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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Sequel


TriticusToxicum

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kareng Grand Master

What did the vegetarian zombie eat?

 

 

Graaaaaaaaains!

 

 

zombie.gif


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IrishHeart Veteran

What did the vegetarian zombie eat?

 

 

Graaaaaaaaains!

 

 

zombie.gif

z3.gif  lol

moosemalibu Collaborator

7fef29b68e9883cb2a37e65f9e2060e5e13cedca

 

I have been dealing with potty training a 3 year old beagle rescue... and this is humorous yet totally my life.  ::face palm::

elye Community Regular

:lol:   :lol:   :lol:   :lol:   :lol:

GottaSki Mentor

7fef29b68e9883cb2a37e65f9e2060e5e13cedca

 

I have been dealing with potty training a 3 year old beagle rescue... and this is humorous yet totally my life.  ::face palm::

Lmao...just had a visit from my kids, kidlets and their two dogs...great dogs, but the youngest somehow forgot the way to the back yard...doh! Been a long time since I stepped in poop ... Um don't think I ever have in the house .. Now where is that cute vomit dude when I need him?

LauraTX Rising Star

When I was 16, we were making a 7 hour road trip to visit family that we do fairly often.  This time it was special, because the girlfriend who my dad eventually married was with us, and we were getting in some quality time together.  We got stuck in traffic on I-20 in rural Louisiana, and sat in the same place for 3 hours since there was a jackknifed truck or something of the like.  Eventually everyone had their cars turned off and were sitting there napping, etc... and the whole time I kept smelling something bad.  I couldn't figure it out... I asked my dad if he farted, he said he would have owned up to it.  So, eventually I came to the conclusion that his girlfriend was farting and not saying anything, so I asked her a few times and she denied it.  I think my dad was starting to think this as well.

 

A few minutes later as I am getting all antsy from sitting forever, I gaze down and there is something on my shoe.  I reach out to touch it to see what it is and JUST as soon as I stick my finger on it I realize it is dog poop.  Commence crying freakout.  Luckily we got cleared out of there soon after and I remember my now step mom helping me as I was crying in the restroom of a gas station.... I had just bought those new shoes with my own money and I threw them out!  LOL.....  my aunt felt bad and bought me new shoes when I was there visiting.

 

It was my first great bonding experience with my stepmom, LOL.  I still say sorry to her for thinking she wasn't owning up to it!  

GottaSki Mentor

Great memory Laura and a good poop story. So many of our smelly stories are funny after a bit of time and distance ;)


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IrishHeart Veteran

It was my first great bonding experience with my stepmom, LOL.  I still say sorry to her for thinking she wasn't owning up to it!  

 

yes, nothing says "it's great getting to know you" like farts and poop. It's how I bonded with J's mother.

yeah, she had a bowel resection surgery  and guess what newly wed got to empty her portable potty for her and help her wipe her butt? It wasn't him.

And yet, she never could warm up to me. (and that's putting it mildly). Poor grouchy thing. 

kareng Grand Master

A joke -

What's brown and sticky?

IrishHeart Veteran

A joke -

What's brown and sticky?

 snort...um, Laura's shoe?

 

j/k ...do tell! lol

kareng Grand Master

A stick!

smiley-face-poke.gif

Were you thinking something else? :)

Dumb 4 year old joke

IrishHeart Veteran

A stick!

smiley-face-poke.gif

Were you thinking something else? :)

Dumb 4 year old joke

 

 

Don't poke fun at me for not figuring it out. I'm a LOT older than 4.  ^_^

kareng Grand Master

10352554_489860114478357_637170943578460

 

 

 

But at least its gluten-free?

GottaSki Mentor
(edited)

100% of all peeps exposed to water will die...roflmao

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

That is funny stuff, right there...I do believe I'll be stealing that line very soon :P

 

I am so happy to have a line to counter one of hubs favorites :D

 

"Life causes Death."

Edited by GottaSki
IrishHeart Veteran

10352554_489860114478357_637170943578460

 

 

 

But at least its gluten-free?

 

 

are you sure, because "I HEARD THAT...."

