Teen Won't Stop Glutening

[laurabelle]

Hi. I am brand new here. My very large, very hungry 13 year old son has been recently diagnosed. It has been several months now that we have been gluten free as a family. I try very hard to keep enough fun, healthy food in our home. I find though that my son basically will eat gluten and other foods he is sensitive to whenever he gets the chance. When he does I can tell within a few hours because he become aggressive, spacey, and just plain horrible to be with. We homeschool and due to his behavior he has fallen very far behind in a few subjects. He is a gifted young man and certainly understands what he is doing to his body. How do we help him to stop sneaking foods he shouldn't have. He has literally stolen money from his little sister and left the property without permission and run to the store chowd down a candy bar and run back home in under 15 minutes, making him utterly miserable and unable to function for 3 days. We are at a loss as to what to do. he is angry that he can't have wheat and some other foods and I don't know how to help him.

[CarlaB]

When you find the solution to keeping a young boy from stealing his siblings money and sneaking off to the store to buy things he's not allowed to have then lying about it, PLEASE let me know. We have tried EVERYTHING!

The thing is, you have to get him on board with this. There's no way you can force him to comply. He has to WANT it. It would be hard with a young boy ... on the other hand, my 13 year old daughter is meticulous about it, and she doesn't have celiac ... gluten upsets her stomach and she won't touch it. It also gives her insomnia.

[laurabelle]

When you find the solution to keeping a young boy from stealing his siblings money and sneaking off to the store to buy things he's not allowed to have then lying about it, PLEASE let me know. We have tried EVERYTHING!

The thing is, you have to get him on board with this. There's no way you can force him to comply. He has to WANT it. It would be hard with a young boy ... on the other hand, my 13 year old daughter is meticulous about it, and she doesn't have celiac ... gluten upsets her stomach and she won't touch it. It also gives her insomnia.

My son also has insomnia. He has always had it. He stopped napping at 6 months and other than illness he never fell asleep before midnight since age 1, until just recently when he was gluten free and taking melatonin. He also spends hours in the bathroom after eating gluten. It is not pleasant. We are at a loss as to how to get him on board.

[gfgypsyqueen]

Maybe he would be willing to talk to a therapist are the doctor, provided that you were not present of course. Whoever you have him talk to, make sure that they understand this disease, understand your position, and critically understand that even a touch or bite will make him sick.

I duobt there is anything that you could say to change his mind as the parent - he is a teen. I doubt I would have listened nicely to my parents at that age.

Good luck

[dally099]

hi there, my heart goes out to you, i agree with gypsy though some councelling might be in order for him, he is probably pretty ticked off at the world right now and having someone other than mom to talk with may help. i know im still pretty ticked off about not being able to eat certain things and im 32 and mature enough to know that some things in life we just have to suck up and live with. your son on the other hand isnt. he also needs to understand that stealing money from his sister is soooo not acceptable. not only is he hurting himself but her as well, not to mention stealing is illigal. have some patience though, there are lots of adults on this board who will admit to cheating for a while before it finally kicked in that you just cant eat gluten anymore. maybe look for a support group in your area for him that has some other teens in it. and dont forget there is a teen area on this board as well. GOOD LUCK

[Kyalesyin]

I have to say that when a teenager decides they want something, very little will stop them. Mayhaps back off from it a bit? I know that both myself [i'm not 19] and my sister [who just turned 14 and damn are we feeling it] pretty much automatically tend towards anything we're not supposed to do. Try cooling off on the issue for a while. Might help ease things up and leave space for discussion.

[happygirl]

Does he have a list of safe foods that are normal that might help him feel more normal? (reeses, snickers, m and ms, etc)

[laurabelle]

Does he have a list of safe foods that are normal that might help him feel more normal? (reeses, snickers, m and ms, etc)

Hi, Yes he has a list of foods that he can eat, unfortunately he is sensitive to food dyes and additives in snickers and many other non-wheat junkfoods, they multiply his behavior issues 10 fold. Also, thankfully he mostly moves thru life to the beat of his very own drum and usually prefers it that way. I guess I am at a loss as to consequences for behavior when glutening? There are no local support groups, we live in the boonies. He can lose every privilege and then some and just not care or even intensify to get more. Consequences seem to make things worse but at the same time we can't let swearing, getting up at 3 am and cooking food on the stove, and just out and out defiance go on without consequences but what to do when he has nothing left to lose. I am going to have him check out the teen forum, I think it will help. I am emotionally handling it better now that we know what causes him to act out so atrociously which does help keep things from escalating like they used too. When he is eating like he should he is a great, energetic, generous kid that we all enjoy immensely. I also think I need to work on a more extensive list of can have and can't have with him. Sometimes this whole thing seems overwhelming but I know in the end the results can be worth it.

[kbtoyssni]

What kind of foods is it that he sneaks out to buy? Just trying to figure out if there's something all his friends can eat that he can't and it makes him an outsider. Most gluten food has a gluten-free substitue that you could find.

