Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Dealing With The Holidays - Presents

jparsick84

By jparsick84
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

jparsick84 Rookie
jparsick84
Posted

How do you deal graciously with presents you can't eat? At my office, we all give each other little things to celebrate the holidays, and this year a co-worker in my department gave me the same tin of cookies as everyone else. I'm really torn on how to react to this - I know the holidays are a busy time but my department has been aware (and even supportive) of my celiac for the two years I've been working here. Should I just assume she forgot and that her gift was just part of a checklist (and therefore not really meaningful)? Should I believe that she was just trying to be equal in her gift-giving so no one would feel left out? Should I offer for her to have it back so she can give it to someone else? I don't know why I'm so bothered by this, but I'm really having trouble letting it go.

Any suggestions on how to best deal with this situation would be welcome. My first instinct (because I'm an uber-practical person) is to offer it back to her so she can give it to someone else, but that might be misconstrued as insulting. (Then my small, mean side says "Well, it's insulting that she gave you a gift that she knows you can't enjoy!") Or am I just being ego-centric? I have been really lucky and have not had to deal with this in the almost 3 years of being diagnosed, but now it's happened, I'm not really sure how to deal with it.

Thanks for any help you can give!

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


heatherjane Contributor
heatherjane
Posted

How do you deal graciously with presents you can't eat? At my office, we all give each other little things to celebrate the holidays, and this year a co-worker in my department gave me the same tin of cookies as everyone else. I'm really torn on how to react to this - I know the holidays are a busy time but my department has been aware (and even supportive) of my celiac for the two years I've been working here. Should I just assume she forgot and that her gift was just part of a checklist (and therefore not really meaningful)? Should I believe that she was just trying to be equal in her gift-giving so no one would feel left out? Should I offer for her to have it back so she can give it to someone else? I don't know why I'm so bothered by this, but I'm really having trouble letting it go.

Any suggestions on how to best deal with this situation would be welcome. My first instinct (because I'm an uber-practical person) is to offer it back to her so she can give it to someone else, but that might be misconstrued as insulting. (Then my small, mean side says "Well, it's insulting that she gave you a gift that she knows you can't enjoy!") Or am I just being ego-centric? I have been really lucky and have not had to deal with this in the almost 3 years of being diagnosed, but now it's happened, I'm not really sure how to deal with it.

Thanks for any help you can give!

Don't over-analyze it...sometimes people are just forgetful. If you think they'd be really offended, then smile and say thanks, and then pass it on to a gluten-eater later. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

We were just given a gift card for a restaurant that claims to have a gluten-free menu but it sucks. Plus, they aren't really reliable about not putting the croutons in the boring gluten-free salad. We are re- gifting it.

We have gotten food gifts we didn't like and just throw them out, give to the food pantry or feed the squirrels.

Kay DH Apprentice
Kay DH
Posted

You can also open the tin for everyone at work to "enjoy." That would make you look generous while getting rid of the nasty molecules. People are basically clueless, even if they are supportive. I have a friend that was going to bring alcohol-free wine to Xmas, thinking that regular wine had gluten. She is actually quite smart and does cook, but can't quite grasp the diet restrictions. Best wishes for a happy and gluten-free holiday season. :)

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted

Be thankful for the thought (even if it was fleeting and not fully formed) and pass it on to someone who will enjoy it. Then, you get to be a part of making two people happy!

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

I don't deal with it at all--I just thank the sender and either my husband, or someone else can enjoy it if it's a food gift. If it's a gift certificate, I'll just give it away.

Although, the one I'll never figure out was the box full of nice, gourmet-type munchies that we received from my SIL and BIL the first Christmas I was gluten-free...... <_< I'm sure there was a lot of room for analyzing there but--eh. :P

lynnelise Apprentice
lynnelise
Posted

I would just say thanks and pass it on to someone else. If it really was an oversight (and I'm pretty sure it probably was) then she'd probably be really embarrassed if you gave it back. I know I would be mortified if I realized I gave someone something they couldn't eat. Christmas shopping is stressful and it's easy to forgot who likes what and who can and cannot have this or that.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


GlutenFreeManna Rising Star
GlutenFreeManna
Posted

I would just deal with it the same way you would deal with a gift that doesn't match your personal tastes (i.e. something ugly or some food you dislike regardless of celiac): Say thank you and then discreetly re-gift or dispose of it. I doubt they gave it to you to be rude or to rub it in that you can't eat it. Unless this is a really close friend or family member I don't think you can expect them to remember what you can or can't have. It seems easy to us to see that cookies are not gluten free, but many people are clueless. When I think about all the people I have met that think that white bread is not made with wheat it makes my head spin.

jenngolightly Contributor
jenngolightly
Posted

Like others, I say or send a thank you and pass it on to others who can enjoy the gift. It's the thought that counts. Also, regifting is a great way to save $$$.

