How To Convince Bf That Cross Contamination Is A Problem...

[SoLacey]

I'm so tired of fighting with my boyfriend about my diet.  We've been together for a year and half, I was diagnosed 6 months ago.  My diet is literally the only thing we ever fight about.  He's wonderful and mostly very supportive about my diet except for in a few areas. 

 

When I got the diagnosis and we started talking about cross contamination he went through his kitchen and threw out all of the flour and anything that contained gluten that he didn't feel was essential.  He eats more gluten free foods now than anything else at home, most of our meals are entirely gluten free.  We replaced all of the pots, pans, cooking utensils, got rid of plastic etc. 

 

He really has a hard time buying that cross contamination can occur with some things and fights with me about it consistently.  I'm super sensitive and get sick from tiny tiny amounts.  I had to fight with him about buying a dedicated gluten free blender.  He makes chocolate malts nearly every night in a plastic blender and insisted that we share that blender.  NOPE, it's worth the $39.99 I paid for a glass blender that will be dedicated gluten free.  He REFUSES to believe that his scratched Teflon pans aren't safe for me.  I've bought dedicated gluten free pans but he consistently fights with me because he wants to use the others. 

 

He thinks I should just "try" things to see if they make me sick.  He doesn't seem to get that the symptoms on the outside aren't the only ones I have to worry about.  If it's just a little cross contamination I usually get extremely tired, my eyes get red, inflamed, itchy, watery and I can't see.   He says "What's the big deal, if you get sick you'll just get tired and it will make your eyes scratchy?".  Obviously a full out glutening can be much worse.

 

Last night he insisted I eat cake that had wheat in the fondant.  The cake was gluten free but long story short, I missed the wheat syrup that was in the fondant.  I ate some of that fondant the night before and got seriously ill.  I kept trying to tell him that the act of cutting through the fondant could drag gluten down into the cake but he wouldn't believe that.   He actually said "You've already been glutened twice today so I don't see why a third time would be a big deal."

 

He cut the fondant off and the outside edges of the cake.  I ended up eating it because I didn't want to argue anymore and spent last night and most of today practically passing out.  . 

 

He refuses to believe I can't eat certain things because I ate them before the diagnosis.  ...well I WAS sick, food has ALWAYS made me sick I just didn't know why and a few months ago I suddenly started having violent reactions to gluten.  I was eating vinegar after the diagnosis and the more I got the gluten out of my diet, the easier it was to see that I was reacting to that too.  I cut it out but he won't believe it's an issue because "you ate it just fine a few weeks ago".  No I didn't but it was hard to pinpoint what was making me sick because I was ALWAYS sick.  Now that I'm getting sick less frequently it's easier to identify the cause sometimes.  The other night dinner made me sick and as I was trying to figure out why he said "Yeah, there was vinegar in the meat.". I had told him vinegar was making me sick but he didn't want to believe it so he ignored it.

 

He won't do ANY research about Celiac, he says he relies on me to educate him.  I can do that but he seems to pick and choose which parts he wants to believe.  My best friend says it's because he's an engineer and needs to see scientific proof.  He can't believe that gluten in scratches on Teflon pans would A) be enough to make me sick and would even be released into the foods.  He sees is as a "glue and glues aren't water soluble".  *eye roll*. I keep trying to tell him it's not a glue.... you get the idea I'm sure.

 

The problem is that we are moving in together and I can't move in with him unless he gets this!!  I can't argue with him anymore.  It's bad enough dealing with Celiac without constantly having to argue just to keep things safe.  I'm taking him with me to a Gluten Free 101 meeting at a local hospital next weekend so he can grill the experts (my dietician is the speaker) with his questions and it won't just be my telling him.  Are there any articles that I'm missing that explain why Teflon pans are a problem?  I find articles that say they are a problem but it doesn't explain in detail what happens and I think that's the part he's missing.  I feel like once he finally gets it he will be fine but he seems to need an explanation, basically "because I said so" isn't good enough.

 

Help, any advice?  I really don't want to walk away from an otherwise great relationship because of Celiac.  Some days I feel like it would be easier to just go away and be alone with my disease.  . Thank you in advance for any suggestions, I'm pretty frustrated at this point. 

