My Brother Makes Fun Of Me By...!

[Gluten-free-for-me]

first off, my brother, Tizoc, who currently has no medical problems (i.e. intolerance, allergies) eats gluten in front of my face, saying, "Here's the ones you'd be eating." *gulp*

This also annoys me because when I complain to my dad he says: "You know, life isn't fair."

I agree with my dad but it shouldn't be made worse by taunting.What do I do?

P.S. I have lactose intolerance AND Celiac disease. and I have known about Lactose intolerance for 2 years and celiac disease since Tuesday. This isnt normal for a twelve year old kid! is it? My brother is fifteen.

Am I just unlucky? email: nelsnils@gmail.com

[FMcGee]

Oh jeez. Your brother sounds like a pill. I'm going to think about this further, but I would say this: telling him to stop impolitely probably isn't the way to start. Counteracting rudeness with rudeness is rarely helpful in the long term. Have you told your dad, calmly, that when your brother taunts you like this, it makes you feel ____? If I were you, I'd feel undervalued by my family and as though my need to not be taunted by my brother was not as important as his desire to taunt me, based on my dad's response. But, I'm not you, so I don't know exactly how you feel about it, but if you can identify your feelings and articulate them to both your dad and brother, you might get somewhere. The world is not ideal, though, and it could be they continue brushing you off. In that case, I would tell myself that your brother will probably get bored with this game eventually AND that you are really taking care of yourself, and he is not, by eating extra cookies. Take comfort in the high ground and if his behavior never escalates beyond what you describe here, you can respond with "I'm taking good care of myself, so eat all the cookies you want." I totally understand that you WANT the cookies (me, too!) but if you frame it to yourself as something for you to be proud of - that you are grown up enough to care for yourself, that you do not need certain unhealthy foods to make you happy - it might help get you through.

Understand that some people, when finding out a sibling has celiac disease (or another disease) might react with, "If she is special, I must not be." Your brother might feel that he is not getting attention because you are dealing with a new lifestyle that needs an adjustment from the whole family, and so he has to act out to get some attention for himself. It's not a very mature reaction! So, if you think that's why he's acting like this, the best way to get him to stop is to not give him the attention he is looking for.

I hope all this helps! As I said, I'm going to think about it more. Good luck!

[Jestgar]

Shrug your shoulders and say "Wait until you get sick". He may find out that he has Celiac as well, if you have the same parents.

[flourgirl]

I'm sorry to say that I agree with your dad. Life is not fair....ever. Some days you're on top of the world, some days you're down in the caves. There will always be people eating what you can't have. Somehow you have to learn to accept this and deal with it. In the long run your brother may actually be doing you a favor! (if you choose to look at it this way, it may help)....he is helping you do develop strength to resist those poisons. I could take this further but I won't.

I live in a mixed household. I have Celiac....others in my house don't. I am the only one here who follows this diet and I don't expect other people to do without....that is our choice. I've learned to sit at the table knowing that others are eating things.....sometimes things that I dearly loved....but have learned to accept it and am not tempted to indulge in something that would make me sick.

BTW....if you ignore your brothers teasing....as soon as he realizes it is not bothering you (even if it is you can't let him know that)...he will stop. The game gets old and it's not entertaining to him if he can't get a reaction out of you! This IS normal brother behavior.....I'm sure you've been teased before.

I wish you luck and speedy healing. I know that soon you'll realize that this could be so much worse....if you have to have a condition...this one is not life threatening....it is something that you can LIVE with. Hope I haven't come across as too preachy....just sharing some thoughts with you.

[Tim-n-VA]

  Gluten-free-for-me said:

This also annoys me because when I complain to my dad he says: "You know, life isn't fair."

This is one that just bothers me in general. While it is true that life isn't fair, that usually is used to explain the randomness of things that can happen to people. To use it to justify bad behaviour is just wrong. Teasing someone is not "life not being fair", it is someone making a choice to be cruel.

[OptimisticMom42]

Brothers errrrrr! He's going to tease you about something, when biscuits become boring he'll choose something else. He's doing it to get everyone's attention. He'll grow out of it at about the same time he gets his first girlfriend or driver's license. Until then he's just gonna be a pain.

Maybe if you give him the biscuits .......... Thank him for getting those away from you so you're not tempted...... that would take all the fun out of it for him and he might feel important.

It's worth a try.

