No Support From Family

[GFreeMO]

Yesterday was my nephews Birthday party. My sister served take-out pizza's and cake and ice cream. Fine, I get it. It's a kids party and thats what he wanted. While they were eating, I excused myself and went to the bathroom and sobbed. This is getting to be a bit much for me. We live an hour from my sisters place. So it wasn't until 8PM when we got home and I hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast besides a banana that I brought with me. I read on this forum that most of you take food with you but what do you bring? I can't have dairy or soy and most of the pre-packaged stuff makes me sick or I don't like it.

Also, at the party we were talking about Thanksgiving. I guess i'll be spending the day alone at home b/c I can't eat their food. They put butter on everything so even the veggie dishes are out and what do you do about pumpkin pie when you cant have any dairy?!

I'm tired of being left out and isolated b/c I can't eat a normal diet.

[alex11602]

I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time.

For the pumpkin pie you can use an alternate milk, I have made it with coconut milk before and the texture was no different and it also worked with our homemade rice milk even though it took some time to get the right consistency for the milk.

[kareng]

You bring what ever you want to bring. If it was at someone's house, you could use the microwave. Just bring food from home. Whatever you would have had if you were home.

[pricklypear1971]

I just came from my FIL's house where he informed me he wants a "real" Thanksgiving with potatoes and dressing.

I reminded him he ate bread at my house last night (gluten-free). I also informed him potatoes are gluten-free.

Seriously? Is it like this ALL THE TIME?? or do holidays bring out the Crazy Questions???

For GFreeMO, there are lots of gluten-free, milk, etc. -free recipes out there! Some blogs specialize in them. If I run across any good ones I'll post them here. I predict you will wow them at Thanksgiving!

As far as stuff to take with you - pack a sandwich or lunch meat, veggies, fruit, etc. and heat it up like you would at home. Don't be embarrased!

I can't believe I'm already worried about THANKSGIVING. geez.

[GlutenFreeManna]

Yesterday was my nephews Birthday party. My sister served take-out pizza's and cake and ice cream. Fine, I get it. It's a kids party and thats what he wanted. While they were eating, I excused myself and went to the bathroom and sobbed. This is getting to be a bit much for me. We live an hour from my sisters place. So it wasn't until 8PM when we got home and I hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast besides a banana that I brought with me. I read on this forum that most of you take food with you but what do you bring? I can't have dairy or soy and most of the pre-packaged stuff makes me sick or I don't like it.

Also, at the party we were talking about Thanksgiving. I guess i'll be spending the day alone at home b/c I can't eat their food. They put butter on everything so even the veggie dishes are out and what do you do about pumpkin pie when you cant have any dairy?!

I'm tired of being left out and isolated b/c I can't eat a normal diet.

Last year I made thanksgiving dinner the day before thanksgiving then I made up a plate for myself and took it with me the next day to the dinner. I had everything-a small turkey breast, stuffing made from Udi's bread, cranberry sauce, green beans, sweet poatoes, and even pumpkin pie. For the pumkin pie I used canned coconut in place of the condensed milk. For the pie crust I used dates, mixed nuts, a stick butter, a teas of cinnimon and a TBSP of buckwheat flour--this was when I was still able to eat some dairy, now I am sure it would work with just as well with Earth balance or coconut oil instead. I have also had great success with making crustless pumpkin pie--it's just as good!

For Christmas dinner I didn't feel like making a huge meal the day before so I made a leg of lamb in the slow cooker and took it to share. I took a side salad with almonds and dried crasins and homemade dressing and that was my meal-lamb and salad.

For special events I will sometimes make myself gluten-free cupcakes or get a pint of coconut milk ice cream.

I'm sorry your family is not thinking to ask what you can eat but you need to learn to take responsibility for your own food and make plans before leaving the house. You knew you were going to be out of the house all day right? Get yourself a little insulated lunch bag and take your own food. Target has some cute ones. I have one that looks like a purse and whenever I leave the house, even if I'm just planning to be gone for a few hours I take some food with me. Mine is stocked with Lara bars, rice cakes, a little jar of PB, dried fruit (raisins, craisins, banana chips, plantain chips, etc), nuts, wet wipes and a few plastic utensils (knives to spread PB on the rice cakes). I will grab an apple or bannana if I'm just expecting to need a snack. This has come in handy countless times when I've either had car trouble or been delayed by something else and not been able to get back home and prepare some food. If I find myself stuck somewhere without it however (like at a friends house on the other side of town) I will ask someone to take me to a grocery store where I can buy myself a bag of salad or some fruit or soemthing else safe, but easy to eat without cooking.