How much input does he have into what he eats? Would having him help you set the menu and him telling you what he wants to eat help? Of course it may not be the healthiest things, but you might be willing to let him eat a bit more sugar than he should to keep him gluten-free.

Gosh, parenting has got to be so tough. It's got to be nearly impossible to get a kid to eat healthy, gluten-free food all the time and be happy about it. Junk food is just too acessable these days! Good luck!

[gfgypsyqueen]

Here's another thought: Is there any chance if sending him to a gluten-free camp this summer?? He'll be on his own, which he will like. Experience something different and cool than what he would do or see at home. But the added bonus is the peer pressure (Stick to gluten-free) and advice from the other kids at the camp. It might help him see the light of living gluten-free.

If finances are tight, maybe some camps offer a scholarship?

[confused]

My step-son is the same way, he would eat what he wasnt supposed to and sneak it all the time. He was more like this when he had low blood sugar. He has sneaked a few times on the gluten free diet but he is fianlly learning it isnt worth it. Maybe that will happed to your son.

A camp sounds like an idea. We had found one in colorado for celiac people, but it was 1100 for the kid and 1350 for the parent and a parent had to go, It was basically just an camp that feed you gluten free food for the week, i dont think they had like support groups but i could be wrong. But i know other states have camps and they have scholorships for kids, maybe look into that.

I know california is one, and not sure on others.

paula

[tarnalberry]

I would also suggest considering a counselor at this point, if he is that bent on harming himself (because, really, that's what he's doing). There's a reason he's doing it, and it may take a lot of psychological savvy to help him stop.

[CarlaB]

I have a strong willed child like that. You have to keep on top of it. Even if it seems that the punishments make it worse.

My son, now 17 and more reasonable, told me how he was thinking back then ... that if we punished him for something, he would do it again to punish us. If we said no, he wanted it all that much more. Just pure defiance.

It's better now, puberty helped him, but he's still full of dirty looks, etc. When he's being disrespectful, I won't drive him anywhere (he only has his permit) ... I also won't let him use the cell phone, or won't let him go somewhere at all. It helps some. Right now, I have the X box controls because he won't keep his room clean. Also, he was sneaking around playing an online computer game when he was grounded from it, so we stopped paying the monthly fee for it (it was a birthday present). So, he opened a trial account. Now it's uninstalled from the computer and he's never getting it back.

It's important to have consequences that follow the crime. For gluten, once he's off it completely, it should come with its own punishment!

He was homeschooled until I couldn't take it anymore ... he was the first one we put in school ... a few years before the others. We eventually put them all in school due to my declining health. He and I have a much better relationship with him getting his schooling elsewhere. He needs the freedom of doing his studies away from us ... when we "controlled" his whole life, things were worse.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be homeschooling him ... I homeschooled for 10 years and was afraid it would ruin my kids if I stopped ... it didn't! It's actually much better in his case because he now has control over that part of his life.

I agree with the counseling to help him understand who he's hurting by eating gluten.

[Nancym]

I think CarlaB is right on the money. So many kids have no consequences for their behavior. I'd start by taking away privileges and tell them they can earn them back by good behavior. I'm sure there's hard cases that it wouldn't work on but as a former kid, it worked on me.

Are there professionals that can help parents with child-rearing techniques, other than Super Nanny? Anyway, that's what I'd be looking for.

[laurabelle]

Unfortunately school is just not an option, He is gifted and there is absolutely no help for gifted kids in our district they are actually treated quite negatively. We do provide consequences but when in the downward spiral sometimes we run out of ideas and things to take away. He has always fought against all authority since he was very small. Since coming off gluten for the most part he is in much better control of himself and his emotions he also much less angry in general. We have tried counseling and discovered the whole gluten issue because of it. That has been great, but the counselor feels that he can't do much for him if he just doesn't want to work on it or comes to all his sessions high ( on gluten or other foods) he literally is like in an altered state of concious at these times. Thankfully the episodes are getting fewer. He feels my son must just decide he wants to live life healthy and happy and no one can force someone else to do that. Of course as his parents it is hard to watch. He has just started taking 5htp to promote natural seretonin and I think i am finally seeing some changes but of course I want it to happen now. I am tired of working so hard. We are taking the summer off from school this year no matter what and Dad is taking over Math (our major battling ground) now that he can work more independently. Thanks for all the suggestions. I am definitely going to do better with finding enough snacky foods that he can grab and eat and making sure he has lists of what he can and can't eat, also I think checking out the teen site will help him realize he is not alone and that his parents aren't completely crazy. although smetimes I think I am PS any ideas for cheap snack food, not fruit, he is getting tired of fruit and corn chips. He can eat 5 apples and 2 whole large bags of tortilla chips a day in addition to his 3 large regular meals a day and still claim to be hungry.

