Family Gatherings

[GFreeMO]

We have been invited to my sisters house for Christmas Eve. She is having lasagna and bread and salad..Christmas cookies for dessert. There wont be anything for me to eat. I don't trust the salad b/c of CC. She has 3 kids and they all will be eating gluten as well as everyone else there. I was glutened a few weeks ago at her house when my baby niece stuck her cracker hand in my mouth (she was trying to get me to blow her a kiss)

Because I can't eat anything there and am SO worried about cc from all of the gluten things and the kids hands etc. I really don't want to go. How do you say this in a nice way.

On Christmas day, we are going to my parents house. Same issues there. Kids eating cookies, crackers. etc. My Mom went out and bought food to cook for us all even though I told her 4 times that I would eat before hand or bring my own. She didnt listen and is now trying to guilt trip me into eating her food saying things like I bought all of this for you..etc.. Last time I ate her "gluten free" food, I got sick as a dog b/c of CC.

How do I handle all of this?!?! They all think that I am overreacting and being a pain in the rear.

[NorthernElf]

Tough. Get sick or piss people off....basically what it comes down to.

Stick to your guns & bring your own stuff. Tell them it's a survival mechanism for you - would they purposely eat something that would make them feel like they have the flu ?

Usually every Christmas we go to my folks and every spring break we go to DH's...I always get zinged. I bring my own food to some extent but sooner or later I'm sick. I think I just keep getting little CC hits of gluten and all of a sudden - bang. Over the years I've gotten more & more picky about what I will eat there, and bring more & more of my own food !

My coping mechanism is to try real hard to just appreciate visiting - doing things, socializing, etc. Try & shift the focus off of food - hard because, esp. this time of year, there is a big focus on food ! Eat lots of Christmas oranges ! Seriously, I travel with a lot of my own food, usually a box & a cooler, & it costs me a bit. At home I don't eat the made up gluten-free stuff, I tend to cook my own. When I travel, I buy the frozen lasagna, pizzas, bread, whatever so I have something. When I'm hungry & unprepared, that's when I through caution to the wind & make bad choices. I even started bringing a silicone pan liner to help avoid CC (good when cooking frozen pizza, whatever - can't use their toaster right?).

And don't let anyone give you a hard time about eating something different than they are - heck, tell them that they know exactly how you feel most of the time when others are always eating what you can't.

[lovegrov]

I have no great solution for you as far as getting your family on board (mine was on board from the beginning because I nearly died from untreated celiac) but whatever you do, don't just stop seeing them. That's the worst decision possible, IMHO.

Don't eat their stuff at either place. Take your own food and just be nonchalant about it. At your sister's, it sounds like she doesn't expect you to eat her stuff since she's not making much of anything you can have. Make your own gluten-free lasagna and keep it far away from the beloved crumb snatchers. At your mother's, you just have to be firm. She might be annoying about it, but you can live with it.

Not to be morbid, but you never how much more time you have with anybody you love. Six years ago turned out to be my last Christmas with somebody I loved with every fiber of my being (and who was very young and apparently healthy). Thank goodness I didn't let anything get in the way of spending that last Christmas with her.

richard

[jststric]

Just take your own food. And YOU be in charge of it. Specifically instruct Mom and sister that YOU will heat it up or whatever it needs and NOT to put it on the table with all the other food!! Keep it in a seperate spot in the kitchen that only YOU will be around. Take your own utensils/serving spoons. If they get all pissy about it, tell them you WANT to come and be a part of the family gathering BUT you CANNOT eat like they do and if you aren't allowed to do your own thing, you will have to reconsidering coming back in the future!! Its really such a simple request. And as my husband says, "if they get mad in those pants, they can get glad in the same ones." Meaning, they can just get over it if it makes them mad.

[lynnelise]

I have the same issues with my nephews. They are always sticking crumby fingers in my mouth! Once I brought my own safe salad to eat and my nephew threw his cookie in it!

So as for the sister...I would bring my own meal in tupperware and hide from the kids while you eat it! Then don't pick the kids up or let them sit with you unless they wash all the gluten off of them. It is kind of hard and you feel bad rejecting the kiddos but what can you do?

As for the mom...can you go over there and cook the food to make sure it's done safely? Bring her safe or disposal cookware to use? Supervise to make sure she doesn't use a gluteny spoon to stir or something?

[lynnelise]

I have no great solution for you as far as getting your family on board (mine was on board from the beginning because I nearly died from untreated celiac) but whatever you do, don't just stop seeing them. That's the worst decision possible, IMHO.

Don't eat their stuff at either place. Take your own food and just be nonchalant about it. At your sister's, it sounds like she doesn't expect you to eat her stuff since she's not making much of anything you can have. Make your own gluten-free lasagna and keep it far away from the beloved crumb snatchers. At your mother's, you just have to be firm. She might be annoying about it, but you can live with it.