It's funny how often we receive food or gift cards to food-places. I think it's an easy gift to give. It's so hard to buy tangible gifts for others because you don't know their taste. Before I found out that I had Celiac, I always gave those kinds of gifts. Now that I know so much about food allergies, I give very different gifts. I think that most people just don't think about food issues and think that food is a universally safe gift to give.

cap6 Enthusiast
cap6
Posted

I would just say thanks. Some people are just oblivious to the obvious!

gabby Enthusiast
gabby
Posted

There's an easy way to deal with this that doesn't offend anyone and yet keeps everyone informed about what's going on.

As soon as someone gives you something containing gluten, just say: Oh, I can't eat/use these because they contain gluten and I can't eat gluten, but thank you for thinking of me. I will make sure these go to someone who LOVES these things!

And then put the package away.

Hope that helps!

sandsurfgirl Collaborator
sandsurfgirl
Posted

You're overthinking it and sorry to say I think you're overreacting. A gift is a gift and you should be grateful they gave you a gift at all, especially if it's just a coworker and not a good friend. You graciously smile and say thank you and then give it to someone who can eat it. It's rude to say anything but thank you in this instance and it won't make you popular.

TPT Explorer
TPT
Posted

I agree with what most said about just being gracious. I just wanted to add that if she suddenly realizes and apologizes, please do your best not to make her feel bad. Maybe something like, "Oh, don't give it a 2nd thought. I shared it with my kids/neighbors. They loved it. It was so nice of you to think of me and I couldn't possibly expect everyone remember the details of my diet, especially this busy time of year." Your celiac disease may just suddenly hit her.

sahm-i-am Apprentice
sahm-i-am
Posted

I'm sorry this happened to you - stinks that you can't eat her goodies. But I immediately thought of her situation, too. What in the world could she have done differently and yet, keep all the gifts equal? Would you really want her to bake a batch of gluten-free things for you? And I'm sure there are others who receive her baked goods and can't eat them - a person with diabetes, a peanut allergy, hey - someone who just hates cookies.

I know it struck you the wrong way this year and that is o.kay. But I wouldn't dwell on it - we all have situations to deal with. I think it is sweet of her to do this huge job every year. Unless she is a real biddy the rest of the year! ;)

sandsurfgirl Collaborator
sandsurfgirl
Posted

I hate food gifts in general. I'm always watching what I eat and I don't need more junk in my house. I have a funny story about this. When I was a teacher I always got tons of candy from the kids. One year I was given TEN pounds of chocolate from different student, an entire sheet cake and myriad other candies. I filled my trunk with all the junk my students gave me. So everyone in my family got chocolate from me in addition to their regular gifts that year. LOL

okieinalaska Apprentice
okieinalaska
Posted

Smile, say thank you and regift it. : ) Or give it to your family who can eat it.

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted

People do that to us all the time. Often they just aren't thinking. Or they don't realize that what they are giving you is something you can't have. We just got home baked cookies. We just put them aside for my husband. If you don't have a friend or family member to pass them on to, then just donate to the food bank...assuming they are not home baked. If so I guess you'll just have to throw them out.

Years ago I had a neighbor who always gave me these "mints" that she made. To me they were like eating lumps of toothpaste. They were just horrible! I couldn't pass them on because they were so horrible. I couldn't throw them out because we shared the same garbage can. I didn't have a garbage disposal. I would just flush them down the toilet, one every day. By the time they were all flushed, I'd get a new batch.

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Years ago I had a neighbor who always gave me these "mints" that she made. To me they were like eating lumps of toothpaste. They were just horrible! I couldn't pass them on because they were so horrible. I couldn't throw them out because we shared the same garbage can. I didn't have a garbage disposal. I would just flush them down the toilet, one every day. By the time they were all flushed, I'd get a new batch.

That is too funny! Hope the toliet didn't clog!

We have a squirrel feeding platform. Some of this stuff the squirrels won't eat but usually a couple of crows will.

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

I take stuff in to work, or give it to the homeless guys on the way to work.

kaki-clam Enthusiast
kaki-clam
Posted

I have the same problem at my work place.....everyone hands out cookies, pretzels, and gluten filled goodies over the holidays, i sit here in my cubby and try not to cry :( When i read your story i was totally like...go give it back to her..tell her thanks, but i can't eat this you know.....make her feel bad (so unholiday of me!!) I am an uber-grinch this year all spoiled by my work holiday party...where they provided me a "gluten free meal' this year of cooked carrots!! ergh...cooked carrots in a crock pot that has had gluten in it before does not a "gluten free meal' make....so work and work people are off the holiday cheer list for me!! Of course my super poor attitude as of late has caused my co-workers to avoid handing me any gifts so it's not been too much of a problem.

This is easy to say.....not so easy to do....i liked the food pantry idea the best, and i am going to remember it incase i get any gluten filled goodies this year....

SaraKat Contributor
SaraKat
Posted

I just say thank you and then re-gift it.