[FMcGee]

I think there's a big difference between living in a mixed household and being taunted. I'm the only person in my family and group of friends with celiac disease. I don't actually know anyone else who has it (love you guys, but I haven't met you!), so I'm never around people who are also eating gluten-free, and no one ever taunts me. I agree with Tim-N-VA - there's accepting that life is not fair, which is a good life lesson, and then there's being taunted for something unfairly. My parents would never have let my brother get away with that. My brother would never have done that, because he's the nicest person alive, but I don't think Dad needs to let Brother off the hook. Unfortunately, Dad didn't write in.

It's really hard to ignore other peoples' taunts, I know. If you can't completely block him out, I really like OptimisticMom's idea of handing him the food and saying, "Thanks for removing temptation!"

[shirleyujest]

When I read your story, before I got to your brother's age, from his behavior he sounded about 10 years old. Your dad's right, now if I had a 15 year old acting like that I'd have a private chat with him, but for whatever reason that's not happening. So it's a chance for you to practice dealing with the not-so-nice people in the world which are in no small supply. (or even the mostly nice people who have mean moments which includes pretty much all of us) Next time he taunts you, here's some comeback ideas:

Wow, you're 15 and that's the best you've got?

Yeah luckily diet is a cure for celiac disease. Sadly there's no cure for bad manners.

Or if you're in the mood, laugh at his joke, not in a mean way but just like you get the joke.

Or tell him one more crack like that and next time you're going to go for a long car ride with him you're having a big glass of milk in his honor.

Just remember it's nothing personal. When someone is mean to you, it's about them not you.

PS - Wanted to add something after thinking about your post. When guys get together a big part of their friendship is to tease and torment one another. This might seem awful but it serves a purpose -- helps men toughen up as individuals so they can be stronger in the world and more successful. Make sense? I'm not there to see you guys interact so what MIGHT be mean MIGHT be, instead, his big brother way of toughening you up. It's not even a conscious thing, guys do it without realizing they're doing it, it's like instinct. If your sense is this is what's going on then you could even look at him as doing you a favor. And it may be why your dad is letting it slide.

Just trust your instincts! And hang tough, you'll be fine.

[TrillumHunter]

At 15, that is remarkably immature behavior. I disagree with your dad's take on it. Like someone else told you, I would talk to your dad again and tell him how it makes you feel. Try to do this at a time away from when the taunting has happened. You're twelve and we're asking you to be very mature about this. Also, please try to keep any hint of a whine out of your voice. As the mom of a twelve-year old, I can tell you it makes me stop listening as closely.

As to your brother? Well, perhaps you should develop a special look for him when he does this. Something that says, "I truly pity your foolishness." Any words you use he will be able to turn back on you.

[Gluten-free-for-me]

those are all legitimate answers. THANKS! Oh and the last one does have a point, it is genetics.

[Salax]

My advice would be to be the "bigger" person. Ignore it or get up and walk away. If you show that it bothers you, chances are he likes the reaction he is getting from you. Take away that power that you give him.

[RiceGuy]

I agree that your brother's behavior is immature. Hopefully he'll grow out of it soon. Until then, many of the suggestions thus far seem good, especially giving him the biscuits, and showing him it does not bother you.

[ang1e0251]

Brothers are the same the world over and they don't change much. Which is probably how I grew up to be such a smart alec, the only weapon I had over an older and younger brother was my brain so the sarcastic comeback became my weapon.

I thought up several of those reading your story but the truth is I didn't like growing up in that kind of atmosphere. I never let my kids get away with that kind of malicious teasing. They are close and my son was taught that affection for his sister was OK. Never teasing that made fun of a physical condition. That's like making fun of a soldier because she lost her leg.

You've been given good advice. I hope your dad can respond to your feelings. It's sometimes hard for dad's to understand girl's different ways of looking at things. Let us know how it all turns out. I think your brother's pretty lucky to have such a smart sister.

[mommida]

My kids are younger (big brother just turned 10 and little sister is 6), SUCH BEHAVIOUR IS UNACCEPTABLE.

It will not happen in this house, and if it did ~there would be consequences.

My daughter's diet is limited beyond gluten and casein. My son knows not to eat taboo foods in front of her or helps to find a food replacement she would enjoy. ( He is only limited to the gluten free diet.)

Your brother could be jealous of the attention you getting. Whatever his issues are they should be dealt with by your parents. If your parents don't deal with this ~ they are neglecting their parental responsiblities.

If you have to deal with this, tell him what it is like to feel the way you do and ask why he feels the need to be so cruel.

[Ahorsesoul]

As long as you show your db that his teasing is bothering you, he will continue. I suggest you just laugh and tell him to have another (whatever it is) for you. And then thank him for eating it and keeping you healthy. I'm with the others who said his turn to eat gluten free may happen before long. Suggest to your parents that they all be tested.