[kareng]

Let me get this straight -

He doesn't believe you/ thinks you are lying

He tries to force you to eat food that is poisonous

He is unwilling to do something because it is extremely important to you

Sure. I would move in with him! He's a catch!

Obviously, you can't with live this guy right now. And you need to say so. Your health should be the most important thing to you right now. I am sorry it isnt to him. Maybe he can learn. Maybe he will grow up. Who knows?

The engineer thing - both my sons are engineers, my brother is an engineer, my dad is an engineer, my BIL and SIL are engineers , My hub and I mentor HS engineering students - my diet requirements aren't something they fight me about. In fact, they are smart enough to realize that biology isn't what they know much about.

[NatureChick]

A friend of mine recently got glutened from vinegar, and when she told me, I immediately ran into my kitchen to see what kind of vinegar I had in my house. Apple. Whew!

If you can't convince him about the teflon pans and gluten, perhaps he'd believe the studies that show that they release toxins into your food. No one should be using teflon-coated anything.

It is ironic that he wants you to educate him, but then refuses to listen when you try.

Here is the analogy that I use to describe gluten reactions. 

Before you go gluten free, eating gluten is like the police in riot gear trying to control a violent crowd. There is so much going on that they know they have to try to do something to stop the activity, but they are apt to lash out at innocent bystanders and the crowd might dissipate without the real offenders being caught. Some windows are broken, and maybe even a fire gets started, but the perpetrators keep getting away only to riot again.

When you go gluten free, the SWAT team is still on high alert with tasers and pistols drawn, ready to attack anyone who does anything even slightly wrong, including stepping outside of a crosswalk. 

The good news is that if you manage to stay 100% gluten free for a while (a few months at least), you might get to the point where the SWAT team gets sent home, and even the police patrols can wind down until you just have a security guard watching television when he should be watching the security monitors. Then the reaction might not occur until someone reviews the video surveillance the next day. Sure, everyone is on a little higher alert after that, but still not up to SWAT team level.

But I really don't know how to convince him if he doesn't want to believe that anything porous can be a problem. You may simply have to take charge of your food even if that means that he doesn't prepare anything for you. But you can choose to only use items that can be cleaned well to prepare your own food.

Blenders break all of the time, so perhaps one day while he is away from home, you can "accidentally" drop the plastic one a few times until it is no longer usable. I won't go so far to say to purposefully scratch his teflon pans because that would mean he was getting more toxins as long as he was using them.

Also, you might be able to find a news article that you can print out for him to see that you're not making this stuff up.

If you have tried everything and he still can't get with the system, I suppose I'd start to think of this as a short-term relationship. 

And I do wish you the best of luck getting the SWAT team sent home.

[kareng]

I just saw your reply on another thread. You have a daughter with Celiac? You can't move her in with a guy who could hurt her because he doesn't believe in Celiac. Your child should be your first priority, over even your own health. And certainly a priority over a man who doesn't want to deal with medical issues and needs.

[LauraTX]

Time to count your blessings and be glad you were able to see how your BF handles hard situations before you moved in together.  If you feel like it is just squabbling, sometimes people argue over petty things when there is actually a much deeper problem.  If you really want to salvage the relationship, getting him info from a good source about CC is good, but I highly recommend you get him to see a relationship therapist with you to dig deeper to help resolve the problem before you make a life changing move.  You and your daughters health are at stake.

[IrishHeart]

The difference between a chemist and an engineer is....my chemist husband felt cross contamination was THE biggest concern. He worked in labs--he knows what even minute traces of anything can do. My recovery and good health are all that matters to him. 

 

My BIL and several good friends are engineers and my hubs worked with an entire divisions of them and I taught English courses loaded with them.

If there is one thing I know about them, it's this: They are incredibly smart, but if they can't see it or measure it or construct it themselves, they find it hard to believe. I have had huge discussions with my MechEng  friend about this. He says...you're right. LOL

 

Hubs has told me many stories about young engineers especially who would insist something was not right that he was teaching them because "that's not what I learned in college"..and that if their professor didn't say it, it's not right. 