Not to be morbid, but you never how much more time you have with anybody you love. Six years ago turned out to be my last Christmas with somebody I loved with every fiber of my being (and who was very young and apparently healthy). Thank goodness I didn't let anything get in the way of spending that last Christmas with her.

richard

You make a great point! The holidays should be about spending time with the ones you love and no one should be worrying about whether you eat what was prepared! We are all guilty of spending too much time focusing on issues that don't really matter in the end!

I am very sorry for you loss Richard!

[kareng]

We are going to BILs tonight. Hub told them I would bring my own food. They wouldn't tell him what they are fixing. I thought I would bring something like they were making. Lasagna - bring pasta with cheese. Chili- bring my own, etc. Oh well! I feel like pasta and a nice salad. Some coffee truffles and a pumpkin spice cookie for dessert. At least I know the wine is gluten-free!

[modiddly16]

I always bring my own food to share and not to share to keep wandering dirty fingers away. Thankfully, my little family members don't stick icky fingers in my mouth...I'd bite them (kidding kidding)

[GFreeMO]

Thank you all for your great suggestions, kind words and advice. I really appreciate it. It's so nice to have such a great support group here.

[mushroom]

Everyone took the words right out of my mouth. You have to develop a strong spine about these things some time - it might as well be now. Don't let your mom lay a guilt trip on you because you told her you wouldn't eat it. Take your own plate of food and microwave it once all the other food is prepared. Do the same for Christmas Eve. There is nothing to discuss.

[Judy3]

I don't have much to say here but wanted to offer my support as well. Everyone else has said it all. And thank you to all of you for saying it because being new to this I've learned a lesson here too... My family is very supportive so I'm lucky, for Christmas Eve I asked my Mom is we could just order Chinese... lol She was all for it. I know the guy that owns the Chinese restaurant that we order from and he said he'd deliver even on Christmas eve.. :0) He makes me gluten free sauces for my food! Gotta love the guy. The hard part for me will be later on Christmas eve at my aunts where there will be a counter laden with food.. 90% of which I can't eat... deep breath and venture on to enjoy the company... that's the key... thanks again everyone for your valuable insight.

[Skylark]

These family stories make me so sad. I get great support from my family as well. Stick to your guns and I really hope your family starts to understand your needs.

[psawyer]

It can be difficult, but you must be firm. I come from a family of three brothers. I am the eldest. My brothers both understand and I trust the youngest one to prepare safe food for me on the occasions when we visit them. The middle brother and his wife don't cook. When they host a family gathering (as will happen Sunday), we go to a restaurant near their home that I trust. When we are the host, everything is gluten-free and nobody has ever made a negative comment.

My father grasps the idea, but forgets, and will offer the garlic gluten toast to me when we are at the restaurant. I say "no, thanks" and then he remembers, and apologizes. He's 86. If I get to 86, I will forget some things too.

[Judy3]

I stopped at my Mothers tonight to bring her some things she needed from the store and she told me she made her 'famous' pumpkin torte for Christmas. I said that's nice I'm sure everyone will enjoy it.. She smirked and said I put yours in a martini glass with no crust... Aww isn't she just the sweetest 81 yr old woman? I looked in the fridge.. and there are 3 glasses of it for me... I'll be in a sugar coma by 8pm LOL

But I love that she is into this and trying to make it work for everyone. I wish everyone had that.. sorry for those that don't...

[lcarter]

When going to anyone's house where food is involved, I follow two possibilities:

(1) I eat before I go (if it's only for a few hours)and sometimes take a snack or desert to share with something to drink at the party.

(2) I TELL (not ASK) the hostess that I am bringing food to share with everyone. If they say, "You don't need to do that", I just say, "Well, I really want to bring something as I am on a very restricted diet and don't want to be a problem for the cook. Plus, I would like to make enough to share with everyone." Don't make a big deal out of it, especially going into detail, unless they ask. And, if they ask, be brief and to the point. Always INSIST on bring food to share. I then make a one-dish casserole type thing and/or a gluten-free-DF desert. I frequently make brown rice + quinoa pilaf with veggies, dried fruit, nuts, and chicken cubes. Everyone always says it's really tasty and fancy. Now, they are even requesting that I make it for all get-togethers! Best of all, I have a full meal dish that's safe and filling for me to eat and one that others enjoy too.

My feeling is, why be a burden for the cook? As much as people want to cook for you, it is almost impossible for a non-celiac/dairy free person to really KNOW what is safe and what isn't. It is just too easy to be accidentaly glutened by well meaning family and friends. It is so enjoyable to be socially involved, but it's also extremely important to be safe too.

[plantime]

The pumkin torte in martini glasses is funny!

My grandsons are all 5 and under, and do not have celiac. They enjoy their goldfish and cookies, and are always offering me bites. I just keep telling them no thank you. The oldest one asked my why not, so I told him. He might not understand yet, but he doesn't want to see his grandma sick.