Tynkfx Newbie
Tynkfx
Posted

This info helps alotsa this will be my first xmas being celiac. now ill be better prepared for when this happens to me ^^ lol

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,955
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    AnnaLousGFBakery
    Newest Member
    AnnaLousGFBakery
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.5k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Jacki Espo
      Covid caused reoccurrence of DH without eating gluten

      By Jacki Espo · Posted

      This happened to me as well. What’s weirder is that within a couple hours of taking paxlovid it subsided. I thought maybe I got glutened but after reading your post not so sure. 
    • Mari
      New Celiac Mama in My 30s

      By Mari · Posted

      Hi Tiffany. Thank you for writing your dituation and  circumstancesin such detail and so well writte, too. I particularly noticed what you wrote about brain for and feeling like your brain is swelling and I know from my own experiences that's how it feel and your brain really does swell and you get migraines.    Way back when I was in my 20s I read a book by 2 MD allergist and they described their patient who came in complaining that her brain, inside her cranium, was swelling  and it happened when she smelled a certain chemical she used in her home. She kept coming back and insisting her brain actually swelled in her head. The Drs couldn't explain this problem so they, with her permission, performed an operation where they made a small opening through her cranium, exposed her to the chemical then watched as she brain did swell into the opening. The DRs were amazed but then were able to advise her to avoid chemicals that made her brain swell. I remember that because I occasionally had brain fog then but it was not a serious problem. I also realized that I was becoming more sensitive to chemicals I used in my work in medical laboratories. By my mid forties the brain fog and chemicals forced me to leave my  profession and move to a rural area with little pollution. I did not have migraines. I was told a little later that I had a more porous blood brain barrier than other people. Chemicals in the air would go up into my sinused and leak through the blood brain barrier into my brain. We have 2 arteries  in our neck that carry blood with the nutrients and oxygen into the brain. To remove the fluids and used blood from the brain there are only capillaries and no large veins to carry it away so all those fluids ooze out much more slowly than they came in and since the small capillaries can't take care of extra fluid it results in swelling in the face, especially around the eyes. My blood flow into my brain is different from most other people as I have an arterial ischema, adefectiveartery on one side.   I have to go forward about 20 or more years when I learned that I had glaucoma, an eye problem that causes blindness and more years until I learned I had celiac disease.  The eye Dr described my glaucoma as a very slow loss of vision that I wouldn't  notice until had noticeable loss of sight.  I could have my eye pressure checked regularly or it would be best to have the cataracts removed from both eyes. I kept putting off the surgery then just overnight lost most of the vision in my left eye. I thought at the I had been exposed to some chemical and found out a little later the person who livedbehind me was using some chemicals to build kayaks in a shed behind my house. I did not realize the signifance  of this until I started having appointments with a Dr. in a new building. New buildings give me brain fog, loss of balance and other problems I know about this time I experienced visual disturbances very similar to those experienced by people with migraines. I looked further online and read that people with glaucoma can suffer rapid loss of sight if they have silent migraines (no headache). The remedy for migraines is to identify and avoid the triggers. I already know most of my triggers - aromatic chemicals, some cleaning materials, gasoline and exhaust and mold toxins. I am very careful about using cleaning agents using mostly borax and baking powder. Anything that has any fragrance or smell I avoid. There is one brand of dishwashing detergent that I can use and several brands of  scouring powder. I hope you find some of this helpful and useful. I have not seen any evidence that Celiac Disease is involved with migraines or glaucoma. Please come back if you have questions or if what I wrote doesn't make senseto you. We sometimes haveto learn by experience and finding out why we have some problems. Take care.       The report did not mention migraines. 
    • Mari
      My only proof

      By Mari · Posted

      Hi Jmartes71 That is so much like my story! You probably know where Laytonville is and that's where I was living just before my 60th birthday when the new Dr. suggested I could have Celiacs. I didn't go on a gluten challange diet before having the Celiac panel blood test drawn. The results came back as equivical as one antibody level was very high but another, tissue transaminasewas normal. Itdid show I was  allergic to cows milk and I think hot peppers. I immediately went gluten free but did not go in for an endoscopy. I found an online lab online that would do the test to show if I had a main celiac gene (enterolab.com). The report came back that I had inherited a main celiac gene, DQ8, from one parent and a D!6 from the other parent. That combination is knows to sym[tons of celiac worse than just inheriting one main celiac gene. With my version of celiac disease I was mostly constipated but after going gluten-free I would have diarrhea the few times I was glutened either by cross contamination or eating some food containing gluten. I have stayed gluten-free for almost 20 years now and knew within a few days that it was right for me although my recovery has been slow.   When I go to see a  medical provide and tell them I have celiacs they don't believe me. The same when I tell them that I carry a main celiac gene, the DQ8. It is only when I tell them that I get diarrhea after eating gluten that they realize that I might have celiac disease. Then they will order th Vitamin B12 and D3 that I need to monitor as my B12 levels can go down very fast if I'm not taking enough of it. Medical providers haven't been much help in my recovery. They are not well trained in this problem. I really hope this helps ypu. Take care.      
    • knitty kitty
      Does anyone here also have Afib

      By knitty kitty · Posted

      Fascinating.
    • DebJ14
      Does anyone here also have Afib

      By DebJ14 · Posted

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.