How To Encourage A Friend

[BlessedMommy]

I have a friend who has a lot of health problems. She has fibromyalgia, multiple severe food intolerances (she gets neuro symptoms from eating citrus), severe anxiety and panic attacks, etc. She was also noticing a lot of stomach issues. At someone's suggestion, she tried cutting gluten out and for the first time in a long time, she could sleep at night and didn't have the GI symptoms anymore.

 

I will be the first one to tell people to get a DX (though a DX is not possible for me anymore) and I've talked to her about the importance of getting tested and I know that she will never go for a DX. She has no money and no insurance and avoids doctors like the plague. But on the other hand, I don't think that she entirely understands about the importance of removing all gluten if you don't get tested and are trying the gluten free diet.

 

I tried to explain about certified gluten free oats and she said, "I guess that's important for you with your neuro symptoms, but I'm not that sensitive. Regular oats don't seem to bother me." I think that she is understandably afraid of giving up more foods. (she has a pretty limited diet, with all her food tolerances)

 

Is it better to leave the subject be and just smile and drop off an occasional loaf of my homemade gluten-free bread at her house? Or is there a way to appropriately share information?

[mamaw]

first off, you can drop off a gluten-free loaf of bread at my house!!!! I get celiac disease & it will be ever so greatly appreciated!!!!!!!

For many people it is very hard for them to wrap their minds around celiac or NCGS....some just can't understand that food ( the staff of life) could possibly be a cause of their issues....I've said this years ago & I'll say it again....we need to use a twelve point system like AA to break the world down into bite size pieces....

Some people like our AA friends have to figure it out themselves, it doesn't matter how much we talk to them or try to give our solid advice they must learn on their own & once that happens they are on their way to recovery & a healthy happy life....

Keep being there for your friend here's hoping she wakes up & then she will really need you ......

in the meantime thanks for the bread.....hugs

[kareng]

I'm with Mamaw - drop a loaf at my house!  

 

I have a few thoughts on this & you can see what you think applies.

 

She isn't diagnosed with Celiac and may not have it.  Going gluten-free may help for a few non-Celiac reasons (one example FODMAP as gluten is high in FODMAPs).  If she doesn't have Celiac, then a small amount, like in oats or even a small cheat, won't hurt.  Just encourage her to stay mostly gluten-free in this case - gluten-free bread, crackers, cereal, the things with lots of gluten.

 

People who are new to eating gluten-free sometimes need some time to get used to it.  They start with the obvious things - bread - and as they go along, get more strict.  Maybe just giving her some basic info now and gradually add to it?  Explain about obvious wheat things now and soy sauce having wheat in a few weeks?  

 

I know lots of people feel a lot better when first removing gluten.  The difference between feeling really really awful and just awful seems like a miracle.  As we go along, we realize that we are still feeling "awful"  just not as bad as before.  When she gets to that point, maybe that is the time to offer to help her find all the gluten she is missing and see if she feels even better.

[BlessedMommy]

Great advice, thank you!

 

I'll make sure to be here and be supportive, but not overwhelm her with information. 

[StephanieL]

I tell everyone to get tested.  I strongly believe DS's genetics come through DH's side....none of them INCLUDING DH will get tested.  I don't get it but whatever.  

It is very very very very hard to get people to listen to even the most loving suggestions.  I see so many people who could really improve their quality of life if they would do A,B or C and they don't.  You are very well intended but remember when dealign with adults, they determine what they want to do.  It's VERY frustrating, I know.  Kind of like an alcoholic needing to hit rock bottom

[bartfull]

Send her here and have her read as much as she can. When she sees how serious celiac can be, and even more importantly (to her), when she sees how easy the diet becomes for many of us and how much better we all feel, maybe she will decide to get strict with her diet.

 

No, you will probably never get her to get tested. I know because she sounds like me - no insurance, no money, and I too avoid doctors like the plague. But I am extremely strict with my diet and I feel so much better. Show her that list of the 300 possible symptoms and she will probably see she has things she never imagined were even symptoms, and that with a strict gluten-free diet they will go away.

[Serielda]

~pokes her nose in ala Meerkat fashion~ I also encourage getting tested big time. Now about that gluten free bread. I would also love a loaf. I can see Blessed Mommy being up all night preparing for baking en masse.

[kareng]

I just want to clarify - I think people should get tested before going gluten-free.  However, it sounds like this person cannot & will not be tested, I I don't see any point in "Mommy" bugging her about it.  Waste of time and might make her less likely to take any advice/help.

[sunny2012]

It is best to gently encourage her. I take gluten-free foods to people that I would actually eat again. ONce she feels better, she may start to want to continue. 

[BlessedMommy]

I just want to clarify - I think people should get tested before going gluten-free.  However, it sounds like this person cannot & will not be tested, I I don't see any point in "Mommy" bugging her about it.  Waste of time and might make her less likely to take any advice/help.

 

Yep, absolutely right. 

[LauraTX]

Agreed with Karen and Ruth here.  Obviously testing isn't going to happen here.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is back off a bit, offer to tell them what the good tasting brands are, etc. And let them know you are available to talk.  I think dropping off bread is an awesome idea, too.  A lot of people want to go about things their own way... sadly not always the right way.   If you guys shop at the same stores, you can offer to go with her to the store to point out gluten-free stuff other than the obvious things.