 

My point? Accepting a new concept may be difficult for him. He is obviously very bright, but that does not mean he is willing to be open to understanding something about how the human gastrointestinal tract works or why even minute particles of gluten are literally, causing you bodily harm.

 

So, if he can't or won't acknowledge this and he continues to bully you into eating gluten, then he is abusing you. If he is being pig-headed about this---what ELSE will he be pig-headed about? that would be my biggest concern before living with him. 

 

Just giving you something to think about. I don't think any of us are telling you to break up with him or anything, ---we are just telling you why we think

this is not right at all. Unless you can get him on board with this --the FACT that the G F diet is MEDICALLY NECESSARY to keeping you healthy and that repeated small glutenings are causing you great harm--then, you may have to cut him loose. Maybe your doctor should speak to him?

 

Good luck. 

[GottaSki]

Never. Ever. eat something unsafe to please another person.

 

Here is the biggest problem as I see it...that little itty bit of cake you ate with the only glutenous part cut off -- you just proved him right in his mind -- now you have a bigger job convincing him that cross contamination is a real problem for those of us with celiac disease -- regardless of "sensitivity" each of us will continue to have a multitude of health issues if we do not remove all gluten...right down to the itty bitty peptides that make up the gluten protein.

 

So...as I see it...you need to become a stronger advocate for yourself and show this guy that what you are saying is true or dump him if he isn't worth educating. 

 

It took our family some time to learn exactly how careful we need to be...hopefully this is a good guy and he will come around.

 

Take care of yourself first, so that you will be able to take care of others!!!!

[dilettantesteph]

I have an idea that you could try before giving up on him completely.  I can see how it is hard for him to believe this stuff 100%.  This can be expecially problematic with super sensitivity where there is much less certainty about what can cause problems.  Perhaps if you describe it as a risk rather a certainty, he would be more accepting.  Perhaps if you describe it as a risk that causes you anxiety and you need more certainty to feel comfortable, he may be more accomodating.  That way he won't be forced to accept things that don't seem probably to him right now.  Possible is easier to accept than probable.  Or even, you think it's possible and that causes you anxiety even if it may not actually be possible.  Over time he may do some research and gain a better understanding of cross contamination.  For now, he doesn't want to change his life for something that he doesn't believe.  If you can present the information in a believeable format, he might accept it.

[SoLacey]

Lots to respond to, thank you for the suggestions everyone!!  Karen, I'm not yet sure if my daughter has Celiac.  I was just diagnosed with it 6 months ago and since then I am sure that both my son and my sister have it.  Both of my daughters have had the blood test and both were negative.  They tested for the antibodies and checked their vitamin levels, all normal.  I'm still not convinced that my 10 year old doesn't have it.  She does always have rashes all over her arms and legs that I thought were dry skin, now I'm wondering if it's not DH.  That's a whole other thread I'm sure. 

 

Most of the time my boyfriend is wonderful about this but there are a few small points I have a hard time convincing him on.  To be fair I had a hard time accepting some of them initially too.  I couldn't believe that my makeup was causing a problem, I finally gave in and switched to gluten free makeup and felt a lot better than I had previously.  I had a hard time believing I had to get rid of all of my pans etc.  When he asks me about the reasons I say that I don't really understand the "why" either but all I do know is that when I don't follow the rules I get sick, as long as I follow the rules I don't get sick. 

 

He doesn't use the malt blender for my stuff, now that we have the other blender he's fine with using it.  He didn't see that it was necessary to buy it though.  He hasn't used the Teflon pans for my stuff yet but always says "well, if I don't have anything else I have no choice.". Um noooo, it doesn't work like that. 

 

I know it sounds bad when we are just talking about the pain points but he really is incredibly sweet and supportive.  Sometimes trying to argue with him about specifics is head banging though.  I do think that because he's an engineer it's hard to convince him that there are invisible boogie men waiting down in the cracks of things trying to make me sick unless he sees some scientific evidence to support that.  Also, he's never been sick.  He hasn't been to a Dr in 20 years.  He gets an occasional cold but that's about it.  I think the bigger problem is that he has a hard time relating. 

