I've had venison and elk, and really liked it. In fact, my "cheap" grocery store used to sell ground elk and bison--yum! But they quit. Anyway, the venison and elk I've eaten were mild and mellow compared to the grass-fed beef I got from the butcher shop. It was so bizarre-tasting, I complained about it the next time I went in there, and told the lady we thought it must have been spoiled, even though it smelled fine. We couldn't even eat it, and threw it away. Even if it would have tasted fabulous, we wouldn't have been able to chew it, it was so tough....and it (steak) had been marinated and NOT over-cooked! The lady at the butcher shop offered to give me any two steaks in place of what I'd bought, and told me that there was nothing wrong with the grass-fed ones....they always taste that way.

[halfrunner]

One slightly insane Mother-In-Law, CHEAP! Any buyers?

Thanks, no. Mine is just as bad, and she at least she lives in TX half the year... she no longer is invited to our house after some of the crap she's pulled. Compared to my best friend's MIL? We're both pretty lucky.

Anyway, hang in there.

[BethM55]

First, I agree with what everyone else has said here. Limit your exposure to this nutcase. She is toxic, and you have enough to deal with to get healthy, without her poisonous input. Your grocery spending, which is VERY reasonable, is your business, not hers. When you have to be with her, imagine an energy bubble of pure white light around you, so that her nastiness cannot reach you. You need to protect yourself, avoid her, and ignore her. She obviously has her own issues in life.

I have to tell you, your interests list is intriguing. Why would you want to wear a corset while climbing trees? I'm sure my sons (who are adults), would love to learn to swear in Klingon. I would too, for that matter! You sound like our kind of people.

Be healthy, be strong, pretend MIL doesn't exist.

Hugs!

[DownWithGluten]

$55 is nothing. I used to pay around $50-80 for just ME, even before I was gluten free.

And yeah, the mother-in-law, what more can be said that hasn't already. You have a lot more patience than I do. Like others said..she sounds potentially mentally unsound, plus bitter, lonely and desperate. I admire your husband coming out of that house in one piece. Also I'm glad he threatened to call the police with the lobster rubbing.

[Korwyn]

Wow. I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. But $55 ? Is that $55 a week? My wife and I get by on $300 a month for groceries. A lot of that is flours and meals (coconut flour, almond meal, flax meal are not cheap), and pork and fish, and veggies. We buy a half a beef (~250 lb cut and wrapped, local, grass fed) every year. Because I'm very sensitive to chemicals most of the oils we use (coconut mostly) has to be organic, as well as the veggies and fruits.

[mommida]

Maybe you could knit her a nice strait jacket! Maybe a matching muzzle too!

On the bright side if there is ever a contest for having the worst monster-in-law, YOU WIN!

If your marriage has survived this, you can stay together through anything.

My hopes and prayers for a swift and safe move away from her.

[Black Sheep]

Maybe you could knit her a nice strait jacket! Maybe a matching muzzle too!

:lol: :lol:

[jerseyangel]

Oh honey, you have my sympathy. Without going into detail I know what you are going through--she will never change so you have to be on guard at all times where she's concerned.

Of course it's none of her's or anyone's business what you spend on groceries or anything else. That doesn't mean she won't keep harping on it until she gets another bee in her bonnet. You sound like you have a wonderful marriage--some people can not stand seeing others happy and they will do anything in their power to make you feel bad and insecure. This is how they make themselves feel better. Her world is very small, her son has moved forward with you and she can't stand that. Too damn bad for her. I wonder how she would react if you rubbed Drano on her dinner plate?

I'm a huge fan of the "buffer zone" and was glad to hear that you plan to move away as soon as you can. It's a life saver.

For the record, I think your food budget is amazing. My husband and I spend between $100-150 a week for the 2 of us.

Hugs

[sandsurfgirl]

I didn't read all the replies, but just had to say... that woman is all kinds of crazy. Why is your food budget her business?

You spend hardly anything by the way. I mean wow, I'm impressed.

She is a total b----- for saying those things about you. I'm so sorry!

[ciavyn]

Ugh! I can't even begin to describe how awful this woman is.

I gotta say -- it sounds like you have gotten to used to having this evil in your life. Why would you ever spend one more second in her presence? I'm not being facetious or exaggerating. I have a toxic mother -- one that told my personal life to everyone and set about to convincing me I was mentally handicapped as I got older. I'm not kidding. Her reasoning was to ensure I never left her - never got married and had children. I would be tied to her, convinced I could never live on my own and dependent. I had to cut her out of my life -- thought it would kill me. She was my mother. I loved her. Spent years in therapy and trying to figure out who I was outside of her.

Fast forward 10 years. I've given her several opportunities to have a relationship. The last time, I demanded nothing. My only rule was that we didn't talk about the past. We'd have nice, surface discussion about life, social issues, and her day. She couldn't abide by it, and fell back into old habits which make my brain cave in. I had to write her off permanently. I don't hurt anymore, I don't love her, so I can say that without emotion.

But here's what I learned: 10 years ago...living with someone so mentally "out there" felt normal. I thought everyone lived that way. I was always accused of being shy, so therefore...it was me, not her. Crazy became the norm for our lives, and from the way you describe things, I fear it has for you and your husband (who I give credit for any amount of standing up to her -- I know how hard it is). But as you pointed out, you'd gotten used to NOT dealing with her for a month...imagine how much easier life would be if you never dealt with her again?

There is a difference between broken toys and toxic waste. Some people are broken (like recovering alcoholics and addicts) and are working to become whole. They still screw up, fall off the wagon, but they aren't evil. You can have relationships with them, albeit often the relationships are stunted and carry unfair responsibility. Others are toxic -- they destroy whatever is their path to feed the ragged, bottomless hole inside them that will never be filled. Your MIL sounds like this, and unfortunately, it affects everyone around her and can destroy lives. Be careful, and I'm with Ravenwood Glass...run as far and as fast as you can away from people like this, and eliminate as much contact as possible. She will destroy your marriage if she has too much access and it will only get worse with children.

Sorry -- I had to say this. This strikes an oh-too-familiar chord with me. Good luck and I hope you can stay sane and healthy through it all!