 

 

100% of all peeps exposed to water will die...roflmao

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

That is funny stuff, right there...I do believe I'll be stealing that line very soon :P

 

I am so happy to have a line to counter one of hubs favorites :D

 

"Life causes Death."

 

 

yup 

kareng Grand Master

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical womans's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of those items.

GottaSki Mentor

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical womans's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of those items.

Thanks for the giggles...Hubs back in ER...keep the silly stuff flowing please :)

IrishHeart Veteran

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical womans's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of those items.

 

In this case, i am happy to say "I am not your typical woman"...337? what the...? that's crazy....Just for fun, I may go and count later....

IrishHeart Veteran

Thanks for the giggles...Hubs back in ER...keep the silly stuff flowing please :)

 

uh-oh....what happened???

edit: okay, saw your email from the middle of the night...hope they found out what's going on by now, Prayers and love sent.

IrishHeart Veteran
 
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came around,
he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake,
Paddy, stepped out of the boat ... and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him back into the boat and safety.

 Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

 'Grandma,' he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like me farder, his farder, and his farder before him?"

 Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said,"Because ye farder, ye grandfarder and ye great-grandfarder were all born in January, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!"
GF Lover Rising Star

Evidently I should not drink coffee while at the computer or maybe I need a "Coffee Proof" one?  And Irish, I am sending you some shirts to launder since YOU caused the "coffee spits"  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

 

sipping-smiley-emoticon.gif

IrishHeart Veteran

Evidently I should not drink coffee while at the computer or maybe I need a "Coffee Proof" one?  And Irish, I am sending you some shirts to launder since YOU caused the "coffee spits"  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

 

sipping-smiley-emoticon.gif

 

 

well, then, looks like my work here is finished. 

kareng Grand Master

How does NASA organize a party?

astronaut-smiley-emoticon-animation.gif

They PLANET!

GottaSki Mentor

Lol :)

Times two.

kareng Grand Master

Apparently, today is a national holiday!  Blame Someone Else Day!

 

to celebrate, my hub's work group are having a potluck lunch.  Everyone is bringing dessert.  They will blame the calories on someone else.

 