[SoLacey]

The difference between a chemist and an engineer is....my chemist husband felt cross contamination was THE biggest concern. He worked in labs--he knows what even minute traces of anything can do. My recovery and good health are all that matters to him. 

 

My BIL and several good friends are engineers and my hubs worked with an entire divisions of them and I taught English courses loaded with them.

If there is one thing I know about them, it's this: They are incredibly smart, but if they can't see it or measure it or construct it themselves, they find it hard to believe. I have had huge discussions with my MechEng  friend about this. He says...you're right. LOL

 

My point? Accepting a new concept may be difficult for him. He is obviously very bright, but that does not mean he is willing to be open to understanding something about how the human gastrointestinal tract works or why even minute particles of gluten are literally, causing you bodily harm.

 

 

IrishHeart, it's funny, your post is very on point.  My best friend is an engineer with a background in chemistry and he has tried to have the debate about cross contamination with my boyfriend.  He just shakes his head and says, he's an engineer, he is going to have a hard time believing this unless he sees proof. 

 

I'm not sure how to get this across to him.  I'm sure once he gets it, he will be supportive.  I think this is all just a little overwhelming for him, for me too.  ...and the learning curve is a big one so things I thought were ok two weeks ago I now know aren't, I don't think he knows what to believe.  I know we both get tired of talking about Celiac but I don't know how to get around that while we are figuring this out. 

[SoLacey]

I have an idea that you could try before giving up on him completely.  I can see how it is hard for him to believe this stuff 100%.  This can be expecially problematic with super sensitivity where there is much less certainty about what can cause problems.  Perhaps if you describe it as a risk rather a certainty, he would be more accepting.  Perhaps if you describe it as a risk that causes you anxiety and you need more certainty to feel comfortable, he may be more accomodating.  That way he won't be forced to accept things that don't seem probably to him right now.  Possible is easier to accept than probable.  Or even, you think it's possible and that causes you anxiety even if it may not actually be possible.  Over time he may do some research and gain a better understanding of cross contamination.  For now, he doesn't want to change his life for something that he doesn't believe.  If you can present the information in a believeable format, he might accept it.

 

dilettantesteph, that's a good point.  Maybe positioning it in a different way would help.  I'm planning to sit down and talk to him tonight to see if we can't come to an agreement and this is a good starting point.  I don't think he can quite relate to just how sick I get so he thinks a trial an error approach sounds like a good plan.  lol, not to me!!  I would SOOOOO much rather err on the side of caution.  There is nothing I need to eat badly enough to risk getting glutened. 

[IrishHeart]

IrishHeart, it's funny, your post is very on point.  My best friend is an engineer with a background in chemistry and he has tried to have the debate about cross contamination with my boyfriend.  He just shakes his head and says, he's an engineer, he is going to have a hard time believing this unless he sees proof. 

 

I'm not sure how to get this across to him.  I'm sure once he gets it, he will be supportive.  I think this is all just a little overwhelming for him, for me too.  ...and the learning curve is a big one so things I thought were ok two weeks ago I now know aren't, I don't think he knows what to believe.  I know we both get tired of talking about Celiac but I don't know how to get around that while we are figuring this out. 

 

 

 

Q.How bad is even a tiny pretzel with gluten? A.The presence of the wheat protein in that tiny pretzel will activate "T cells," which are the body's defense against foreign invaders. The T cells then release certain chemicals that "would be valuable in the face of a microbial attack, but in this instance, they do no good, and harm the intestinal cells responsible for absorbing nutrients," says Alessio Fasano, MD, Director of the University of Maryland School of Medicine Center for Celiac Research, in his article, "Surprises from Celiac Disease" (Scientific American, 2009).

So if someone has celiac disease and you can't understand why he or she thinks "one little bite" will indeed hurt,  "The immune cells in someone with celiac disease sit on the intestinal epithelial cells ready to pounce, as soon as gluten is recognized," in any amount.

 

 

Have  BF read this article...it may appeal to his analytical mind:

Open Original Shared Link

 

once he absorbs that one,  have him read this one too. He really needs to understand the seriousness of this autoimmune attack

that will happen in your body.