The adults in my family watched my mom die from complications of celiac, so they respect my needs. I bring my own food, and just stand firm.

Friends are different, though. One woman from church told me that celiac is not a real disease, it is actually caused by eating processed wheat instead of whole wheat. She told me to just eat whole wheat and rye, and I would be fine. This woman is a nurse-practioner. I refuse to go to the clinic she works at.

I hosted Thanksgiving, as I always do. I got some glutenfree pie crusts and made a pumpkin pie in a crust, and one without a crust. My sister made a big deal out of saving the crustless pie for me. Joke was on them, the crusts I used really were glutenfree!

[TooManyHats]

When going to anyone's house where food is involved, I follow two possibilities:

(1) I eat before I go (if it's only for a few hours)and sometimes take a snack or desert to share with something to drink at the party.

(2) I TELL (not ASK) the hostess that I am bringing food to share with everyone. If they say, "You don't need to do that", I just say, "Well, I really want to bring something as I am on a very restricted diet and don't want to be a problem for the cook. Plus, I would like to make enough to share with everyone." Don't make a big deal out of it, especially going into detail, unless they ask. And, if they ask, be brief and to the point. Always INSIST on bring food to share. I then make a one-dish casserole type thing and/or a gluten-free-DF desert. I frequently make brown rice + quinoa pilaf with veggies, dried fruit, nuts, and chicken cubes. Everyone always says it's really tasty and fancy. Now, they are even requesting that I make it for all get-togethers! Best of all, I have a full meal dish that's safe and filling for me to eat and one that others enjoy too.

My feeling is, why be a burden for the cook? As much as people want to cook for you, it is almost impossible for a non-celiac/dairy free person to really KNOW what is safe and what isn't. It is just too easy to be accidentaly glutened by well meaning family and friends. It is so enjoyable to be socially involved, but it's also extremely important to be safe too.

I'd love your recipe, please.

[Judy3]

Last night Christmas eve, after my Mom's for chinese, we went to my aunt's for a family get together. Gotta love my 78 yr old aunt but she doesn't have a clue.. LOL I'm laughing because it was actually kinda cute. There is food there enough for 100 people and she's after me Eat Eat... I at first said oh we just had dinner so I'm not hungry thank you.. but she pushed on ... about every 15 minutes she'd say are you hungry yet? LOL There was nothing on the buffet that I could eat except cheese and raw veggies and I told her that... She said Oh really? What about crackers or bread... sigh Now mind you my aunt and I discussed this at length a few weeks ago about what celiac is and what the gluten free diet is like... The cutest thing she said and the one remark that will have me forever NEVER eating her cooking was. "Well can't you buy your own flour and make your own bread" I said "sure I can if I get the right flours and find a good recipe" She says "Oh you can't just get white flour?" LOL All my cousins had to leave the table because they were laughing and didn't want to hurt her feelings.. I had to share because even though it could have been a disaster because she doesn't get it, I think I educated the rest in a kind loving way about a gluten free diet. One cousin is a waitress and she is great, she had a lady the other day ask about modified food starch in the salad dressing so she went and looked for her. She asked me last night if that was part of the gluten free diet issue and I said it could be so that's why she asked. She said from now on she's going to be very careful when people ask for special things or for things to be eliminated. My aunt then said 'What's modified food starch"... lol everyone left the table again...

Merry Christmas to all

[Roda]

The cutest thing she said and the one remark that will have me forever NEVER eating her cooking was. "Well can't you buy your own flour and make your own bread" I said "sure I can if I get the right flours and find a good recipe" She says "Oh you can't just get white flour?" LOL All my cousins had to leave the table because they were laughing and didn't want to hurt her feelings.. Merry Christmas to all

I had a completely gluten free birthday party for my youngest son on Wednesday. The grandmother of one of the little boys who came asked me about his cake. So I told her that I made it for him since he can't eat wheat, barley, rye or oats. She said "I was told I was allergic to wheat. It really is better for you, but I guess not if you are allergic. I just eat white bread now instead of whole wheat." Then she was telling me and a friend of mine about how she has so many digestive issues. I just nodded and went on with the party...

[Judy3]

I had a completely gluten free birthday party for my youngest son on Wednesday. The grandmother of one of the little boys who came asked me about his cake. So I told her that I made it for him since he can't eat wheat, barley, rye or oats. She said "I was told I was allergic to wheat. It really is better for you, but I guess not if you are allergic. I just eat white bread now instead of whole wheat." Then she was telling me and a friend of mine about how she has so many digestive issues. I just nodded and went on with the party...

Some times people just simply amaze me... LOL

[notme]

i know a lady at my church who keeps telling me she is not supposed to be eating gluten. she doesn't remember why. ("just like you, arlene!" she says. i guess she thinks she's commiserating lol) i have offered recipes, sympathy, websites and advice. the only thing that she 'researched' was the price of non-gluten flours... oh, well...... let them eat CAKE!