[Judee]

Teenagers have so many needs. Seems like your son has some "unique needs" that has led him to steal and hide things.

Has he had a chance to morn the loss of gluten containing foods? He needs to be sad about it. He needs to be angry and let emotions out. He needs a stash of money at his disposal to get special food when he feels the need. He needs to have more control over his gluten free food options. (Even if you think you are giving him enough control, he probably needs more.)

You are still within the first year of diagnosis. Some people cry off and on for a year. Your son might just act out more for the first year. This shall pass once he accepts the diagnosis.

[kbtoyssni]

I like nachos for a snack. Just melt cheese over tortilla chips with some jalepenos or pepper rings. You can have some salsa or sour cream with it, too. It adds some flavor and is more filling than just chips.

[beaglemania]

PS any ideas for cheap snack food, not fruit, he is getting tired of fruit and corn chips. He can eat 5 apples and 2 whole large bags of tortilla chips a day in addition to his 3 large regular meals a day and still claim to be hungry.

I hope your son becomes better at accepting the gluten free lifestyle. I remember when I first found out I had Celiac I continued eating gluten till my mom yelled at me and told me I was harming myself. I have come very close to eating gluten a couple of times but have always held out. Maybe if your son had a goal to work towards, perhaps some kind of reward he can have if he stays gluten free he will follow the diet. I know I worked for horsebackriding lessons, b/c along with my Celiac I had osteoporosis and had to work on my diet to improve my bones so I could ride again.

For snack ideas I LOVE popcorn. I usually put some spray butter on it to make it more buttery. (I get light butter or fat-free kind) I like marshmallows to eat also and I eat gluten-free pretzel sticks. I'm not sure if your son's actually hungry. I think he just feels empty b/c he isn't able to eat regular food and decides to substitiute it with eating more food. I even admit thats what I do sometimes!!

[Ridgewalker]

Cheese sticks, maybe? gluten-free pretzels or carrots dipped in peanut butter... Protein foods are more filling, right?

Boiled eggs...

yogurt or cottage cheese? (I like cottage cheese with salt and pepper on it. Wierd I guess, but very yummy.)

Also pickles (All of Mt. Olive's products are gluten free now).

Chocolate covered raisins. (Raisinettes)

Homemade fried rice (I know Wal-mart's Great Value brand soy sauce is gluten-free)

gluten-free "ordinary" cereals like Trix, Cocoa Pebbles, and Fruity Pebbles

Also, FritoLay has a big list of ALL thier gluten-free products. Here's the page it's on: Open Original Shared Link

I'm sorry if the above didn't end up being a clickable link, not sure how to do that. You might have to cut and paste.

-Sarah

[laurabelle]

Hi Thank you so much for the great snack ideas. I think usually he really is hungry. He is just starting puberty and is almost 6 ft tall, and wears a mens size 13 shoe, and is very active. Your ideas are great, I think they will help fill his empty left leg. I just bought the book Gluten free for Dummies and I have caught him reading it. He is realizing I think that sports will go much better for him if he is in top physical condition and its hard to practice when you need to be really close to a bathroom all the time. I forget sometimes how new this all is for him and that he just turned 13.

[tarnalberry]

We have tried counseling and discovered the whole gluten issue because of it. That has been great, but the counselor feels that he can't do much for him if he just doesn't want to work on it or comes to all his sessions high ( on gluten or other foods) he literally is like in an altered state of concious at these times. Thankfully the episodes are getting fewer. He feels my son must just decide he wants to live life healthy and happy and no one can force someone else to do that. Of course as his parents it is hard to watch.

I'm sorry that you don't seem to have the right counselor for your son. It's true that your son needs to participate, but that doesn't mean that *nothing* else can be done. Psychologists work with more recalcitrant patients all the time.

[chrissy]

i was thinking along the same line as tiffany----maybe a different counselor would be better for your son. i have gifted children, also, and while the school system may not have the best programs for them, they sure have alot of opportunity for socializing------but maybe you already have that aspect of teen life covered? we have had problems with one of our boys stealing money also. my husband doesn't worry about it as much as i do because he sees it in a different light. he feels that we need to make sure that our son has some spending money of his own to help him avoid the temptation of taking someone else's money. our son is old enough for a job and we don't do allowance---i'm not against allowance, it just isn't something we do. when he works and has money, he leaves everyone else's alone.

the book "the gluten free kitchen" has some great recipes in it that make some darn good replacements for gluten food. i am still pretty excited about having made sweet rolls and apple-cheese danish for my family.

teenagers can be so difficult-----remember bill cosby's joke about them being brain-damaged---doesn't it seem that way at times!!LOL!!

[Karwei5]

Another snack idea is a baked potato with chili and cheese if those things are with in his other dietary acceptable lists.

My son is recently diagnosed so I don't have any good advice as he got into a bag of pretzels about a month ago. He got pretty sick.

good luck

Karol mom to Billy