 

Open Original Shared Link

 

 

Good luck!

[IrishHeart]

I'd like to add one more thing and please,  take this the right way: even though I react to very small trace amounts of gluten cc, I never talk about "how sensitive I am"...it just makes it seem like we are making ourselves sound "super duper special" and perhaps a bit over-the-edge on the paranoia scale. lol

 

The truth is, every one that sustains the same level of hit from CC, whether they feel it or not , small as can be...it is still just a plain ole celiac. I do not think always talking about it is healthy either  (except with other celiacs like this) and honestly, it is probably annoying to listen to after a while if you are not gluten sensitive.    It is baffling for us to wrap our brains around this stuff, can you imagine people who have never had a stomach ache or joint pain or facial sore or anything from eating foods they cannot tolerate.?  They cannot understand it. It sounds crazy, I am sure.

 

Celiac--even to me---sounds like a bad sci-fi movie plot. "whattaya mean you can't eat pizza like the rest of us humans? why, that's just insane! you're not one of us... arrgh!! cue the screams...

 

If anyone were to suggest just take a taste...(not that anyone I know would because they all saw what this thing did to me) but if I they did?

 

I would just say "look, I can't do that...it 's like strychnine --it can kill me" and leave it at that. If someone doesn't "get it" or like it, well, you know what they say: " tough sh...!"

 

Yeah, I am a strong and vocal self- advocate...what can I say?

[SoLacey]

Lol, thank you IrishHeart! I'm SURE he has a hard time relating and it's frustrating for both of us. He doesn't understand how awful it feels. Even though the reaction to CC is milder in comparison, it still sucks!! I will share those articles with him. I think we are talking about it less and less but we have talked about it a lot. That was one of the reasons I started spending more time talking to people online about this. It's hard to avoid the conversation all together until we are both on the same page and know what we need to do I think.

[CathyO]

I am also newly diagnosed ... about 6 months ago.  I am much older, and have been diagnosed at age 60.

Years and years and years and decades of damage to my body and intestines ... all cumulative.  Which brought us to ambulances and hospital and cardiac units and a year long nightmare journey.  To find that I have Celiac Disease, and have likely had it my entire life.  All the health issues I've had in my life add up to it, in retrospect.

 

I have violent reactions to glutening, and spend days -- even up to a week -- in bed. I have to stay home, because I can't be that far from a bathroom for more than 10 or 15 minutes. 

 

A visual experiment might help explain how gluten is absorbed into surrounding foods ....  even as simple as food coloring in water, placing a sponge in it and allowing the colored water to soak into that sponge ... which is the same as the plastic blender absorbing gluten into minute scratches on its surface.   A wooden cutting board, with its tiny cuts and abrasions will also absorb gluten ... and food coloring will show the same thing.

 

As our bodies continue to be exposed to gluten, the damage continues.  One breadcrumb at a time, one gluten exposure at a time, we continue to damage our bodies.  The only way to prevent it is to stop ingesting it.  To me, asking someone with Celiac Disease to eat gluten because "a little bit can't hurt" is the same as offering alcohol to an alcoholic, sugar to a diabetic or a cigarette to someone with lung cancer.
It's nonsensical and life threatening.

[SoLacey]

I am also newly diagnosed ... about 6 months ago.  I am much older, and have been diagnosed at age 60.

Years and years and years and decades of damage to my body and intestines ... all cumulative.  Which brought us to ambulances and hospital and cardiac units and a year long nightmare journey.  To find that I have Celiac Disease, and have likely had it my entire life.  All the health issues I've had in my life add up to it, in retrospect.

 

I have violent reactions to glutening, and spend days -- even up to a week -- in bed. I have to stay home, because I can't be that far from a bathroom for more than 10 or 15 minutes. 

 

A visual experiment might help explain how gluten is absorbed into surrounding foods ....  even as simple as food coloring in water, placing a sponge in it and allowing the colored water to soak into that sponge ... which is the same as the plastic blender absorbing gluten into minute scratches on its surface.   A wooden cutting board, with its tiny cuts and abrasions will also absorb gluten ... and food coloring will show the same thing.