Brothers (or sisters, parents, friends) are going to tease you forever. I'm in my 50's and my older brother still teases me. I love it now.

[VioletBlue]

Having grown up the youngest of four I can safely say that it's a siblings job to torment you.

But he taunts you becuase he knows it's going to upset you. He only does it to get a reaction out of you. He's only taunting you becuase it's fun for him. If you ignore him when he does that there's no pay off for him in doing it; it's no longer fun. If you just turn and walk away he's going to be standing there looking stupid with no one to watch him.

So my suggestion is to not say a word, don't make a sound just turn and walk out of the room when he starts. It may take awhile but he'll stop doing it. Go into the bathroom and slam the door in his face if you have to. You're going to have to be the grown up here becuase he's obviously incapable of it. You're going to have to train him to behave.

[mouse]

Since I have been gluten free, I am much calmer, so I would handle it a little differently.

I would put a nice smile (not a laughing one) on my face, shaking my head at the same time, Then say "sometimes Tim (or whatever his name is), you say the darnest things. But, I love you anyway". Then walk away and still with a nice smile on your face. He will give up and probably be proud of the maturity you have shown, in handling a very dificult time.

Good Luck.

[Melusine]

Another option is when he does that kind of thing -remove yourself.

Simply tell him that you have no interest in hanging out with someone who's being nasty, as that is what it is.

And go do something else, without him. by giving his actions attention, you give him positive feedback (even if it sounds negative). By removing the attention and yourself, you give him negative feedback..which doesn't exactly perpetuate the cycle!

good luck!

[GFinDC]

Teasing girls is just fun, lets face it. We had 8 kids in our family and the teasing was just a way of getting along. Boys do heckle each other too, not just girls.

This teasing is probably more bothersome to you right now, since you are newly diagnosed. It can take a while to get used to eating gluten free, and not missing the old things we ate. After you have been gluten-free for a while, I doubt you will even want those things that made you feel sick before. Especially after you learn to make gluten-free brownies (they have mixes), and get some Mi-Del brand gluten-free ginger cookies from the Whole Foods store to wave in his face.

If it really bothers you, I'd suggest talking to him directly, and letting him know it is not fun for you as you are trying hard to adjust to the diet. Even grown-ups have a hard time adjusting to this diet, some us get really whiny ya know. Maybe your Dad and brother could read some of the posts on this site. It might help them learn about the disease and how to deal with it. You might want to see if there is a support group in your area also, and take them to a meeting. The CSA (Celiac Sprue Association) has chapters in many states. It think it would help you if they are educated on the diet.

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[Jana315]

I'm really sorry that he's doing that and it certainly is unfair, but he's doing it to get a rise out of you & if he can't get the rise, he'll stop doing it. I'm sure it is hard, but just turn around and walk the other way, ie pretend you don't see him or just show him that his taunting isn't bothering you....maybe he will eventually stop and realize how very, very uncool he is being by doing that. Or tell him you'll eat if, but you'll vomit on him when you get sick...(not really, but you get my point).

Hope it gets better - that would be torture!

[still tiredofdoctors]

My sister and I are a lot older than you and your brother . . . ( a little "caveat" there!) and quite frankly, it seems that younger siblings must not change much.

She was cutting an Angel Food cake (not gluten-free) very close to the strawberries we were all going to share. I had gluten-free poundcake. I asked her if she could please stop for a moment to let me move the berries to a more safe location. She started mimicking me and mocking me - trying to start a fight - and was relentless.

Because gluten has only affected the cerebellum of my brain, I whacked her at the base of her skull with the palm of my hand. She said what was that for? I said, "Tell you what . . . let me do that until you walk the same way I do and you know it's permanent. Then I want you to let me know if you want me to continue doing that. Each time I ingest gluten essentially that is what happens to my brain. Want me to keep going?" I haven't heard anything about my celiac since.

[darlindeb25]

  Quote

Because gluten has only affected the cerebellum of my brain, I whacked her at the base of her skull with the palm of my hand. She said what was that for? I said, "Tell you what . . . let me do that until you walk the same way I do and you know it's permanent. Then I want you to let me know if you want me to continue doing that. Each time I ingest gluten essentially that is what happens to my brain. Want me to keep going?" I haven't heard anything about my celiac since.

I had to smile when I read this. I love how you handled her.

  Quote

At 15, that is remarkably immature behavior.

My brother is 51 now, notice the numbers are just turned around. Age doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the way a person will treat you. Truthfully, I can see an immature 15 year old behaving this way, it's fairly normal, especially brothers and sisters. My kids could be like this with each other, still can, yet, they are very protective of each other, and would never allow another to do this to one of them.