[Marilyn R]

I second GFManna, gluten-free MO, you need a little gluten-free emergency kit to tote with you. And protein is really important...that banana just raised your blood sugar levels and omg made you want that pizza.

As for Thanksgiving, I've never been a big fan. Women cook all day, then wash the dishes, men watch football. I'm allergic to turkey so we're having fish for Thanksgiving!

I may or may not be invited to my sister's house. She has a bunch of grand children. I think I'll be happiest just sticking home, but may pay a quick visit. If I go, I'll make come kind of stuffed veggie, like mushrooms or peppers. I can eat that and share.

[saintmaybe]

I second, third, and fourth all the responses. I think it's extremely nice when people accommodate my celiac, but...But. The fact is, we celiacs have a pretty rare autoimmune disorder. The MOST GENEROUS estimates put us at about 1 in 135. That's a lot, but it's it's still a little, ya dig?

I neither need nor expect the world to revolve around my disease, because really, most people don't have it. I bring nonperishable food with me everywhere I go, cook my own meals at home, ask questions about menus at restaurants, etc.

Yes, you want your family to be supportive. You might politely remind your sister next time that you can't eat anything loaded with wheat and carbs and whatever else you can't eat. But ultimately, YOU are responsible for feeding you.

[AVR1962]

I know what you are saying. I have been invited to functions and gone out to buffet dinners only to learn that I pretty much can't eat anything and at first it really got me down. I had to realize that they might not understand but I know what my sitaution is and I know that I cannot have certain foods or even chance CC so make it fun for yourself. Don't exclude yourself. Make enough to share and bring it and then perhaps someone will want to try your dish and who knows maybe some conversation can start. Live life, you have a lease on it buyt being diagnosed. You have a chance to heal and get better. Celebrate and enjoy!

[Takala]

Seriously? Is it like this ALL THE TIME?? or do holidays bring out the Crazy Questions???

The Holidays Bring Out the Crazy Questions. It is the equivalent of being told to sit at the card table with the small children, while the grownups have the real food.

The one thing you don't want to do is eat out at a restaurant the day before a holiday, even if it is one with a gluten free menu and an otherwise good reputation. I eat out, most of the time successfully, and the only times I've gotten nailed really badly, are exactly in this circumstance. Which means that the actual holiday will just not be a good day. Unless you were planning on spending it in bed, curled up in fetal position. And if you're cooking, do a trial run of any new recipes or ingredients before the "Big Day," because you don't want to discover that you're not tolerant of exotic gluten free ingredient "xxxx," either, or that you really don't like something.

If you can't eat dairy you can still make mini pizzas out of whatever type of gluten-free crust you can wrangle, purchased or homemade, with whatever toppings you want, sometimes including dairy free cheese substitutes. There are gluten free and dairy free "ice creams" and sorbets, also. For things where you are going somewhere, if you want to blend in, you call ahead to inquire and then pack the equivalent or purchase it nearby. Otherwise do what the others have said and most of us do: carry a go - bag or lunchbox cooler with a stash of gluten free food. If you can't do dairy, you can still do hard boiled eggs, meat jerky, nuts, nut butters, sliced raw vegetables, baked beans in a little tuppercup, bento boxes, baked potato, homemade quick breads, cabbage slaw in a sandwich ziplock bag, with the oil/vinegar dressing in another little cup, etc. I make high protein nutbread with amaranth and olive oil in a mini skillet just to pack for traveling, and the stuff will not go moldy even after a week in the refrigerator.

_____

edited typo. gah !

[kareng]

I wouldn't want someone to cook something "gluten-free" for me. It might have gluten-free ingredients but don't understand cc. My mom wanted to make me potato salad. All the ingredients are gluten-free but she uses the same colander, pan, cutting board, mayo jar, etc that she uses with gluten.

[ravenwoodglass]

Get a Cornish Game Hen and stuff it and bake it at home and bring it with you along with some veggies and other sides and just zap it. I would never trust anyone to cook a gluten-free meal for me in a gluten filled kitchen. Also even though you are dairy free you could well tolerate butter. If you are worried about casien then you may be able to find ghee which is clarified butter and lactose and casien free or you can make your own by gently heating butter until it seperates and pour the clear from the top over what you want to butter. I discovered it when I went dairy free and was unable to find a butter sub that didn't have soy. My Mom made ghee all the time. I had chicken with stuffing, mashed potatoes and veggies last night. I use the Grainless Bakers stuffing mix. You may want to check it out and see if it is something you can use.