 

As our bodies continue to be exposed to gluten, the damage continues.  One breadcrumb at a time, one gluten exposure at a time, we continue to damage our bodies.  The only way to prevent it is to stop ingesting it.  To me, asking someone with Celiac Disease to eat gluten because "a little bit can't hurt" is the same as offering alcohol to an alcoholic, sugar to a diabetic or a cigarette to someone with lung cancer.

It's nonsensical and life threatening.

 

Hi Cathy and thank you for that.  I'm so glad you finally figured it out and hopefully are on your way to healing!!  I think I've also had this my whole life and am also just finding out.  By the time I found out, I was telling people that it felt like my body was shutting down.  Luckily for me I was misdiagnosed with hypoglycemia at 19, I've always known food was an issue.  I followed a low carb diet for many years to control the hypoglycemia which would have been nearly gluten free by default.  Looking back at the myriad of things I've been diagnosed with it's frustrating to know that most if not all of it was likely caused by this. 

 

lol, I know you are right.  That's why I'm so frustrated.  He certainly means well but he doesn't understand the ramifications of eating even just a little gluten.  I'm not sure how to get that across.  I'm sure that if I had a gaping head would the reaction would be much different.  When I talked to his Mom about this she said "he's never been sick, he can't relate".  I'm sure that's true and that food could make you sooooo sick would have to be a hard concept to grasp.  Even with a lifetime of avoiding foods, I've had a hard time with some of this.  His Mom was the one who suggested I take him to that meeting this weekend, she thinks hearing from the experts will make a difference for him.  She was so sweet, when she found out, I saw her instinctively protecting me from cross contamination.  I didn't have to educate her at all and it felt nice to have someone just "get it". 

 

I don't mean to make him sound unsupportive, he's gone out of his way to make the kitchen safe for me and has bought in on most of it.  He does a good job cooking for me and keeping my stuff separate.  He makes sure we always have food at the house that I can eat and will pick things up at the store for me.  He just has a hard time accepting just how little it takes to get cross contamination.  He really thought he could make that cake safe for me to eat and I finally gave in because I didn't want to argue anymore and thought maybe I was wrong and being overly paranoid.  Next time I will know better.   

[SoLacey]

I had to post an update.  Today we went to that Gluten Free 101 meeting put on by one of our local Celiac support groups.  BF had a chance to ask questions and then talked to a number of people after the presentation.  When we left he said "Our house is not safe for you".  He's decided that we need to take the whole house gluten free.    He started asking about options for gluten free bread that the little kids wouldn't turn their noses up at and if we could find gluten free mac and cheese for them.  He was lecturing me because he didn't think I was being careful enough.   

 

Somehow hearing it all in one place like that seemed to resonate with him more than the bits of information I'd been giving him here and there.  I think probably when we're busy and rushing around it's not the best time to throw all of that info at him.  Now he did compare Celiac to AIDS after hearing about the autoimmune response to gluten, lol.  At least he gets how serious it is now even if he's a little off.  He really enjoyed it and asked about future meetings, he said he definitely wants to go to more of them.  Unfortunately, we missed last months meeting on dining out.  I think that would have been a good one too.

 

I'm excited about living in a gluten free house!!  No more separate "butter" or peanut butter etc.  I rarely eat out of the open containers after the first time because I have a hard time trusting that no one messed up and accidentally used the wrong one.   

 

I think that was a good format to communicate the information.  I'm guessing that if they are only hearing it from us we might sound a little paranoid.  I thought the update might help for others who are living in a house with people who don't understand this. 

[Adalaide]

That is incredible. So happy for you! Sounds like a keeper.

[kareng]

I am sorry he didn't believe you but glad he listened to someone.

[user001]

I get alot of questions from friends who don't understand why i am so sensitive and why I have strange issues with CC and other foods even. What I say is the best way I know how to explain right now, I used to feel like garbage everyday, overwhelming fatigue, stomach aches, pain all over my body CONSTANTLY. Now that I have cut out the one huge thing that was causing me to feel that way, I am feeling better day by day so when I ingest something that has been contaminated I notice it that much more, because overall I am feeling worlds better than I used to. Even though im not 100% yet.