I am intolerant of nightshades. I was on vacation in Michigan, my mom was making potato salad, which I can't eat. So, she puts a couple of potatoes aside, and tells me if I can't eat the salad, at least I can eat the potatoes. Once again, I explained to her why I can't eat potatoes. You have to understand, she knows all about celiac disease...my sister, dad, and I all are gluten free. So, when my brother stopped over, I came walking into the house, and she was telling him about me and this ridiculous notion that I can't eat potatoes. He laughs and tell me he has a gift for me in the back of his truck. A 50# bag of potatoes! He wasn't being silly, he was being cruel, he thought it very funny. Many times he has told us there isn't anything wrong with us that a good dose of barley soup wouldn't fix.

There will always be people like this in your life. Like someone said, just be the bigger person, and if you ever feel like retaliating against him, remember how he makes you feel.

[debmidge]

  Tim-n-VA said:

This is one that just bothers me in general. While it is true that life isn't fair, that usually is used to explain the randomness of things that can happen to people. To use it to justify bad behaviour is just wrong. Teasing someone is not "life not being fair", it is someone making a choice to be cruel.

I agree.

Your home and family should be your sanctuary...you expect that kind of attitude from the world, not your family.

Dear Gluten Free For Me:

1) You need to do more than one thing on your checklist. Since your family won't step up to the plate on your behalf & remind your brother that you have something uncontrollable going on, you've got to ignore the immature 15 year old. Really ignore him, no tears, no trying to defend yourself and over explain your diet to him, no discussion about your diet or restrictions or fair or unfair, no discussion about food at all with him or around him.

2) Behind the scenes without your brother knowing, going to parents by explaining that you understand the "Life isn't fair" part , "Yes I know I have a limited diet, but I expect love and support from my family." I do not feel that your brother may necessarily stop doing it, but when you let it go as being an emotional "trigger" for you, his taunting will bother you less and he might stop it. Pretty soon he'll probably have a girlfriend -- probably when school starts up again -- and won't be bothering you so much.

And YES, he shouldn't "spit in the wind." This means he shouldn't make fun of your gluten/lactose free diet because at any time in his life he too could come down with this. The possibility is there.

[Juliet]

I'm the oldest of several, and it is a fact of life that particularly during the teen years (and sometimes for the rest of your life) you will be teased by your siblings. I was the oldest, so I did the most, but it was still given to me, too. I was vegetarian for years and for some reason every single person in my immediate family, including in-laws, thought it was funny to offer me meat every time they ate. They didn't tire of it after 15 years. When my son was diagnosed with Celiac Disease at the age of 2, they were all very sensitive about not teasing him (way too young), but when I was later diagnosed, they started constantly teasing me about gluten. None of it is mean-spirited, but it is getting very old.

And a brother's type of teasing can be a lot tougher than a girl's. A female friend of mine had a fresh bruise somewhere on her arms every day during her pre-teen and teen years while her older brothers were still living at home. And my husband and his 21 year old younger sister tease each other so much sometimes that people actually wonder if they like each other at all (and they really do - it's how they show they care). It's true, you can tell your parents and have them tell him to stop, but you know as well as I do that the moment your parents are gone it will be that much worse.

My advice would be to just ignore it or give it right back with some smart a** comments of your own. Don't let it show that it gets to you. And although it may not seem like it right now, soon enough his teasing you about food you can't eat won't bother you. After 2 1/2 years of being strictly gluten free, I actually get a little sick to my stomach looking at anything that is definitely made with gluten. And I say this as someone who ate gluten products for well over 30 years before going gluten free. I can make nearly everything I ate before gluten free, and I'm not exagerating when I say it tastes better, especially since I feel better now, too, after eating it. And if you think it's because I don't know what gluten food tastes like anymore, almost everything I've made has been shared with people who eat gluten and they love my stuff, too. My youngest sister, in fact, bought gluten free flours in order to replicate my blueberry applesauce walnut bread, and she eats gluten with abandon and teases me every time with a, "guess what I'm eating right now?"

So, suck it up, get tough, fight back if you need to, and learn how to cook - there are some great things to eat out there! And as a mother, I do think your older brother needs a smack upside his head!

[JNBunnie1]

  Juliet said:

My youngest sister, in fact, bought gluten free flours in order to replicate my blueberry applesauce walnut bread, and she eats gluten with abandon and teases me every time with a, "guess what I'm eating right now?"

I realize this is off topic, but maybe you think you could pop over to the recipes section and post your LOVELY sounding bread? Thanks! You'll find my cinnamon buns there!