Blame.webp

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    • marion wheaton
      Thanks for responding. I researched further and Lindt Lindor chocolate balls do contain barely malt powder which contains gluten. I was surprised at all of the conflicting information I found when I checked online.
    • trents
      @BlessedinBoston, it is possible that in Canada the product in question is formulated differently than in the USA or at least processed in in a facility that precludes cross contamination. I assume from your user name that you are in the USA. And it is also possible that the product meets the FDA requirement of not more than 20ppm of gluten but you are a super sensitive celiac for whom that standard is insufficient. 
    • BlessedinBoston
      No,Lindt is not gluten free no matter what they say on their website. I found out the hard way when I was newly diagnosed in 2000. At that time the Lindt truffles were just becoming popular and were only sold in small specialty shops at the mall. You couldn't buy them in any stores like today and I was obsessed with them 😁. Took me a while to get around to checking them and was heartbroken when I saw they were absolutely not gluten free 😔. Felt the same when I realized Twizzlers weren't either. Took me a while to get my diet on order after being diagnosed. I was diagnosed with small bowel non Hodgkins lymphoma at the same time. So it was a very stressful time to say the least. Hope this helps 😁.
    • knitty kitty
      @Jmartes71, I understand your frustration and anger.  I've been in a similar situation where no doctor took me seriously, accused me of making things up, and eventually sent me home to suffer alone.   My doctors did not recognize nutritional deficiencies.  Doctors are trained in medical learning institutions that are funded by pharmaceutical companies.  They are taught which medications cover up which symptoms.  Doctors are required to take twenty  hours of nutritional education in seven years of medical training.  (They can earn nine hours in Nutrition by taking a three day weekend seminar.)  They are taught nutritional deficiencies are passe' and don't happen in our well fed Western society any more.  In Celiac Disease, the autoimmune response and inflammation affects the absorption of ALL the essential vitamins and minerals.  Correcting nutritional deficiencies caused by malabsorption is essential!  I begged my doctor to check my Vitamin D level, which he did only after making sure my insurance would cover it.  When my Vitamin D came back extremely low, my doctor was very surprised, but refused to test for further nutritional deficiencies because he "couldn't make money prescribing vitamins.". I believe it was beyond his knowledge, so he blamed me for making stuff up, and stormed out of the exam room.  I had studied Nutrition before earning a degree in Microbiology.  I switched because I was curious what vitamins from our food were doing in our bodies.  Vitamins are substances that our bodies cannot manufacture, so we must ingest them every day.  Without them, our bodies cannot manufacture life sustaining enzymes and we sicken and die.   At home alone, I could feel myself dying.  It's an unnerving feeling, to say the least, and, so, with nothing left to lose, I relied in my education in nutrition.  My symptoms of Thiamine deficiency were the worst, so I began taking high dose Thiamine.  I had health improvement within an hour.  It was magical.  I continued taking high dose thiamine with a B Complex, magnesium. and other essential nutrients.  The health improvements continued for months.  High doses of thiamine are required to correct a thiamine deficiency because thiamine affects every cell and mitochondria in our bodies.    A twenty percent increase in dietary thiamine causes an eighty percent increase in brain function.  The cerebellum of the brain is most affected.  The cerebellum controls things we don't have to consciously have to think about, like digestion, balance, breathing, blood pressure, heart rate, hormone regulation, and many more.  Thiamine is absorbed from the digestive tract and sent to the most important organs like the brain and the heart.  This leaves the digestive tract depleted of Thiamine and symptoms of Gastrointestinal Beriberi, a thiamine deficiency localized in the digestive system, begin to appear.  Symptoms of Gastrointestinal Beriberi include anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, headaches, Gerd, acid reflux, gas, slow stomach emptying, gastroparesis, bloating, diarrhea and/or constipation, incontinence, abdominal pain, IBS,  SIBO, POTS, high blood pressure, heart rate changes like tachycardia, difficulty swallowing, Barrett's Esophagus, peripheral neuropathy, and more. Doctors are only taught about thiamine deficiency in alcoholism and look for the classic triad of symptoms (changes in gait, mental function, and nystagmus) but fail to realize that gastrointestinal symptoms can precede these symptoms by months.  All three classic triad of symptoms only appear in fifteen percent of patients, with most patients being diagnosed with thiamine deficiency post mortem.  I had all three but swore I didn't drink, so I was dismissed as "crazy" and sent home to die basically.   Yes, I understand how frustrating no answers from doctors can be.  I took OTC Thiamine Hydrochloride, and later thiamine in the forms TTFD (tetrahydrofurfuryl disulfide) and Benfotiamine to correct my thiamine deficiency.  I also took magnesium, needed by thiamine to make those life sustaining enzymes.  Thiamine interacts with each of the other B vitamins, so the other B vitamins must be supplemented as well.  Thiamine is safe and nontoxic even in high doses.   A doctor can administer high dose thiamine by IV along with the other B vitamins.  Again, Thiamine is safe and nontoxic even in high doses.  Thiamine should be given if only to rule Gastrointestinal Beriberi out as a cause of your symptoms.  If no improvement, no harm is done. Share the following link with your doctors.  Section Three is especially informative.  They need to be expand their knowledge about Thiamine and nutrition in Celiac Disease.  Ask for an Erythrocyte Transketolace Activity test for thiamine deficiency.  This test is more reliable than a blood test. Thiamine, gastrointestinal beriberi and acetylcholine signaling.  https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12014454/ Best wishes!
    • Jmartes71
      I have been diagnosed with celiac in 1994, in remission not eating wheat and other foods not to consume  my household eats wheat.I have diagnosed sibo, hernia ibs, high blood pressure, menopause, chronic fatigue just to name a few oh yes and Barrett's esophagus which i forgot, I currently have bumps in back of my throat, one Dr stated we all have bumps in the back of our throat.Im in pain.Standford specialist really dismissed me and now im really in limbo and trying to get properly cared for.I found a new gi and new pcp but its still a mess and medical is making it look like im a disability chaser when Im actively not well I look and feel horrible and its adding anxiety and depression more so.Im angery my condition is affecting me and its being down played 
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