 

You really don't need to be dealing with fighting and stress and being contaminated, you need to focus on healing.

 

Im glad he 'got it'!

[Pegleg84]

oh, that's a relief. Sometimes people really do have to hear from the "experts" before they understand or accept it. At least now he'll start taking things seriously and do his best to keep you safe. BEFORE you move in together.

My man and I just moved in together. Very exciting! We've been together for a while and he's very careful about keeping me safe. We've talked a lot about what to do in the kitchen. I'm not refusing him his gluteny things, but everything will be kept separate. Toaster is going to stay in the cupboard unless he needs it (maybe on a tray to keep cleaning easy), food prep away from the counter, different pans, sponge, etc. He doesn't do much cooking, so there won't be any flour flying around. We've already got the no kissing after gluten rule down to a habit.

However, if I ever start feeling like I'm getting glutened despite all the precautions, everything but beer will be out of the house. Or at least out of my kitchen. I laid claim to the kitchen quite emphatically.

 

Anyway, I was going to tell you to give a hard think about whether this guy is worth it if he was going to be so stubborn, but now it sounds like it'll get better. Either way, you have to keep your and your children's health the top priority. He will have to change to keep you safe. I hope it all works out.

[IrishHeart]

I had to post an update.  Today we went to that Gluten Free 101 meeting put on by one of our local Celiac support groups.  BF had a chance to ask questions and then talked to a number of people after the presentation.  When we left he said "Our house is not safe for you".  He's decided that we need to take the whole house gluten free.    He started asking about options for gluten free bread that the little kids wouldn't turn their noses up at and if we could find gluten free mac and cheese for them.  He was lecturing me because he didn't think I was being careful enough. 

 

 

I think that was a good format to communicate the information.  I'm guessing that if they are only hearing it from us we might sound a little paranoid. 

 

 

I guess I am confused as to why a bunch of fellow celiacs at a support group meeting were more convincing than another  bunch of fellow  celiacs in this support group forum. Why would he consider our messages about CC "paranoid" and theirs aren't?

 

We told you to tell him the exact same thing they did. We're all celiacs with a few years under our belts and we offered a ton of research at our fingertips for him to read.

 

It seems it's not about the messenger or the message...it was about the one who was failing to listen. IMHO

 

In any case, good luck and hope it works out for you!

[NatureChick]

SoLacey,

VERY glad to hear that the BF is starting to get it. I think that he's just falling prey to human nature to not want to be told something, but to learn it for themselves, and something about the group allowed him to switch into that mode. Great job on finding a way to get through to him!!!

[GFinDC]

That's great that he is starting understand the cc issue Solacey.  I didn't believe crumbs could make me sick after first going gluten-free myself, but found out they can pretty quick.  Maybe he hasn't thought about the 20 ppm rule?  The FDA set the upper limit of gluten in foods labeled gluten-free as 20 parts per million this year.  A not totatally accurate visual for that would be to imagine cutting a cracker into a million separate pieces and then picking out 21 of those pieces.  Those 21 pieces would be unsafe for celiacs to eat.  Some celiacs would react to even smaller amounts of gluten.  In the study they used to determine the threshold some celiacs washed out due to reactions at lower PPM amounts.

 

The immune system reacts to germs we can't see with our naked eye.  If it wasn't that sensitive we would be deaders purty quick-like.  And the immune reaction starts quick but tapers off slowly.  Like weeks to months slowly.  It is a powerful system and not something that goes to sleep and lets things slide or ignores germs etc for companies sake.  It's always there working to protect us without our awareness.  "Usually" without our awareness, unless you have an autoimmune disease like celiac. The immune system sees gluten as a germs in our celiac bodies.  So it isn't going to be happy about occasional cheats or cc incidents.  Somebody said it was like Superman's kryptonite to them.  Maybe he'll get that reference.

 

Your kids do need you to keep them safe from gluten.  So it's important for you to learn more about celiac yourself.  You can learn a lot right here on this forum.

[Kimbalou]

The bigger picture might be to ask yourself if you really want to keep living with a guy like this. Doesn't respect you and your needs, doesn't believe you, sounds like he gets mad easily too.