[NorthernElf]

I bought myself a cute little lunch kit with a long strap - it has to levels and I can put a small ice pack in it to keep things cool. That thing travels with me everywhere - hockey games out of town, shopping in the next city, long trips (I have a small cooler too). When I go to people's place for events or supper, I bring my own food. Yeah, it sorta sucks but so does not eating or eating something small. I really don't trust anyone else to cook for me - I have tried to in the past & just gotten sick. You're right, their butter probably has crumbs in it, their pans probably are gluteny, etc.

I'm not saying I don't ever get grumpy about it, but it's no one's fault, it just is the way it is. I have to look after myself...I so hate being sick !

[notme]

yep - i have a 'snack-pack' - a little insulated backpack that has a side pocket for a coffee/drink cup. <yup, even bring my own beverages. i sooo hate being sick! it's big enough i can fit a whole box of chex cereal (which i have done on terrible days when i can only eat chex.....) but it's light and handy and inconspicous i bring whatever i have in the fridge/freezer or i make something to take with me - whatever i am eating at home. i bought little canning jars for small portions of things (like salad dressings or side items) then i load up my plate just like everybody else and throw my jars back into the snack-pack and wash them when i get home

lol - i couldn't get my friends to shut up about cooking "special" for me (especially during grilling season so now i bring some udi's bread, make a huge show of wrapping it in foil and let them put it on the grill for me. then i make a turkey sammich

[beebs]

Honestly - I bring my own food anyway. Because even if you have nice friends and family the fact is that they often misread labels (just like we do) and there ends up being gluten in it. I went to a friends house recently - she went all out for me because she knows that I am gluten-free - the whole meal was gluten-free (even though everyone else eats Gluten) but something must've slipped in - god did I get sick!

[Katrala]

Don't expect anyone else to accommodate your dietary needs. Even family.

Eat before you go.

Bring fruit, etc.

Yeah, it sucks.

I ask myself, "will this one meal really be such a big deal tomorrow?"

[organicmama]

To be honest, I'm surprised that you attended without discussing it in advance with your sister. I would not assume there would be options for me anywhere. I think it would have been reasonable to contact her in advance and at least ask what the menu was. A lot of people don't have your dietary needs at the front of their minds because you are responsible for them, even if they love you. They're just not used to this life of thinking in advance about food. I would be more mad at myself than my sister.

I do personally get offended when I ask and there is nothing I can eat, plus they are unwilling to provide anything at all. I may well skip an event if that's the case. Most people, however, are highly accommodating and just need to know what to grab for you. I have only had an invite once in which I would have had to bring it all for me and my kids, and I chose not to go. I would feel left out socially if I was to just eat in advance and snack, so it's important for me to plan in advance.

[Ollie's Mom]

I always eat beforehand, and bring my own food.

I understand that sometimes people are trying to be "nice" by offering to make me something "gluten free", but as others here have said, there's no way you can trust that they understand what's really involved.. the ingredients, maybe (big maybe at that), the CC issues, next to impossible for them to understand.

I go one step further. I bring my food in a microwaveable container, zap it, and eat from that same container. I bring my own cutlery too. I really don't care if it looks "weird" or "rude" or whatever... I know I won't be vomiting non-stop later that night if I do what I have to.

And don't misunderstand - I understand the feeling crappy and ignored part. I felt that way a lot. And so I took stupid risks and got sick too many times. Now I know it's not worth it. And I'm happy eating the way I do.

I even bring my own lunch with me when I have all day meetings for work. And I have to explain over and over to everyone (clients etc) why I can't eat their oh-so-delicious sandwiches or lasagna or whatever it is. I just whip out my cooler and pull out my food and answer any questions people may have. TRUST ME - it's better than not eating, because not eating isn't good for you, and if you're thin people will start to think you have an eating disorder (like I said, TRUST ME on that one).

I once ordered a couple of bottled drinks in a mom & pop diner a client wanted to go to (NOT gluten-free at all) and I brought a thermos of gluten-free soup with me, and ate it and drank the drinks i bought (I was preggers at the time and taking no risks at all). I got weird looks, but explained the issue and they left it alone.

[GFreeMO]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Reading this made me feel so much better. I am going to get a cute lunch bag and start packing my food. - I get tired of explaining when people ask me why I bring my own but I guess that beats starving. Thanks

[lynnelise]

I'm going to be in the same boat this Friday. Nephew's party. Last year my sister in law did Subway sandwiches so I'd say that's what it will be again this year. I was told to just throw the bread away. lol! Thank goodness I had a Larabar!